Awsten's POV

Flowers decorate the ground, new and regularly replaced. The ones in my hand weigh more than they did when I bought them. A hand slips into mine, squeezing it reassuringly. "You Ok?" I look up and nod. "Yeah I just...it's just hard. It's been eight months how am I not over it yet?"

"It's hard to get over something like this Aws. But you're not alone through this. I promise."

Rain falls, dripping off my nose and fingers into a steadily growing puddle around my feet. Droplets land fast and heavy onto the marble, like my tears, running over the lettering engraved into it. I crouch down and reach out a trembling hand to touch the stone, tracing over the words, my lips repeating them as I do.

Here lies Geoffrey Donald Wigington

Beloved son, brother, husband and friend

1989 - 2018

Forever and always

"It's raining again." I sighed and moved away from the window, taking up position next to his bed. "Goddamn these chairs are uncomfortable. Can they not get proper ones?" I complained, rubbing my back.

"Sorry babe, there isn't anything I can do about it. Maybe write in and complain?"

"To who though?" Geoff shrugged, unable to answer. "The President? He's in charge right?"

"Yeah but he's a fat orange pig so fuck him." Geoff snorted. "Yeah he is." I hummed and took Geoff's hand in mine. "Your ring's shinier than mine." I said, putting my hand next to his to compare then. 

"You're still so beautiful." Geoff murmered. He lifted up my hand and kissed it. His lips caressed my skin in a loving gesture. This may never happen again. This intimacy will fade and I'll be alone. I can't be without Gee, I need him. Water leaked from my tear ducts, running down my face like a river of pain and despair.

"Hey, hey don't cry. You're too pretty to cry." He attempted to wipe my tears away but he was too weak.

"I'm so sorry Gee. I failed again. I couldn't keep you safe." I sobbed, clutching his hand tightly. "No you didn't. You worked so hard. It was my turn to look after you and I always will even when...even when I'm not here."

"Don't say that. You will get better. You will! I know you will and you're in the best place right now. They can help you." I gesture to the hospital and the few nurses in his room. "Please. Please don't leave me. I can't lose you too."

"You will never lose me plum. I'll always be right here. Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not there." Geoff promised. I laughed a little and wiped my eyes. "You know that song makes me cry you asshole."

"Rude!" Geoff protested.

"But you love me." I said with a smile.

"Yeah I do. I do. I love you." I reached up to kiss him. "I love you too Gee."

"Come lie down with me." I complied and placed my skinny body next to his. "You're so skinny Geoff. Have you been eating?"

"Yeah, they pump nutrients into me every day. Maybe it's the cancer? Maybe it's something else." I nodded and laid my head in his chest taking comfort in the fact it was still moving up and down even if it was quite shallow.

"Sing something." Geoff whispered. "Like what?"

"Just something. Anything. I just want to hear your voice."

"How about...Stupid for you?" I asked. It was the first thing that came to my head. "Sure plum."

"Hey, tell me what you want me to say
You know I'm stupid for you
Hey, can you come-a come out and play?
You know I'm stupid for you

I'm color-coding my moods
You're yellow, I'm natural blue
Let's get together and be green like my insides
At least I'll match your eyes
Jealous and hypnotized
Let's match our faces and be equally in love

Hey, tell me what you want me to say
You know I'm stupid for you
Hey, can you come and come out and play?
You know I'm stupid for you

Let's trash our whole afternoon
Reciting recycled news
Until we melt and go back to your hotel room
I'll be your new favorite tune
I'll be your black cloud by June
But only when you miss the rain like I miss you.

Just double dare me
And I promise now that I'll stay
It's not like you're married but I still got carried away

Hey, tell me what you want me to say
You know I'm stupid for you
Hey, can you come and come out and play?
You know I'm stupid for you

You're playing ring around my head
I wear you like a halo
You're a symphony, I'm just a sour note
I'll take what I can get
The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you
And everybody wants you
You're playing ring around my head
I wear you like a halo
You're a symphony, I'm just a sour note
I'll take what I can get
The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you

Hey, tell me what you want me to stay
You know I'm stupid for you
Hey, can you come-a come out and play
You know I'm stupid for you

You're playing ring around my head
I wear you like a halo
You're a symphony, I'm just a sour note
I'll take what I can get
The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you
And everybody wants you

And everybody wants you
And everybody wants you
And everybody wants you
And everybody wants you
And everybody wants you"

I finished and looked up. "How was that?" Silence. "Geoff?"

No response. "Gee? Baby?" His chest wasn't moving. Then I heard it. We all did.

The flatline.

It was all over. "Geoff? Geoff!" Hands tried to grab at us but I clung to him refusing to let go. "No! Geoff!" I cried and cried into my husband's chest. "Don't take him away from me, please!" I pleaded. They backed away and gave us some space. His skin was still warm but his heart wasn't beating. "I love you Geoff. Forever and always.

"Awsten, do you need some time?" Patty bends down and crouches beside me. "No. I think...I think it's time to go." I say. The flowers roll out of my hand and onto the grass. He gives me time to stand up but his hand doesn't leave mine as we walk away.

-

The sound of metal hitting wood echoes around the empty house. I kick the door shut behind me. A couple of envelopes sit on the mat. Electricity bills and a random red one.

I toss the bill to the side and focus my attention on the red envelope. Red love hearts are drawn on neatly around the sides. A small note is pinned to the front.

Awsten,

Geoff asked me to give you this when it had been a year. I didn't think you should wait that long so I'm sending you it now.

We miss you a lot, love Grace and Otto

That's odd. That reminds me, I haven't called them or seen them since Geoff's funeral.

Sighing, I remove the note and see my name written in the middle in Geoff's handwriting with a heart next to it. Cheesy fuck. Making sure I don't rip the red paper, I open it carefully and slide out the letter.

I read it and collapse to the floor, paper over my heart and my tears on the ground.

Dear Awsten,

I miss you already. I'm writing this while you're asleep so it's a little weird knowing you won't get this any time soon. Awsie, I know I'm going to die. I don't know when but it's coming. I can feel it. The days are getting shorter and I'm just so tired. It's hard finding the will to live and I just want to give up. I tell myself I can't do it anymore but there's always something, someone, keeping me going. You. You, Awsten Wigington, keep me sane. Wow it still makes me smile whenever I say that. Awsten Wigington. My beautiful, talented husband.

You make the sun shine when it's raining, you make me smile when I feel like giving up and you keep me alive. You're My beacon of hope, my light at the end of the tunnel and when the time comes to face it, I'll be running. I'll be running straight to you. I won't ever leave you. You won't see me but I'm there and I promise you that.

I promise that I'll be there for you through everything because I love you plum and I never want you to leave me. But I need you to promise me something. Promise me you won't forget but promise me you'll move on. Find someone that makes you smile. Find your light but remember I'm always there when you need me.

Remember and live because you can. You're going to do wonderful things, I just wish I could be there in person to see it.

I love you Awsie, keep smiling and never give in, never back down.

All my love, Geoff xoxoxoxo

First chapter! Enjoy :) I'm excited about this one too!! Xox