Chapter 15

"Do you know what puffapods, devil's snare, and dried nettles all have in common?" asked Bea emotionlessly as she sat in the library across from James. she wouldn't talk to him unless they were talking about herbology, and as much as she missed his terrible jokes and his laughter, and well, him, she was far too stubborn to admit it.

"They're all plants that we've covered?" James asked, his eyebrow raised as he watched Bea's eyes lift to him for a few moments.

"Incorrect," she spoke after a few minutes, "well that is correct...but it's not the answer I'm looking for - no, you know what, It's incorrect. Try again."

James took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He hated the fact that she wasn't talking to him when what happened was nowhere near his fault, he was simply just trying to defend himself when Remus came and started shouting down the hospital wing, and what really riled James more was the fact that Remus and Violet had officially started going out.

To say he was angry was an understatement.

It was entirely hypocritical for Remus to think it acceptable for him to date Violet whilst he overreacted with James simply kissing Bea's head. But there was a mountain of knowledge that James didn't know, and until Bea was certain that James and Remus were talking again, she wasn't talking to any of them.

Both boys overreacted in Bea's opinion. She knew James was just confused with the lack of information he had about why Remus was so protective, and Remus definitely overreacted when he stormed into the hospital wing.

Though Bea knew that James had no right to shout that Remus liked Violet without his permission, she knew that the two had finally started going out but that could have gone an entirely different way.

"Aren't they taught in first year?" James trailed off, seeing Bea writing furiously on the parchment in front of her.

"Correct." She shrugged her shoulders after a few moments of silence, her frown still evident on her lips as she ignored the boy who was getting even more frustrated with her.

"Then why are you teaching me them again?" he asked.

"Well you're the one acting like a child," she spoke bitterly when she rose her head, "so you tell me."

"Merlin, Bea," James grumbled, shaking his head with a frown, "are you seriously mad at me for sticking up for myself? He had no right to barge in like that and you know it, so why are you still this mad at me?!"

"Because there's a lot you don't know, James-"

"Yeah everyone keeps telling me that!" he exclaimed, he didn't care that the librarian was shushing him, his eyes where focused on the girl in front of him, "you know, it's funny, cause Sirius told me that too, he said, 'mate there's a lot you don't know,' and he had this look in his eye, it was a look I didn't want to see in anyone's eye when they're talking about you Bea, cause it means you've been through something that is fit for a look like that.

It was hurt, but he was angry too, seething anger as he talked about this thing I don't know.

And I didn't want to think of you going through something that hurt you, but I was hurt too, because I thought that you trusted me-"

"I do trust you!" she gasped, her eyes wide and an accusing look on her face whilst she slammed her hands on the table, "how dare you say that I don't!"

"Oh, you do trust me?" asked James, "then why is it that I seem to be the only one who doesn't know about this hurt that you've been through, huh?"

Her eyes darted around the room so that they weren't on him, they found her hands intertwined on her lap, silent as he breathed heavily in front of her, trying to keep his anger at bay.

"Do you want to know why I was so angry in the hospital wing that night, Bea?" asked James, watching her for a few moments, and soon did he take her silence as an invitation to continue, "it was because I realised, I truly found out officially the one thing I wanted to ignore for as long as possible. I found out that I won't be able to have you because of him, because of him being so protective and I don't want that because you are the one thing in this world that I want more than anything, and realising that I won't have you was the worst feeling."

She wiped at the tears that had spilled from her eyes. He didn't want to make her cry and she knew that but she couldn't stop them as they spilled down her cheeks, she was an emotional person, she couldn't stop herself from being emotional, she always would be, but she was surprised when she heard James' chair scrape against the floor.

Her eyes lifted with curiosity until she saw him beside her, pulling her into him as her arms wrapped around his stomach and he held her close to him, silently hugging her in the near empty library.

He kneeled in front of her, taking both of her hands in his, and soon did he whisper, "I never wanted to make you cry, I never ever wanted to hurt you, ever, I'm just...I feel so uninformed. Merlin, I didn't even know you and Sirius were close friends until he said that to me.

I want you to be comfortable telling me what is going on, what has got everyone walking on egg shells around you, and I will be here if you ever decide to tell me, but please don't be mad at me anymore, Bumble.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what happened in the hospital wing, I'm sorry for getting so angry, for punching the wall, for saying that about Remus and Violet."

"It's not me that deserves an apology, James," she choked out, laughing softly at how pathetic she was. James lifted one of his hands, wiping the tears that had spilled from her eyes whilst they closed. She missed him terribly, she missed Remus too and not talking to either of them hurt her more than she could've ever imagined.

She knew that as stubborn as she was, she couldn't stay mad at either of them for long, especially when James was...well, James.

And with Remus, with every stupid, silly argument that the two got into, they couldn't last a week without talking to each other, they both just felt terribly guilty and had to talk once more.

"I'll tell you what happened, James," she sighed, "not here, but just...please don't be mad, don't get angry because it's happened and it happened a long time ago and no one can stop it from happening anymore.

I'm not going to lie to you and say that I'm over it, but I know how loved I am, and I know I'm stronger than what happened."

She leaned forward, his head in her hands and her lips leaving a lingering kiss to his forehead whilst he kneeled in front of her, "come on. We'll find a better place to talk."

-

It was very evident that James Potter had been crying when he stumbled into the Gryffindor common room a few hours after his study session with Bea. In fact, his cheeks were streaked with tears and his skin felt terribly sensitive with the amount he had been crying, and when Bea stumbled in after him, the same tears streaming down her face, Sirius who sat on the arm chair near the fire knew what had happened.

To say that James wouldn't let Bea go was an understatement, when she had finally finished telling him what had happened to her when she was four years old, she quickly found herself between his legs with every limb he had wrapped around her tightly, whispering apologies that he shouldn't be uttering into her ear, unable to comprehend the fact that the seemingly always happy hufflepuff that he had grown to fall for had been through so much pain and he didn't even suspect a thing.

Bea squeezed James' hand, allowing him to turn to her, he was ready to spill more tears at the mere sight of her, but when her soft laugh like dripping honey was heard through the common room, he wasn't surprised that it was able to soothe him, and with a kiss to his cheek, she ushered him in the direction of the boy's dormitory, watching with a sad smile as he stumbled forward.

The hufflepuff made her way towards the armchair that sat Sirius, sitting on the edge of the chair with her legs draped over his and a sigh tumbling from her lips, "I'm never crying again," she whispered, her head falling onto his whilst he nodded his head.

"You've cried a bloody lot, I'll tell you that," Sirius tutted, "y'know if you can't have James I can set you up with plenty of boys?"

"You are seriously the biggest arse this planet has ever saw," she muttered, soon rolling her eyes whilst Sirius scoffed, "I might not be able to have James, but that doesn't mean I'll get over him."

"Hey, you're young," Sirius grinned, seeing her eyes narrow to slits, "not the time?"

"Definitely not the time," she grumbled, leaning her head on his shoulder whilst he merely patted her knee.

The boy's dormitory was near silent when James entered, seeing Violet resting against Remus as she read one of her many books and Remus whispering quietly to her, the two seemed to stop when James walked through the door.

The tears streaming down James face was a clear indication to Violet of what had happened previously, and soon did she move to stand up, much to Remus' dismay, she merely kissed his forehead and passed James with a small smile.

"Bea is in the common room," James whispered to her, "it's Thursday."

Violet nodded her head, patting his shoulder comfortingly and soon did she close the door behind her. James moved towards his bed, his eyes on Remus who had taken to reading, though it was very clear to James that he was very much pretending.

"Y'know," James choked out, "Remus...I would never ever do anything to hurt her."

"James-"

"No, I need to say this," he sighed. He lifted his head to look at the taller boy with the scars littering his body, a pained look in his eye similar to James', "she was just your sister at the start of the year, and I always liked her. I liked her smile and how worked up she got when I called her bumble, but I liked Lily and I never thought of liking anyone else, she was Bea, she was your sister Bea and that was it.

And then she was Herbology Bea, and then she was friend Bea and then she was Bea, and she still is that Bea. She's the girl that is able to cloud my thoughts and make me so completely distracted with her presence because she's the only thing I can think about or focus on when she's in the room or when she's just in my thoughts, and I never ever thought she would be the girl that made my head spin but she is, and I can't help that.

But I can help what I do about it, and you will always be my best friend Remus, and I know you don't approve of me and her, so it will never happen, I couldn't do that to you. But the one thing you can't tell me to do is stop being her friend because if I can't have her then I can still be in her presence, and I won't stop thinking about her the way I do but I would never do anything that you didn't want me to.

Because I know why you're protecting her, I do, and I know that Violet and Sirius is protecting her too, and bloody hell so am I, but the thing is, it's Bea, we can all say that we're protecting her, and we can do that, but sooner or later she's going to realise how strong she actually is and she won't need us to protect her anymore, but she'll still need us.

And I'm going to be there for her, for as long as I can be because she came into my life so surprisingly but I'm not going to let her go," James took a deep breath as he finished, seeing Remus' eyes on him.

"You really like her?" he finally whispered, watching James soon nod and soon did he speak, "James, I know it's so terribly hypocritical for me to be dating Violet and for me to be like this, no matter what anyone says, but there's just so much more to watching you with her, because I see the look she has for you and that terrifies me, it terrifies me to see her like that because it means I won't be there to protect her forever."

"Remus, Bea is completely fine with you and Violet being together, and it took her a while to get to that point but she had an advantage, because Violet told her. I didn't tell you, and if it takes you forever to finally accept it then I'll wait for her forever," James finally sighed.

"I'm sorry for overreacting," Remus spoke, seeing James finally smile, and soon did the boy nod.

"I'm sorry for technically telling Violet about you liking her," James trailed off, hearing Remus finally laugh.

"It's alright," Remus nodded, "think it worked out in my favour."

"Yeah, bloody finally."