Rui promised me he would pick me up in a week, in the morning after breakfast, with both Zhu Hua and Yang Jun.

"Will we leave Chang'an?" I asked them, when we made the plans during the next few days.

"No, we will still be in the capital."

"Are you sure no one will know I'm missing?" I asked, the fidgeting with my hands.

"I checked, don't worry," Rui said. "That day you'll be free. I've checked your schedule and usually you get breakfast, an afternoon snack, and then dinner. The afternoon snack will be provided by one maid, so you can tell her that morning you don't want an afternoon snack."

"And we'll make sure you get back before dinner," Zhu Hua said, munching on some seeds.

"How long will I be staying outside?"

"It's a—"

"Surprise," I finished for Rui. "Right?" 

He only smiled. I sighed.

"I'll put my trust in you, but please don't stay out too long. It's my first time outside." I stared at my hands. "I'm afraid, too."

"Yes, but you won't be alone." He reached out a hand, but then stopped, and drew it back. "I'll be by your side."

I faltered. Rui said silly things like that at times, maybe to assure me. I usually would've thought it was foolish, but recently I had gotten used to it, and maybe even thankful.

"Take care of yourself first before speaking so high and mighty," I said instead. "Don't stay up all night ever again."

He laughed, making me scowl.

However, the night before the expedition I couldn't sleep myself. I tossed and turned, hot although I was in my robe, and the summer night air was humid. Heart pounding, I stood up and opened the veranda door to feel the night breeze. There was none, but the air was cool, and I leaned out, and inhaled deeply.

As always, I looked up to the sky without thinking and prayed to the moon that we would have a safe trip, like I did numerous times in the day already. I closed my eyes and placed my hand over my chest.

Friends. It had been so long, but I've found people I cared for. People I want to protect.

People who I was glad I was a priestess for, and yet, at the same time, I couldn't help wishing I was not a priestess.

The next morning I woke up earlier than normal and waited nervously for Mei. I flipped through books and paced the room before finally sitting myself down. When Mei finally entered to dress me, as well as some other maidservants, I told her I didn't want any afternoon snacks. Thankfully, her usual keenness didn't activate and she didn't ask further.

When they left and I had my breakfast, as expected, my private entourage came.

Only, surprisingly, they were dressed up.

Rui was in a new dark blue outer robe that suited him, plain and simple. Zhu Hua was in a dark red top embroidered with birds, with both the sleeves and trousers bind tightly, looking more like a man than ever. Yang Jun was dressed in both white and grey, his robes long-sleeved and long and flowing freely.

"What's the occasion?" I asked.

"It's the town fair!" Rui said, breaking into a smile. "That's the surprise."

"He could hardly contain his excitement, the child," said Zhu Hua with a snort.

"Well, Zhu Hua and I have been to the Chang'an fairs, but this is Rui and Lady Li Xiang's first time," Yang Jun said.

"It's not your first?" I asked.

"No, I grew up in the Capital. I just never went to the fair with friends," Yang Jun said, looking melancholic. "Now that I'm older I regret it."

"How old exactly are you?"

"Nineteen," he said.

"I'm nineteen too," I said. "So we have the same zodiac."

"I'm twenty-one," Zhu Hua said with a frown. "You're making me feel old."

"I suppose I'm the youngest," Rui said. "I'm eighteen."

"That's a good age," Zhu Hua said. "Enjoy it to the fullest."

"That's what I plan to do today."

"Is what I'm wearing okay?" I asked, a bit nervous. "I can't put on makeup or do my hair, is that fine?"

"Oh, you look fine enough!" Zhu Hua said to me. "In fact, ordinary girls outside don't have the time to be dolled up like the maidservants here, who are more like decorations."

"So it's fine?" I said, fingers on my hair.

"But wear an extra robe just in case," Rui said. "It can get cold in the evenings."

I took out a pale pink robe of mine and then wore it over my jade green outfit. I looked down and tugged at the sleeves and smoothed out wrinkles. I had never been outside before, much less to a town fair, and hoped I looked presentable.

"Don't worry," Rui whispered in my ear. "We are all here with you. We will be there for you."

I tended up before I nodded slowly. "Thank you."

"Li Xiang, do you remember the plan to escape outside?" Zhu Hua asked me. I swallowed.

"Yes. I'll cover my face with a veil and leave with Zhu Hua first."

Women of the Hu clan covered their faces, so to see Zhu Hua with a woman covering her face wouldn't raise suspicion.

"Remember, if anyone asks anything, I'll speak," Zhu Hua said. "We will use the side entrance which leads to the courtyard and go outside from there. Rui and Yang Jun will leave together from the front door after us. We will wait for them under the biggest willow tree."

"Yes, hopefully everything will go according to plan," Rui replied. "Stay safe."

"We will part here, then," Zhua Hua said.

I nodded and took a deep breath before taking the veil handed to me.

It was pink, like my robe, and thankfully the silk wasn't as transparent as I had imagined. I tied the ribbons over my head, Zhu Hua helping me adjust it correctly behind my ears, and then she pulled the veil over my face. To my surprise, it was cool and airy, almost as though it were gossamer.

"Does it look right?" I asked Zhu Hua after she stepped back. She inspected me and then smiled.

"Yes, very good. You look just like the Hu Clan ladies."

I laughed, and then we nodded to the boys before she opened the door and we set on our way.

Walking out of my room and leaving the hall was easy enough, but being by the stairs already made me nervous. I had never used the stairs except to go to the Imperial Archives and a few times in the Imperial Hall. This time, though, I would be going in the opposite direction. I would be going out to the garden. I would be going outside.

"Stay calm," Zhu Hua said. "I would hold your hand, but people might find it questionable if they saw such a scene."

"Yes, I understand," I said, trying to take deep breaths. However, the palace suddenly seemed much larger than before. Whenever I went downstairs I had my maidservants following, but now I felt lost. If Zhu Hua and I got separated, I would have no one.

I would not know how to walk back, how to get to the gardens alone, nor how to explain to people who I was and what I was doing loitering about.

My breath hitched.

"Li Xiang!" Zhu Hua turned to me, her eyebrows pressed together and usually calm face startled. "Are you fine? Do you want to return?"

I desired to return, to my small and safe room. What I saw as a cage suddenly seemed like a haven. I missed the tapestries and plants, the veranda where I always watched the moon outside.

Then I saw Rui's face.

"No—I need to go to the fair." I clenched my teeth. "I promised."

"It's fine if you can't, Rui will understand. We all will."

I thought about Rui's dark circles. His dry lips and hoarse voice. The way his head was hovering over the board, not on me even once, so concentrated on winning that he couldn't even talk.

"No, I want to go to the fair." I looked up at Zhu Hua. "It's fine." She didn't question it any further.

We continued down the hall that in the opposite direction of the Imperial Hall and Archives. Although the halls were long and spacious, it was unfamiliar and felt like a labyrinth.

As guards came into view I felt myself grow weaker. My legs became slow and Zhu Hua slowed down to match my pace. My fingertips trembled and I didn't know where to rest my eyes.

The guards looked over and I strained to not move. No, I strained to stand. I wanted to topple over, to hug the floor and fall through it to another world.

How long had it been since I've stepped out of my bubble, since I've done something uncomfortable, by my own will?

It seemed unthinkable that a boy I met a month ago had changed me this month, but here I was. I was going to face my fears.

And what was that fear exactly? The guards? The King? The outside world? The title of Priestess of the Moon?

No.

It was none of that.

My biggest fear was simply one thing: change.

I never realized until now, but the only chain that held me back was myself.

But now I've broken that chain.

"...you've freed her. You've freed me."

Zhu Hua walked away as the guards nodded. I followed, and with each step my legs straightened. There was sunlight on the ground, and within a few steps, it shined on Zhu Hua's dark hair. She stopped, and looked at me, a smile on her face. We were outside.

I stepped into the doorway leading into the courtyard, and into the garden filled with trees and the glory of summer.

Sunlight had never felt so warm.