Lucy Heartfilia, now Dragneel, sat at the bar of the Fairy Tail guild, usual smile in place, her long, silky blonde hair neatly brushed and styled to flow down her back, brown eyes sparkling with happiness, and let's not forget the little bundle of joy that was still in her stomach.

Kick in the gut.

Twitch. Twitch. Smile falters.

Punch in the kidneys.

Twitch. TWITCH. Smile disappears.

Headbutt to the bladder.

Boom.

Lucy grabbed the nearest person out of instinct, which happened to be her best friend, Levy McGarden, now Redfox, who also happened to be carrying a child.

Staring at the bluenette mage with demon eyes that she used on certain people (*cough cough* NATSUANDHAPPY) when they annoyed her, only one word came out of her mouth.

"Sandwich." Levy blinked.

"Huh? Lu, what do you mean by that?"

"MAKE ME A SANDWICH." The solid-script mage, thoroughly confused, only blinked.

"...If you want a sandwich then go back to bar and ask Mirajane to make one for you."

"NO. YOU MAKE ONE. MAKE ONE FOR ME YOU BLUEBERRY."

That was when Levy activated her "crazy pregnant mama" act, as her baby girl began to thrash around as if on cue.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BLUEBERRY?! YOU BLONDE BIMBO."

*le gasp*

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A BIMBO YOU FLAT-CHESTED WEIRD BEING."

"RUDE!"

"SANDWICH!"

"Iron Dragon ROAR!"

"Fire Dragon ROAR!"

Now, being the mate of a Dragon Slayer did have its benefits.

"It's not fair..." Natsu grumbled from the corner of the guild, far away from his crazy wife. "They get our powers but we get nothing?"

"Gihihi. It's a shame, isn't it? I would love to see you prancing around in those star dresses of hers and waving little golden keys, Salamander."

Slap.

"Natsu make him shut up!" Lucy whined. Natsu had to refrain from rolling his eyes.

"Goddamn, how did she hear me from all the way across the guild?" Gajeel grumbled.

"Well, I'd love to see you writing letters in the air. Wait, you don't know how to write those damn stupid letters anyway, so it shouldn't matter if you got her powers or not, Iron Brain."

Slap.

"Gajeel make him shut up!" Natsu should've known.

Of course Levy was going to be there to slap him just like Lucy had been there to slap Gajeel.

"I'm experiencing a strange sense of deja vu here..." the pink-haired pyro muttered, rubbing his now-red cheek.

"Don't copy me!" Lucy shouted at Levy.

"Oh yeah? You copied me! You went into my brain and said what I was about to say to make me look like an idiot!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"YOU EVEN COPIED MY ITALICS WTF."

"IDIOT, YOU DON'T SAY 'WTF,' IT'S ONLY AN ACRONYM FOR TEXTING."

"Who's making all this noise?" A stern voice cut in. Lucy and Levy ignored the sound, but everyone else froze.

Oh no. The L&L duo is screwed.

Erza Scarlet, now Fernandes, stood at the guild entrance, proudly sporting her armor over her pregnant tummy. Her ever-so-chivalrous husband, Jellal Fernandes, was of course, with her. But, the weird thing was, Erza seemed to be escorting Jellal, not the other way around.

Because Jellal, being the manliest of men, was passed out and riding piggyback on the redhead.

All eyes slowly traveled to Lucy and Levy, who were still arguing. An irk mark appeared on Erza's face as she threw Jellal off her back, causing him to land into the arms of Cana.

Titania stormed up to Lucy and Levy and began to...

Cry.

"WAHHH!!!" she screeched. "WHY ARE YOU DISRUPTING OUR BEAUTIFUL GUILD. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. AND PEACEFUL. AND EVERYONE GETS ALONG. YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO FAIRY TAIL."

"WAHHH!!! WE'RE SORRY ERZA!" Then Erza cried with Lucy and Levy until they both passed out from tear loss. Because that makes perfect sense, right?

Erza turned and saw the unfortunate brunette, Cana Alberona, supporting her dear husband. Those furious eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"JELLAL! WHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME WITH CANA?!" she wailed. Jellal immediately recovered from his passed-out state, and saw his wife.

Then he pretended to pass out again.

Asuka Connell pitied the poor soul as her father Alzack covered her still innocent ears.

Erza began crying waterfall tears and so did Jellal, as he tried to pretend that he was still passed out. Cana patted his head awkwardly.

Natsu and Gajeel had gone back to complaining about their wives, who were still out-cold, when a large blonde man slammed his hands on their table.

Laxus Dreyar had terrible eyebags and dark circles, and his nose seemed to be a bit redder than usual. Natsu and Gajeel took one look and laughed.

"BWAHAHAHA!" Fire spewed out of Natsu's mouth, grazing Laxus' face.

"GIHIHIHIHIHI!" Iron struck Laxus in the face. Laxus glared daggers at both of them and they both shut up.

"You think you two have it bad?" he snarled. "You think you two have it bad?!" He wrung his hands, sweating nervously. "Think about me and Fernandes for Mavis' sake! I married the DEMON Mirajane and Fernandes married the TITANIA Erza!"

Natsu and Gajeel gulped. He was right. They really did have it easy compared to Laxus and Jellal.

"Oh honeyyy~" Laxus swore he felt tears prick his eyes.

"Yes, Mira?" he asked, sweat trickling down his neck as he turned towards the bar, where his "lovely" wife, Mirajane Strauss, now Dreyar, was working.

"Did you do the laundry like I asked you to?"

"...Of course I did, honey." Laxus cursed under his breath.

"You didn't!" The demon stormed up to the Dragon Slayer and grabbed the collar of his fur coat.

Normally it would be more intimidating if someone was glaring DOWN, but Mira is Mira so tilting her head up all the way back to meet Laxus' gaze, all while holding her hand delicately over her swollen stomach was still intimidating.

"Mira, dear, I-"

"DON'T 'Mira, dear' ME! Do some damn chores once in a while! I'm carrying our baby yet I STILL work my ass off! You'll look like you're carrying a baby if you don't stop eating so much and slacking off on helping with housework! IF YOU BECOME FAT IT'S NOT MY FAULT. NOW GO, YOU LAZY BUM. Go home and do the laundry!" She shouted. "And don't forget the dishes! And to mop the floor! And folding the clothes! And-"

"Wahhhh!" Juvia sobbed. "Why is everyone being so noisy?! Gray-Sama!!!"

"...Juvia, get off my leg."

"But Gray-Sama! Juvia and Gray Jr. are both very sad!"

"For the last time, our child is going to be a girl and we are NOT naming it Gray Jr.!"

"WAHHH!!!" Tears streamed out of the bluenette's eyes at an alarming rate.

"Shit Juvia, keep crying like this and you'll flood the- mrrmmh!!!" Gray choked on the water already filling the room.

Too late.

While all this was happening, Lucy Heartfilia came to and realized that her craving for a sandwich was gone.