Wanda writes a guidebook about how to be on her Pilot's and co-companion's good sides in five steps, not as much Capalry this time (I'm sorry), and Tony and Wanda catch up on IronWitch bromance bonding.

Enjoy!

***

Step 1: No matter if you were separated from your Pilot or not, always check on them after an adventure.

"He tackled you?!"

"Actually, I tackled him."

"It still included you falling on the ground!"

"And I'm fine!"

Pietro covered his mouth to avoid snickering, turning to look at Tony, who was watching the Doctor and Jessie with wide eyes. "He's making up for not being glued to her side," the speedster remarked.

"I don't really blame him," Tony shook his head. "The news she was a ghost really spooked her."

Pietro snorted. "I think the Doctor was ready to rip apart the base."

"Rip apart? I'm surprised it was still there!"

And just like that, there was a scowling, Scottish Time Lord between them, making them jump apart. "If we hadn't been under a lake, I absolutely would have ripped it apart, thank you very much," he announced with a glare. "If my wife and I are going to die, I would much rather prefer being with her when it happens."

"Glad we see eye to eye on that, my love," Jessie smiled from where she was curled up in one of the chairs. "But please stop intimidating my former and current companions when they're not the ones to blame."

The Doctor grumbled, turning on his heel and walking back, scratching his head. "I don't plan on letting you out of my sight any time soon, love."

"I would be very disappointed in you if you did."

Wanda looked her Pilot up and down. The Bootstrap Paradox only slightly reassured her that the woman was fine and she always would have been fine, but at the time only knowing that at some point she would become a ghost . . . "Are you certain you are all right?" she asked softly.

"I'm sure, Wanda," Jessie smiled thankfully up at her. "I just hope the universe can wait for a while. I'm in no hurry to go on another adventure again for now."

"I agree," the Doctor nodded, walking over to her and hugging her around her shoulders. "I don't want to be separated from you again any time soon."

Tony rolled his eyes fondly. "So we're stuck with two lovey dovey Time Lords for at least a few months, in other words."

He quickly ducked the sonic screwdriver that got thrown at his head. "You make it sound like that's a bad thing," Jessie pouted while Clara burst out laughing.

Tony stared at her in shock as Pietro sped to snatch her sonic out of the air. "You just threw your screwdriver at me."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "I can throw the knife in my sleeve instead, if you'd prefer that."

Tony threw his hands up in the air, backing away. "I'm good with staying."

"Good," Jessie grinned, making the Doctor laugh.

***

"I kind of like having a fuller TARDIS," Jessie said absently as she curled up in bed, playing with her rings.

"Oh?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow, turning his head just slightly to look at her.

"I like it especially because all of them are friends, basically family," she elaborated. "Yeah, they all started off as teammates or a companion, in Clara's case, but having all of them here, it's like a family get-together."

The Doctor snickered. "More like a very long road trip through time and space."

"And often staying in what you're taking on the trip."

"Ah, the old girl has room for whoever we want to take," the Doctor smiled fondly.

Jessie tilted her head. "Do you think the other Avengers might take up an offer to travel at some point?"

The Doctor considered. "Well, some of them can't really go anywhere without being worried about the Secretary of State finding them. That might be a point in favor of us."

Jessie hummed noncommittedly. "Two companions might be my limit right now."

The Doctor chuckled, holding his arm out. "It's certainly not going to be boring any time soon."

"I hope not," Jessie scooted closer and snuggled into his side, resting her head on his chest so his double heartbeat thrummed in her ear. "Boring is . . . well, boring." The Doctor laughed, and Jessie smiled, happy to hear it. "Also, I wasn't kidding," she looked up at him. "Stuck together like glue, preferably not letting us out of each other's sight sounds wonderful for a few months."

The Doctor smiled, threading his fingers in her hair. "Your wish is my command, love."

She beamed up at him, kissing him before curling back against his body. "'Night, Kasterborous," she mumbled, eyes slipping shut.

The Doctor pressed a kiss to her temple, feeling her nod off. "Goodnight, Jezebel."

***

Step 2: Check on your co-companion.

Tony muttered to himself as he absently walked down the TARDIS hall at night, not checking where he was going as he flicked through a tablet. "Where are they?" he frowned, scratching his head as he rounded the corner.

"Unable to sleep?"

Tony would forever deny that he yelped and tossed his tablet in the air when he heard the unexpected voice. He fumbled to make sure he didn't drop it on the ground, and a blanket of scarlet energy pillowed his tablet before it hit the ground. He scooped it out of the air and turned back around, eyes wide, and saw he had somehow wandered into the kitchen. Wanda was sitting cross-legged on one of the chairs, a steaming mug of tea held tightly in her hands. "Oh," he put a hand over his chest. "Don't do that!"

"I apologize," Wanda's lips quirked up in a smile. "I forgot how often you were up and about before I started traveling with the Doctor and the Bad Wolf."

"Yeah," Tony nodded, trudging forward and dropping down into another chair. "I still find myself going through whatever Pep sends."

"Even though the TARDIS will return us and little time will have passed?" Wanda tilted her head.

"Yeah, even then," Tony nodded, perusing through the files more. "I mean, I trust J and the Doc with my life, but thinking about when the TARDIS has mislanded or whatever the Doctor did made her land late? Stark Industries doesn't stop running just because I time travel." He paused in his actions, looking up. "I never thought I would say that."

Wanda giggled. "Keep that thought in mind, Tony. You'll say a lot of things you never thought you would while traveling."

"Noted," Tony wrinkled his nose, then brightened. "Aha! Yahtzee!"

Wanda tilted her head, seeing him smile widely and hunch over his tablet. "What is it?"

"Oh, I found what I was looking for," Tony said dismissively. "No biggie." Wanda hummed noncommittedly, and he looked up with a frown. "You good?"

"I am," Wanda nodded. "I guess partly because my name was further down the list than yours."

Tony shook his head, scowling. "That stupid list."

Wanda eyed him. "Are you OK?" she asked.

"Fine," Tony nodded, intently looking through whatever he had on his tablet.

Wanda frowned. "You speak Time Lord."

"I what?" Tony looked up, blinking.

"If a Time Lord says anything similar to that, they are typically very far from 'fine.'"

Tony glared at her, but the witch quirked an eyebrow. He finally huffed and put his tablet on the table, rubbing his temples. "I get the whole 'we'll all be separated on adventures,' that's happened so many times," he said. "But Jessie and I separated from the rest of you and time traveling, too, with knowing there's a list counting all of us down until we're ghosts . . . that was a bit much." Wanda nodded, and Tony snorted. "But at least I trusted J enough to climb into a stasis chamber and trust I would still be myself when I woke up in the future."

Wanda smiled. "And in the end, you came right back to us."

Tony smiled back. "Yeah, happy ending. I swear, these two are like fairytales." Wanda snorted into her tea, and he frowned as she burst out laughing. "What?" he asked defensively.

"Nothing," Wanda choked, still giggling as she put her mug down. "It's just . . . that's exactly what Clara said Danny compared the Bad Wolf to. From a swashbuckling pirate to a fairytale librarian."

"Librarian?"

"When the Doctor and the Bad Wolf were undercover at Clara's school."

Tony smirked. "Let me guess, the Doctor worked as an actual doctor?"

Wanda snickered. "Caretaker."

Tony barked in laughter. "How godawful was he?"

"Well, the school didn't fall apart overnight, which was points to him."

Tony laughed. "Oh, I totally see that." He sighed. "The Doctor as a caretaker . . . though I like J's description between regenerations. Swashbuckling pirate. That sounds like her."

Wanda smiled. "Feeling better?"

"Much," Tony nodded. "Got any more funny stories about the Doctor and J?"

"Most likely," Wanda smiled. "These two or the previous ones?"

"Either, really. I could just do with a laugh now and again."

Wanda beamed. "Just let me know."

"Thanks, Wanda," Tony patted her shoulder, standing up. "You're not that bad, you know?"

Wanda preened. "Careful. That was almost a compliment."

Tony snorted. "You might be rubbing off on me."

Wanda tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I learned from the best."

Tony chuckled, taking his tablet and heading out of the kitchen. "Don't get too cocky!"

Wanda snorted, refraining from making a snarky comment, considering Tony was already out of the kitchen and most likely heading back to the bedrooms. She walked to the sink to rinse her mug out, then paused in her actions, frowning.

She hadn't actually learned what Tony had been looking at.

***

Step 3: Worry about what your co-companion does at night because he acts so exhausted the next days.

"You'd think being on a time machine would make Stark realize he doesn't need to constantly be up working."

Wanda blinked, looking up from her guitar when she heard Pietro speak. "What?" she asked, her entire attention now on her brother and not the chords to a new Christmas carol.

"I mean, I'm a light sleeper sometimes, and I know he is," Pietro continued, dropping into the bean bag chair in the corner of her room. "But whenever I need to stop by the kitchen for a drink or something to try and go back to sleep, I always hear him in the console room."

Wanda knitted her eyebrows. "The console room?" she repeated.

"Yeah," Pietro nodded. "I'm surprised he just hasn't asked the TARDIS for a lab if he wants to work. There's less of a chance the Doctor notices what he's doing that way."

Wanda frowned, tapping the fingerboard absently. "Interesting."

"Not really," Pietro shrugged. "Neither of us would likely understand what he's doing."

Wanda conceded with a nod.

***

Tony's head snapped up when a palm came into contact with the back of his skull. "J!" he complained, wincing and reaching up to rub his now sore head.

"Sorry," Jessie sat in front of him, tilting her head. "This just reminds me of the times you pulled all-nighters for a week because you were sure you and Bruce were closing in on cold fusion."

"Yeah," Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "How long did I sleep when you finally convinced Bruce to give me a sedative?"

"An entire day, basically."

"Basically," Tony repeated, blinking sleep out of his eyes. "I didn't mean to nod off."

Jessie frowned. "Tony, we're not really expecting to do anything in the Vortex. You can sleep as long as you need."

Tony sighed, shaking his head and making sure his tablet was turned off. "The sooner I finish this, the better I'll sleep at night."

Jessie frowned in concern. "Is it something you need help with?"

"No!" Tony quickly shook his head. "No, this is something I can do by myself. There's just a few . . . kinks I'm working out."

He winced at the wording, but Jessie nodded. "Sounds like the Doctor," she smiled, patting his hand. "And he doesn't like other people touching his stuff."

Tony eyed the hand on his. "So should I expect him to incinerate me in a few seconds?"

"That depends on your intentions with my wife."

Tony yelped, flailing backwards and away from Jessie, who was laughing hysterically. He had not expected that from the Doctor at all! "Doc!" he complained, turning around in his seat, looking up at the grey-haired Time Lord. "Really?"

"Sorry," he smiled very unapologetically, walking around the table and placing his hands on Jessie's shoulders. "But Jess isn't the only one concerned. Even Pietro's started to notice you're nodding off in the middle of nothing."

Tony winced. "Has he?"

The Doctor snorted. "How long have we been in the Vortex, love?"

"Two months," Jessie answered loftily.

Tony did a double take. "It's been that long?"

Both Time Lords frowned. "OK, that's it," Jessie stood up from her chair and walked over. "You are not touching that tablet again until you get a full night's sleep."

"I've gotten full night's sleep, J!" Tony protested.

"OK," Jessie folded her arms. "You are going to your room and sleeping until you are fully rested and the TARDIS deems you well enough to let out."

The TARDIS buzzed in agreement, and Tony looked at the Doctor pleadingly. The Time Lord snorted and held up his hands. "I'm not arguing with the wife on this, Tony."

He sighed, picking up his tablet and standing up. "Fine. If it makes my Pilot happy."

"It makes her very happy," Jessie smirked.

Tony sighed, this time much more dramatically, and he offered an arm to her. "Then would you escort your poor companion back to his room, milady?"

She giggled and slipped her arm through his. "I would be delighted to."

The Doctor snickered as they left the room. "Time really slips by here in the Vortex," Tony said as they walked.

"It really does," Jessie nodded. "It's nice, though. It goes by very quickly." She smiled. "This baby will be born sooner rather than later."

"Getting cabin fever yet?" Tony asked.

"Not really," she shook her head. "Idris can do a lot for us, so it's not easy to get bored." She giggled suddenly, patting the wall. "But the Doctor's probably going to get stir crazy soon, isn't he?"

The TARDIS had to make a sound that was similar to laughter, given the rhythmic pulsing of the lights in the corridor. "Hey, about that name," Tony looked up at the ceiling. "What should I call her? TARDIS or Idris?"

"Oh, I think she'll respond to either, since she seems to really like you," Jessie smiled.

"So where did Idris actually come from?"

"On one of our adventures with Amy and Rory, right before Demons Run practically, we were lured to this planet that killed TARDISes," she explained, face darkening. "The soul of the TARDIS was held inside a woman named Idris, but Idris couldn't hold her forever. She died when she returned the TARDIS's soul to her." Her face fell. "She was beautiful," she admitted.

The TARDIS hummed under their feet, and Tony squeezed her hand. "I think she would be," he looked up at the ceiling. "Man, that's one adventure I wish I could've been on."

Jessie smiled fondly. "Thank you, Tony. I think she'd have liked to meet you, too."

Tony kissed her cheek, stopping in front of his room. "All right, run back to the Doctor before he thinks I've stolen you for something."

"Will do," she chuckled. He entered the room and stepped inside, but Jessie held up a hand. "Hang on," she frowned. "When you've been doing your work, has it been inside a lab the TARDIS created for you?"

"Um, no," Tony hastily shook his head. "I've tried to stay in my room as much as possible. You know, try and avoid waking anyone else up."

"Oh," Jessie blinked. "Well, if you ever need a lab created, I'm sure Idris would make one for you."

"I'll keep that in mind," Tony smiled.

Jessie nodded, then poked him in the shoulder. "Now sleep."

Tony mock saluted. "Yes, ma'am."

Jessie shook her head in amusement as he shut the door, turning back to walk towards the kitchen.

She never saw Wanda's door open down the hall, her phone pressed to her ear from calling Clara, her brow furrowed in confusion.

Had Tony just said he worked in his room and not in the console room?

***

Step 4: Finally learn what your co-companion's doing when it's clear he's not going to stop whatever he's doing at night.

Another month went by with just the five of them in the Vortex.

Clara was still at work.

The Doctor still fussed over Jessie and spoiled her rotten.

Pietro still complained for all of ten seconds that they were still in the Vortex before the TARDIS reconfigured a track for him to practice his speed on.

Wanda still worked on her guitar skills and communicated with the other Avengers, though she didn't often have anything to tell.

And Tony still appeared exhausted often, which meant he was still working on whatever he was doing.

Wanda finally decided she had enough and drank coffee for the majority of one day, ignoring the startled looks Jessie gave her. "I have never seen you drink that much coffee," the Time Lady watched her in surprise.

"I thought I would experience it for myself," Wanda shrugged. "Tony seems to live off it."

Jessie snorted. "I swear he has coffee running in his blood."

"That wouldn't surprise me," the Doctor agreed, breezing past them and examining something on his sonic screwdriver. "I think Jessie might have chocolate in hers now."

Jessie winked at Wanda, tilting her mug towards her to reveal the hot chocolate piled with marshmallows in her mug. "I regret nothing."

Wanda snickered, heading back to her room to find something else to help her stay awake. She halted outside Tony's room, hearing him mumble to himself. She swore she heard the word "intelligent" muttered before she closed the door behind her.

***

She was still very wide awake later when she heard a door open outside hers and footsteps walk down the hall. She waited until she couldn't hear anything, then poked her head out of her door, looking around to see if anyone else came out. When the coast was clear, she carefully headed towards the console room.

She heard mumbling getting louder the closer she approached, and when she finally peered inside, she found Tony spinning around the console, his tablet displaying holograms in the air. He kept talking out loud, and occasionally Wanda heard the TARDIS make a noise in response, but she was busy staring at the holograms in the air to hear what he was discussing. She thought she had seen these codes before . . .

"You could at least give me some help!" Tony finally shouted. "I only have God knows how long until the baby is born!"

And Wanda finally figured it out. She gasped in shock, bursting into the room, staring in awe at the spinning holograms. "Are these plans for an artificial intelligence?" she burst out.

Tony spun around, eyes wide, then he glared at the TARDIS console. "Warn a guy, will you?" he asked in annoyance.

The TARDIS buzzed innocently, and Wanda spun in place, looking at the codes displayed in the air. "Tony, are they?" she turned back to him.

He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he ran a hand through his mussed-up hair. "Yes," he admitted. "It's what I've been working on . . . well, basically ever since we left the Drum. I had the idea before, but I only rediscovered the files after. A lot of my A.I.s were saved back at the Tower and the compound, but I wanted to make a personalized one."

Wanda thought back to what Tony had said before she ran out, and she blinked. "You're making one for the Doctor and the Bad Wolf?"

"Yeah, as a present when their baby is born," Tony nodded. "J told me about when the TARDIS was stuck inside a woman named Idris, which is how her nickname for the TARDIS came to be, and, well . . . " He shrugged sheepishly. "I've been trying to find a way to make the TARDIS be the one to speak through the A.I. So it's really the TARDIS and not a separate A.I." He winced. "Does that make sense?"

"Not entirely," Wanda admitted. "I know . . . nothing about this. But if you can pull it off, I think they'll love it."

"God, I hope so," Tony sighed. "I just need to make sure this will actually sync with the TARDIS and . . . you know, work. Not turning into a genocidal A.I. will be very helpful, too."

The TARDIS buzzed in annoyance, making Wanda snicker. "It's the TARDIS, Tony. I don't think she'll turn on the Doctor and the Bad Wolf."

The TARDIS chirped in agreement, and Tony smiled, patting the rotor. "Then I better get back to work."

Wanda watched him pick up his tablet and spin one of the holograms around, zooming in to look at it closer. "Can I – ?" she began, then cut off.

Tony turned around, raising an eyebrow. "What was that?"

She blushed. "Can I stay and watch?" she asked sheepishly. "It's just . . . I probably won't know a thing you're doing, but if it's for the Doctor and the Bad Wolf . . . "

Tony considered, then pointed at her. "Our secret," he warned.

Wanda grinned and mimed zipping her lips, and as Tony grinned and turned back to his work, Wanda curled up in one of the chairs.

***

Step 5: Do what you can to help your co-companion with anything he needs.

"It looks more complete than when I saw it the first time," Wanda said one night from where she had sprawled out on the grating, watching the holograms of the A.I. code twist and twirl above her in the air.

"You should have seen the skeleton way back when," Tony smirked. "OK, the good news is most of the coding is done. Basically, that means all I'll need to do is coordinate the voice and make sure the A.I. can run through the entire TARDIS."

Wanda frowned. "That's . . . how can you make an A.I. run through an infinite ship?"
"Good question," Tony nodded. "That's something I hope the TARDIS can figure out and adapt herself."

"She probably can," Wanda nodded, sitting up. "What's the bad news?"

Tony sighed. "I've been scouring the TARDIS's databanks. Maybe she doesn't like me or never got a recording, but I can't find anything on Idris."

"The original Idris?" Wanda asked for clarification.

"Yeah, the Idris that held the TARDIS," Tony nodded. "I adapted JARVIS's voice to be similar to my family's butler, and I'd like to get this A.I.'s voice as close to Idris's as possible."

Wanda frowned. "I would've thought the TARDIS would have that."

"Maybe not," Tony shook his head. "Especially if the TARDIS was stuck inside Idris, maybe she wouldn't have had a way to record what happened while she wasn't in the box."

Wanda leaned against the console, thinking. "So if you don't have the voice, what can you do?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," Tony shook his head in frustration.

Wanda considered. "I wonder . . . " Tony's head snapped up as he looked at her hopefully, and she blushed. "I just wonder if there's a way I can extract a memory from the Bad Wolf or the Doctor, and the TARDIS can . . . I don't know, somehow play it for you so you know how to configure the voice."

The TARDIS whirred under her hands in delight, and Tony looked at the rotor in surprise. "You could do that?" he asked.

She made a rude noise, making Wanda laugh. "She's telepathic, Tony," she patted his arm. "I think she could."

Tony laughed, looking at her. "If you somehow managed that, I would be very grateful."

"I'll work on it," Wanda promised. "How soon would you need it?"

"Well, the sooner the better," Tony answered. "I'd like this as close to perfect as soon as possible so no matter when Jessie has her baby, the A.I. is ready to go."

Wanda smiled. "Then I'd better make a plan now."

Tony grinned. "Thank you, Wanda."

"Any time, co-companion," Wanda beamed.

***

As it turned out, Wanda couldn't start working on her plan the next day, when the Doctor announced he was getting bored ("Told you," Jessie snickered to Pietro, who handed her twenty bucks with a scowl) and they would pick up Clara for their next adventure.

"Wait," Tony frowned as Jessie slipped the money into the pocket of her jacket, Pietro helping the Doctor at the console to land at Coal Hill. "Who did he bet on if you won?"

"Oh, he thought you would get bored first," Jessie smirked. "I know my husband better."

"You should," Wanda snorted. "You have been married to him for almost your entire life."

"That I have," Jessie said cheerily. "And I knew that whatever Tony's been working on would likely keep him on the TARDIS. Time passes faster for him that way."

Tony and Wanda looked at each other, grinning. "You have no idea," Tony winked.

***

"OK," Rose put her coffee on the table and rubbed her temples. "Let me get this right. The Bad Wolf knew what she had to do in the past because she saw her ghost in the future tell her what to do?"

"Yes," Clara nodded.

" . . . which then led to her creating the ghost that told her what to do?"

"Yes."

Rose sighed, looking at her almost empty coffee. "I think I need another drink."

"OK, there's another way the Doctor explained this," Clara leaned forward. "You know the Bootstrap Paradox, right?"

"Yeah, I've heard of it," Rose nodded. "Never experienced it, though."

"Oh, it's weird being in one," Clara snorted. "OK, so . . . imagine your favorite composer or artist ever. Got one?" When Rose nodded, Clara continued. "Now, you have a time machine, and you take it back to visit this composer or artist. However, when you reach when they were alive, or existed, you learn that no one has ever heard of this composer or artist. This person never existed. Still with me?"

"Yep," Rose nodded.

"However, you brought all your music for this person to sign," Clara went on. "That allows you to publish and record all of this music. Essentially, you become the artist. So, who really wrote your favorite song? You, or the composer or artist?"

"Wow," Rose whistled. "That's confusing."

"Very," Clara agreed. "But we got an adventure to help us figure it out, so that was a plus."

"Doesn't make it any less confusing."

"Amen to that."

A familiar wheezing echoed through the schoolyard, and they turned to see the TARDIS materialize by the trees. "And that would appear to be your ride," Rose smiled.

"Yeah," Clara swung her work bag over her shoulder. "Sorry if I confused you about this."

"Oh, no problem," Rose waved it off, standing up as well. "The ghost story was confusing. The Beethoven example was much easier to follow."

"Yeah, I guess I should stick with that, eh?" Clara laughed, waving. "See you soon, Rose!"

"I hope so!" Rose waved back.

Pietro leaned against the doorframe, smiling as Clara skipped up. "Have a good time?"

"Yeah," Clara beamed up at him. "Wonderful. I was telling Rose about the ghosts."

"Ah," he nodded. "Did you mention the Doctor almost brought the base down on us?"

"Nah, I left that out," Clara grinned.

Pietro chuckled. "Yeah, probably smart." He opened the door to let her in, then paused when he saw Clara had a thoughtful look on her face. "What is it?" he asked.

"It's just," she scrunched up her face, making Pietro grin at how cute she looked. "Something Rose said . . . " She shook her head. "Eh, it's probably nothing."

"Everything's OK?" Pietro asked to make sure.

"Yeah," Clara nodded. "Beethoven just must be her favorite composer."

Pietro snickered. "And maybe Beethoven's Fifth is her favorite piece."

"It's a classic!" the Doctor protested from inside the TARDIS loudly.

Pietro laughed, hearing it echoed by Jessie and Wanda inside. "Welcome back, Clara."

"Yeah," Clara followed him inside, shutting the door behind them. "It's good to be back."

***

Note to readers: if you are the only companion, every step aside from Step 1 is optional. Additionally, Steps 3-5 may not need to be completed depending on who your co-companion is. However, the writer recommends that Step 5 should be applied anywhere, not just to the Pilot and other companions.

***

Who guessed Tony's little "idea?" XD I've been dropping hints because if anyone could get the TARDIS to speak again, it would be him. Wanda's just pitching in and being a good co-companion.

I think there may be one last "guidebook" interlude in this book, but now we're on to Ashildr's arc! I'm heading into the back half of my semester and things are getting long and difficult, so bear with me. I have no idea how long it may be until an episode gets up.

Until then, keep an eye out! "The Girl Who Died" is coming in the future!

graphic by marvelity