Okay.

So I have a confession to make.

I, Rachel Barbara Berry, have never had a relationship.  Or a boyfriend.  I've barely even kissed a boy.

Unless you could that boy/girl party I went to when I was 11 and Sebastian Smythe kissed me as we were waiting for our parents to come and pick us up.

But I don't REALLY count that.  We were both too young to know what we were doing anyway.

Right?

But I digress. 

As I was saying I, Rachel Barbara Berry, have never been in a relationship with a boy.  Not a real one.

Just ones I've concocted in my mind.

Five to be precise.

Five boys who at one point or another stole my heart without even realizing it. 

Sebastian Smythe.
Blaine Anderson.
That adorable blonde from summer camp, Jeff Sterling.
Wesley Montgomery from Model UN.

And of course Finn, my sister's ex boyfriend, our neighbor and my childhood best friend.

In my mind I've weaved a whole host of relationship ideas with each and every one of them.  But I've never really told anyone about that, especially not the boys in question.  Not directly.  What I did do was express my feelings about each of them in a series of letters; carefully penned, addressed, sealed and tucked away in one of my mother's old hat boxes on the top shelf of my closet.

Where no one else could find them. And where I would periodically reread them......

••••••

"Come on Star, smile. You're a senior now!!"

Marley nudges me in the side as Daddy takes our first day of school photos. She's been super excited, first day at a new school, since she joins me this year at the high school.

But for me, it's my first time being there without Quinn. And I'm not sure how to take it.

It's the start of senior year....

Pardon me if I'm not too excited about it.

I'm unsure of what I am going to do without her.  I'm not the most popular person and even being around Finn feels awkward after their breakup. 

We make it to school and Marley separates from me almost as soon as we enter the building, only a cursory wave following in her wake.

And because I'm watching my little sister walk away I don't notice where I'm going until I collide with another body. 

A rather angry body.

"Watch where you're going Midget!!"

Oh no...

I quickly move to the side when I come face to face with my former childhood (at least until we hit double digits) bestie, one Santana Lopez.

Like I said, we USED to be friends. But then the summer of my tenth birthday she went off to cheerleading camp and came back like this.

"God, did you get dressed in the dark today Berry?! Tartan with STRIPES?!!! Make me gag!!"

I'm staring forlornly at my shiny Mary Janes as she criticizes my outfit until an arm is slung over my shoulders.

"Chill Tana. Rach's outfit is totally on trend right now. You're just jealous because you're forced to wear your Cheerios uniform like a sheep."

My own best friend AND Santana's cousin, Nick Duval shoots me a wink when I look at him gratefully.

"Nicky, could you SOUND any gayer??"

He flips her off and I'm busy smiling at my friend when another voice joins in.

"Don't mind her, she's just pissed Coach Sue is making her give up Frappuccinos for the season."

Santana huffs and storms off but not before her boyfriend drops a kiss on her cheek.

And I'm left facing him as he shrugs my way.

"Sup Berry?"

Sebastian.

Sebastian Smythe of my first kiss when I was 11.

Who is currently dating someone who hates me.

Great.

Shaking my head I turn away, allowing Nick to lead me away to our first class of senior year.

This year's gonna suck.