⊱Que ressens-tu à mon égard?⊰

How do you feel about me?

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It was easier to ignore it when I didn't witness everything.

My dad was a good person.

He is a good person.

He is supposed to be a good person.

Witnessing it now, I wasn't sure what to think. The more he got, the less satisfied he became. The less our conversations lasted. The less he was seen home. The time I secretly watched him at work lasted longer than the time we spent together. Back then, I paid no mind to it, letting him do what he wanted and seeking consolation in ice skating or hanging out with Aerin.

That must had been a mistake.

He was so hardworking and successful. I used to be proud of him. I used to brag about him wherever I went, especially to the children I would teach sometimes.

It was a mistake.

The charity party was in full swing. Champagne glasses sparkled under the chandeliers. Chatting and laughing boisterously, rich people from high society filled the ballroom and the star of the evening was none other than my father, the head of Snowberry who was holding this enormous event to aid children's surgeries.

"This is my daughter, Saejin," my father introduced me to a man around his age who donned a custom made brand suit and bowed when I did so. "This somehow feels like deja vu."

"She takes after you," the man commented, smiling and my father agreed with a laugh, talking about how gorgeous I was. "It's unfortunate my son couldn't come. He would've loved to meet your daughter."

It made me remember what my father used to say. He wanted me to marry a rich and capable man. All the times he arranged a meeting with someone's son that I ignored to hear an earful from him. I couldn't remember exactly when money became the deciding factor in choosing his son-in-law for him. I passed away before I could get married so I hadn't had the experience of such marriage.

Dancing my way out of such meetings, I stood beside the buffet table to occupy myself. Funny how I used to like these events, but now I wanted nothing to do with it. Watching my father announce to donate money, I thought about all the things that were sacrificed for this moment, for the money go into his pocket in the first place.

My eyes searched for a certain someone through the whole evening and I occasionally glanced at him conversing with different millionaires each time. If I wasn't involved with him, I wouldn't know anything. I wouldn't question anything. Unable to see what was happening.

Heaving a sigh, I headed to the balcony to take a breather. Everything was so anxiety inducing. Everything felt too much. Maybe it was because of how weak I was feeling that I couldn't handle the heavy weight of reality. My head hurt and the bustling of people left no room for me to even breathe.

The cool evening breeze had my shoulders relaxing and mind easing. I thought I was a mighty Heavenly Virtue who could bend people's emotions to make them be a good person. But I was, in fact, weak. I had been weak my whole life. All I could do was skate and maybe teach children. I couldn't take care of myself, take care of others. I couldn't even graduate from university.

As if proving my point, Jimin placed a jacket on me. His cologne wafted from it, enveloping me in warmth. Did he see me leaving the room?

He placed his arms on the rail, looking at me. "Aren't you cold?"

"Why do you care?" I genuinely asked. I was guilty of enjoying these moments. It was nice to be like this, but we seemed to be forgetting what we really were.

"Because you'll get sick easily," he simply stated. It was common knowledge. But wasn't that actually good for him?

"What about you?" I turned to him, taking in his serene expression. "Are you... good? Your health?"

We both knew what was coming. We were painfully aware. At least I was. Maybe he wasn't worried. Maybe he knew things would go his way.

"What will happen will happen," he answered. But how did he feel about it? Was he scared of it like I was? Or was he happy about it like I was expecting him to be?

I knew I was risking it, but I had to know. It had affected him more than it had affected me. It was a fact I denied. I reached out a hand and placed it against his cheek to feel what was inside his heart at the moment. When my fingers brushed his skin, a feeling of regret and pain rushed through the contact straight into my heart. He flinched, inching backwards with his eyes locked with mine.

"What are you doing?" He whispered shakily.

"Trying to understand," I admitted, holding his cheek and moving closer. "I couldn't imagine. But I can feel... even a little bit."

"With someone who tortured your father, you're being awfully close," he breathed out, eyes turning devious and condescending but the feeling I got from the contact was saying otherwise. Fear was potent.

"You're... lying." I gasped even when the thought was such a stretch. "You never... You didn't, did you?"

"Didn't what?" Anger seeped into the contact, but he didn't push my hand away. "Just because you can feel what I feel, you think you can know me? Yes, I didn't torture your father but I will have to after this whole thing is over."

"But... that talk you had with Envy about punishing my father and other sinners..."

"It was a time lying about it made me feel better. Just imagining, hallucinating that I was doing it could help my pain." He grabbed my hand and lifted it off his cheek. "Our powers shouldn't affect each other. How can you do this?"

"This only works with humans and we're humans now. It's not really a power but something like an ability. I still can't manipulate your emotions. I'm sorry if I intruded, I just wanted to understand, nothing more."

After a beat of silence, he whispered, "What about you?"

I looked up to meet his hooded eyes that looked more intimidating with a smoky makeup on. "What?"

His hand came up to hold my cheek the same way mine did, making my heart leap. "How do you feel about these? I can't read you. And you lie to me all the time. Can you be honest with me just once?"

"J-Jimin." I became tongue tied and struggled to form sentences. "Feel a-about what?"

The intensity of his eyes made my face prickle with heat. The crisp wind did nothing to cool me down. The stare he was giving me made me want to fly away with the wind. I didn't know why he was asking that and exactly when the line between us was obscured.

"About me," he whispered, voice dipping lower. "Do you hate me? How much? Are you waiting to enjoy how I will suffer when your father-"

"I don't," I yelled, surprising both of us. "I... I don't hate you. I feel extremely sorry and guilty about what happened to you. You can hate me, but I just can't bring myself to hate you."

Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision. "I don't want any of this happening. I don't want anyone to suffer but I can't seem to do anything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. I want to save my dad and I want to save you, too. But I don't know how. I can't see you suffer anymore. I like-" I bit my tongue before blurting something so unnecessary and something I didn't even realize myself because of my erupting emotions.

"Hey." Jimin gently brushed the tears that rolled down my eyes with his fingers and shushed me so tenderly. "Please don't cry."

I closed my eyes and let him wipe my tears away. Suddenly, something softer pressed against the skin below my left eye and I immediately opened my eyes to see his lips leaving my cheek. My heart seized and I froze. Did he just...?

Not a minute after, he slowly but painfully leaned closer to me again with his eyes focused on my cheek. Confusion muddled my mind and I couldn't do anything but watch him move closer and closer with shallow breaths.

"Here she is," a familiar voice chimed, making me jump away from Jimin and my heart jumped with me.

Aerin and an unfamiliar man stood near the doorway, staring at us in confusion. She looked between us and said, "Am I interrupting something?"

"No," I blurted, walking over to them. "What happened, Aerin?"

"Well, your dad asked me to accompany Yunho to you." She gestured to the man next to her and I honestly could care less. "Now that I found you, I'll leave you two."

Her eyes darted to Jimin and he excused himself, leaving us. Aerin followed suit and the man, whoever his name was, approached me, initiating a conversation I didn't want to be in.

After what felt like the longest conversation ever because of how uninteresting it was, I went back inside to search for Jimin but was stopped by Aerin.

"Are you... in a relationship with Jimin?" She asked, making me splutter.

"No."

"Then do you like him?"

I paused for a moment and wondered why she was asking me that. "I don't know. Why?"

She looked worried. Memories came rushing to me and I remembered her having feelings for Jimin and telling me about it before. "Well. Just asking."

A collective loud gasps cut off our conversation and the room turned silent when I turned around. Among the crowd, I found my father laying on the floor, unconscious. Gasping in horror, I rushed to his side and screamed for help. I knew he collapsed because of exhaustion but at that moment, I was terrified and trembling.

Jimin appeared beside me and lifted his body to carry him on his back. Even when I was distraught with emotions, time skipped again, leaving me disoriented and heaving.

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You know what she was tryna say, right 👀

Thank you for reading 🌸