*bows and waves* I'm back bitches. Sorry for the wait

•°²⁹°•Emotions ─✵────────

Taehyung never liked coffee.

He never got what the hype was about either. Why drink something so bitter? It's bitter even with sugar. He admitted the smell of coffee was quite alright. But he never got why people keep saying the aroma calmed their senses and made them feel alive. Like some sort of boost. But Taehyung felt nothing. He loved hot chocolate more. The aroma of a steaming hot chocolate was so much energizing than coffee. But Jeongguk loved coffee. He made himself coffee every morning. He loved beer too. But Taehyung hated the bitter liquid. Vodka was so much better. Jeongguk didn't necessarily like vodka. He's a whiskey kind of guy.

And Jeongguk was ignoring Taehyung.

The younger boy dressed in an over-sized sweater, palms securely wrapped around his mug of steaming hot chocolate, which Jieun had made for him, sat in the kitchen table. He watched Jeongguk who was helping Jieun make pancakes.

For some reason he looked happy.

But he was ignoring Taehyung. It's obvious as Jimmy Fallon's fake laughter. Taehyung didn't have a clue why. Had he done something wrong? Had he said something wrong?

At the edge of Taehyung's conscious, Jeongguk's little date with his wife was always there. It made him anxious because Jeongguk's strange behaviors had started after they came back from the date, not two days ago. It made him feel strangely insecure.

He watched Jeongguk now, who poured maple syrup over a plate of pancakes. He turned and walked over to the small table, where Taehyung sat. He set the plate in front of Taehyung and their gazes locked for a split second. Taehyung's heart leaped in his chest as Jeongguk's huge bambi eyes watched his before diverting them back to Jieun.

Taehyung sighed, heart dropping and something heavy weighted down his chest. He looked at his plate with three pancakes, whip cream on the side and maple syrup all over the pancakes. Jeongguk knew the way he liked it. He knew the perfect amount of maple syrup Taehyung liked. He would prepare his plate of pancakes of waffles every time they had them for breakfast. And even that day, he did. Just the way Taehyung liked it.

He picked at his pancakes, appetite suddenly gone. Aria came downstairs and took her plate of pan cakes, sitting down across Taehyung to eat. She shot Taehyung a disgusted look. Taehyung wanted to slap her. She almost raped him not two days ago. He didn't know what she'd grow up into. He pitied Jeongguk and Jieun.

"I'm going to go now" Aria said as she stuffed her mouth with pancakes.

"Wait" Jieun said. "I'm staying home today. I need to go to the grocery store so I'll give you a lift"

"Hurry up mom" Aria whined.

Jieun went upstairs, presumably to get dressed, leaving Taehyung, Jeongguk and Aria alone on the kitchen. Taehyung looked at Jeongguk, who wore a lose T-shirt and sweatpants as he poured maple syrup over his pancakes. Taehyung watched him as he took his plate and came over to sit next to Aria. He started eating wordlessly as he scrolled through his phone.

Taehyung let out a sigh and was about to divert his attention to his own plate when he caught Aria staring at him, face scrunched in disgust. Taehyung shot her a look and pointed his middle finger at her before starting to eat his breakfast.

Jieun and Aria left when Jieun came downstairs, after bidding goodbye to Jeongguk and Taehyung. Taehyung watched them leave and listened to the car being driven off the driveway as he picked on his pancakes. The moment they left, Taehyung diverted his gaze to Jeongguk. The older man seemed to not mind that he was not alone with Taehyung. On any other occasion, Taehyung thought, he'd jump up at the chance and spend some time with Taehyung.

And Taehyung missed that.

He felt his chest grow heavier by every passing minute as he stared at Jeongguk who was busy scrolling through his phone. After a few minutes of suffocating silence, Taehyung gathered up his courage and finally decided to speak up.

"Jeongguk?"

"Hmm?" he continued to scroll through his phone paying no mind to Taehyung.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

Silence.

"I'm not"

"You are" Taehyung said.

Silence followed. Jeongguk continued to pay attention to his phone screen. A few seconds stretched long and the phone landed on the table top with a loud clatter, making Taehyung jump. Jeongguk stood up with his plate in his hand. Taehyung watched as he went to the kitchen sink and placed the plate in it.

Taehyung stood up and walked towards him. "Why are you ignoring me?" He asked again.

Jeongguk was facing away from him. He didn't answer Taehyung's question. Instead, he stayed silent.

"Why are you-"Taehyung started to ask the same question again, voice wavering and he felt like crying, something he hardly ever did.

Jeongguk turned. "I'm not ignoring you"

"Yes you are" Taehyung said. He hoped to whatever God above that his voice won't break and break down there. "You've been ignoring me for the last two days!"

Jeongguk stayed silent.

Taehyung continued, "I can't take this anymore. You have a wife and a kid and I get it. I get you feel pressured but I'm also human. I'm not some toy you can use when you want and keep aside when you don't want me. I have feelings too. I told you when we started this I can't have you treating me like shit. If you want to maintain your so-called family, then just tell me. You had a perfect life before me. Go back to it"

Jeongguk stared at the ground and Taehyung continued to speak, the emotions he'd been holding in for the past few days unleashing. "You can't have both me and your family and I hate it when you treat me like I'm nothing and decide to be the perfect father figure and husband out of nowhere. One moment you make me feel loved and the next moment you act like I don't exist"

"If you don't want me anymore, tell me. I'll fuck off. I'll leave and keep this a secret and you can live your happily ever after with your wife and kid. You should just tell me and stop treating me like trash-"

Sniffle

Taehyung paused upon hearing it. He was confused for a second until he diverted his gaze towards Jeongguk.

Jeongguk was crying.

"Jeongguk" Taehyung whispered, taking a step towards him.

"Taehyung" He said, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

Taehyung was caught off guard. He never thought he'd ever see Jeongguk cry. He was afraid that he himself would cry but oh how the tables have turned. Taehyung looked at Jeongguk who had his head held low. Taehyung's heart hurt from worry and seeing Jeongguk cry, he wanted to cry too. With tear filled eyes, Taehyung held Jeongguk's face, raising his face to meet the younger's gaze.

"W-what's wrong?" Taehyung asked, his own voice breaking. "Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry if I did...I just..."

Jeongguk shook his head no. Taehyung wiped away Jeongguk's tears with the pad of his thumb, the flesh soft under his finger. A scarlet blush had risen in the apples of his cheeks and it hurt so much to see Jeongguk cry.

"I didn't mean to hurt you I swear" Taehyung rambled on. "It's just I was so frustrated and...and please stop crying...I can't see you cry like this. It hurts to see you like this...I'm sorry if I said something wr-"

"Jieun is pregnant"

Jeongguk looked at Taehyung, eyes big and twinkling with tears. Taehyung felt his hands drop from either side of Jeongguk's face and he leaned against the kitchen counter.

"What?" Taehyung whispered. He must've heard wrong, right? He did not just hear...

"It's over, Tae" Jeongguk said, voice wavering with leashed emotions. "I don't know what to do anymore" more tears started streaming down Jeongguk's cheeks.

Taehyung's mind was an absolute blanks space. He still tried to process the information. Jieun id pregnant. Jeongguk is having another child. Another responsibility. Another reason why Taehyung can't be with Jeongguk. Another reason why Taehyung should leave.

Every day the universe seemed to prove why Taehyung and Jeongguk can't continue this. This seemed to be her best shot.

"Oh"

"I'm sorry" Jeongguk took Taehyung's hands in his. "I didn't want any of this to happen. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I was just ignoring you because...because I didn't know what else I should do"

"I get it" Taehyung said. "I understand" Taehyung didn't. He didn't know what was happening.

"Jieun only told me this at the date. I think it's a couple of weeks ago. Probably from that one time I slept with Jieun couple of weeks ago. You know I didn't want a kid...I'm sorry Taehyung"

"Why are you apologizing?" Taehyung asked, forcing a smile. It faltered quickly as his heart was heavy with emotions. "You'll make a great father..."

"Taehyung..."

Taehyung shook his hands from Jeongguk's grasp. "You should focus on the new kid"

"Taehyung no...you know I can't let you go"

Taehyung glared at Jeongguk. Tears were almost streaming down his face and a sob threatened to escape him. "You're being selfish. It's your only chance to do what's right"

Jeongguk stayed silent after that. "I was thinking about that too" He said after a while, doe-eyed gaze meeting Taehyung's. "There's no other option"

Taehyung's heart dropped upon hearing those words. He didn't know what he even wished to hear. Did he expect Jeongguk to say no and hang on to Taehyung? Did Taehyung really want Jeongguk to let him go? But... "Yeah"

"This is my last chance to do what's right. My only chance to make things right. To be a better father. We'll stop doing things and end this whatever we had and I can go back to my life. You're right"

Taehyung watched as Jeongguk fumbled with his fingers. A stray tear trailed down his cheek slowly.

"Yeah" Taehyung said, gathering up his courage and composing himself. "It's not like we were in some kind of relationship. We don't mean anything to each other" it hurt to even say it.

At those words, Jeongguk's gaze flicked over to meet Taehyung's before lowering again. "I had the best time with you though"

"Me too" Taehyung couldn't just imagine a day without Jeongguk in it. He couldn't...how could he? How did he get so attached to the older man? It's only been a couple of months.

Jeongguk nodded. "Let's keep things form hereafter"

Taehyung nodded his head. "I have plans with Jimin today" He didn't. That was a lie. But Taehyung needed to get out of this suffocating situation before he fell apart right then and there. He wouldn't be able to control himself much longer.

"Sure" Jeongguk said. His steady voice sounded forced.

Taehyung ran to his room, took his phone and wallet and ran out of Jeongguk's house.

-

Taehyung was sobbing.

He couldn't be grateful enough for the strong arms that had wrapped around his body as he cried his living soul out. Jimin uttered comforting phrases to him but they did only so much to comfort the sobbing youngster on Jimin's dorm room bed.

Jeongguk's words kept playing in his mind over and over again like a broken record. It never shut up. And it hurt. It hurt so much. Taehyung didn't know why it hurt so much. The fact that everything between him and Jeongguk ended and would never have anything intimate between themselves broke Taehyung.

It was his first time feeling such pain. He'd never been in any kind of relationship. What he had with Jeongguk wasn't a relationship either. They just fucked...and sometimes cuddled...went on small dates...talked for hours...but it wasn't like Taehyung was in love with Jeongguk.

But then why did it hurt so much?

Jeongguk was only doing what he should've done long ago. Taehyung had no right to disagree. He was just in there for the sex. Nothing else. Taehyung could find someone better. He was sure. Someone around his age, for sure.

But they still won't be Jeongguk.

Taehyung hiccuped and Jimin's embrace tightened around him.

"Taehyung-ah" Jimin said in a broken way. "Come on now. He's not worth it. He's a selfish jerk who only thinks about himself"

Taehyung wanted to say that Jimin was wrong. But he wasn't. He knew it deep down. Taehyung was never part of Jeongguk's equation. He was just an external factor that threatened the balance of his equation. Now, he's just terminating that threat. And balance will be reestablished in his equation.

Whatever the case, Jeongguk's family always came first. Even when he cheated, he wanted to keep himself in the family, in his role for the sake of his daughter.

He was selfish, he focused on doing what's best for himself when it came to Taehyung. He may have cared for Taehyung a lot. But he was selfish. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have treated Taehyung like nithing at times when he felt like he was doing something wronf and he wouldn't have cheated on his wife in the firt place.

Jeongguk's selfishness wasn't nessasily wrong. But it hurted Taehyung at times. Jeongguk hadn't acted that way since the first month they started their little involvement. In fact, Jeongguk's been caring a lot for Taehyung.

But as minute by minute passed, the only thing Taehyung realized was that Jeongguk was selfish. That Taehyung's role was only to tend to his pleasures and nothing else. When shit starts to go sideways, he can always throw Taehyung away like he didn't exist in the first place. He was always the disposable part in his machine.

But then again, that's what they were. They may not have had a label, but the relationship just existed in order to pleasure each other. It was one of no feelings, no attatchments. Therefore, Jeongguk;s actions weren't actually unfair.

Even upon knowing this the whole time, why did it hurt Taehyung so much?

He can't process the fact that he won't be able to see Jeongguk the same way again. To look forward to sex with his and cuddling afterwards. To making out in his bedroom or secretly, trying their best to not get caught. He can't imagine not going on small dates with Jeongguk or cuddling in the couch when they were home alone and watching boring documentaries. Or making out on the couch for hours just because they enjoyed. Or just silently sitting on the porch or in Taehyung's bed, doing absolutely nothing but enjoying each other's presence in comfort.

He couldn't imagine any of it. His whole day consisted of Jeongguk. He couldn't get rid of that lifestyle that easily.

He wondered if Jeongguk felt the same.

"I think I know the best cure for your heartbreak" Jimin said. Taehyung had been crying for hours now. Jimin had held him all this time.

Taehyung looked up at his best friend before snuggling close to him again. "What is it?" He murmured.

"There's a party tomorrow. We should go"

Taehyung whined. "Don't want to"

"Some booze is what you need, Tae" Jimin said. "You can stay here for the night, you know. We'll invite the other and get drunk"

Taehyung hummed. Drinking it all away sounded like a plan. Besides, he was sure Hoseok would make him laugh his ass off. He always manages to do that.

"Fine"

"Awesome! I'll text the others" Jimin said and took his phone. Meanwhile, Taehyung cuddled Jimin's pillow, still feeling like shit.

Taehyung sniffled. After crying for hours, there seems to be no more tears to cry. So he just laid there, heart still heavy with unknown emotions and body heavy with exhaust. In no time Taehyung was falling asleep. Jimin came to cuddle his best friend and in his embrace, Taehyung fell into a dreamless slumber.

》♡《

If ya'll don't stream DYNAMITE mv when it drops imma 🔪🔪🔪🔪

Anyways have a great week! I'll try to update as soon as I can uwu
Love you guys💖