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Taehyung Kim was a fuck up.

The realization didn't come to him after 20 years of living, one February morning in the middle of his History of Arts lecture. He'd known it for a while. Say, when he was 16? He doesn't remember exactly how it happened but he did remember how he gave a blowjob to a man who was thrice his age.

He remembered the man's rough caroused hands grabbing at his soft brown locks, that weren't dyed blond back then. His glassy eyes brimmed with tears as he stared at the wrinkled face above him, head thrown back in pleasure. He remembered the exact way the man had held his face with his large hands, restricting him any movement as he roughly fucked his mouth. And at last, mercilessly came down his throat.

At least the man was decent enough to not forcefully fuck him when he denied the request. But he remembered how he was on the floor, half naked, tears running down his face when the man stood up from the bed after using Taehyung's mouth for pleasure. Remembered how Taehyung got himself on his feet and dressed himself as the pedophile watched. And after he was done, the way the man threw 200 dollars on the floor for Taehyung to pick up before he walked out of the motel room.

Every weekend he at least blew off 5 men. All of whom were older than himself. It was easier to find older men. Because Taehyung was beautiful, delicate, soft to the touch. And those men who came to nightclubs were old, filthy rich and tired if their wives who failed to provide them enough pleasure in bed.

Most people were angry at Taehyung because he wouldn't sleep with them. It was a principle of his. He'd let the men have their way with him and collect the money at the end of it. Not letting anyone fuck him was what kept himself from calling himself a prostitute.

He used to live alone, in a shabby apartment his mother had rented for him. He hardly ever saw his mother. She lived in another state and sent him money. But the money was only hardly enough for his school and food. And with no one to tell him how wrong it was of him to make money off his body, he got addicted to the big loads of notes being thrown at him. And his father was always out of the equation. He was non-existent in his life. He never sent Taehyung money and he hadn't seen him in years. He called, once in a while. But Taehyung hated him. He had a family of his own. He didn't care for Taehyung.

He had been best friends with Jimin for so long. But he'd never told him about what he does. The only thing Jimin knew was that he had a thing for older men, which was partially true.

He stopped letting men use him when he was 18. Instead he found himself one man, married or not, and stuck to him for a long period of time. It was more like having a sugar daddy. They didn't last long. Not more than two months. It ended either because Taehyung wanted to; if he was growing tired of them. Or most of the time because their wives found out about the affair. Taehyung didn't mind. He'd always find someone new the following week.

He enjoyed it. Especially when their wives found out. Enjoyed the way he'd be the one destroying families. One would call it madness. Another would call him a psychopath. Either way, he was feeding off the hate that was directed towards him.

He grew up without love. He grew up thinking he didn't need it. Nor did he want others to receive it.

And with every family he destroyed, he was punishing himself. And he was addicted to that feeling. The guilt.

Yes, he was a total fuck up. There's no other word for him. A whore, yes. A fucked-up whore at best.

By 19, he had finished high school. He was slowly getting tired of his habits. He was getting tired of how he'd provide pleasure to older men but they wouldn't show him the slightest kindness and get him off. He was tired of the way men who were much older than him would touch his soft body with their wrinkled hands and kiss him with those chapped lips and push their smelly tongue inside him. How those pedophiles would just take pleasure watching a body who's the age of their grandchildren and get off to the sight.

He hated how they expected him to obey and be submissive. It was after a few years that he found out that he wanted to dominate other people, not to be dominated.

So as he turned 20, he decided he wouldn't sell his body anymore. He was still a virgin. He had secured that one thing for someone special. He was about to go to college and start a new life. He was going to put his past behind him and work toward his artist dream.

He had gotten himself a girlfriend, even though he didn't really want one. It's just Aria's very persuasive. And kind of hot. They had been friends for a few weeks and she was nice. It had lasted for a few weeks. And Taehyung thought he was finally getting his life together.

He wasn't prepared to meet Jeongguk that winter night.

At first, he just wanted to sleep with him. Jeongguk was handsome and sweet. He didn't want Jeongguk for money. He just wanted to be with Jeongguk. Taehyung thought that Jeongguk actually showed him some intimacy, more than just lust. From the way the older man touched him, he knew the guy didn't take him for a prostitute.

He was beyond outrageous to find out that Jeongguk had fucked him and left money the following morning. Because he thought that life was over for him. He didn't expect Jeongguk to do that to him. He thought he would never take money for sleeping with someone. He had felt disgusted in himself that he had not only allowed a stranger to take his virginity, but also let himself be sold like that.

But when he had kept bumping into Jeongguk at different moments, he had decided that he'd want to keep having sex with Jeongguk.

Jeongguk didn't treat him like some doll or a possession. He wasn't a pedophile. Nor was he too much older than Taehyung. He wasn't filthy rich. He had a godly body, unlike most men Taehyung had offered pleasure to. Most of all, Jeongguk didn't try to dominate him.

But he did have a wife. And a kid.

And the thrill of messing with a married man was still fresh inside Taehyung. He still fed off of that thrill of doing something so forbidden.

But with Jeongguk he didn't really feel the thrill to destroy the poor man's family life. It was hard to explain for Taehyung, what he's feeling towards this man. Deep down, he knew that there was something special about Jeongguk. He didn't really want for Jeongguk's wife to find out about them and to destroy his life. And neither did he care about Jeongguk having a wife. It simply didn't matter. He still loved the thrill. But there was something else that was attracting him towards Jeongguk. He couldn't exactly pinpoint what that is. But that's what made him still stick to Jeongguk, even when he wasn't willing to give Taehyung all the attention he wanted Jeongguk to give him. He was immensely attracted towards Jeongguk. Sexually.

He wanted to keep fucking Jeongguk. And that's all he needed from the man.

"....Picasso said that everything you can imagine is real" Jeongguk was saying and Taehyung was snapped back to reality with the name of Picasso, one of his favorite artists. "Art is about everything real and everything unreal. In art, it doesn't matter if what you're putting into that canvas is real or not. It's just you and your mind in this. Together you'll create masterpieces.

"Picasso also said good artists copy, great artists steal" Jeongguk said, making the students erupt into low chuckles. Jeongguk himself was smiling, his lips stretched to form a bunny-like grin, and dimples appearing on both his cheeks. He looked cute, Taehyung thought. Taehyung smiled at him fondly.

"I want you to think about that quote as homework today. What does he mean by it? What are your ideas about it? Do some research on it? I'll be randomly picking up students and asking them questions. I want you guys to engage on this lecture. For today that's all. Any questions?" Jeongguk said.

A redhead with freckles, who always stays after class to ask Mr. Jeon questions rose her hand up.

"Yes, Miss. Frey?"

The girl asked something very descriptively, waving her hands everywhere as he did. Taehyung dismissed her over-attentiveness and closed his note book.

"Hey me and Namjoon are going to the mall today. Want to come with us?" Jimin said from beside Taehyung.

"As a date?"

"Not really"

"Nah man, you guys go. I'll pass" Taehyung said. "Got some stuff to study too"

"Oh yeah. Okay. I'll bring you dinner, then?"

"Bro you'd be going straight to Namjoon's room after the date. Don't worry, I'd eat something" Taehyung said, chuckling.

"Fuck off" Jimin punched Taehyung's arm lightly, smiling.

The bell rang and the students started streaming out of the class, the moment Jeongguk dismissed the class. Taehyung saw the redhead still leaning forward Mr. Jeon's desk, asking something and Jeongguk, sitting on his chair and listening to her babbling.

"Aren't you going to the next class?" Jimin asked.

"No I'm going to meet Mr. Jeon for a second" Taehyung said.

"You're going to tell him to come over, aren't you?" Jimin said. "While I'm out"

"If he agrees" Taehyung smirked at Jimin. Jimin laughed, making Mr. Jeon avert his gaze momentarily towards the two of them, as the class was nearly empty by then.

"Okay, bro. Good luck with that. See you in English" Jimin said and waved at Taehyung and walked out of the hall.

Taehyung slowly approached the table. The girl was still with him. Taehyung sat at the front seat row, right in front of Jeongguk and spread his legs. Jeongguk was focusing on the textbook the redhead had set open on his desk. Jeongguk's gaze flicked over Taehyung once and he looked back at Taehyung and his eyes grazed over Taehyung's body for a few seconds right before focusing on the girl.

"Miss Frey, let's not go ahead of ourselves, shall we? I haven't taught that lesson yet. So I'll explain that part tomorrow or the day after" Jeongguk said, smiling at her fondly.

"Yes, Mr. Jeon" She said and picked up her books. "Thank you"

"Of course"

Taehyung watched as the girl walked out of the classroom.

"Hi" Jeongguk said the moment the door closed after the girl.

"Hello" Taehyung said, smiling. He was in a good mood that day.

"Did you ask your landlady if you could pay the rent next month?" Jeongguk asked, standing before taehyung, his hands in his pockets.

Taehyung huffed, irritated. he was going to forget about the matter for that day. But he guessed he couldn't avoid his problems forever.

Taehyung shook his head. "She said no. she wants me to pay and move out before this week ends"

Taehyung was struggling. He wasn't exactly used to struggling because after he started selling himself off, he'd always had money. But in the last few months after her mother's pay had been cut off from time to time, and the money she'd been sending him had been reducing, he'd assured his mother that he has money and she doesn't need to sent him as much as before. He had spent most of the money he had saved in the last few months. His college fees and books had been expensive. And now he only had a couple of dollars on his bank account.

He was almost considering going back to his lifestyle. Back to being used. And he was considering sleeping with people too. Because now that he's no longer a virgin... and because it would pay more.

He hated the idea. He didn't want to be submissive to men again. He despised it now. Besides now that he and Jeongguk were hooking up...

"I was thinking about getting a student loan" Taehyung said.

"Oh" Jeongguk seemed to think for a moment. "You know I have an idea"

"What?"

Jeongguk paced back to his desk and sat down on top of it, long legs clad in tight jeans and sneakers dangling off the edge. "I'll pay your rent for the last month"

Taehyung was dumbfounded. He never thought he'd see the day Jeongguk offers him money. He considered Jeongguk his lover. He didn't expect anything from him in return. It was one thing that set Jeongguk apart from the men Taehyung had offered pleasure to. Jeongguk was not his sugar daddy, nor was Taehyung his prostitute.

He would not accept money from Jeongguk for sleeping with him. Somewhere deep inside, Taehyung knew Jeongguk was more than just a guy he slept with. That's why he called him his lover.

"Are you offering me money for sleeping with me?!" Taehyung almost shouted.

"What!? No!" Jeongguk shook his head. "I'm just offering you money, you brat. You can pay me later. Besides" Jeongguk's voice grew softer. "I'm not some millionaire who can shower you with money and spoil you with branded things like a sugar daddy. Seriously, I can't afford that. I'm only a college professor"

Taehyung sighed. "I know. I don't want you to be"

He wondered if he should tell Jeongguk about his past, for a split second. But some things were better unsaid. His past was in the past. It doesn't determine who he is today.

On the other hand, he felt guilty for wanting to accept money. He didn't have much of a choice at this point. He would be able to pay Jeongguk next month with his new job but still....

He didn't like it that Jeongguk was trying to take care of him like this. He knew he was being stubborn but he hated being treated as a submissive. His previous sugar daddies had done the same, trying to control his life for him and he had hated that. He didn't want Jeongguk doing that too.

"You don't have to worry. I can offer you money and you can pay it back sooner or later. Don't feel guilty"

Taehyung stopped fiddling with his fingers and looked up at Jeongguk. It was as if Jeongguk was reading his mind. Taehyung looked at the smiling figure of Jeongguk looking down at him. And maybe, it was okay. Maybe it was okay for him to be taken care of. Maybe he needed that once in a while too...

"Hmm...fine" Taehyung said at last. "I'll pay you back next month. Thank you, Mr. Jeon"

Jeongguk grinned. "You're welcome" He said. "And you can stay at my place for this month if you want. Because there's no place for you to stay at, right? You don't have to pay me or anything"

Taehyung was honestly starstruck. He thought of staying at one of his friends' houses for a few nights. Hoseok and Yoongi lived nearby. So, he could've crashed at either of their paces since his landlady would kick him out the moment he pays the rent. But he can't stay there for a whole month. Hoseok wasn't rich. Yoongi was, and he knew the both of them would agree to let him stay over as much as t\he wanted. But he hated being a burden to them. They were only students too.

He knew staying at jeongguk's place would be a burden to...maybe he could pay a rent at the end of the month...

"Is that okay?" Taehyung asked.

"Of course" Jeongguk said.

"I'll stay if you'd let me pay you back"

Jeongguk quirked up an eyebrow. "No"

"Then I'll crash at someone's"

"Stop being so stubborn. If you really want to pay, we'll discuss that at the end of the month. Don't bother your friends"

Taehyung sighed. "Okay then" He said. "I don't want you to be my sugar daddy, that's all"

Jeongguk laughed. "Sure" Jeongguk said. "But..."

Jeongguk's pause made Taehyung look up at him. He had walked over to where taehyung sat and was crouching down in front of him. Their eyes were on level with each other. Taehyung stared at the elder's dark, doe eyes. And for the nth time he thought that they were quite captivating. "There's something you aren't telling me. Why are you so hesitant to accept money and care from me?"

Taehyung fiddled with his fingers for a while. He was feeling nervous. In all reality, he didn't want Jeongguk knowing about his past yet. He hadn't even told Jimin about it.

"It's just that I hate the idea of someone controlling my life. People.... people had tried to do that to me and...it wasn't a good experience because I didn't like it" Taehyung stumbled on his words.

"Taehyung I'm not trying to take control of your life. I don't want to do that. I'm just trying to help you. I don't expect anything in return. I want you to be whoever you want when you're with me" Jeongguk's palm was soft against his cheek and his thumb brushed over the apple of his right cheek. Taehyung found himself involuntarily leaning into the warm touch.

Taehyung nodded. "Thank you"

"No need to thank me, darling" Jeongguk whispered.

Taehyung felt Jeongguk lean in and the next moment his hot lips were pressed against Taehyung's cold ones. His warm breath tickled his cheek as taehyung closed his eyes, the feeling of Jeongguk's soft lips unusually comforting. He opened his mouth a little and so did Jeongguk. In no time Jeongguk's hands were cupping Taehyung's cheeks as they kissed. It felt nice. Beautiful. Almost romantic. Comforting nonetheless. There wasn't a wave of arousal coursing through his body like every other time he'd kissed Jeongguk. Instead there was a warm feeling blossoming beneath him. It was so...alien to Taehyung.

Taehyung let the older man suck his bottom lip a little and then softly enter his tongue before pulling away a little. Jeongguk's words were a whisper against his lips.

"I'm always here for you"

》♡《

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