He was gone, and it meant everything but nothing at the same time, and Patrick's head was about to explode, and Ryan just simply didn't know what to do.

Because Patrick was shaking and being anything but cooperative in Ryan's attempt to extract some sort of viable information from him, or perhaps even any kind of response to the question, 'are you okay?'.

It was a stupid question, of course, because Patrick evidently wasn't, but in turn, Ryan quite evidently wasn't prepared to believe that.

Because Ryan was holding onto Patrick like he was the only thing he had left, and even at times, it wouldn't be quite so stupid to wonder if Ryan needed Patrick as much as Patrick needed him, if not more.

Because that was very much a possibility too, and it was only reinforced as the two sat on Ryan's kitchen floor, and Patrick's legs continued to shake, and tears continued to stream down his face, and Ryan remained helpless and silent.

There was little he could do, and he knew that, but knowing something and accepting it were two entirely different things, and of course this did indeed ensure that Ryan was something like insane, but for Patrick he reckoned he would be.

And this wasn't even a romantic thing, because Ryan was stuck in this odd mess of feelings regarding Brendon Urie that he was really just trying not to think about, whereas, he just cared about Patrick so fucking much, and it was almost like he needed to care or something, which was absurd in its entirety.

Because this was just friendship, but Patrick mattered more than the entire universe did, and Ryan could only suddenly begin to realise as to why Brendon might have had more than a little trouble with that; Ryan reckoned that he too had a little trouble with that, but he didn't blame himself, so why on earth did he blame Brendon?

Because he didn't think, and he called Brendon the selfish one but Ryan Ross didn't think at all, he only cared: it was all emotions and an absolute abundance of logic, and a mess and a question that Patrick still hadn't answered, but one that he didn't need to, because Ryan already knew, and he reckoned that he'd always know, because it was like this, and it would be like this from the very day that Pete put that gun to his head.

Ryan wondered if Pete knew that, or even suspected this as he did so.

Ryan remained in silence, and wondered if the Pete Patrick kept seeing was at all conscious, because of course, he couldn't be, because of course it was just the power of suggestion and a hole to be filled in each boy's mind, and one hell of a fucking mess throughout.

Ryan wondered if Pete would ever know.

And Ryan had just as much trouble accepting the truth as Patrick, because in a way, he really could sympathise with the shorter boy, but in a way that he'd never even consider letting slip to anybody.

Especially not Brendon.

Even with Brendon starting to open up to him, because Ryan reckoned it was his turn to be the hypocrite and the fuck up now, and say nothing as his best friend continued to shake and sob; he just let it happen, and reassured himself that there was little he could do, but it wasn't enough and it would never be enough, and he knew that too, he knew it all too well.

And Ryan yearned to know just what kind of hell went on inside Patrick's head, but in exactly the same way, he didn't dare even consider it, because he wouldn't wish this kind of mess on anyone, but still it had befallen the one boy who'd been nothing but kind and nothing but caring to everyone and everything, because that was how life worked, because fate played games, and it most certainly didn't play fair.

"What is it?" Ryan finally found himself asking after what was certainly something like twenty minutes of silence and sobs, and heavy breathing on Patrick's part, and thoughts Ryan didn't dare to even imagine.

"Him."

And that was enough, and too little at exactly the same time, and Ryan could do little but accept it, because he could do little more than relish in his fate, and the mess that surrounded him, because if he couldn't fight it, then he had to accept it.

"What's he done?" And he continued to ask questions that perhaps didn't warrant answers; the simple kind of nonsense that didn't belong in anyone's mind, but the simple kind of nonsense that was the only thing on his mind.

"Nothing."

And Ryan's gaze hit the wall, and he buried his head in his own immoralities, and he thought of every time he'd screamed at Brendon and thought of every reason, and he thought of everything Patrick had done, and every mess he'd made, and the fact that Ryan had never once gotten angry with him.

And in turn, he imagined Brendon in Patrick's place, and he knew within an instant than he would be nowhere near as silent, and nowhere near as complacent, and nowhere near as forgiving, and nowhere near as accepting. In fact, he'd be screaming, and he couldn't quite figure out where the hell the difference had come from.

Because Brendon and Patrick were very much alike: two people who cared about Ryan a lot, and too people he cared about just as much - it was simple, so fucking simple, but so fucking complicated, and he imagined Brendon and Patrick in each other's places and just what the hell this mess in his head could possibly mean.

"Say it straight." And Ryan's head had snapped, like the flick of a switch, like nothing, and like everything, and fuck. "Just say it, don't fucking be cryptic or shitty, just fucking say it, Patrick, come on."

"Say what?" Wide eyes: startled even, and a slightly parted a mouth from a boy that both didn't expect and didn't deserve this.

"You fucking know what, come on, Patrick, just what the fuck is going on in your head? Why the fuck are you crying like this? And what the fuck is Pete, because you kind of know, don't you? But you don't tell anyone, do you? Because this is you, Patrick, the observer, you know everything but tell no one, and you think it's your saving grace, but it's little more than your Achilles' heel, because people get tired, Patrick, people get fed up, and people want answers. I'm tired, Patrick, so are you going to explain this or not?"

-

"So that's it!" Sarah exclaimed, falling down on Kitty's sofa in a manner so clumsy that the older girl definitely wouldn't have tolerated if she wasn't so fucking head over heels for her.

"That's it? That's what?" Kitty asked, raising her eyebrows a little as she shut the front door behind Sarah, her eyes widening a little they fell upon the backpack thrown to the side at the doorstep - Sarah's backpack.

"That's it." Sarah repeated herself, "like you said. I fucking sorted this shit out, and I told my parents everything, and they weren't happy, and I wasn't either so, that's it, this is it, I live here now, if that's okay?"

"That's okay." Kitty repeated, still a little wide eyed, because with Sarah she'd expected some sort of fucked up mess and at least one more than platonic thought about Brendon Urie, but it seemed like God or someone was on her side for the first time in her life.

"So, I told them I like girls too, and you in particular, and that I want to be in our band and not some shitty office job, and my mum looked like she'd been shot, and it was kind of funny actually, because I kind of actually hate them, like so much, and I mean, like seriously, thank you, it's better like this, or at least I hope so."

"I'm proud of you." Kitty added with a smile, finally growing the guts to sit down beside Sarah. "Seriously, Sarah, you're amazing, I know it's hard to tell those kind of parents that you're your own person, especially when they can be so damn stubborn about who they think you're supposed to be."

"Yeah, well, fuck them now, because I'm me, and you're you, and that's kind of all that matters now, and I totally haven't even spoken to one fuckboy this week-"

"Oh my god, Sarah, are you being serious here, because if so, I'm so fucking proud of you getting over this damned addiction to fuckboys!" Kitty exclaimed, perhaps over exaggerating her words a little, but if it made Sarah smile like it did, who the fuck could blame, because when Sarah motherfucking smiled, the world didn't quite seem like such a bad place anymore, at least not in Kitty's eyes.

"Fuck off, oh my god, I'm not that bad, am I?"

Kitty narrowed her eyes in response, "you dated Brendon Urie, and for weeks, like seriously, that shit was bad, Sarah, absolutely fucking tragic, and you know it, but you just don't want to admit it, do you?"

"Fuck off, I've improved as a human being by now at least, haven't I?" Kitty looked unconvinced, "look, I mean, I was totally badass when I told my parents what I thought of them, and it's going to be totally great, us, I mean."

"Us." Kitty repeated, shaking her head a little, "now tell me, Sarah Orzechowski, just what the fuck does that mean?"

"Us?" Sarah raised her eyebrows a little.

"Don't go all straight girl on me, here, goddamn, us. Us, for fuck's sake, us, the two of us! Kitty and Sarah and that kiss and this is a one bedroom place, double bed one bedroom and there's two of us now... us, so fucking explain that to me, will you?"

"Oh I thought I'd just sleep on the sofa...." Sarah trailed off, before bursting into laughter, "fuck, I'm joking, oh my god, Kitty, I totally- I totally have this thing for you, and I totally want to kiss you all the time, ever when it's annoying, because you're just that great, you know?"

"Fuck you, Sarah, oh my god, I swear to fucking Jesus, you gave me a heart attack there, for fuck's sake!" Kitty exclaimed, rolling her eyes in disbelief as she leaned into Sarah's side a little.

"Stop overreacting, I'm just joking, Kitty." Sarah smirked, pulling her knees up to her chest and grinning into nothingness, because damn, Kitty was most certainly not the only love struck one here.

"So, us..." Kitty continued, blushing a little as she spoke, because fuck, she was so fucking fucked, and this was technically just a band of lesbian couples now, oh my god, they were so fucked if they ever broke up, like seriously.

"Us?" Sarah raised her eyebrows, grinning a little, and mostly out of nerves, because she could joke all she wanted, but she was still just as scared as Kitty, and perhaps even more so, because it wasn't like she had an excess of experience in the matters of... gal pals.

"Yeah, us, what are we? Are we like girlfriends now?" Kitty continued, exhaling loudly as she did so, because fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckedy, fuck, which was exactly what she wanted to do with Sarah right now, but they kind of had to clarify a few things first.

"Do you want to be? Now come on, you gotta ask me properly." Sarah grinned, a blush hugging her cheeks and absolutely refusing to let go.

"Fuck off, it's not like I'm proposing to you-"

"Not yet you're not." Sarah giggled a little.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Shut up, and ask me out then, Kitty, I'm getting tired here, you know? I haven't got all day." Sarah exclaimed, despite the fact that she was of course more than rearing to spend all of her life, let alone all day with Kitty, because you know what? It just kind of made sense, and fuck, fuck everything, because Sarah reckoned she hadn't smiled like this in a long fucking time, and that had to mean something, didn't it?

"Okay then, Sarah Orzechowski, do you want to be gal pals? Do you want to be girlfriend, like seriously I'll order take out if you say yes, like look at all the incentive here, also since you kind of fucked off your parents big time, you will kind of be homeless if you say no, so like, think about this one, okay?"

"Are you serious about the take out?" Sarah asked, her eyes widening a little.

"Deadly, fucking serious." Kitty repeated, a grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Ooh, can we get pizza, because I feel the spirit of pop punk in my veins today?"

"Depends what you answer my question with." Kitty continued, grinning a little, "because I'd only ever order pizza for my girlfriend, you know, like anything else, fuck you, not happening."

"Okay then, for the pizza." Sarah grinned, pressing a kiss to Kitty's cheek. "I'll be your girlfriend, come on, get your phone out, you've got pizza to order."

-

"So what exactly is algebra?"

Bill shook his head at his boyfriend in something like disbelief; the two sat on Gabe's bedroom floor with his laptop between them, and a rather odd google search history to their name.

"You actually don't know what algebra is, do you?" Bill shook his head in disbelief, as he caught sight of what was actually the world's most awkward nod on Gabe's behalf.

"I know it's to do with maths, yeah, but, otherwise, I honestly have no fucking idea - is that bad?" Gabe continued, a blush hugging his cheeks as he spoke, and Bill wasn't at all sorry.

"Yeah, Gabe, that's really fucking bad, you're actually a failure in life, fuck you, buddy." Bill grinned, pulling the laptop closer to him and googling a simple, yet necessary 'algebra'. "It's not that important though, I mean, if you don't want to do anything mathematical or science-y, then, yeah, you probably won't need it that much."

"I have no idea what I want to do with my life." Gabe answered honestly.

"Same to be honest." Bill added, clicking on a website detailing a brief introduction to algebra. "But seriously, how have you survived this long without finding out what algebra is? I swear that's actually all they teach you in high school."

"I don't listen, do I?"

"Oh well, who's the bad bitch now?" Bill rolled his eyes, leaning into his boyfriend's side and grinning like a motherfucking idiot, but finding some sort of comfort in that fact, because they were happy like this, they really were, and that mess with Bert had seriously been a mistake, but still, Bill didn't hate Bert, of course he didn't - perhaps he should, but perhaps it just didn't matter.

"Fuck off." Gabe let out a sigh, his mind in much the same place as his boyfriend's.

"You know, Travie, says you're an idiot-"

"I don't give a fuck what Travie says, because I'm a bad bitch as we've already established." Gabe continued, leaning in to kiss Bill, but the shorter boy wasn't interested.

"Travie's my friend, don't be a dick about Travie, Travie's fucking cool." He continued, only joking of course, because he kind of didn't want to get kicked out of the only home he had, you know?

"I think I'm cooler." Gabe added, and the sincerity in his tone was enough to actually kill Bill, because god, his boyfriend was a major fucking dork, oh dear.

"Sure, you are, babe, whatever you fucking say-"

"Don't 'babe' me, you ass." Gabe continued, rolling his eyes, and pressing a kiss to Bill's cheek. "Babe," he added, just for good measure, of course, or just because he really was a major fucking asshole.

"Fuck you." Bill shook his head, turning back to the laptop momentarily: algebra long abandoned in favour of shameless dorky flirting, because yeah, maybe Gabe Saporta could survive without a complex understanding of algebra.

"Yeah, babe, I'd like to." And Gabe reckoned he probably did deserve slapping for that, but thankfully, Bill was just too nice to him for his own good.

"Gabe?"

"Yeah?"

"You know the whole thing with Bert, like I don't want to upset you or start anything, I just want to apologise and maybe talk about it a little, because we probably should be clear on what's going on inside each other's heads."

"Mmm..." Gabe continued, shutting the laptop lid and turning his attention to Bill fully. "It's fine, there was an argument, we were broken up, I don't think of you any differently because of that-"

"No, it's not that, it's kind of different, it's do with him as a person, like I hear a lot about him, I think we all do, but I'm kind of worried about him, and I know that sounds bad, because it kinda does, but hear me out here, okay?" Bill continued, all wide eyes and pleasing, fucking begging that things didn't fuck up again because he seriously reckoned that he couldn't deal with that at all.

"Okay." Gabe answered him as if they were in some shitty teen romance involving terminal illness that's totally overrated and written by an overrated dickhead, who seriously isn't anything special, like why do people care so much about this, it's literally every cliché?

"Well, he's... he's kind of fucked up, I mean, you could probably gather that already, but like, I mean, I'm worried about him, because like he doesn't let people in and he doesn't trust people, and he spoke about his family a little, and it wasn't good with them, I know that, but there's definitely something else there, and I feel like people don't give him a chance and they don't care, and I... I don't know what to do, because I know that he's a toxic person in some ways, but he is still a person, and I don't think I should spend much time with him, but I want be sure that he's alright, because I feel like he's not in a good place mentally right now, if you know what I mean?"

Gabe nodded after a moment, his gaze fixated elsewhere, but his mind focusing on upon every word, "yeah, I mean it's good that you care about him still, that just shows that you're a decent human being, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Bill nodded, blushing a little, "do you reckon I should talk to Gee about it or something? But I wouldn't really know what to say, because I don't have any solid proof, just a feeling, you know, but like I really feel that it's right, you know?"

Gabe nodded, he didn't know, but he trusted his boyfriend enough to nod regardless. "Talk to Gee if you think it's a good idea, I don't really know the situation, I'm sorry, but I want to make sure that you're happy and that everything's okay?"

"Okay." And there went that goddamn shitty teen cliché of an asswipe novel, which isn't even that sad, I'm sorry, okay he died, been there done that, to be honest. "I just love you a lot, Gabe, you know?"

"I... I..." And what felt like seven heartattacks at once. "I love you too, a lot, or something like that, you know what I mean? Don't you, oh my god? Fuck, I just... I... Bill... I stop making me blush, stop looking at me like that, I'm going to die, I just-"

"Gabe, I highly doubt that you're going to die-"

"Fucking fight me, Bill, fucking fight me."

"I'd rather kiss you instead, but if you insist-"

And needless to say, Bill did not finish that sentence.

-

A figure in the darkness of the room: one Mikey couldn't quite distinguish - it may be real or simply a figment of his imagination, but what did it matter anymore?

Mikey knew exactly who it was before it had even approached him, and Mikey was even as idiotic as to call out to the figure, with a simple, yet heart-breaking, "Pete?"

The figure seemed to freeze at that, and Mikey took this moment to remind himself that this was of course all in his head, as dreams tended to be, despite how real, and despite how haunting this one always intended upon being.

"Mikey?" The figure mimicked his tone, stepping closer, so the two were inches apart, and fuck, this was so real, so goddamn real, and Mikey couldn't lie to himself about that, but he had to, because this wasn't real, and he was determined to stay sane, because he knew exactly what kind of state Patrick was in, and as much as he cared for Patrick, he knew that he most definitely didn't want to empathise with him.

"Hey." Mikey uttered as Pete smiled at him, well, in the lowlight, at least it looked like a smile, and perhaps it was better if Mikey just thought of it as such, because if it wasn't, perhaps things would be so much more complex, and Mikey was unsure as to whether he could even fathom dealing with that at all.

"Hey." Pete mimicked him once more, the smile widening as he did so, and silence passing between them, as Mikey's heart thudded like a bass drum in his chest.

"What does all of this mean, Pete? Why do I keep seeing you? What's going on-" Mikey was cut off, as Pete leapt straight into a response.

"Because you miss me, and I'm what your mind wants to see, it's like Patrick, really, but not quite so, and in fact, I'm pretty much all just in your head, Mikey, so you could stop seeing me whenever you want, but you don't, deep down, you don't, and we both know that, because now we both know that it's the only reason why we're having this conversation." Pete paused, perhaps to catch his breath, but of course, Pete wasn't real, Pete wasn't breathing, was he? "This means that you're upset, and that's... but I don't want this, and neither do you, we need closure, and you need to move on, and you should give Ray a second chance, because if you stop needing me, then I won't be here anymore-"

"Ray can't replace you-" Mikey protested, all wide eyed at what Ray was suggesting.

"That's not what I'm saying, but it's exactly what I'm saying... you know what I mean?" Pete continued, his words heavy, as such.

"No."

Pete pulled his lips into a small smile in response. "Let yourself be happy, Mikey, let yourself be happy with Ray, please let this be the last time we see one another, please, I don't want to know that you're hurting like this, because when you hurt, I hurt, and-"

"You're not real, Pete, you said so, yourself! How can you hurt?" Mikey exclaimed, his words growing fast paced and anxious.

"I'm not real, I'm inside your head, yes, but inside your head, I am real, I'm real right now, but I'm not when you wake up, and there's a difference, but you don't see me when you're awake anymore, do you?"

"How did you know?" Mikey paused, taking a moment to think this over, because much like, well, everything, it didn't make much sense.

"I'm inside your head, I'm a part of your subconscious: I know what you know." Pete explained, if this was even Pete at all, and only then did it strike Mikey that he was quite literally talking to himself there. "But you shouldn't be seeing me: I shouldn't be here, and I won't be when you're happy, when you've moved on, and it's not my place exactly to tell you who to date, but you want to give Ray another chance, and it will make you happy, and I want you to be happy, Mikey, perhaps I even need you to be happy."

"But if you're a part of me, then isn't that... does that not mean that if I'm sad... you're..."

"I just want to be happy, Mikey, I want us to be happy, and we can do that now, can't we?" Pete smiled once more, but it was the most heart-breaking smile, and the words that followed it ensured as such, "just forget about me, Mikey, and then everything will all be okay."

"Pete, I-"

"When you wake up, I want you to call him, I want you to meet him somewhere, I want you to talk about your feelings, I want you to smile, I want you to kiss him, I want you to be happy, I want us to be happy, because then, I think that everything will be okay."

Mikey nodded, before pausing, "what about Patrick? Are you in his head too?"

"No, that's... a 'different' Pete as to speak, and I'm not in your head, I am a part of your head, and that Pete is a part of Patrick's head, but that's the Pete Patrick knows, and the Pete Patrick needs, it just happened that you needed and therefore saw the very same version of me at the same time... you're not insane, Mikey."

"Yet my own head is telling me that."

Pete smiled a little, "yeah, but I know you better than anyone, so promise me something, talk to Gee as well? He cares about you, and he's really worried, and you can't just ignore him, okay? Of course, put yourself first, Mikey, but when you've sorted that out, then sit down and explain what you want to him."

"I will. I promise." Mikey added, and he meant it, because somehow, this all meant so much, and Mikey hadn't a clue why, because this was 'just another dream', but in reality, it was anything but.

And with that, the scene faded, and Mikey found himself in bed, light streaming in through the windows, fuck, just a dream, but so real, so fucking real.

He reached for his cellphone, the device displaying nine forty six on the screen as he unlocked it, and found it open on the notes app, which was certainly unusual.

The note had been created a few hours prior, at about three in the morning, and was relatively brief in nature, with a simple:

'Keep your promise, Mikeyway. x'

And Mikey didn't have much time to question the nature of the note, before a message appeared from Ray at the top of his screen.

'Good morning, Mikeyway. x'

-

As Mikey made his way into the kitchen that morning, he was immediately hit with a, "we need to talk," which was kind of intimidating on its own, but when he actually caught sight of his brother, sat there, with probably the worst bedhead ever, and drinking out of what Mikey was pretty sure was a Peppa Pig mug, like seriously, where the fuck had that come from.

"Yeah..." Mikey let out a sigh, only then noticing the smudged mess of make up on his brother's face, "have you even slept?"

Gee shook his head, letting out a sigh as he did so, "no... I... I had a fight with Frank, and I... I'm not okay, not really, but he's being a stubborn little shit, and... I... was thinking maybe you could talk to him for me?"

Mikey let out a sigh, but nodded regardless, because no matter how pathetic his brother could be, he most certainly loved him an awful lot, "I will, I promise," Mikey sat down opposite him, "where the fuck did you get that mug?"

"Bob." Gee shook his head, rolling his eyes a little, "he and Alicia and leaving town, they're going to Chicago, I think, and this was Bob's idea of a leaving gift."

"I thought he'd be giving you some weed?" Mikey raised his eyebrows a little, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah, he gave us some too, but Bert decided to take that, and I'm stuck with the shitty mug," Gee laughed half heartedly, and turned to his brother, "talk to me, Mikey, seriously, what's up with you?"

"God, I don't even know where to start, perhaps I... I got a bit fucked up, I guess, and I kept like... hallucinating... Pete? I mean, I don't know, I feel like Patrick isn't helping me, because we're in the same boat, and it sounds selfish, but like, I feel like it feeds off him a little, because I reckon I'm getting better... I only see him in my dreams now. It was a really weird dream last night, like, seriously, he told me to go for Ray, and to talk to you, and to make me happy, and it was... it was odd, especially considering that he has to just be a part of my imagination."

Gee nodded, not entirely sure what to make of this, but determined to be supportive and there for his brother regardless. "That's some bad shit, Mikey, you promise me that you're gonna tell me about this in future? And if it gets worse, in fact, anything like that that happens from now on, yeah?"

Mikey nodded, pausing for a moment, "so what? You're not gonna yell at me?

"No." Gee smiled, shaking his head, "yelling at Frank fucked everything up, and I can't lose you too, Mikey, you mean too much."

"Oh, come on, Gee, you're all I've got - where would I even go?" Mikey exclaimed, laughing it off a little as he did so.

"You've got Ray." He added, and well, Gee was right, "you should go for Ray, from what I've heard of him, he's a nice guy - Frank talks about him a lot, actually."

"Yeah, Ray's really nice... I mean, Ray's always just been Ray, I remember, almost a year ago now, me Ray and Frank, like the three of us against the world, it was so odd, I was obsessed with Alicia Simmons, and now she's running off with some shitty drug dealer who gave you a Peppa Pig mug as a leaving gift..."

"Bob may be a shitty drug dealer, but he's a good guy, though," Gee added, leaning back in his chair a little, "and Alicia and Bob, they really care about each other, whether that's as friends, or lovers, or something else in between, they work, you know?"

Mikey nodded, "you and Frank work too," he paused, "I'll talk to him soon, I promise, things will be fine. But what are you going to do when Frank leaves school, are you two going to fuck off too?"

"What? And leave you here?" Gee exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief, "not for the fucking world, Mikey, I promise you that."

Mikey smiled, getting up from the table, "I've got to meet Ray in like half an hour, so see you later, okay? I'll tell you when I've sorted things with Frank, although, I'm pretty sure he'll send you at least seven apology texts before I can even get one in."

Gee grinned, tapping his fingers against the Peppa Pig mug, "yeah, something like that."

-

hey pals oh my god theres only one more chapter help me i actually cant deal with this oh dear fml vote and comment to help my emotional instability 10/10 yes im sorry i have no idea what im doing i just love you all lots <3