Reiner sat in the middle of his desolated room, lifelessly.
The only reminders of him being alive were the shrill sound coming from his worn-out television, the creaking of his ceiling fan, and the bzzt bzzt sounds the mosquitoes made passing his ear from time to time.

The yellow lightbulb was constantly flicking and the screams from the television were getting louder, but Reiner sat still. His stern gaze seemed focused on the film playing before him, but his mind, elsewhere. He suddenly flung his arm forward, picked up the remote in a flash, switched off the television, and simultaneously, the flicking bulb stopped.

Now, his living room was pitch black. He didn't seem to mind though, he liked it that way, just like his life; dark.

Another set of mosquitoes flew past his ears and he flinched a little, but when some decided to stop for a drink, Reiner reflexively reacted by slapping himself hard. He retracted his arm to check if he killed any but then remembered he couldn't see anything, not even himself. He let out a chuckle and slapped himself again.

He started to laugh hard loudly for no certain reason, his deep baritone voice echoed in the almost empty room and his neighbor whose abode was separated from his by only a thin wooden board had to bang the wall telling him to stop laughing like a maniac in the middle of the night.

Reiner's laughter ceased, a frown crowded his wrinkled forehead as if being scolded had just spoilt his happy mood. He bent his neck to the right and peered into the darkness, unmoving for a long time. Soon, he started to cry, he sobbed harder and suddenly bowed his head while using his arms on his knees as support, and bawled like a child.

He was tired of everything. Completely exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally. He just wanted nothing more than to disappear, to stop living this wretched life.

This constant misery, when did it start?
Just when? Why? Why did I end up like this? Why? Reiner pulled at his unkempt blonde hair screeching. "Why? When? Why? When?" He continuously shouted to no one in particular.

It was just him and his pained voice resonating back to his ears. He was consistent at apostrophizing his questions, even though deep down, he was aware how he ended up like this and when he started to live this fruitless life. He knew all the answers to the questions. Especially how everything stemmed from his cowardice and pride.

Oh, how he wished he could turn back the hands of time. Oh, how he wished he could.

His neighbor was riled up by the sudden scream and started to bang the wooden wall threatening Reiner to shut up or his door was going to be tumbled down.
Reiner ignored him and wailed louder. There was nothing more to lose he had nothing, even his life was worthless. Please knock it down and kill me, please! Reiner silently pleaded. He was a little bit disappointed as the threat turned out to be an empty one since the neighbor just gritted his teeth and let him be.

This certain day had marked nine years since Reiner dropped out of high school and six years of him being unemployed. The current twenty-five-year-old looked forty-five due to the constant poverty and depression.

His stomach suddenly growled and a nasty belch escaped his lips instead of a sob. What sorcery was this? Belching while hungry? Oh, how he wished he could just belch out his problems, then maybe, just maybe his hope would resurface.

With his tear-stained cheek and a leaking nose, Reiner chuckled yet again. If his younger self saw him now, wouldn't he be so disappointed? When he was younger, he never thought in his wildest imagination he would end up like this.

Reiner who had stopped crying laid his head back. When he was younger? He sighed. Wasn't that when it all started? That prideful child from eight years ago, wasn't he the one who caused this misery? Had I known.... wasn't that his story now?

Reiner closed his tired blue eyes which had since lost their shine and puffed out some air, his lungs squeezed painfully as he did so. Only then did he feel the harshness of the cold piercing through his pale skin, even the wooden chair he sat on had suddenly gone stiff and cold.

It was currently mid-October and the weather had gotten colder preparing itself for winter. He understood that perfectly but his room didn't even have a window, so he wondered where the cold air was coming from. He didn't have a heater nor a good blanket too so all he could do was bear with the cold, and truthfully he didn't care.

This wasn't surprising in any way, as there was a particular year when Reiner didn't even have a roof over his head and could only sleep installs and on the streets with little clothing not minding the season, so this was certainly tolerable for him.

Reiner only shuddered a little, adjusted his position and soon he fell asleep. As he let the fatigue overcome his being, he started to snore and fall deeper into the pit of peaceful rest, and soon Reiner found himself traveling down memory lane.