⊱Les émotions peuvent vous tuer⊰

Emotions can kill you

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Those who were in hell went there for a reason.

I knew that.

To a few others, those people didn't belong there. Even if I argued that my father was not supposed to be there, I would only be saying that from my own perspective.

I knew that.

Just like how Jimin and I differed in our views which were both right in different ways, I willed myself to accept that there were reasons I didn't, or rather, couldn't know. It was better for me to not know.

"Charity?"

I bowed deeply to the higher angel. My knees and hands were trembling but I had to ask what had been gnawing at my mind for so long. "My deepest apologies, but I wished to know... t-to know how my father- my former father, Jung Hawoon is doing. And if there's any hope he- No, I'm sorry..."

A beat of silence passed and I couldn't dare lift my head up, instead clenching my eyes shut and wondering what the higher angel was thinking of me. It was not proper as a Heavenly Virtue to bring her personal life into matters like that. After all, why would our emotions be dulled, ebbing away to faint reactions? Virtues were given responsibilities and were not supposed to make errors.

"He's not atoning sincerely. Punishments are expected to intensify... it seems."

Startled, I jerked my head up but the higher angel was no longer there. It was good that I wasn't able to splutter whatever nonsense because of my spiking emotions that might get me in trouble, especially to a higher angel.

'Punishments are expected to intensify'...

My lips parted in a sharp exhale. My knees dropped on the floor and my hands clutched the white dress material, nails digging into my thighs with no aching feelings to my flesh. How awful was it that I couldn't feel any pain while all he felt was pain there.

The thoughts that were gnawing at my mind engulfed it whole.

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Tiptoeing around the edge of a cliff, I stared at the rocks below and wondered how some could tear my skin apart if I was human. Their sharp edges were enough to cut through flesh even. Simply falling flat on a hard surface from a higher place did nothing to hurt me. The only thing that throbbed after falling was my heart, a dull but persistent squeezing inside my chest.

Drawing a deep breath and letting it out, I took short steps to the tip and swallowed the sudden fear that made me halt for a second. It was weird that I was somehow afraid of a pain that could never come, the same pain that I wanted to inflict on myself.

"What are you doing, Saejin?"

Choking on a yelp, I spun around and stumbled backwards off the edge, but a pair of strong arms tugged me forward. Taken aback and tripping on my feet, I slammed into a taller body with my hands gripping the white dress shirt material.

I trailed my gaze up. "Nothing? What are you doing here?"

"If doing extreme acts is considered nothing, then I might believe you." Jimin tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows when I stepped back, fixing my clothes. "You're not wearing one of your white dresses?"

"It's none of your business, isn't it? We're enemies, remember?" I cocked an eyebrow before rolling my eyes and moving to the edge of the cliff again. I didn't want to jump when he was watching me but I could ignore his presence if I wanted to.

"What happened to you? Don't tell me- you're going to jump from here?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Why are you not leaving? Go make people delusional or something."

"It's no fun without you fighting me back. Kinda," he teased, leaning forward beside me and our eyes locked. "Don't worry, like I said, such people are not shown mercy and punished well."

I clenched my jaw and unable to hold myself back, I shoved him back. Harshly. "That's so heroic. Do you want a medal for that? A special privilege in hell maybe?!"

Jimin stumbled backwards and his eyes narrowed in anger. "What? What are you- What is wrong with you? Did something happen or something?"

"I'm fine!" Snarling, I turned around. Facing away from him, I was about to fall down the cliff when he grabbed my arm to pull me back.

"No, you're not!" His usual dulcet and soft voice dropped, tone turning rough and demanding, laced with exasperation. "Is it because of what I said? You should already know how humans are and why I want to drag them to hell with me."

"I know that already, but then what? You hurt many more while doing so?" I ripped my hand out of his hold. "It will only feed the vicious cycle of immorality. You're only focused on making their punishments inevitable and not worried about how many will be hurt in the process. But you won't ever stop, will you?"

After a glance at his sullen expression, with one final draw of breath, I pushed myself off the edge and plummeted to the sharp rocks below.

Only I wasn't alone.

Jimin had his arms wrapped around my shoulders and my head against his chest as we both fell down the cliff. Shocked and speechless, I was frozen in his hold until we hit the rocks and our bodies slammed against them. The impact forced our breaths out of our lungs, and as I expected, there was still no pain. Only the feeling of Jimin's body against mine, below me as he took the impact more on himself was present.

Recollecting myself, I placed my hands on his chest to distance myself and whispered, "J-Jimin...? Why did you-"

"I'm sorry." His hold tightened and I was pushed further into him as if he was hugging me. "I'm... sorry. I can't do anything but apologize... I really can't..."

Of course. I couldn't come to terms with that fact. The fact that Jimin was simply thrust into the way he was now. He didn't have a choice but to act as Greed. He didn't have to apologize but here he was, after protecting me from harm. I believed he momentarily forgot the fact that we were immortal and I would probably leave unscathed, but he might had panicked.

"I'm sorry, too." My fingers tightened around his shirt material. "I just... I'm so..." I heaved a grumbling sigh. "This whole thing is so complicated, I'm losing my mind. I do owe you an apology."

Lifting myself off him, I guiltily scanned him to see if he was really alright and apologized again before teleporting far away from him. I had to take a breather. I was acting irrationally.

As if something was wrong with me, I wasn't acting like the Heavenly Virtue I was supposed to be.

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Thank you for reading this chapter 🌸