CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:
FIREFLIES

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

"WHY DO YOU WANT to know about imprinting?" Embry asked, eerily indifferent to her question. If it wasn't for the flash of panic that appeared in his eyes and the way his whole body seemed to freeze up in fright, Mae might've been fooled into thinking she was wrong.

"Lina mentioned it," she trailed off with a frown. Instinctively, her arms crossed over her chest. Why didn't he want to tell her? Was it because it was her? "Embry..."

"You're talking to Lina again? When did that happen? What did she say?"

"Embry, you can't just—"

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Mae?"

"Em—"

"I know she's your sister, but how can you trust her? After everything that's happened?"

"Embry—" When he went to interrupt her for the fourth time, the final bit of Mae's patience stretched thin, snapping like a rubber band. "Hey! Stop interrupting me, idiot. Just be honest with me!"

At last, Embry's nonchalance wavered. Sheer anxiety stared back at Mae as the boy's shoulders dropped in defeat. Which, as you could imagine, didn't do much to help her ever-growing doubt. Mae let out a sigh, arms falling to her sides. She wanted to reach for him but felt rooted in place.

"You wanna come inside?" Embry shook his head. "Uh, okay then. Outside it is."

Even once they were sitting on the porch steps, he didn't look at her. Subconsciously, Mae's foot started to tap against the edge of the wooden floorboard, expectant and fearful. Embry noticed but said nothing as he finally returned her gaze.

"I've never had to explain imprinting to someone before," he warned, which did nothing to phase her. She'd already read what it meant, but she wanted to hear it from him, to know what he thought of the so-called phenomenon. "Everyone in La Push has always just known what it means. So give me a chance, okay? I really don't want to mess this up." When Mae nodded for him to continue, he inhaled sharply, almost like he was bracing himself for impact. "Imprinting is how shape-shifters find their... soulmates, I guess you can say. Sam describes it as gravity changing. Suddenly, it's not the earth that holds you anymore, it's them. They can be anything to you. A friend, a lover. But they're part of your heart forever."

For a while, neither of them spoke. Now it was Mae who couldn't look Embry in the eye. Instead, she stared at the trees behind him, the words slowly sinking in.

"Please say something," Embry begged when the silence continued to linger. "I know you probably have a lot of questions, and I'm sorry I kept it from you."

"Why did you?" she cut in suddenly. If he listened close enough, Embry might've noticed the uncertain hitch of her breath that followed, the defensive move of her arms clutching her stomach tight. "Everyone knew but me, Embry. Even my sister..."

"Look, I never told her," he was quick to defend himself. "I don't know how she found out, but this wasn't a big secret everyone was in on, Mae. I wanted to wait for the right time."

But Mae wasn't listening anymore. Slowly, her thoughts were beginning to spiral, both in realisation and consequent panicked assumptions. "Oh, my God... that's why Maggie seemed so confused at the bonfire. She knew, too."

"Well, she is Paul's imprint," he stammered. "And you know he can't keep anything from her."

Mae didn't have the energy to laugh. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "Why didn't you want me to know, Embry?" she asked. Silence. Embry reached for her hand but she pulled away before he could. How familiar. "You didn't want to imprint on me, did you? Is that it?"

Immediately, Embry shook his head. "No, that's not it, Mae," he exclaimed before huffing in frustration. "I didn't want to scare you. I imprinted on you the first day I met you. Remember English? How I froze up when you asked me for a pen? I'd just imprinted on you, and I was freaking the fuck out 'cause how was I meant to tell a girl I'd never met before that she was my soulmate, and that we were bound to each other for the rest of our lives?"

"You've had time since then..." she pointed out softly, the tiniest bit of tension falling away. For a second, nostalgia flared in her chest as she remembered meeting Embry and Jared for the first time. But just as quickly as it came, it was shot down in flames.

"There's never been a good time," he muttered, his voice taking on that same impossibly small tone, like one wrong word would push them over an edge they couldn't come back from. "I was going to tell you the night I asked you out, and then I ditched you and you were rightfully pissed at me. And I almost told you up at the cliffs when you learnt about the pack, but you seemed so happy and I didn't want to ruin it."

"You wouldn't have," she said, to which he seemed confused. Tentative hope bloomed in the curve of a smile that faltered as he stood opposite her, separated by a thin line of what ifs. "Ruined it, I mean. If there's anyone I'd want for a soulmate, it's you."

Like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, Embry's face split open in a blinding grin. Unlike the last one, this one was confident. For a second, Mae hoped too. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, you idiot," she snickered, smiling as he nodded in a weak attempt to seem calm about it.

"Cool, that's uh... yeah, cool..."

"God, stop, you're killing me here," she winced. "Just tell me what happens now."

Embry didn't say anything at first. Quite frankly, Mae didn't know what she wanted him to say. She knew she liked him. As childish as it sounded, she couldn't deny it. But liking someone and knowing you were their soulmate and destined to be with them forever, either platonically or romantically, was an entirely different ball-game.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be," he said with so much confidence that Mae's heart ached. "I'm happy being your friend, but if you want to be more, I'd like that a lot too. Just as long as you're in my life, Mae. That's all that matters to me. I only want you in my life."

Something about that bothered Mae. Thinking back on it, it made sense now, why the pack freaked out when Lina discovered what they were. She wasn't an imprint. Maggie was, Kim was, even Maggie's brother must have been. But not Lina. The only people who knew were the imprints.

Sure, a shape-shifter could be friends with their imprint forever and be happy with it. But apart from Zeke, the rest of the imprints were in committed relationships with the guys. Because whatever fate that was out there had predicted it for them. And that was enough for feelings to bloom? If Embry hadn't imprinted on Mae, would he have even noticed her? How different would Mae Cooper's life be if Embry had imprinted on someone else?

Just the thought made her angry, but she wasn't about to say so.

"I don't know what I want you to be," she admitted. Embry frowned but said nothing, waiting. "I thought I — no, I know I want you to be more than my friend, but..." In the blink of an eye, Embry's smile came and went. "I can't help thinking that you wouldn't want to be with me if you hadn't imprinted. That's the whole reason you got to know me, right? 'Cause you imprinted. We wouldn't even be friends if you hadn't."

"That's not true," Embry insisted but much like Mae, part of him knew it was.

Sam was... freakishly strict on who got to know the secret of the pack. Parents, imprints, and that was it. There'd be no Embry and Mae without the imprint. And she wanted to be happy about that. The guy she liked was her soulmate? That was a classic cliché romance trope right there! But as much as she wanted to smile and shrug it off, take that next step in their relationship, a sour whisper of doubt refused to leave.

And Embry knew it.

"It's not true, Mae," he repeated, sighing when she scoffed in disbelief. "It isn't! Yeah, the imprint helped—"

"Well, that's one word for it."

"But even without it, I would still feel the same way about you! Imprints aren't as random as you think they are. You and I are made for each other, Mae. Friends or lovers, we're made to be in each other's lives either way. The imprint only strengthens what I already know about us."

Mae's head was spinning. Despite being outside, her lungs felt... clogged, like there wasn't enough air to breathe in. Sighing, she forced herself onto her feet so Embry wasn't looking down on her anymore. Instead, they stood just a hair's breadth away from each other, Embry's previous glimmer of hope now an almost dying flame. Mae wanted to relight the match, to travel back to a time where she didn't know about the imprint and wanted to kiss him for the sake of it.

But she was scared. She was seventeen, and had a whole bunch of things she wanted to do with her life. She wanted to travel, to see the world with her own two eyes. She wanted to paint the world's greatest sights and follow in the footsteps of her mum. She knew she could do that with Embry, sure, but there'd always be an Embry-sized hole in her heart whenever they were apart.

Then again, now that she knew, there was no way of erasing the memory. Even if she held him at arm's length, pushed those feelings down and followed her dreams, the emptiness would only fester until she couldn't keep ignoring it anymore.

So Mae was caught between a rock and a hard place.

God, she hated the big decisions. They were the ones that actually mattered.

"We'll just stay friends," Embry said at last, though he was unable to mask the sadness in his voice. She heard it loud and clear. "Easier, right?"

Mae shook her head. "We both know it's not."

"Then what do we do, Mae?" he snapped, slowly beginning to run out of patience. "Like it or not, we're in this now. And I get it, you don't want anything serious—"

"You're right, I don't," she was quick to confirm, swallowing down the regret as his face faltered. "I don't know what I want with my life, Em. I know I want you in it, but I'm not ready for the kind of love that Paul and Maggie have, the type of love that Sam and Emily have. I like you, but I'm not in love with you. I don't even know if that makes sense."

"No, it does," he said. "So we'll take it slow then."

Slow. Mae liked that word. She loved adventure, she loved the risk of diving head-first, but not when it came to something so permanent.

Maeve Cooper had never been in love, and for now, she intended for it to stay that way.

On the contrary, Embry Call was in love already. He looked at Mae and knew there was no future without her in it.

And there was the problem. The fates had paired them together, and yet they couldn't be more different. At some point, they were going to crash and burn. They were merely buying themselves some time. But with every kiss that followed their first on the porch that day, the feeling only continued to build.

The countdown had begun.

For now, they had put a band-aid over the bullet wound. But it was really only a matter of time until it reopened and blood was spilled.