Jisung

I picked up the phone, I wasn't expecting to be called by this person. I stayed mum and waited for the other line to say something.

"Ji? Are you there?"

I hummed, glancing at Hyunjin who made eye contact with me and smiled before turning back to look at the road.

"Thank goodness. I'm so worried. You hadn't contact me for a week! I thought something happened to you", I hummed again. "Why?"

"I just want to know if you're still going to the beach with me tomorrow?", I gripped the hem of my shirt and held my breath. The beach? With her?

I looked up at Hyunjin again before looking away when he turned to look at me. I was sweating heavily because I felt uncomfortable in this situation.

Hyunjin reached out his hand and pulled my hand. He held it while his other hand was driving. I didn't refuse it as I dually did, maybe I was too distracted to do it.

"Yes. See you later then", I quickly pressed the end call button and shoved my phone back into my pocket. Hyunjin finally uttered a word, "who was that?"

"It was from work", Hyunjin hummed, he seemed to believe in my lie. 

I had an odd feeling regarding this woman I had a conversation with. I didn't know what it was but I'm sure I will get my answer tomorrow.

"I will go back to work. Drive safely",he said, stepping out from the car as I went back to my seat. I nodded and waved at him.

A few feets away from me,he suddenly turned around and jogged towards me. I raised my eyebrow at the annoying face in front of me, wondering if he left something in the car before he held my face and I saw his face leaning forward, without me being able to stop him he had already pressed his lips on my forehead and rubbing my head as usual before running away quickly because he knew I would give him a good punch.

I rubbed my head a few times. I think even if I used a sanitizer to clean my forehead, this stain would never go away. I needed to clean my face at least 45 times until it can be clean again.

I could only curse silently as I drove back to the studio. There was really not much work to do since I already sent the audio to the boys. I just had to wait for them to respond. If everything was clear, we will start recording two days from now. It was supposed to be tomorrow but I had to meet with the woman.

I opened my phone again and went through my schedule and as expected, there was already a mark on the 22th June date. Beach trip.

Hyunjin didn't know about this. I'm sure of that because he told me he would drive me to work tomorrow. Why would I hide this front him?

I had a hunch but I wished it wasn't the truth. I wouldn't believe that I would be such a person. Even if I hated Hyunjin, I wouldn't go that far.

Circling inside the studio that still felt awkward to me, I rushed to the table and open my drawer again.

Flipping through the book I found that other than the first pew pages and the last few pages, all of them was almost stained, like a drink had fell onto it. Probably coffee. If it was me, I would have thrown it away because of how damaged it looked like but why didn't the previous Jisung throw it?

Other than meeting HanMi and fighting with Hyunjin, was there anything more than that?

I slammed myself into my seat and held my head, I was trying to remember any memories but each time I do, my head will hurt. Dr.Woo told me not to force it but what else should I do when it wasn't coming back at all.

Do you know how frustrating it was to be 29 but stuck as 19 inside? It felt like even if a year, two years, 5 years ,30 years passed, I would still feel like 19. I still wouldn't mature. I still wouldn't move on. While everyone had took a step forward, I barely moved.

It got me thinking if Hyunjin was the one in this situation and not me, what would he have done. I'm pretty sure worst then me because I knew just how much of a coward he was.

He was literally scared of everything. He's weak, he's too much of a coward and he had many weakness but he had the gut to fight me.

Other than fighting with me, he didn't have the gut to do anything else. Was this why I was the one chosen to be in this situation and not Hyunjin? Or because I did something dumber than Hyunjin, hence, this was a punishment?

I went through my contact and called HanMi this time. She didn't picked her phone up and I had to text her instead. Can we make the trip short tomorrow?

I felt like if I stay with this woman more than an hour, I would feel very dizzy. Just recalling her name made my head hurt. I wasn't saying it in a sarcastic way, I truly had a headache. My heart was thumping so fast and my inside my head was banging with pain.

I looked at the clock, 3 pm. It's still a few hours before work hour finished. I could return home to rest since I had no work left. Chan wouldn't mind and nobody would mind if I do that. In the first place, Chan told me I could have done all the work at home but it was me who insisted to make a studio here because I didn't want to be lazy and stay at home all day.

I pushed my seat away and walked to the door. The door automatically locked when I closed it and I went down through elevator. On the first floor, there was a café that everyone frequently visited. Even idols come here from time to time but usually they won't stay around because the fans usually also visit the café.

"Orang juice",I needed something to refresh my mind. All the thinking and recalling was making my temperature increase in a bad way. I had to ask Dr.Woo if the pain was normal if I wanted to remember something.

I hadn't contact him in a while because he had been telling me 'give it some times' everyday I asked him and it felt like I was being hypnotized instead to believe that my memories would come along if I just stay put.

Taking a sip from the straw, I texted Dr.Woo. This doctor's annoying level was on par with Hyunjin, I'm surprised I had him as a doctor but why did I have a personal doctor to begin with? Normally, if sick, people would just go to visit the hospital and meet random doctor assigned to them like how people usually does but I just happened to have a personal doctor? What's not clicking here?

I must be an idiot since I hadn't realized that detail through this week. I was trying to adapt that thinking everything was odd that I thought having a personal doctor was normal.

Did I hit my head somewhere before? Was that why my IQ seemed to lower too?

can I visit you now?

There was an immediate reply. Wow, this doctor seemed really carefree and jobless. How can he answer my text everytime I reached out to him. Did he personalized a ringtone for me or what?hrm... it's probably required if he was my personal doctor.

Sure, I have one patient left to meet today.

I stood up and walked out, I saw Chan not so far from here and turned my head. I didn't have time to greet him so, I just went to my car and drove to the hospital.

He had this annoying smile on his face again when I came to visit him. Must be tough to keep the smile like that everytime he meets a patient but I'm different, besides not having my memory, I was practically not sick.

"You can drop that smile you know?", He dropped the smile and relaxed. "Is there anything wrong?", He asked me as he stood up and walked to the sofa I was sitting at. He sat across me and I scratched my head. I didn't know how to ask this. The person I wanted to ask about was me but I felt like it was too personal to ask for some reason. Like asking about a stranger's illness information.

I cleared my throat and coughed, "so...how long have you been my doctor?".

He tapped his finger on the armrest, thinking as he looked up. "4 years now?" That long? That was as long as I had been married. "Why?"

"Hrm...is it normal to have a personal doctor?", He looked around again. "Depends", he said before folding his hands together. "Now, why are you asking me these questions? You were never interested about me. This week you had only been asking me when your memory will return"

"So, you do have interest in other people huh?", Seriously, when I said his annoying level was on par with Hyunjin, I wasn't kidding. He was a doctor but he could talk to me like this. I thought it was weird at first but I saw his picture on my graduation pictures, so, he must be a friend before.

"You want me to poke your eyes?", I also started to talk to him informally. "Anyway why did I have a personal doctor to begin with? Do I have and illness or what?", He hummed and narrowed his eyes at me.

Him looking at me like that made me somehow nervous. Did I really have an illness? Was it incurable or that bad to the point I needed a personal doctor?

"No you don't have any", he leaned back against the sofa and I frowned. If I don't have any illness then what?

"I'm just a friend of yours... that's why I gave you an offer if you want me to be your personal doctor. In case you're sick or Hyunjin is sick", sounded reasonable. Then...eh? "Hyunjin knows about you too?".

"Of course, he does!", Dr.Woo shrugged. If Hyunjin knew about him then it probably wouldn't be weird that I was always here. Maybe that's why Hyunjin didn't really care when I said to pick me up at the hospital two days ago. He was panicked at first but I told him I met a friend, he relaxed.

I waved my hand and shook my head, "I have another question"

"Is it normal to have a headache when I try to recall something?", He leaned forward. "Why? Did you remember anything?"

I shook my head. It would be good to remember something but all that came was only pain. "No...but I tried to. Then my head just started hurting"

He hummed and sighed. "Normally there wouldn't be any pain if you want to recall something or recalled something." So, what was that pain? "But there are unusual cases where your head will be in pain when you try to remember something you don't want to"

Something I didn't want to remember? He snapped his finger and pointed at me, "don't you remember,? I told you your brain could be trying to protect you from something"

"Defensive mechanism", we said at the same time.

"Your head is hurting to prevent you from remembering", he pointed at his head and tapped it a few times. "It's your brain doing things", he didn't sound like a doctor at all. It felt like he was a  conspiracy video narrator instead. I didn't know whether to believe him or not.

His stoic face returned before he stood up, "that's why stop trying to force yourself to remember things. Trying to remember us fine but just don't force it.", I nodded. "Then I'm going back home"

"Eh? You don't have work?", He asked me and I shook my head. "I want to return home and rest. Could you give me medicine for headache?"

After I took the medicine, I went back home. It was probably a bad idea to drive in this kind of state, my head was still in pain.

I shut my eyes at the red light and shook my head to clear my head. The moment the car behind me started honking, I knew the red light had turned green and pressed the oil pedal.

Turning the wheel to the right, I suddenly felt another bang of pain with a flash of images coming into my brain and had to break in the middle of the road, the car moved slightly forward when a car crashed to it.

Maybe it had been a few minutes since it happened and my brain wasn't quite working with me. I knew I heard people knocking on my window.

This was extremely bad. "Hey! Pull down your window!", There was a lady in blue shirt yelling at me and when I stared at her through the tinted window, I felt restless. Blue shirt, road, red light. I didn't know what but something happened and those three things were related.

I stayed not moving from there for quite a while until the police came and I was brought to the police station since I refused to talk. 

-
If you noticed, this story ain't that mushy must fluff story you think it will goes like if you ever read my other stories 🤡. I always make it seems like fluff then I pull this kind of shit.

I can't help it. Plots are swimming around in my head. -hunny