Doe's POV:

I wasn't focused on it in the slightest, but my fingers plucked away at this violin regardless.

It wasn't working as the distraction that I wanted it to be.

Nor was it working in easing me completely from today's earlier... mishap.

I'd tried convincing myself to believe that I was over it, but I could still feel the certain edge and twist in my stomach.

And the minor tremor that would reach my fingertips whenever I let myself think back on it for too long.

My jaw still ached but I wouldn't allow myself to touch it.

At least not whenever Xander was within eye-shot.

Ever since I got back, it seemed like whenever I'd move in the slightest bit, I'd feel his eyes on me.

His silent stare as he peered my face for a solid tell of what I was thinking.

The fact that he was most likely getting more information from that than I'd like him to didn't exactly help.

Stupid vampire senses.

I knew he wanted to ask for some sort of deeper detail about what happened with Nico, but so far he hasn't said anything.

What happened back then was a first for all of us.

We've all seen Nico angry, but that was the first time it was explicitly directed at me.

Which, in a way, I saw coming, but seeing it coming and being prepared for it are two drastically different things.

I guess I thought that I was prepared for it.

I thought that fear was linear.

I thought that it was all the same.

But when Nico had me trapped between a wall and that thin-pupiled glare of an angry beast, my previous conclusion changed very quickly.

My aimless strumming stopped, and I purposefully shifted, meeting Xanders eyes with intent as he turned to check on me.

Which caught him off guard judging by the raising of his brows and slight puckering of his lips.

I squinted my eyes, focusing harder on his from the distance between this couch and his desk.

His eyes have always stayed the same for as long as I've known him.

Even with my imagination, I couldn't picture his eyes reflecting how Nico's looked at me at that moment.

It was still different whenever his pupils would thin against his will on the blood moon.

Enough so that I wouldn't even count it.

Even then the only emotion I can read in his eyes is panic.

An unfitting, unnatural fright that clashed hard against the fear that looks is meant to invoke.

His eyes have never had that harshness that could lead to you freezing in fear with just a single glance.

That was the look that I couldn't picture despite my best efforts.

A knock cut through our apparent staring contest, the usual fear that it was Layla passing through me at the sound.

Before I reminded myself that she doesn't knock.

Xander stood almost immediately, showing that this was a planned guest.

Which was strange since I hadn't seen him order anything.

I gently placed the violin on the side of the table, silently watching as he greeted the slave on the other side.

Narrowing my eyes again, I focused on the plate that he retrieved, knowing what was on it immediately.

A lava cake.

Something that he knew was one of my favorite desserts.

But as soon as I realized what it was, I also realized what it was for.

That conclusion only solidified as he closed the door and carefully stepped towards me as if I would run away if he moved too fast.

This was something that he's done before.

Using my favorite food as a temporary peace offering, or sometimes as an apology.

To soften me up before asking me something.

Sometimes it didn't work and I just got to eat my food in peaceful silence.

And sometimes I felt generous.

Yet right now I couldn't decide which one it would be tonight.

He set the plate on the table from the opposite side of me, pushing it to my edge with his fingertips.

I eyed the offering presented to me.

The circular chocolate cake looked just a bit bigger than what I usually got, and the warm ganache that was inside was also nearly completely covering the cake itself.

There was even a raspberry and a mint leaf sitting amongst the sprinkle of powdered sugar resting on top.

I thought about denying it just to be petty, but once the smell hit me, I quickly changed my mind.

Still, I moved slowly to retrieve the plate.

"What are your terms?" I asked flatly, lifting the warm ceramic plate into my lap and twirling the small dessert spoon between my fingers.

He sat in the middle of the opposing couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs

"Tell me what happened in there?" he requested.

Since he was closer now, I stared at his eyes again.

Seeing that tinge of worry that I still didn't allow myself to believe.

I still couldn't picture that look even with the closer distance.

I scooped the spoon against the plate, picking up a bit of the ganache before placing it against my tongue.

Holy shit.

I reveled in the taste for a moment, figuring that I may as well give him a little bit of information.

"A lot happened in there, you're going to have to be more specific," I said, trying to keep the conversation on a less serious note.

Which Xander completely destroyed, speaking practically the second I had finished my sentence.

"Did he hurt you?"

I tried to cover my confusion about the question by popping the raspberry into my mouth.

Chewing gave me time to think.

Why that of all things is that what he was worried about?

Why was that the most pressing matter on his mind.

My whole life since he bought me, I've been getting hurt so why worry about this now?

I couldn't lie, and even if I did then he'd get his answer that way.

I sighed a bit in my defeat, not really being in the mood to blow this into a fight.

The food was a peace offering and I took it so I might as well try my best to actually keep the peace.

"A little I guess," I answered, trying to keep my eyes on this cake without explicitly making it look like I was avoiding his gaze, "It was partially my fault though."

"What?" confusion came from him this time, "How was it your fault? I thought you just wanted to talk to Khloe?"

"I did."

Being vague wasn't going to help, but I gave it a shot anyway, scooping up a bite of the cake.

He was silent long enough for my curiosity as to why to grow and look at him.

He had more to say, but it looked like he was trying to figure out how to word it.

"What could you have possibly said to her that would have lead to Nico wanting to hurt you?" He spoke with disbelief.

I took my time to swallow what was in my mouth.

"I apologized for..." I stopped for a moment as Xanders visible confusion grew just by those words alone, "for uh..." My words died from there.

I don't think Xander knew about the guilt felt. Or even if he sensed it on me, if he knew the reason as to why.

"God Doe, please don't tell me you apologized on my behalf."

The thought of that almost made me laugh.

"I apologized on mine." another bite of the cake while I watched Xander try to piece together what I was telling him.

"What do you mean on yours? You didn't do anything wrong?" The speed at which he spoke was calm leaving only his tone to show his skepticism.

This time I did laugh. It was short and quiet, but it still sounded.

Setting the spoon on the plate for the moment, I looked at him head-on.

"Let's not play around it, Xander. We both know that I wasn't as sick as I let on yesterday."

He wasn't dumb.

In this instance at least.

He played dumb in a lot of situations, and for what reason, I could never understand.

Whether it was a personal choice within the persona he presents whenever the one person he seemed to be blind to was involved, or just a personal choice in general, it was his default in most social situations.

But I've been stuck with him for nearly two years, and thus learned more than what most people see.

He waits. He watches and listens from the sidelines more than most people normally would.

He picks up the strangest patterns and the most minute details to figure out the proper way to approach things.

As I realized this about him, I eventually figured out how he did it with me.

How he'd so carefully approach me when I first got stuck with him.

And from there articulated the ever so strange relationship we have now.

One of the traits of that being when he lets me believe for a moment that I've gotten away with things.

When he lets me lie to him with no form of call-out or consequence.

It wasn't all the time, but I eventually figured out the pattern of what he did and didn't let go.

"well, I...," He began, taking a moment to try to defend himself but failing.

He deflated a bit, "You're right."

I gave a slight nod.

"Now tell me," I lifted the spoon again, "Would you have gone through with what you did if I went with you that night? Like we both knew I wanted to do."

His eyes widened as soon as he realized what I was getting at, his back straightening.

"Don't tell me you apologized and got hurt over a 'what if'," he pleaded the guilt that had been missing from this conversation finally showing in his features.

Good. Feel guilty.

I felt a pinch between my brows, my thumb pressing hard against the end of the spoon.

"That doesn't answer the question."

"The answer wouldn't change anything. Either way, it was my own decision that got me into that mess, and either way, I should have taken the blame. All of it."

"Xander," I said with a hard edge, pushing harder for my answer.

"I don't know!" He finally gave me, "I don't... Maybe? Maybe not. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. Even if the answer is yes you shouldn't get yourself hurt over a 'what could have happened' situation. That's not fair to you."

I knew there was some truth to what he was saying, that much I'll give to him.

Even in moments like this, there was still no anger coming from him.

Even when he did raise his voice, it was never for that reason.

But that certainly didn't stop me.

Peace offering or not.

"I made my decision and dealt with it how I saw fit! I felt guilty, so I went out and got my apology out. I ended up getting hurt little hurt, but that's nothing new, Xander. It's done 'Could have happened or not!"

He physically drew back at my outburst, specifically at what I said right before his name.

I disgruntledly scooped up another bite, watching as he steadily submitted to what I said, his head lowering and eyes falling from mine.

A saddened sigh passed his lips.

"Look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to turn this into an argument. I know that I can't change your mind on this and that we both view this differently. I just..." He paused, his next words coming out softly and sincere, "I don't want you taking any part of a hit that's fully meant for me. Next time... if anything like this for some reason happened again, talk to me. We can figure out a way for you to get what you need without you getting hurt. Okay?"

I stopped mid-chew, a weird knot tying in my chest.

Now I just kinda felt like an asshole for blowing up on him like that.

Whether or not I bought into the legitimacy of his worry.

Even if he did care for my life for more than just for the fact that I brought over Layla.

Maybe after this whole day, I could just take his concern for what it sounded like.

Just for today.

I too felt myself relax back into the couch.

"Okay," My response was nearly silent in the sudden wave of awkwardness I felt.

He still didn't look at me, just nodded and stood, straightening out his shirt in the process.

"Let me know if you need anything." was the last thing he said to me that night, leaving me alone to finish this dessert with nothing but my thoughts.