Chapter 17

"I wish the castle had more places to just hang out," Bea frowned as she kicked Violet's leg away for the third time in a best attempt to get comfortable much to the Gryffindor's dismay who was ready to punch her best friend if she hurt her one more time.

"I wish you didn't kick me so much," Violet huffed moving her legs so that Bea could sit between them, "sit down and stop fidgeting!"

"You know you really hurt my feelings, Vi," Bea faked a sob, shuffling herself over so that she was instead leaning against Violet, "if we're lying like this you better play with my hair."

"Alright," Violet laughed softly, fixing Bea's hair before she started to section it in order to braid it.

"Remus has got nothing on me," Bea huffed as she got herself comfortable. She was attempting to wedge herself closer to Violet who was pushing her head away in order to braid her hair, "who made a pact to get married, huh? You and him, nope, it was me and you!"

"Well I'd be a Lupin either way, so," Violet trailed off, both girls soon bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Was that your plan all along?" asked Bea, "to become a Lupin?"

"Well the best girl in the world that I know is a Lupin," Violet whispered, "the best girl, the bestest friend, the bestest sister, the bestest everything, really."

"Your boyfriend is also a Lupin," Bea mumbled. She had been wondering for a exactly two weeks if she should tell Violet of her and James, the thought had popped into her mind every time she saw the girl, but she wondered if it was the best idea.

She trusted Violet with her life but she wasn't sure if the girl would be able to keep a secret from her boyfriend. Bea was torn. Of course, she had told Bertie, Peter and Sirius, and well, Sirius was the first person she told, making sure that he kept his mouth shut but that didn't stop his teasing whenever her and James were in the same room.

She was surprised Remus hadn't caught on yet with the amount of teasing Sirius did, and whilst she wanted to be mad at him, it was rather hilarious.

"You alright Bebe?" asked Violet, "you haven't answered any of my questions!"

"Oh, sorry Vi I was just thinking about a few things," Bea sighed. She moved her head when Violet almost pulled her hair and soon did the girl laugh.

"It's alright, I just - are you sure you're alright with me and Remus being together?" Violet mumbled. The silence between the two of them was aching, but Bea didn't mean to keep Violet so on edge. Bea was merely thinking if this was a good time to tell Violet about her and James, and she was almost positive that it was. So with a sigh leaving the girl's lips, she turned in her seat, shuffling until she reached the wall and with a smile, she nodded.

"Of course, I'm fine with it, I always will be fine with it. All I want is for you to be happy Violet, it's all I've wanted for you and for Remus and if you make each other happy then who am I to get between that?" Bea laughed softly but Violet's frown deepened, "I know how much you like Remus, merlin you even said that you loved him and whether that was a mistake or not, only you can decide that. You can't help your feelings for him."

"But are you fine with the fact that Remus won't let you be with James?"

Bea let out a loud laugh, "Remus doesn't control me."

The girl hated how long it took for her to realise that she was letting Remus control her happiness. Just because he was her older brother didn't mean that she had to do what he said, as much as she loved him, she wasn't going to let him be the one to decide what she did and didn't do.

"He's just trying to protect you, Bea," Violet mumbled softly, "if you were with James, it would hurt him."

Bea was having second thoughts about telling Violet when the words tumbled from the girl's mouth. She was terrified in that moment, that Violet would take Remus' side instead of her best friends, she didn't even want to think of the possibility.

"Yes, and I'm hurting without James," Bea whispered, "It's really weird, actually."

"What is?"

"That the one girl I thought I could trust with my life is more interested in my brother's happiness than the girls she's known for years," Bea bitterly spoke. She wondered if she was being too harsh, she knew she was actually and the guilt was quick to come, but she had let everyone around her control her happiness for far too long.

She was controlling herself, and she didn't care who knew.

"Bea-"

"I hope wittle Remus' feelings aren't terribly hurt to know that all his sister wants to do is live her life," Bea snapped, soon pulling the braid out of her sandy brown hair and letting it fall down her back, "I'm done with being protected!"

"Everyone is only trying to help you, Bea!" Violet snapped.

"Yes, and you know what you and Remus are doing?" Bea shrieked, "you're being terribly hypocritical, thank you very much. You think that it's okay that you and him are together and he is allowed to go crazy just because James kissed my head? you think that because James likes me that he has any right to be hurt?!

You seriously don't even realise that you and Remus are allowed to be happy but that of course doesn't mean that Bea should be happy, oh no, she has to be protected with no regards to her own happiness!

All I've ever fucking wanted in life is to be happy, and you out of all people should know that, Vi, merlin!

Remus made a vow to protect me, but vows can be broken!

Do you have any idea how it feels to be violated?" Bea had stood, she was in front of Violet who was sitting with wide eyes and parted lips.

"You don't understand what it's like, Violet. To be touched, to be kissed by someone so much older and not understand what was going on. You don't understand the terrible realisation when you're a few years old and finally realise what happened that night when rain battered the window and that - that man forced himself onto me.

I was just a baby!

And now I'm happy and I can move on from that because there is someone there that is able to make me forget, make me able to realise that I can erase what happened to me, that I don't need to think of it, and I'm not allowed to have him because my brother doesn't allow it?! do you realise how stupid that sounds?!" Bea shook her head, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly.

She finally snapped.

She finally stung.

-

"Are we going to talk about the fact that you stormed out of the school or are we going to sit here in silence?" James whispered in Bea's ear. His arms were tightly wrapped around her as she sat between his legs, her knees pulled up to her chest and a herbology book that she was pretending to read resting on them.

"I was trying to be dramatic so my prince would come." She merely shrugged, "it worked."

"You know as much as that is a drastic boost to my ego," James chuckled, "I can't say I believe your words."

"Mr Potter, are you calling me a liar?" Bea asked, turning around to face the boy who was smiling down at her.

"I would do no such thing," James tutted, "I did imply it, though."

"You're an arse."

"Maybe so." he nodded, "but I'm an arse who is very concerned. You see, when my girlfriend storms off, I assume that you're not happy, and that is the last thing I want. If there is a way that I can help you be happy again then I won't stop until that happens. Thing is, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"Well it seems like you're the only one that wants me to be happy," Bea mumbled bitterly. She turned on the spot so that she was curled up to his chest, her herbology book carefully placed next to her so that it wasn't ruined in the slightest and her arms wrapped around the boy who rested his head on hers, "I uh, I kind of snapped at Vi."

"Oh merlin, Bea," James sighed, soon tightening his grip on her, "I know it's frustrating that they don't see the truth. It's annoying that they don't realise they're hurting you instead of helping you, but you have finally taken control over your own happiness. Once again, very big ego boost that I'm part of your happi- okay, doesn't matter.

Anyway! You don't need to listen to them saying anything about hurting, about Remus hurting or how hard it is for Violet because you see the truth and that's all that matters.

Your happiness is one of the most important things to me," he kissed her cheek, pulling her closer to him whilst she nuzzled into the crook of his neck, "and not telling Remus is fine, alright, not telling Violet is fine, but that doesn't mean you have to be sad about it. I know it'll take a while for you not to feel guilty, and if your sad about it then I can be happy for the both of us for a while, but-"

He was cut off when Bea pushed her lips onto his, his head resting between her hands and finally the vision of a proper smile clouded his mind when it rested on Bea's lips, "there's my girl," he mumbled when she pulled away, a smile resting on his own lips.

"How is it even possible for you to be so amazing?" she asked, her head titled to the side whilst his smile merely widened.

"You know I would've loved to hear you say that at the start of the year," he teased whilst her laugh filled the trees around them.

"I don't think that would ever have happened," she sighed, "it's really odd, though. Just at the start of the year, you were just Remus mate and that was it. I mean I knew you and you called me bumble - still bloody do the twat that you are, but it's just weird that everything is a bit messed up right now and you're my main source of happiness.

Course so is Sirius, and Peter and Bertie but I just feel quite strained from Remus and Vi and I hate that so much, I have this odd feeling in my stomach because I know that I want everything to be normal. But normal isn't the normal I used to know, normal now would be Remus finally accepting that I'm growing up and protecting me has a new meaning. And normal would be Violet realising that we should still come first to each other - or maybe not, I don't know but she's supposed to be my best friend and I've known her longer and been with her way longer than she's liked Remus but it seems as though she's putting his happiness before mine!"

"I think everything is going to be a little messy for a while," James mumbled into her hair. He reached down for her hand, soon intertwining their fingers together whilst she hummed in agreement, "but Remus is your brother and Violet is your best friend, and Remus is my best friend and just remember that Remus has your best intentions at heart."

"What about Vi, though?" Bea asked, a groan finally escaping her lips, "you know what, I'm done with trying, I just want hot chocolate!"

James let out a laugh, he knew how stressed she got and how guilty she felt no matter how much they both knew it was the right thing, she hated going behind Remus' back. He cupped her cheek when she moved, guiding her face to his and slowly pressing his lips to hers whilst she hummed against his lips.

"What was that for?" she asked with a smile on her lips. Her mind was slightly dizzy and her eyes soon fluttered open.

"Nothing in particular," he whispered, leaning forward to capture her lips once last time, "just a new hobby I'm loving."

"Oh what?" she giggled, "kissing me is your new hobby?"

"And a brilliant one it is."

[A/N this was actually tomorrow's chapter BUT ITS OKAY BECAUSE IM CELEBRATING!!!!]