CHAPTER TWENTY TWO:

INEVITABILITY

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      She wanted to be anywhere else but there, sitting alone in her dorm with only the sound of her own breathing ringing in her ears. She was well-aware there was a Quidditch game going on that Weasley was playing in, but she'd already told Potter that morning that she didn't have the heart to hear the all-too-familiar tune of Malfoy's rendition of "Weasley is Our King." She wasn't sure she could stop herself from punching him in the face.

       If she was being honest with herself, Nova didn't have the heart to do much of anything.

      Her mind, as she knew it would be for perhaps the rest of my life, was on the black tattoo on her brother's skin. The same Theo that had promised to always protect her was the same one who would bring her downfall. 

      Bellatrix's words lingered in her mind. Sooner or later, she'd become like them. She'd fight like hell to put it off for as long as possible, but everyone had their weakness, and her weakness was Theo. As she looked to the clock off to the side of her dorm wall, she realized it was nearing the end of the Quidditch game and thought with a shock to her system that there was a redheaded Weasley that was slowly but surely becoming another weakness. Another weak spot in her armor that she'd fight to protect with all her might.

      It was odd thinking that, she reflected. It was odd that she had full knowledge of her feelings for him and knew the extent she'd go to to make sure Ron Weasley was happy and untouched by the blackness she'd forever had present in her life. And because she had a masochistic side, she wondered, only for a moment, what her mother would have thought of him.

      Elizabeth would be shocked at the choice, but it would be a different kind of shock compared to Edgar. She'd be more shocked that Nova had opened up her heart to someone. Nova liked to imagine that her mother wouldn't care about his blood status, and from the little piece of her that Hagrid had offered so many weeks ago, Nova believed it more and more everyday. "He's so good for you, Nova," she could imagine Elizabeth saying as she brushed her fingers through her daughter's hair. "I've never seen you smile so much."

       She never had, Nova realized with a start. She'd never smiled so much in her life.

      Another glance at the clock told her that Ron had long since traveled to the kitchens. If Gryffindor had won, he would be eating celebratory toad in the hole. If they had lost, he would be sulking and burying his face in anything chocolate. She'd remembered these particular facts when he had practiced the entire week leading up to the match, and she had given him a quick kiss on those days when he was eating a piece of chocolate pie. Nova stood from her four-poster and made her way down to the kitchens, sighing when she saw him halfway done with a piece of chocolate cake.

      "It was absolute rubbish," he said miserably as she slid into the seat next to him, offering her hand to him. He was getting quicker at realizing what the gesture meant, as he intertwined their fingers and sent her a squeeze. "I'm glad you weren't there." There was a hidden emotion in his eyes that told her otherwise. Nova felt any happiness in her heart deflate. He had a habit of doing that, making her feel sorry for things she'd never felt sorry for. Anything that brought that look to his eyes made her want to apologize. 

      In a gesture so complete unlike her that his eyes widened, she brought his hand to her mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. 

      "I'm sure it wasn't as awful as you're making it out to be," she offered.

      "You weren't there."

      No, she hadn't been. And she realized with a start that he had wanted her to be. Even if she was sitting with the house that chanted awful things about him, even if he played terribly, he wanted her there. Once again, she had unintentionally hurt him. "I'm sorry," she mentioned, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'll be there next time."

      "Harry's interview with the Quibbler is supposed to come out soon. Are you going to read it?" he asked as a way of distracting the both of them from the current conversation. Nova vaguely remembered that Ron had mentioned that Potter had an interview with Rita Skeeter that was going to be published in The Quibbler, a magazine run by the father of the weird platinum blonde Ravenclaw Nova had met on the carriage ride the night of September first.  She sighed at his question. If it had been published in the Prophet, she would give him the definite answer of "yes" immediately. Since it wasn't being published in the Prophet, things were trickier. "I'm going to take your silence as a no."

      His tone sounded slightly bitter, so her eyes narrowed in the fighting spirit. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to you talk to me like that. You know perfectly well why I can't read it. I told you earlier that I was going to try, and I'm going to. If you don't believe me, that's on you. And as for your attitude, if you're upset because of the match, I understand. That doesn't, however, give you the right to take it out on me."

      When she lifted her body out of the seat, pulling her hand away from his, he was quick to just reach for it again, pulling on it so hard that she nearly toppled into his lap. The blush on his cheeks didn't distract her from the fact that she was slightly peeved with him. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry," he said, squeezing her hand. "I'm just upset about Quidditch. Don't leave."

      With what was left of her dignity, Nova huffed and smoothed down her skirt before silently leaning on the counter next to him. He didn't let her hand pull away from his, keeping her fingers trapped between his. "I warned you about this," she whispered, shaking her head. "I warned you things were going to be hard, Ron. Did you not listen? Did you not take me seriously?"

      "Let's not do this tonight," he said after a few moments. "For right now, we're... something... and we're enjoying chocolate cake and I'm upset because I lost a Quidditch match. Let's not think about Gryffindor or Slytherin or my family or yours or anything else. I just want to be here."

      Couldn't he see that was all she wanted, as well? That all she wanted to do was be with him and forget about Bellatrix, forget about her brother, forget about whatever she'd need to do in the future. "We're here," she said softly, leaning over and giving him a kiss. "We're here," she repeated.

      This kiss was different, somehow. Nova had always loved that Ron's kisses had been so similar to the ones before, because if she was being honest with herself, she thought a change in the way he kissed would be a shock to her system. But this one was different. This was a kiss after an argument, and it was all sweetness and kindness. Ron moved his mouth over hers as if she were something fragile that would break if he moved too fast, too suddenly. And while Nova would normally make a comment about how he needed to kiss her like he meant it, she knew that in that moment, this was his way of smoothing over their fight. Of making sure she knew that his feelings were still very present.

      So, she accepted the light touches of his fingers reaching up to take her face. He still blushed horribly when he kissed her (she felt the heat on his cheeks underneath her palms when her hands caressed his face) and she liked knowing that no matter how much they might change over the next couple of weeks, things like that still remained the same. His kiss was feather-light, just a brush of his lips against her that had her sighing into his mouth and making his cheeks flare up even more.

      "I never fail to make you blush," she commented against his mouth, smiling slightly. "And it makes me feel great."

      "Shut up," he replied, silencing her response when he pressed his lips to hers even more, silencing any retort that was ready to fall from her mouth.

      Her butterflies never ceased around him. They were uncomfortable in her stomach, fluttering around like they'd been there all her life. His mouth moved against hers, his hands tangling in her long hair and her hands latching onto his neck, thumbs brushing up and down his jaw line. When she lightly nipped at his lower lip, the shock was enough to send his hands tumbling down to her waist, pulling her even closer. She tried not to laugh against his mouth, but really, he'd reacted like a baby deer in the presence of a hunter. 

      That was the thing with him. He thought that he was the only one that was inexperienced in this area of relationships. He thought that since she'd dated Malfoy, she'd done this sort of thing before. But never in her entire life had she felt this way about anyone. Never had she ever had butterflies so strong that she thought she would float with the weightlessness. Never had her heart beat so fast that she thought it was going to jump out of her chest. She was just as new to this as he was. 

      So, she nipped at his lip again and opened her eyes just to see his shoot open in shock once more.

      She couldn't help herself. She had to pull away and laugh at the frightened look on his face, her hands moving to wrap around his neck as she leaned on the counter once more. "You don't know how to snog, Weasley."

      "W-what? Did you seriously just say that?" He sounded offended.

      "I bit your lip, which is a natural progression from a kiss to a snog, and you acted like I was getting out my wand to hex you." Before he could get angry at her once more, she pressed another quick kiss to his mouth. "It's not a bad thing, but it's something we're going to have to work on."

       "I can't believe you just bloody told me that I can't snog. I can snog if I wanted to. Maybe I just didn't want to at that moment."

      She bit her lips to keep from laughing. "Alright, alright, you didn't want to snog. Message received." 

      "I've got to go," he said, angrily standing from his chair and marching out of the kitchens without so much as a goodbye. While normally Nova would be slightly annoyed, she couldn't help but finally release the laugh that she'd been holding inside out, reveling at the sound of it. It'd been so long since she'd properly laughed, and picking a fight with Ron had done just that. Made her properly laugh. She clutched the counter, pressing her hand to her mouth to muffle the sound of her laughter just in case he could hear it from outside the entryway, but she couldn't stop it completely from bubbling over.

      If he could see her now, she mused, rolling her eyes at herself. Didn't that boy see how crazy he made her? Didn't he see how much better she wanted to become, for his sake? And he thought that him not being able to properly snog was what was going to turn her away. Stupid, stupid redhead, she thought to herself, rolling her eyes again because she could. Stupid redhead that made me feel this way. Can't you see what you're doing to me? 

      He made her forget about everything. And that, to her, was much better than a man who could snog like his life depended on it. Because she knew that even if Ron Weasley acted like a scared baby deer when she was kissing him, he held her hand like he never wanted to let go, and that was exactly what she needed.

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 - BY ORDER OF -

THE HIGH INQUISITOR OF HOGWARTS

Any student found in possession of the magazine The Quibbler will be expelled.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-seven.

Signed, 

Dolores Jane Umbridge, High Inquisitor

      Nova stared at the new Educational Decree hanging over her head with a frown curling the corners of her lips down. Zabini, who had offered to accompany her down the the Great Hall for lunch, was gazing at the posting with absolute distaste, something Nova praised him for. 

      "The article wasn't bad," Zabini mentioned, shrugging his shoulders. "He's put a target on his back, revealing all the Death Eaters that were in the graveyard that night, but it was a decent article." 

      She was a little upset that Zabini had found time to read the article, but she hadn't. All morning she'd been trying to scare first years into giving her their copies of the magazine, but none of them would budge. Zabini had started laughing when she threatened a young Ravenclaw boy who simply raised his eyebrow at her before walking off in the opposite direction. "Were first years always this gutsy?" she had questioned angrily. 

      Luckily, Zabini had confiscated a copy from some younger student and was stowing it away in his dorm until he could safely give it over to Nova so she could finally see what all the fuss was about.

      "I thought you'd be upset," Zabini mentioned as they made their way to the Great Hall after Charms, where Nova had seen Professor Flitwick trying to sneakily give Potter a box of squeaking sugar mice. It had made her smile that all the teachers seemed to be on board with Potter's article. Save for Umbridge, of course, but Nova was beyond the point of not caring what Umbridge thought. "Seeing as Potter mentioned your father."

      Nova shrugged her shoulders. "It's not exactly hidden knowledge that my father's a Death Eater. He lost my trust and respect a long while ago."

       As if remembering, Zabini winced and raised a hand to the corner of her lip, where there was a small scar that would forever mark where her father had raised a hand to her. Then, as quickly as his hand was reaching up, he dropped it, letting out a small chuckle. "Weasley's glaring over here like he wants me to spontaneously combust."

      When Nova's eyes trailed over to the Gryffindor table, he was indeed glaring over at the two of them. She rolled her eyes in his direction before turning back to Zabini and taking their seats at the Slytherin table. "Ignore him. He's playing the part of a jealous... something, very well."

      "Something?" Zabini questioned, raising his eyebrow.

      "I hate labels. Plus, boyfriend and girlfriend sounds so trivial in the grand scheme of things, don't you think?" She thought so, anyway. She didn't have the right to prattle on about her loving and doting boyfriend when her brother was now an official Death Eater. The word boyfriend didn't fit with her. Something was easier.

      "Well no wonder he hates me then, if you haven't gotten a real label for your relationship." At Nova's look, Zabini sighed. "Nova, labels aren't to demean a relationship. It's a way of letting that person know that you're all in the relationship. Besides, why is he glaring over here? Haven't you told him?"

      While other Slytherins around them might not have known was Zabini was talking about, Nova knew perfectly what Zabini was bringing up. The fact that he was gay, in love with her brother, and was not interested in Nova Nott at all. Nova shook her head. "I didn't want to tell him. That's your personal life. He doesn't need to know."

      "I wouldn't have minded if you had told him." The words contradicted his actions, however, when his shoulders relaxed just the tiniest bit, a minuscule action if one hadn't been looking as close as Nova had been looking. He wasn't ready for anyone else to know, and had only confided in her because he was tired of keeping it a secret.

      "I still didn't want to. You confided in me, and I'm going to keep your trust." Since they were on the topic, Nova found her eyes shifting over to her brother, who was chatting with Greengrass at the end of the table. "Speaking of Theo, how are things?" she questioned in a whisper, nearly silent. Zabini had heard, however, as she knew he would.

      "How do you think?" he retorted. "He's head over heels for Daphne. But that's alright. I've convinced myself that it's better off this way. What about you? How are things between the two of you?"

      With a blackness surrounding her heart, Nova leaned her chin on the palm of her hand. "We haven't spoken in nearly two weeks."

      It had been the worst two weeks of her life, in that aspect. But she hadn't lied when she had told Theo two weeks ago that she was going to start her life without him. He had drawn their line, and she was going to have to figure out how to move on from that point. She thought she was doing a pretty decent job, especially when she looked back at the redhead who had long since glared over at her and Zabini with jealousy and was instead chewing thoughtfully on his food whilst simultaneously trying to talk to Potter. 

      "You look happy, though," Zabini mentioned, biting into an apple. "Weasley really making you that happy?"

      "Yeah," she said, smiling a little down at her food. "Yeah, Zabini, he really is. I didn't think it was possible, but here I am, acting like a little girl in love."

      The word hung in the silence between them for a long while. If Zabini was surprised, he did a good job of not showing it. But Nova was surprised. The word had fallen from her lips so carelessly, like it was what she was really feeling. She couldn't have felt that way, yet. 

      "Love?" Zabini asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is that where this is headed?"

      Immediately, Nova shook her head. "No. No, no, no. Not yet, maybe not ever. I don't know why I said that. It was just an expression, you know?"

      He nodded before his eyes scurried over to Theo, who was now bending down to whisper something in Greengrass's ear that made her burst into laughter and grip the arm Theo had draped across her shoulders. Nova saw it in Zabini's eyes, the quick stab of hurt and then the iciness of his gaze when he tried to cover it up how he was feeling. It was something she'd been trying to do all her life, which was why when she saw him attempt it, she knew it wasn't true.

      "I think," he said slowly, eyes still locked on Nova's twin, "that if you're lucky enough to find someone that makes you feel that way, you shouldn't shy away from admitting it."

      After lunch, the two of them made their way back to the common room, since they both had the rest of the day free. There were a handful of Slytherins in the common room, but not enough to think anything suspicious of the book Zabini handed Nova that had a tiny sliver of a magazine peeking from underneath its pages. "Thank you," she said, flipping the book open. Her eyes immediately found the article, scanning over the words that she was sure Rita had wanted to fancy up a bit. It must have been like pulling teeth to get Rita to stick to what Potter was saying, Nova thought, a small smirk gracing her lips at the thought of Rita being anything resembling uncomfortable. Ever since her nasty piece on the "two Slytherin icicles Malfoy and Nott" when she'd somehow gotten into the Yule Ball the previous year, Nova had held a silent grudge.

      The article was wonderful. It showcased Potter's side perfectly, and Nova knew that with Umbridge's ban on the magazine, it just made sure that everyone in every house would want to read it to find out what was so jarring about the cold, hard truth Potter was spewing. Her eyes were caught on the Death Eaters on the page, however, eyes scanning over the familiar names.

      Edgar Nott.

      She wondered, with a twinge of sadness, when her brother's name would be included in lists like these.

      "I think I'm so afraid of labeling this," she said in a whisper, knowing Zabini was listening, "thing I have with Weasley because everything that has a label eventually wears off, you know? Like the label father. It set unrealistic expectations about a man who should love his children no matter what. And then the label brother. Someone who's supposed to give you a hard time, but never do anything to intentionally hurt you. Mother. Someone who's supposed to... be there. I know I can't blame her for that, but it was hard growing up with just him." She shrugged, trying to maintain that perfect balance of iciness and aloofness, but never quite succeeding. "If I call Weasley my boyfriend, it's just another set of unrealistic expectations. And when I hurt him, which I know I will, it'll hurt too much to see those expectations become nothing more than a fantasy. A dream of what my life could have been. Something's safer. It hurts less."

      "Have you told him this?"

      "He never listens. He thinks that we can make it through this, that we're strong enough. And maybe we are. Maybe we are and I'm not giving myself, or him, enough credit. But you know where I come from, Zabini. You know what I had as an example of love and compassion. I had a man who hit me and a brother who betrayed me because in the end, it was easier than putting up a fight. Maybe it's pessimistic of me, but I just know that things between Weasley and I are too good to be true. Eventually, what goes up must come down. And Merlin, Zabini... I really don't want the two of us to come down."

      The words she said sat heavy in her chest, like she'd been needing to let them out all along. She knew talking about it helped, but at the same time, it didn't do anything. Talking about it didn't make the facts go away. Talking about it didn't keep that hurt look out of Ron's eyes whenever she reminded him that things between them had to stay a secret, for both their sakes.

      "Nova, if the way he was glaring at me is any indication of how he feels about you... I don't think you have to worry about losing those expectations. And not to sound selfish, but do you know what I'd give to have Theo look at me the way Weasley was looking at you?"

      There was hurt there, in his eyes. And she immediately felt stupid and heartless. Heartless because here she was, complaining about her actual relationship with Ron when Theo would unknowingly smashing Zabini's heart in two. With a sigh, she walked over to where he was sitting and grabbed his hand, giving it a friendly squeeze. "I'm sorry. I'm the selfish one, sitting here and talking about my problems. I guess I'm just taking advantage of you."

      One of his eyebrows quirked upwards. "Taking advantage of me? How?"

      The smile she gave him was that of someone who wasn't haunted by familial skeletons. It was of someone who was reassuring that they'd always be there, no matter the circumstances. "Because we're friends, Zabini. And I'm taking advantage of our friendship. I've never had anyone who understood, but now I do."

      "I understand it too well, unfortunately." Still, he allowed her to lean her head on his shoulder. "What do you think the pair of us look like? Two heartbroken misfits sitting in the common room and sulking?"

      "Well," she commented, shrugging her shoulders, "isn't that exactly what we are?"

      His chuckle was the only response she received. 

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THIS CHAPTER IS FINALLY DONE AND NOT UP ON SUNDAY YAY. I desperately wanted to get this out to you guys today, so you can't even believe how happy I am that this one is done.