Narrator: long ago, seven legendary gods of power were sealed away in magical instruments awaiting the day their chosen heirs found them. these gods are known as, the band gods.

Theme music from dragon ball original plays

Chorus:(singing)band gods, gotta find those band gods, don't stop till you've found Em all the seven magic gods, it's all you've gotta do to make the band of life, get those band gods, band gods, the greatest test of all is to find that seventh god, danger all around you, evil everywhere, evil will surround you, keep on searching but beware, Kion, he's gonna show you, he and his friends will find a way, Kion, he's gonna show you, he and his friends are gonna save the day, band gods, there's always evil searching for the band gods, you can always listen for when the guitar calls, you won't believe the magic in the seven gods, you can put you're trust inside of the band gods.

Narrator: previously on pride land adventures, in an alternative universe Kion is researching for the alternative universe he heard of so much. when he takes a break from this, he discovers that he has magical fire powers and discovers that he is one of the seven elemental bending gods, and he must find the other six. now we cut back to the original universe, with Kion and his friends taking a simple concept into something wild.

(Dragon ball z ost theme plays and the title screen says pretend psycho family)

Scene cuts to kion and jasiri watching tv

Kion: dude, when is somethin cool gonna come on?

Jasiri: I heard infinity trains gonna be canon soon.

Kion: cmon Siri, you know this stuff by now. cn isn't even gonna bother and they'll just keep airing it in shorts and garbage.

Jasiri: oh come on Kion, they can't just cancel it. I mean they're already planning on ending Steven universe regular show and adventure time. so why would they just like, back down from this?

Kion: yeah good point. and hey, at least we still have we bare bears.

Doorbell rings

Kion: I'll get it.

Kion answers the door

Kion: oh, hey Ono. didn't expect you to come over.

Ono: eh ya know, I got bored. and my moms yackin on about dumb stuff again.

Kion: pfft, whatever dude, come on inside.

Kion and Ono walk to the living room

Jasiri: hey Ono.

Ono: hey jasiri, you guys still ranting on cn?

Jasiri: I don't think we can't dude, I mean their literally going downhill at this rate canceling good shows and keeping the bad ones.

Kion: it's getting pretty boring though. if only today wasn't so...boring.

Ono: I think I have an idea.

Scene cuts to kion's room

Ono: so, you guys know how dark humor, and family humor, mix really well, right?

Kion: yeah.

Jasiri: totally.

Ono: well take a look at these scripts. you won't be disappointed.

Ono hands kion and jasiri a script

Kion: pretend house huh? Sounds promising. I mean, as long as we can do all this crazy stuff.

Jasiri: sounds exciting. so what roles do we have though?

Ono: well I decided that our roles counted on what we do best at. example, Kion and jasiri will be the messed up couple, fighting, domestic abusing, and just about everything else, I'll be your kid and, we need someone else for the group for our thing.

Kion axes down simba and kovu's bedroom door.

Simba and kovu: hey Kion.

Kion: hey dudes, wanna play house with us?

Simba: sure why not?

Kovu: could be fun.

Kion simba and kovu walk into kion's room

Kion: alright dudes. now I'm the awesome and sexy dad, jasiri's the mom, simba and kovu, your the cops, and Ono, you're the stupid daughter. let's do this.

Scene cuts to jasiri washing fake dishes when Kion walks in

Kion: mornin baby.

Jasiri: morn Kion, you off to work?

Kion: yeah I just have to eat my breakfast that weighs 10000 pounds.

Jasiri smirks a bit

Kion: so yeah I need breakfast lady.

Jasiri: alright then. oh yeah and um well, you aren't going to going anywhere with that secretary chick now are you?

Kion: who? Sandra? what about her?

Jasiri: I just, don't like the way you communicate with her, that's all.

Kion: jasiri I don't think Sandra's pretty, the only dudete that I think is hot is you.

Jasiri: so why do you touch her in places that you would never touch me!?

Kion: first off, I never did that! second off, who would touch you, you're disgusting!

Jasiri gasps of shock

Jasiri: i am not disgusting!

Kion: well i married you, didn't i!?

Kion smacks jasiri across the face making her cry

Kion: now. if you'll excuse me, I have a work to go to!

Scene cuts to kion entering the living room

Kion: bye Rebecca I'm off to work.

Ono: what are you and mom fighting about this time?

Kion: well, I was waiting for breakfast, but you're moms a cheating whore.

Jasiri: what!? don't you try to pin this on me you slut, heck if anything you're the cheater!

Kion: oh yeah!? well at least I'm not blind and deaf to my groin!

Jasiri: groins don't even have ears dimwit!

Kion: yes they do! and yours are fat, like your but hole!

Jasiri: that doesn't even make sense!

Kion: back off woman! i'm gonna make cash!

Kion goes off to work

Ono: mom, what's a groin?

Scene cuts to kion's job

Kion: oh yeah, well I'm the coolest dude evuh and you're superb lame. so go buy you're own dang script before I send your crotch into hell and back!

Simba: Kion, I suggest you make this script or else you're fired.

Kion: I'll just decline it!

Simba: dang it, I forgot about that. very well then, you'll get a trillion dollar promotion.

Kion: yes!

Scene cuts to kion and his family eating dinner

Kion: and then I got I kick but promotion for a trillion dollars, I can buy a thousand rv's with that cash.

Jasiri: oh yes and, Kion, Rebecca brought a guest over for dinner.

Kion: is he cool?

Ono: yes indeed. mom dad this is my boyfriend dudeatron.

Kovu: dude, where did you come up with such a hardcore name?

Ono:I figured it'd be fitting, now start talking to them.

Kovu: right, lady, dude, I'm from like everywhere and I'm a trillion grand Doctor from every collage evuh.

Kion: very interesting. yes I'm a Yale guy myself, I got there for being the prince of Egypt.

Jasiri: oh god, do even bother Kion! he's not gonna believe it, you went to Santa Barbara!

Kion: no, I went to Yale and we went long distance relationship up yo but!

Jasiri: how would you remember anyway!?

Ono: I'm sorry dudeatron it's usually not like this.

Kovu: eh, I've dealt with worse.

Kion: I'm just sick of your mother embarrassing me in front of everyone, and now your future husband!

Jasiri: you're an embarrassment yourself! you do this on the regular, you come home every day, mad at the world, for nothing!

Kion: oh yeah?! well I have to deal with you all day yappin on about your chick probs, and then I have to deal with you're loser mom!

Jasiri: my mother is awesome! and this plastic pizza, is delicious!

Kion: well I like how you got a salad, at least you're tryin to work on you're figure, cause you're a cow!

Jasiri(gasps),I'm not a cow!

Kion: yes you are! and your from a demons vagina, who queefed you out for important measure!

Ono: dad, you're scaring me. seriously though, this is traumatizing.

Kion: take your prostitute to your room Rebecca!

Ono: Kay.

Ono and kovu leave the room

Jasiri: why don't you just like, go rape yourself and go get drunk!?

Kion: oh yeah I do that every night!

Jasiri gasps in shock as Kion leaves to go to the bar

Jasiri: that's it, you're sleeping on the couch!

Kion: I don't give a rat holes f#ck!

Scene cuts to kion and jasiri putting Ono to bed

Kion: well, goodnight Rebecca.

Jasiri: yeah, night.

Ono: mom, dad, could you guys like, not fight anymore? it's totally traumatizing.

Kion: alright then.

Jasiri: yeah cool.

Jasiri leaves the room

Ono: hey dad? can you read me a sexy story?

Kion: sure, whatevs. so yeah, there was this pig names jasiri, and this cow names jasiri, and this elephant named jasiri, and then they all f#cked each other in the but hole and then queefed on each others mouth holes, and then stabbed each other to death with jewish condoms.

Kion and ono pause for seven seconds

Ono: okay.

Kion: alright, night rebecca.

Ono: night dad.

Kion leaves the room

Scene cuts to kion and jasiri's pretend room

Kion: so yeah. tonight was...insane.

Jasiri: yeah, we said some things, we did some stuff.

Kion: some was lame and some wasn't.

Jasiri: yeah, true insanity.

Kion: if only we could just like, get it off our backs somehow.

Jasiri: yeah. if only.

Kion and jasiri look at each other and start making out and then Kion pours beer on jasiri and then jasiri drinks kion's cum and then scene cuts to when their done

Kion: oh yeah babe, that was awesome.

Jasiri: no kidden, night.

Kion: night.

Kion and jasiri fake sleep 

Scene cuts to the next morning in the kitchen

Kion: mornin baby.

Jasiri: mornin babe.

Kion and jasiri kiss each other on the mouth while Ono watches

Ono: this'll do great in the future.

Kion: oh jasiri, have you seen my dragon ball Goku plush anywhere?

Jasiri: nah, not really.

Kion: Kay, cause I could've sworn I left it on the hutch last night and I can't find it.

Jasiri: look Kion, I don't know where your dumb plush is dude. heck I don't even own any of them, so, yeah.

Kion: oh aright then, I believe you.

Kion opens the door above jasiri

Kion: or do I?

Jasiri: oh dang it.

Kion: don't know where it is huh?

Jasiri: look you're obsessed with that thing, you pretty much take it wherever you go!

Kion: oh yeah, well at least it didn't go to cow university!

Jasiri then gasps in shock and then Kion smacks her leading to jasiri crying

Kion: I'm off to work!

Kion heads off to work

Kion: bye Rebecca I'm off to work.

Ono: I thought you guys said you weren't gonna fight anymore.

Kion: well we weren't gonna fight, but your slutty whore mother, keeps bringing up the past.

Ono: oh ok, hey dad.

Kion: yeah what is it?

Ono: is it alright if dudeatron picks me up in his limo 9000000000 today?

Kion: yeah sure whatevs dude, I don't care.

Kion heads off to work

Kion: here is the script for my loser wife sucks simba.

Simba: thank you Kion, knowing you it will be very well written and orchestrated.

Kion: yeah, figure.

Simba: oh yes and, do you happen to have any evidence about the bird post thief?

Kion: I dunno dude, but don't ask me. heck I don't even touch the bird posts. stupid zazu touches the bird posts.

Simba: Kay then dude, I'll ask him. you may go home now.

Kion: alright, cool.

Scene cuts to the dinner table

Kion: and then kiara wouldn't get off kion's but for whatevs and the fans hated it!

Everyone starts laughing

Jasiri: dinners ready, what's the excitement?

Kion: I'm telling them about that lion guard tv series.

Jasiri: yeah, that show rocks

Kion: so, dudeatron, what else do you do?

Kovu: well, I'm pretty much top of the line and stuff. heck I'm so rich that I have 10000 lawyers.

Kion: oh really? very interesting, I have like a bunch on speed dial.

Jasiri: oh god, this again.

Kion: what? you hate it when I have a bunch of lawyers?

Jasiri: you never shut up about it.

Kion: pfft, you never want me to stop.

Jasiri: it's you who never wants to stop!

Kion: no, it's your fat but who never wants to stop!

Ono: let's head to my room.

Kovu: good idea.

Ono and kovu go to ono's room

Kion: you're just Jealous that I went to Yale and you went to cow!

Jasiri: that's not even a collage!

Kion slaps jasiri and then they stare at each other for five seconds and then start making out

Kion: oh yeah this feels good.

Jasiri: your darn right it does.

Kion lowers his hand to jasiri's but and squeezes it along with her breasts and then zazu comes in looking weird-ed out

Zazu: um...are you two done or do you need five more minutes for being weird?

Kion and jasiri realize what their doing and then blush along with looking away from each other

Kion: what do you want zazu?

Zazu: well, ono's mom called, it's time for him to go home.

Kion: alright then, Ono, yo pig mom wants ya home dude!

Ono: Kay, bye guys!

Ono closes the front door

Kovu: well, that was insane.

Kion: no kidding am I right.

Jasiri: yeah, it was so intense too. I mean I actually cried.

Kion: and we actually poured beer on each other.

Kovu: whoa dudes, way too much info. later's.

Kion and jasiri: later kovu.

Kovu leaves the room

Zazu: now if you two don't mind, i'm going to go bleach my eyeballs out.

Zazu leaves the room

Kion: alright jasiri, just to be clear nothing in this happened for real right?

Jasiri: right Kion, it was all acting. besides dude, whatever happens in pretend house, stays in pretend house.

Kion: no kidding. let's get to bed Kay?

Jasiri: Kay, night Kion.

Kion: night Siri.

Kion and jasiri go to their perspective rooms and go to sleep.

Narrator: after a severe game of pretend house gone increasingly out of hand, and with our heroes going to far, this experience is not one to be forgotten anytime soon. will Kion and jasiri ever have their first real kiss? and will they ever do this again? only time will tell. stay tuned in next time for the next pride land adventures.

To be continued

Kion: wow, that was insane and awesome! so yeah, kupatana, the one day of the year the two prides come together is coming up in about a month and we're trying to get the supplies to keep it as unboring as possible. and while me and the dudes are getting the food, drinks, and the arcade games, the girls are getting all the supplies for like decorating and stuff. and as for rafiki, well, you'll see him again when we show kupatana in real action. like I said were just getting ready, but with vitani attacking once again, this preparation hunt is gonna be so awesome. not as awesome as me but, yeah dudes, you gets the picture.

Kion: next time, kupatana preparation. watch out vitani, cause even you can't stop a baobab sprouting.

Instrumental version of the main theme plays