"Open the door, Jenna, I've got to pee now!" I said to my youngest child who was just standing at the front door, staring at me with wide gray eyes. A small bag hung from her limp hand as she slightly tilted her head sideways and rolled her eyes before finally opening the door.

The bags of groceries were slipping from my grip as I pushed past Jace on the sidewalk and stormed up to the door. I carefully rushed past Jenna who still hadn't moved, peering up at me with innocence now.

Thank God! I exclaimed to myself as I dropped the bags on the floor inside, then hurried to the hall bathroom, squeezing my pelvic muscles, willing myself not to pee my panties. You got this Jess... One more minute.

Fumbling with my long flowing dress that I had picked out for our first day back to church since Justin's accident, I instantly regretted my choice. Finally gathering the silky material into my arms, I thumped down on the toilet seat and sighed.

I should have gone at the store, but I had left Justin at home, and I had been anxious to get home quickly after church and the weekly shopping trip to the store. Heb had been packed, like usual on a Sunday afternoon. Everyone was getting ready for their Sunday afternoon barbeques or like me getting ready for the next week.

Church had been a great decision. I had needed to get out of the house and have some normalcy back in my life. The days were scrambling out of control. Just last week Justin had two follow-ups that lasted almost the entire day. We had barely made it in time to pick up the kids from school. With the appointments and then end of the year school activities I felt like I hadn't had a moment to breathe.

Everyone at church had gone out of their way to pull me back into their community. I had muttered, "He's great" and "Thank you" too many times to count while nodding and smiling.

Even with people surrounding me and asking questions I felt real relief for the first time since the accident. With Jenna and Jace off at children's church, I sat alone, in the very back pew, enjoying the small amount of calmness sweeping through me. At the end of the service, I realized what it was – peace.

Even the daily message had felt like it was directed only at me. Accept things we cannot change, I quoted silently from the sermon I had listened to in rapture. It was true, I had to learn to accept that life had changed. But nowhere did it say that things couldn't go back to the way they were either.

There had been a few hiccups last week. Justin had a short temper. Noise bothered him. He still suffered from memory loss. He kept to himself, rarely talking to anyone unless they talked to him first. He spent most of his time – when not being hauled around by me – in bed. I had to keep my faith in that things would eventually return to our usual hectic but manageable routine.

"Mommy! I'm hungry," Jenna's squeaky muffled voice came from behind the bathroom door. A smile played on my lips as little toes with shipped burgundy polish peeked out from under the bathroom door. Biting back a laugh I slowly finished my business. It felt great to feel a laugh play at my lips again.

"Coming," I yelled as I quickly drying my hands. "Where's Daddy?" I then asked as I opened the door to Jenna and Jace waiting impatiently on the other side.

"He's sitting on the stairs, staring at the wall," Jace informed me as he leaned against the wall. "I'm hungry, and I want to go play at Shane's."

"I'll get lunch done in a minute. I need to check on Daddy," I replied, tousling his shaggy black hair. Curly hair fell back into place, and he pushed himself off the wall. Another smile played on my lips. Justin did the same thing; he always lounged casually on the wall while he waited for one of us.

The past week had been overly chaotic, but I found myself loving the fact that I was finally back at home during the day. No more frenzied mornings of rushing to get the three of us dressed, fed, and then dashing off to drop the kids at school or a friend's house so I could sit at the hospital with Justin. The daily routine, in that regard, had almost returned to normal.

Rounding the corner, I stopped abruptly. The sight saddened me, causing my heart to drop a little as the smile on my lips faded. Justin sat on the steps – his chin was propped up by his large hands, with his elbows digging into his knees. He gazed at the blue wall in front of him and reminded me of a lost child who had finally given up looking for his parents.

"Honey, you okay?" I asked, concerned as I walked up soundlessly to him. When he didn't answer immediately, I touched his shoulder lightly. He looked up at me with dark hazel eyes. Would I ever get used to his new eyes? I wondered, ashamed that again I had been caught off guard when I looked into them.

The doctors had no answers when I questioned them about the change, only telling me that there was much they didn't understand about the human body.

"I thought I was a ghost," he replied, murmuring under his breath, so low that I could hardly hear him.

"A ghost?" I asked, making sure that I had heard him clearly.

"No one was here, and it was so quiet. So very quiet..." he mumbled quietly again. His eyes returned to stare at the bare blue wall.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I reached out to softly hug his head to my stomach, the heat of his skin burning through the thin silky material of my dress.

His skin was hotter now. So many changes and no one could tell me why.

"We went to church, and I know that you like to sleep in late, so I didn't want to bother you," I said.

"Of course you didn't." He snarled, pulling away from my embrace. I jumped back and gasped in shock.

"Last week when I asked you didn't want to go," I explained.

"That was last week. Did you really think I wanted to be here by myself?" he hissed out. The lost look he previously had was replaced by something else. It almost looked like hatred.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Such silliness. He didn't hate any of us, I chastised myself. Thoughts like this aren't going help the situation at all.

"You didn't sleep last night. I could hear you walking around the house. I wanted you to get some rest. Next week I'll get you up. I'm so sorry, baby. Really. I thought you would like to stay home and rest." The words tumbled out of my mouth. His anger surprised me and scattered my brain. My hand grabbed his, pulling it towards my chest.

"That's the problem isn't it... you thought you knew what I wanted. You don't know anything. Don't bother asking next week. I don't want to go with any of you." He sneered again, snatching back his hand.

Still shocked, I watched him get back on his feet. He stood there for a minute, swaying slightly, his balance still not one hundred percent, then turned his back on me and walked towards the living room. His hand trailed across the wall as I watched him carefully place his feet as he went. His movements were so precise and carefully executed.

Why wasn't he still in physical therapy? I questioned silently, wondering why the doctor didn't prescribe the therapy for him when he still needed to go. Irritation at the rehabilitation staff grew as I watched Justin walk, still swaying with every step. I would be calling the doctor tomorrow to demand some answers.

"Mommy... is Daddy okay?" Jace asked from behind me. I had forgotten they were there.

I cleared my voice and quickly wiped away the tears that had unknowingly leaked out. My skin felt tight under the large fake smile I draped on my face as I turned to face my children.

"Of course he is. He's still healing from the boo-boo his head got in his accident. That's why we always wear helmets when we ride our bikes, right?" I waved at them to follow me into the kitchen. "Let's make some lunch. Grilled cheese sound okay?"