NASRIN

Utterly devastated, I watched as Zafir stared between me and Jamal. What the hell was I thinking? Yes, I knew it was him the moment Jamal convinced me to come. Or maybe, the moment we drove into the Villa, I had a thought that this friend Jamal was talking about was no one but Zafir. But still, there was a smaller part of me that prayed it wasn't him.

It wasn't like he was the only person that lived here, was it? But then we drove to his apartment, and it'd take me forever to forget where it was and who lived there. I gulped down a lump in my throat and remembered the kind of conversation we had with Jamal.

He promised me that he'd take me to a house, where I could live there, work and be paid. And I thought, why not? I honestly thought he was taking me to his house, maybe his mother needed a maid or something, but I was wrong. I moved forward and tried to snatch my bag from Jamal but he held onto it.

"What are you trying to do, Nasrin?" I knew he told me that I should be at home, but I would be far from home whenever Zafir was concerned. I wanted to puke right now, I wish I could run to him and wrap my hands around his throat until I strangle him to a painful death.

I'm sure he must've noticed the way I looked at him and took his eyes off me. "If this is where you were talking about, Jamal, I really appreciate your offer of help, but I can't work here." This only confirmed one thing, both Jamal and Zafir had no idea who I was. I could feel my heart being squeezed as that realization dawned on me.

"Why not? This is the safest place for you, Nasrin." He tried to make me understand my predicament, but I wasn't going to buy it.

I started to shake my head. "I can't stay here, Jamal. And...I can't work for him." I said that with utmost sincerity. Because, I really can't work for Zafir without having the urge to kill him at any chance I get.

And becoming the murderer of the first son of Nigeria was the last thing I wanted. Especially now that I had Muniba to look after. So, I collected my bag and walked out of the living room, thousands of emotions rushing through my heart. I was thinking of where to start from. Because yesterday, I went to our old house, maybe even if Gwaggo Jummai was dead, a year wasn't enough to have the house sold out, right? Maybe there would still be someone who would recognize me.

And fortunately, Gwaggo Jummai was still alive-I'm over the moon knowing this. I've spent months thinking about her and how I thought she had died mercilessly. Just that, Gwaggo Jummai claimed she didn't know me anymore. She said she had never seen me and threw me out of the house. I can't even begin to remember how badly I've cried yesterday, because it would do more harm to me than good now.

Especially now that I'm trying to stay as strong as I could to make sure I make a very good decision. But what happened to me yesterday? I'd never forget the agony I felt. She threw me out of the house and warned me never to see me again, except I wanted her to call the cops on me.

I was still looking for an affordable hotel to stay in when some men robbed me. Because foolishly, I brought out the entire money Jamal gave me and paid for the taxi we hailed, so, they followed. And if I had not given them that money, I would've been dead by now. And Muniba? She needed me more than I needed myself right now.

"Nasrin, wait!" Jamal rushed after me before I reached the gate. And this freaking man, I respected him enough to ignore him.

Despite being rude at him for the entire course of our stay in the hospital, when he found me under the tree we had slept, he looked devastated. And he offered to help me with a job where I could live in and be paid, after I told him that I had no home to go to.

But Zafir...he wasn't the home I expected Jamal to bring me to.

I turned to him, placing a crying Muniba back to my chest. I'm sure she's hungry, it had been over ten hours since I fed her and now, I don't even know what I would do. I could deal with the hunger, might even go another twenty four hours without eating anything, but she was too innocent to have to be forced to do that.

"She's crying," he said, pointing out at Muniba and I nodded my head with a faint smile.

"Yes, whoever has ears would know that she is, won't they?" I was being sarcastic, with hopes that my answer will make him angry and he would let me go, but no. He smiled instead. And was that amusement I'm seeing coming off of his eyes? I doubt.

"Let's feed her then, and we'll talk when she's calm. It's so hot out here and I'm sure she needs a shower, right?" A shower, Muniba needed more than a shower. She needed a diaper change, a good meal, a good sleep and then somewhere she could be out of this hotness.

She had spent the month and days since she had been born indoors. But the very day she got out of the hidden house, she was forced into calamities of life and I'm sure if she could speak, she would've asked me what was happening to us. Because all this was alien to her.

I hesitated a bit and he collected the bag from me. "Please, for her, at least."

I knew I shouldn't do what he wanted me to do. That I'm yet, making another terrible mistake of my life, but then I had to do this. For Muniba. Maybe that's what being a mother entails. You had to make sacrifices even though it'd hurt your heart and leave your soul scarred. Maybe being a mother was this...walking back to the monster that had crushed and destroyed your life and everything you loved for the comfort of your child.

Maybe being a mother was this...me walking back into Zafir Anas Garko's apartment despite knowing it would never end well. It had never ended well. A disaster, that was what Zafir was to my life. But here I am, despite knowing all this, inside Zafir's living room with my head hung down because I didn't know if I could stare into his eyes and be able to tame down my bloodthirst.

The house was a mess. He looked...messier. I was taking in the house, of all the places I had cleaned, mopped and touched a year ago, but nothing looked the same now. It wasn't like the furnitures had been changed, but dirts had been added and I wondered what the hell was wrong with Zafir. Not that I cared.

Whatever the hell was wrong with him? It was well deserved. Maybe it was karma catching up with him. "I know it's a mess, but can you please make yourself at home before I go and buy what she needs?" Jamal's voice brought me out of my reverie and I turned to look at him. "What you both need, rather."

I tried to smile at him, but failed. So, I resorted to only nodding my head before I mouthed a 'Thank you.' I watched as he didn't turn to where Zafir was, staring at the both of us in utter amusement before he smiled gently at him.

"Will you join me, Zafir? I need to get a few things from the mall." And he walked out, because he knew even if Zafir didn't want to leave the house, he had to follow him because from his facial expression, he wasn't understanding what was happening right now.

So, I watched the two men leave and turned my attention back to the place that had once been a living room. A gorgeous one that almost had me drooling the first day I saw it because it spoke of class and exquisiteness. But this was no different from a dumpster. It reeked of a pungent smile that would make a pregnant woman puke, and even though I wasn't pregnant, I felt the urge too. So, I'd rephrase that, that would make every sensible person to puke.

Instead of me to do what Jamal said, make myself at home, because to him, this was home. I did the exact opposite. I went to the bathroom in the living room and removed Muniba's diaper, it had been on since yesterday and the moment I did that, she slowed her tears. Maybe it had been the thing killing her, apart from hunger. I used the soap I saw there, it had probably been untouched for as long as this toilet had been put to use. Which from all indications-years or months, whatever.

I gave her a shower and she relaxed. I knew it was risky leaving her without a diaper, but I had managed that in the hidden house, I could manage it here as well. Not that it would take forever for Jamal to come back. So, I backed her and got to work.

I had a feeling that I would be staying in this apartment longer than I would have wanted, so while I was at it, I should probably make it lively. I cleaned the living room first, wondering if it was the same Zafir Gwaggo Jummai had been warning me about his cleanliness or he had been changed by someone else.

The thought about Gwaggo Jummai was like an arrow to my heart. And right now, I couldn't afford that mental breakdown, so I quickly pushed the thought aside and walked into the kitchen. Holy freaking hell! What in the jahannam was wrong with this guy?!

I hate him so much that it's beginning to ache my heart, but I can't help but be a bit worried about what happened to him to turn his once perfect home into this? I guess this is among the perks of once being obsessed with someone. You could still hate that person with all that you've got, but then there would be a small portion in you that still cared, even if a little bit. Or maybe, even if you'd keep denying it forever.

It was a hard work cleaning the kitchen, I needed to scrub the floor myself. And having an added weight of Muniba wasn't helping. So, I moved to one of the rooms, which I knew clearly didn't belong to him and stared, mouth agape. It was as though a storm had happened in the very room, it was covered in dust.

But just like I couldn't continue working with a sleeping baby on my back, I can't be in the kitchen while she was in the living room without thinking that something bad might happen to her. So, I lifted the bedsheet and laid her on the mattress, which was a bit better.

I went back to the kitchen and worked, wondering why I was doing it and why the hell I couldn't stop. Maybe it was me who was the neat freak, not him. Because even though I knew I shouldn't be doing this, disgusted at myself as to why I was doing it, I still couldn't help but do it.

I was done with the kitchen and living room and was burning the turaren wuta I saw in one of his drawers when I heard the sound of the car. And when I turned to access my handwork, I couldn't help but be proud of myself, honestly. It only took an hour and some minutes, but look at how I've transformed what I've met. It was sparkling again, and soon, the scent of the bakhoor will fill everywhere and after I rest and maybe eat, I'd clean the goddamn rooms.

But not his room. Never his room!

Someone knocked on the door before they turned the doorknob and entered. And I nearly laughed at the expression that hit both their faces. Jamal had this satisfied smile on his face, and their was this smugness that would have said 'you see? I made the right decision by bringing her here!' If he had been able to speak.

And even though I didn't want to do it, I found myself turning to see the expression on Zafir's face. And the goddamn monster had a blank look that would have sliced through a diamond if given the chance to. Remind me why I hate this man in the first place. Because right now, that expression made me want to throw the burning coal to his face and watch him burn to death.

But I restrained myself. Because as always, Muniba had no one but me.

"Wow!" Jamal exclaimed and walked deeper into the living room, smiling. "This looks so good, Nasrin. You did all this in such a short period of time? I'm honestly amazed. And it scents heavenly."

Before I was able to reply, Zafir cleared his throat and all our attentions turn to him. Mine wasn't willing though. But the monster had this invisible power hold to him that when he called, you had to go even if you didn't want to. It was like royalty, that aura of power and sophistication? Yep, the beast had it too.

"Since there clearly isn't anything left to do, I'd leave to my room," he said to Jamal, obviously. Because there was no way he was speaking to me.

Yes, I knew he probably hadn't remembered me, that was understandable. Because I would forget myself too if I could. But this way he's acting as though I didn't exist while I was standing right in front of him. After cleaning the garbage he had created over time, the least I deserved was a thank you, right?

If he didn't have it in him to apologize for hitting me with his car and almost killing my freaking daughter!

I didn't know when the anger I've been trying to keep at bay burst out of me. "And the last thing I expected from you was this!" Well, that came out pretty harsh, I suppose. Because both Jamal and Zafir turned to look at me with surprised eyes. As though it was unexpected to see me blast this way after I had been treated like trash.

"Nasrin..." Jamal tried to speak, but I turned to him with fire burning in my soul.

"Can you please give him a moment to take up his fault, Jamal?! I believe he's the friend you came to apologize on behalf of, right? He hit us with his car, and didn't think it was right of him to come to the hospital to check if we were alright?" I bellowed. And again, the expression on his face said all about how no one had ever raised a voice at him and stayed sane for another day.

And I knew what he was capable of. But I believe with Jamal here, I was safe. Not entirely, but it wouldn't be as dangerous if it was just me and him.

"And I'm sure now, Jamal must've told you it was us, but really? A simple thank you couldn't come out of your mouth after I've cleared this dumpster you unfortunately call a home?! Come on, I expect the bit of social mannerism from you, you're the president's son, for crying out loud!"

Okay, I've went a bit overboard. And this certainly wasn't just me angry that he didn't thank me or said sorry. I'm sure both of them staring at me were curious to know what laid beneath my words. Because to them, if I was a total stranger that had never had any interaction with them, I couldn't have this much vile hatred that was visible with every word I've uttered.

"Take this lady with you when you're leaving, Jamal."

"Of course I'm leaving, do you think I could stay here as well? Be what? Jamal wanted me to be a maid, take care of this house but honestly, I'll be more than a maid. It seems like I'd be a caretaker to a freaking adult that doesn't have simple manners of saying sorry and thank you. Thank you, but I can't do that. I have a baby to teach that too, which would be much easier, I believe."

With fumes of my anger blaring from each ear, I turned to Jamal that was trying so hard not to burst into laughter. "I'll bring Muniba and we'd leave." I said through gritted teeth and stomped to the room I've kept Muniba to sleep.

She was still sleeping soundly and I smiled at the sight of her. She made everything better in my life. I scooped her into my arms and noticed she had peed on herself.

"Muniba, we don't have a diaper. Be easy on Maama, okay?" I whispered into her ear even though she was sleeping. Maybe talking this low will calm my anger, because deep down, I'm reeling.

I went to the dirty bathroom and managed to wipe the pee off of her and walk out to find Jamal holding out a diaper for me. "Sorry, I should've given this to you when I'm back."

I shook my head but collected the diaper, nevertheless. "Thank you, Jamal, but I honestly think I can manage."

He sat down on the other edge of the bed and watched how I put the diaper on her. "Did someone teach you how to do it?" He asked, out of curiosity and I chuckled softly.

"No one did. And stop staring at my baby while she's naked, will you?"

He laughed and placed his palms on his eyes. "My bad. I'm sorry, Baby Muniba." And just like that, my anger vanished and I found myself laughing at how serious he took my warning. It was...sweet? I don't know either.