Loving you was the most exquisite form of self—
destruction.

* * *

It is a universally acknowledged fact that all beautiful creatures must make some sort of dramatic entrance.

Viktor takes it to a whole new level. With neon shirt and jeans.

"Viktor!" Yui barked. "Why are you here without a jacket?"

Viktor actually looks perfectly, but Yui would rather not stare at the too-tight shirt that gripes him in a way that should be illegal.

But.

But.

Wasn't Yui supposed to have gotten over teenage hormones a long time ago?

Viktor grins at her words. "The pot calling the kettle black? Why Yui, I never thought you were that sort of person," he said, cheeks bright and perfectly warm. "I'm fine. I'm used to the nuclear winters here, after all."

Yui smiled at his words. "Clearly not enough, considering since you made a whole Instagram rant about how hailing was the cover for aliens invading when you were drunk."

Viktor shrugs, sleek muscles rippling through the thin fabric of the dark shirt. "Details, details," he replied before bending down to tie his shoelace.

She sighs. Scooping up a handful of snow, she hurls it at the side of his face. Yui darts away with a lazy jump after she hears his exasperate "Yui!".

Their fight continues for the next hour or so, and the crowds thick and thin come and go, taking pictures and chattering and spreading rumours about a pair of exes that are together and playing with the snow.

But Yui watches Viktor, most of all. Unlike the days before, she doesn't see the cruel eyes and the silver hair of lies...

What the fuck is she doing?

"You know, Viktor," she said, when they sit on a bench an hour later, the fatigue washing over her again, "can we talk?"

"In my apartment?" he asked, lying on the bench beside her, hands propped under his skull.

Her fingertips numb first. The ice spreads to her palms then to her wrists.

Everything you are... Two hundred and six of a dream that never was.

"Yes," said Yui. "In your apartment."

* * *

Yui liked a type of rum that tasted like chocolate milk. 

But—

The taste of regret. The litost. 

What would have happened if I wasn't Rosaline?

What would have happened if I was Juliet instead?

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked, standing by the counter, far from her spot on the couch.

For a moment, Yui stares at him, unsure of what to feel. And realizes she doesn't feel anything. The urge to walk away is gone. But so were the tethering heartstrings, the summertime sadness. The wavering illusion of the crowns and the piece of sky gone from her mind's eye. 

That moment, Yui understood. She could be free. She was in front of the door. And she was no longer scared of taking that step.

Did it have to be like this? Yui wondered. Suddenly. Those days she could no longer look at him, bare to touch him. Those days where being with him was like playing fire and burning out meant death. Those lips she took as cocaine kisses, eyes she saw as smoke and mirrors. 

Could they have been different?

So many if's, so many could have's. The past was gone. Like roses that weren't meant to be preserved, like suns that weren't meant to last forever.

So Yui opens her mouth and says—

"Let's end this." 

Everything freezes for a single second, before she registers the shattering of glass. 

"Why?" 

A whispered word breaks concrete silence. Viktor steps toward her.

"Why?" His eyes whisper woe, the unspeakable sorrow.

Yui wonders how many people she's seen those eyes on. The staves of her lives that sadness and anger revolved around. Her parents, the day she left without a second look — the look in her mother's eyes, the warmth in hazel eyes dulled to dirty brown. Her father, the grey of his eyes cold but heartbroken. Keiliy, the loneliness in her eyes and a desolate heart out of reach of light. Yuuri, the sadness and the despair in his eyes. Herself. Twenty-four years old and drowning like she was at the bottom of the sea. 

She was ready to let it go.

"Why?"

Yui lets out a shuddering breath. "Why were you there?" she asked back instead, standing up. "Viktor, why were you there?"

Why wasn't it for me?

Why couldn't you have been there for me?

He doesn't answer. Maybe he was too ashamed, maybe he didn't hear her. But Yui abandons the rum on the coffee table and walks past him, reaching for her coat on the hanger.

She turns and finds him still standing like a statue. 

Biting her lips, she opens the door. "I'll tell Yuuri," she said quietly and closed the door behind her. 

* * *

"You're late."

"And you're miserable," Ivana snarled back.

"And you just quoted the Royals." Yui sung. 

"Here's your stuff," grumbled Ivana, shoving Yui her duffle bag. Once they're safely deposited in Yui's arms, did Ivana look remotely less threatening. 

"So," Ivana began awkwardly. "You're leaving..."

Yui smiles, bittersweet and young. "Yeah. I thought about what you said last night and I... I think you're right. This dream. It was never meant to last forever."

Ivana opens her mouth, making Yui roll her eyes.

"Alright, alright," she held her hands up. "Maybe I do belong in a dead poets' club."

"I wasn't going to say that," Ivana said quietly.

* * *

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you guys break up in the first place?" Ivana asked as they drove towards the airport.

"Natural disasters," said Yui.

"And I thought opposites attract?"

"Life isn't magnetic. Why do you think the prospect of shoving yourself off a cliff or kissing a gun is so appealing?"

"Yui." said Ivana. "Why."

"You know," Yui replied, turning to face the window, "that's what he said when I told him I was going back. He asked me, even though he knew. So I asked him something he didn't know."

Ivana didn't say anything. 

"I asked him why he was there." Yui said. "I wanted to know why. Why would he go half way around the world for a boy he doesn't know when he wouldn't walk two steps for me. I wanted to know that it was for himself and not Yuuri. I wanted him to say it. I don't know if I'm jealous of Yuuri or if I just want someone to blame, but I wanted him to say it." Yui said, eyes distant. 

"Two years ago, I— He wasn't there for me." Yui continued. "They say you change for the better, for your partner. But... I couldn't. We were like hurricanes. It was either him or me, and I couldn't. I just couldn't do it. I thought we were better than it, but in the end, we were just young and stupid. So I left, because I respected myself too much to let someone else mold me into something I wasn't."

They drove in silence after that.

"Yui." Ivana said again. In the strangely tender tone as she takes one of Yui's hands. 

"Yeah?" Yui doesn't turn.

"I wanted to say," Ivana said softly. "That it was never too late to love yourself."

* * *

With a promise to get them both coffee, Ivana shuffles off to the nearest Starbucks and leaves Yui at the luggage desk.

"Hello!" said Yui, lifting up her shades.

"Hi— Oh my gosh!" The attendant in front of her screamed in a whisper. "You're Yui Akaashi! I'm a huge fan!"

When she would've normally raised a finger to shush her, Yui grinned. "Wanna selfie?"

The luggage transportation process became a lot longer when the attendant started up a literal Q&A session with her. But in the end, she made another person happy. And Varya— the attendant's giggles cheered up Yui a lot more than she thought it would.

Ivana gives her the coffee before literally jumping face first into a designer store. Yui settled herself on a stool and waits for her, surfing the internet. She doesn't notice nor hear the footsteps and the leopard print jacket until they stop in front of her.

And then—

"Are you leaving again?"

* * *

yayyy!! eight is finished!

part one is officially over, and so starting next chapter, yuri's confrontation and more confrontations will be front and centre.

for part two, i'll be focusing more on yui's development, and it's more of a time where yui gets to discover herself

also, Yuri-OnIceAwards will begin voting on Dec. 25, 12:00 AM, so look out for it!

xx sophie