Edited 7/5/22.

A/N: This chapter contains mild swearing, themes of child neglect, and mentions of prior sexual assault. Viewer discretion is advised.

***

"I've always wondered if I was a bad person for not loving my mother."

Marshall's gaze is on the starry night sky. With the house acting as the only establishment for at least a mile, there isn't any light pollution; a feature also enhanced by surrounding porch lamps being left off.

It's a bit of a colder evening. Even though he can't really feel the change, he's half draped in a thin blanket. Thick grass is prickly beneath him. Pine trees sway to their own melodies around the property.

He's leaning into Paul's frame as the man is in his wolf form.

A large furry body is lying in a half crescent shape on its side. Marshall is nestled in the space where Paul's soft underbelly is. The vampire's head is lying against pronounced ribs and muscles that move with every slow breath.

With the two having recently come back from their weekend getaway, things feel a little less hectic. Life feels... calmer.

The change in atmosphere gives Marshall an opportunity to just think out loud instead of keeping some of his more random thoughts to himself.

"It always felt like she treated Rose and I differently." He clasps his hands together and rests them atop his abdomen. "With Rose, mom was a much more open person. Mom was more forgiving if Rose did something wrong. Mom was more involved when it came to Rose's studies. Mom was more involved when it came to caring for Rose's appearance. It felt like my mom took care of me because it was her obligation. Because she didn't want it to seem like she had a favorite child- even though we all could tell that she did.

"It was why my dad was as involved with me as he was. He didn't want me to miss out on having a loving parent-child relationship- even if I could only get that type of connection from one of them. I can say with confidence and honesty that I loved my dad- still do. My mom though... It's complicated. I cared for her because she was family. At the end of the day, she was still my mom, and that meant... something to me. But I don't think I ever really loved her."

Marshall fiddles with a small blade of grass absentmindedly. "I started questioning my sexuality at twenty, but that doesn't mean I didn't realize there was something different about me in terms of my family. We weren't super religious, so I never got the spiel about homosexuality being seen as something bad. And that's why I didn't initially question myself. Because as I was growing up, I only liked men- it was the main populace that surrounded me. I became confused as I grew older because when I started spending more time with women, I was suddenly given more options. I found myself being attracted to people regardless of sex. But- I'm getting off track.

"My mom knew I liked men, and she was very open about her distaste for it. I don't think she hated it- I just think she didn't get it. She didn't make comments, but I could see it on her face.

"She didn't like that I baked or read so fluently. She didn't like that I was more in tune with music than most people. She really didn't like when I started getting tattoos. I don't know. There was just a lot about me that my mom didn't like. I feel like she resented me because I wasn't the picture perfect son that she wanted. I guess, in a way, I resented her too- for not being the mother I wanted. The mother I needed."

He feels the sensation of fur nuzzling against the side of his head. He also feels a soft lick against his clothed bicep. It's a gesture of comfort, as well as Paul showing that he's listening.

"I don't know- there are a lot of things I think about in that regard," Marshall continues. "Like, I feel like I'm being held back because of my assault. I know all those bastards are dead, and I know they'll never have the chance to come at me again. I don't know- it's weird. Even though there's no active threat in my life- even though it's been almost a century since that happened- I'm still not over it. And I don't know why.

"I still hold a grudge against my ex coven mates because of their ability to be with each other so freely. Even though I have you now, and there's nothing holding us back. I'm still envious that they're all able to be together because they fit the 'norm' of society's standards. They can all be together wherever they go- there are certain places in the world where you and I wouldn't be able to act romantically in public. Hell, we even get looks on the street sometimes here. And I know that doesn't really have anything to do with them, but still. I get jealous that even though they aren't the greatest group of people, they're still able to have everything they want without much push back.

"There are a lot of things like that. I hold onto a lot even though I know I shouldn't. Even though I know I don't need to."

Golden eyes draw their attention to swaying blades of grass. Some of them are moist with dew. Tiny droplets are sent flying due to the gentle breeze. They land on other blades in the nearby vicinity.

"You help me feel more in touch with myself in terms of me feeling lost." Gold and brown meet as Marshall continues talking. "What I mean is- being with you is like escaping reality- and at the same time it's like rebuilding it. Like, I've been given the opportunity to mold and reshape things to better suit me. You just being here helps me figure things out. You help me figure myself out.

"Because of how things have been in my life, my thoughts and feelings have been jumbled. They've been at war with each other since before I was changed. But talking things out helps me feel better- and it helps me feel like I can actually breathe because my thoughts aren't just lying there dormant. I know I don't have all the answers to my problems, but just having an ear to listen makes things more bearable. I didn't have that luxury with my coven. I do with you though. So thanks for that, Tiger."

Paul blinks slowly. He leans down until his head is propped on top of his front paws. He lets out a quiet exhale.

Marshall smiles. He leans over and plants a gentle kiss onto the wolf's head. Pale hands rake through soft tufts of silver fur. It causes a purring-like sound to come from the shifter beside him. The vampire pets at the spot between his husband's ears. The older male pulls his hands downward until they're resting on toned muscle atop hard ribs. He shifts his position to lie on his side.

Sighing, Marshall snuggles into Paul's heated frame. "I'm going to take a nap if that's alright with you, honey."

The shifter lets out a low growl. His tail moves, so it's sitting in the vampire's lap.

Both males find themselves falling asleep while wrapped in a fond embrace.

*

An endless ocean is illuminated by a half risen moon. Constellations and galaxies illuminate the sky. Golden eyes take in the beauty above without a word.

Marshall's alone. He's sitting on a slightly damp boardwalk. His feet are bare, and his toes hardly caress the water's surface. His pants are rolled up below his knees. He has on a thick long sleeve shirt. His choker and Barcelona necklace are sitting in their rightful places. A pair of sneakers are perched to his right.

Marshall continues to take in the sights for awhile. He remains silent, allowing himself some time to breathe in the fresh air.

And just as quickly as he's alone, he's not anymore.

"It's been awhile, Marsh."

The vampire looks over to his left with a surprised gaze.

Sitting with both hands in the pockets of a familiar leather jacket is Brad.

He's looking up at the sky as well. His pants are also rolled up with his bare feet sitting near a waveless sea.

After a moment, he looks over.

Dark curls are framing his tan face. His eyes are back to their original hazel. His skin is free of any markings or cracks or crevices.

He looks just as he did before leaving for Spain all those months ago.

"Brad..."

"Te ves un poco perdido."

"I am a little lost," Marshall laments. "But before we get into that- I just... give me a moment. To take you in like this."

"What, human?" Brad teases.

"Whole. And okay. Just- just you."

Romero chuckles. "I've always been just me, hermano. That didn't change just because I stopped being human. I'd like to believe that everything would've been the same had I lived. But there's not really any use in being stuck up on maybes and what ifs. Things are as they are. All we can do is move forward."

"...Are you really here? Like, is this really you? Or am I just dreaming? I mean, I know I'm just dreaming, but am I talking to my subconscious? Or actually talking to you?"

"Does it matter?" Brad asks with a small smile. "I'm here. Whether I'm real or not- I'm here. And we can talk as long as you want. So, dime algo- what's going on that has you so lost?"

"Everything I guess." Marshall sighs. "Before I fell asleep, Paul and I were talking. Just about random stuff really. I was honest about my feelings regarding things that have gone on in my life. Things that you don't know about me because it has to do with my actual life. Something I've hidden from a lot of people."

"Tell me, if you want."

"It was just a few things. My mom was a hard ass growing up who didn't really care for me as much as she could've, so I don't think I've ever really loved her. I was turned into a vampire because I was sexually assaulted to such an extent that it actually killed me- and it still gets to me. I dislike a lot of my ex coven members because they've had more freedom than I have- than I probably ever will.

"I- I don't know why these are bothering me. My life- things have been relatively good since I met Paul. Yeah, there have been some struggles with my old family. And your passing. But things have been better than they ever have been. And I- I feel guilty about that. I don't know why."

"I think I do." Hazel and gold meet as Brad chimes in. "I know you. Half a decade as friends gave me the opportunity to figure you out despite the more secretive parts of yourself. You're the type of person to hold onto things because keeping everything constant gives you a semblance of control. And it makes sense. You said you were assaulted- something that happened because you didn't have the control you wanted. The control you needed. Because of that- when things become normal in your life, you're more inclined to keep them as they are- even if it does you a disservice."

"I don't think I understand why that would make me feel guilty though."

"I think you feel guilty because you want to change. Because you want to move on- and a part of you is afraid to do that. You're afraid of letting things go because that means you're acknowledging that things are actively being reshaped. That you're changing. And even though it's a step forward for you to move on, it's frightening because you don't know where it'll lead you. I think you feel scared because you feel like you're letting go of the things that you think define you. You think that your hatred defines you. You think that your assault defines you. You think that your lacking freedom and hardships define you. You think that those things make you as a person. But they don't.

"I think this is something you need to hear from someone other than Paul, so listen to me, Marsh. You've done nothing wrong. You're entitled to your feelings. You're allowed to feel what you feel. You're allowed to just be you. And you're allowed to move on. You've suffered, yes, but that isn't who you are. You're more than that. You're a husband, a dancer, a singer, a friend, a son, a brother, a traveler, a bookworm, a chef- and so much more. You're so much more than the bad things that have happened to you."

"...So what do you think I should do?" Marshall asks.

"Honestly? I think you should give yourself the chance to finally let go." Brad's smile widens. "Let go of your mother. Let go of your assault. Let go of your envy. And just live. I know that it isn't going to happen overnight. I know it's going to be hard. But give yourself the opportunity to let go. So you can grow. And I think I have something that'll help you start doing that."

Brad turns to face Marshall completely. The young Spaniard lays his hand atop the Barcelona pendant. His warmth radiates through the vampire's chest. Somehow, Romero is corporeal; his hand actually makes contact when it settles on his friend's chest.

"Marsh, I want you to let go of your guilt about me." Hazel eyes travel down to the covered pendant. "What happened to me wasn't your fault. My death wasn't your fault. Things just happen sometimes, and that's okay. People die when we don't expect it, and that's okay. I'm not angry with you. I wasn't when I took that hit; I wasn't as I was dying in your arms; and I'm not now. You gave me everything that you could in the span of time that we were together. You did your best. And that's all that you needed to do.

"I'm not saying that you have to let go of me- because I'm always going to be with you. A part of me will always be beside you. But I want you to take all of your anger and sorrow and bitterness and fear. I want you to take it. I want you to bundle it all up- feel everything that you can- and just let it go. Please, Marsh, it's okay to just let it go. You've suffered enough in your lifetime. Don't be the reason your pain continues.

"Take it all in, and then let everything go. Release it. And live. Just live, Marsh."

Marshall sniffles. A single tear falls down his cheek. A delicate hand wipes it away.

He feels... warm. He's sad and scared. He's even a little conflicted. But through it all, he's warm. Just like Brad asked him to be on his deathbed.

"What do I do then?" Marshall wonders, unsure. "I don't know what to do without all that hurt or anger. Without all that sadness."

"Tu hombre precioso." Brad's laugh is wet as he is crying as well. "You just be you. You go, and you live your wildest dreams. You do all the shows and productions you want. You go on all the vacations you want. You go experience everything you couldn't before. You just be you- and you live. Whether you know it or not, I'll be with you every step of the way."

Both males look out toward the horizon. The rising moon has shifted into a rising sun. A dark background full of constellations turns into a soft light blue. Pink and orange clouds begin to fill the sky. A seagull calls from somewhere in the distance.

"This is your chance for a new day- a new start." Brad closes his eyes. "This is your chance to be your best version of you. Don't hold yourself back. Take the plunge, and own it. Because you won't do it alone."

Wooden planks begin crumbling and fall into the water below. Forming waves splash their feet.

The water feels refreshing.

"Guess this is where we part ways, Marsh."

"I guess so." He smiles, and a sense of blissful tranquility resonates throughout his entire being. "You keep that jacket warm for me."

Brad chuckles. "Always."

The world moves in slow motion when the boardwalk completely disintegrates. Both males slowly make their way toward the water, hand in hand. They make eye contact. And their smiles widen even further.

It all just feels so warm.