CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE:

INK YOUR SKIN

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      "Don't hate me, but I'm not going to be able to hang out on Valentine's Day."

      Nova stared at the redhead sitting across from her in the kitchens as she took a bite of the peanut butter cookie Winky had prepared for her earlier when Nova had asked for it. She had paired it with chamomile tea instead of her usual pumpkin tea (which always made Ron smile to himself whenever he saw her drinking it) so she could have help sleeping that night. When his words fully processed, she raised her brow and brought her mug up to her lips, sipping lightly on the drink.

      "Do I seem like the kind of person that would hate you for not spending Valentine's Day with me?" she questioned.

      "Is this a trick question? If I answer one way you'll be mad, but if I answer the other way you'll be even more angry?"

      Nova bit her lip to keep a chuckle from escaping. "Sorry to say but Valentine's Day isn't all that important to me. Especially with everything going on with..."

      She felt her words trail off before she could fully process what she was saying. In the past two weeks she had made extra care to not discuss Theo. Especially not around Weasley. One, he couldn't handle the emotional stress talking about her brother put her under and two, she didn't want to burden him with listening to Theo. Theo was evil now. He was on the opposite side of everything that Weasley stood for and Nova needed to understand that. She was trying to understand it.

      There was a clear line of good and evil and Theo had crossed it. 

      Still, avoiding him for so long meant that everything was bottled up inside and it was taking an emotional toll, which Weasley luckily didn't mention. She wasn't stupid. She knew he could see it in the way she would randomly squeeze his hand tighter whenever an absentminded thought about Theo crossed her path or whenever the sadness in her eyes when outwardly Theo hadn't changed (he still sat next to her in all of their classes) but inside was a mess of emotion and a broken relationship Nova wasn't sure would ever mend. 

      "You can talk about him, you know," Weasley mentioned as he bit into one of the peanut butter cookies. His hand, stretched out on the table, gently tapped her fingers. The mindless gesture was calming. "You're allowed to."

      "Wasn't aware I needed your permission," Nova replied, trying to make her voice sound cheeky and playful but there was something missing. They both noticed.

      "You don't need permission. But you also don't need to worry about not being able to tell me what you're feeling." She lifted her gaze to look at him, surprised he had noticed so much in the past two weeks. "C'mon, Nova, I know you. You think I don't want to listen, so you don't talk. But the whole point of us being... something is that you can talk to me about these things."

     "Let's talk about something else," Nova suggested, twisting her hand underneath his so their fingers danced across each other's. "Tell me why you can't spend Valentine's Day with me." When he gave her a look, she rolled her eyes. "We've already established that I don't care, Weasley. I'm just curious."

      "Angelina wants us to practice all day. However, there's no point. The two new players on the team are worse than me, and that's saying something." His face suddenly turned red, and just as Nova was going to ask what had made him blush, he decided to voice his thoughts. "I'd...er... I'd much rather spend the day with you."

      Nova reminded herself that the quick jolt of her heart was normal. Things like that were supposed to happen when you fancied someone. Her fingers gripped onto his like he was a lifeline as she squeezed tightly, conveying her response through the simple gesture. "We don't need a holiday to spend the day together."

      "I don't know what I was thinking," he said, a biting tone to his words. Nova didn't think it was directed at her, however. More so at himself. "Even if we were spending the day together, we couldn't really. We couldn't go to The Three Broomsticks. We couldn't walk around together. It would all just cause suspicion."

      His words were like a punch to the gut. When she had made him promise to keep their relationship a secret, she hadn't expected he would have a problem with it. It was just easier to keep things hidden, especially with the prejudices between the two houses that never looked like it would ease up throughout time. Her hand gripped his even more tightly, and the action caused him to look up at her. He realized his mistake, judging by the apologetic look that crossed his face, but said nothing.

      "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Deal with me. If... if it gets too much, I want you to tell me, okay? I don't want you to feel like I'm calling all the shots and you have no say. You have a say. More than you realize. And if you don't want to continue... something... then I'd understand."

      "Why do you do that?" he questioned in a quiet voice. 

      "Do what?"

      "Always sound like you're trying to say goodbye. Warn me off, or something."

      She shrugged. She wasn't sure why she did it. It was just a habit she had picked up on over the years. "I've dealt with my fair share of disappointing people or letting people down. I just don't want you to feel like you're the next victim on that list. I don't want to let you down. I know I will, because it seems to be inevitable with me, but I want to prevent it as long as I can. I want you to know that you have a choice in whether or not you let it happen to you."

      He stared at her for a few moments, his eyes searching hers. She didn't know what he was hoping to find, but she knew what he inevitably would. He'd see the scared little girl who didn't know what was happening to her mother and cowering behind her brother. He'd see the girl who grew up without love from the one person who was supposed to love her unconditionally. He'd see the teenager entering her adult life in just three short years and knowing that she wouldn't have her other half by her side. 

      In that moment she wished he didn't see that. She wanted him to see the strong girl she'd always tried to portray. The one who flicked off comments as if they were nothing more than an annoying piece of lint. The one who didn't spend her nights wishing her father would have a change of heart and let her brother be. The one who didn't break down sobbing when she knew she'd lost Theo for good.

      "You aren't going to let me down. That isn't the only option here, Nova."

      She shook her head. "I let everyone down eventually."

      "Do me a favor?" Nova lifted her head to meet his eyes and he was rolling his baby blues, looking at her like she was the dumbest person on the Earth. "Shut the bloody hell up."

      "Did you just tell me to shut up?"

      "I did."

      She should have expected the warmth she felt when he leaned forward. Each time they kissed, her heart jumpstarted like someone had flicked a switch and her entire body was full of electricity. Even with her heart torn in half and her entire soul aching to be near her brother, in those moments when Weasley's lips were on hers and he was holding her like she was something that mattered, all the other negatives floated away. The words she spoke, the words that she wished would set in his head so he would know what he was truly getting himself into didn't matter. All that mattered in that moment was that he was kissing her and she was kissing him and she was happy with someone.

      Their lips moved in a familiar dance that Nova had loved memorizing. She liked knowing that when she trapped his bottom lip between hers, it made him shudder underneath her fingertips. She liked knowing that his hands on her waist gripped even tighter whenever her hands tugged gently on the hair at the nape of his neck. She liked knowing that when she moved her hands to his chest, she felt his heart beating faster underneath the skin. And she especially liked knowing that he was there because he actually wanted her like she wanted him. 

      His hands left her waist to tangle in her hair, pulling her closer to him. Her head was spinning with the aura of him surrounding her, a feeling she desperately wanted to hold onto for as long as she could. Like if she let go too fast he'd slip away like everything else in her life. With that thought in mind she pulled him even closer, hoping to convey somehow that she wanted him around for as long as he would let himself be. She stood on her toes, her arms wrapping around his neck even more tightly as her mouth parted against his. It was a boost to her ego when she felt the slight gasping choking sound he let out. 

      "What - erm - what are you doing?" he whispered. Nova felt herself smile into the kiss as she pulled away, though left her arms around his neck as an anchoring action. 

      "Getting my fill of Valentine's Day out now." When she pulled away from him fully, she walked back to where her tea was resting and took a sip. "Am I allowed to come see you guys practice?"

      "You... you want to see me practice?" he asked, raising his brow in surprise. She knew he was thinking about the last game she had attended and she reached across the table to run her thumb across his cheek in a comforting action. 

      "If you aren't comfortable with it, I won't come."

      "No, I'd love for you to come. I'm just not sure Angelina would let you."

      Nova nodded. Angelina, while slightly better than Gryffindor's previous Quidditch Captain Oliver Wood, was just that. Only slightly better. Nova had seen her on a Quidditch tangent more than once in the D.A. and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of Angelina's perfect icy glare. However, she did want Weasley to know that she wasn't completely ashamed to be seen in public with him. She hated that any part of him might have felt that way.

      Because he mattered. This was someone she didn't want to let down. She didn't know when that had happened, but suddenly it wasn't just Theo she wanted to do right by anymore. It was Ron Weasley, in all his kindness and goodness and light. And since Theo was the reason her heart felt so heavy in her chest, Ron Weasley was also her saving grace. She wanted to be someone deserving of him. 

      She knew she could be. If she tried hard enough. And when she looked up and caught him gazing at her, the pink tint in his cheeks that she was associating as the color of his face when she was around, she knew she would try her absolute hardest if it meant he would always look at her in that way. Cheeks flushed, eyes wide, and lips curled upwards in a smile.

      "I don't think I say it enough," she whispered to him, catching his attention and bringing his eyes back to her, "but... you're important, Ron. Not just to me, either. You're important to everyone."

      His cheeks flushed even darker. She saw him reach up to the back of his neck and awkwardly scratch it in an attempt to hide his face with his arm. 

      "I know I'm not the most sentimental of people, but I need you to understand that," she continued. "That you're important. And even with Theo, even with my father... I'm happy when I'm with you. That's never happened with anyone else."

      "Yeah?"

      "Yeah."

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      The seat underneath her was freezing, but she was fine with it. She watched the Gryffindor Quidditch team circle around her head as she kept her eyes on a particular redhead that was currently panting heavily as if he wasn't used to Angelina Johnson's rigorous pre-practice warm-up. He probably wasn't. Even from her seat several feet away, she could almost see the sweat on Johnson's forehead as she screamed at her players to buckle up for a wild practice. At every chance they got, Fred and George sent exasperated looks at Nova. That morning, Fred had mentioned that when he had tried to give Angelina a kiss on the cheek, she had nearly bit the side of his face.

      "She's like a bloody animal when Quidditch is involved. I could have been seriously injured!" Fred had complained before Angelina had blown her whistle (who in their right mind allowed the girl a whistle, Nova would never know) and demanded they all come to the center of the pitch. Though it wasn't yet the grueling practice on Valentine's Day that Weasley had spoken of, it was pretty close. The holiday was two days away.

      She caught Weasley's eye and sent him a quick smile. She hoped the distance between them would hide the fact that it wasn't genuine.

      Because her attention was solely focused on the letter burning in her pocket. 

      That morning had been like every other morning since Theo had decided they were done with one another. She had gotten up, avoided the common room until Blaise called her name and gave her an eye-roll at how pathetic she was being, and then discussed what Blaise was going to do about her brother. He was always tight-lipped and his eyes always narrowed when she asked him, but she had to suspect it was because of the pain he felt. 

      She quickly realized Theo was a sore subject between the both of them and she was careful not to bring him up any longer.

      That morning, however, the owls had swooped down onto tables and dropped letters. The elegant script on the envelope of her letter was recognizable enough. She hadn't dared open it at the table, when Theo was sitting next to her physically but not mentally. She hadn't even dared to open it later that day, when she was hidden in the confines of her room during one of her breaks and was clutching the letter with shaky fingers. 

      Dearest goddaughter,

      Theodore's going to be useful. I think you'd be very useful yourself. Your father has arranged a meeting on Valentine's Day. I realize this is a Hogsmeade weekend, so you have absolutely no reason to not show. 

      I look forward to seeing you.

      There was no sender written, but Nova had enough common sense to know who had sent it. She wondered if Theo would be there. The thought sent a quick jolt through her that was quickly replaced with a feeling of dread. She would be seeing Bellatrix. Bellatrix, who was not just the insane godmother she'd heard about in stories because she'd been locked up most of Nova's life. Now, she was also the woman who had put a curse on Neville Longbottom's parents. She was the woman who had sent them to St. Mungo's and doomed their son to a life never truly knowing them. 

      Nova's blood ran cold at the thought of the woman. 

      But like Dumbledore had pointed out with Theo, she didn't want to imagine what would happen if she refused. 

      Which was why two days later, she found herself standing in the Shrieking Shack, led there by another letter from her godmother instructing how to get through from the castle. Nova popped her head in, her heart dropping in her chest when she spotted the woman she had only seen in pictures, and once or twice as a child. Theo and Nova's father were standing next to her, silent in their waiting. When Bellatrix spotted Nova, she let out a painfully girlish squealing sound that sounded every bit as insane as Nova pegged her to be.

      "Oh, look at you," Bellatrix whispered, her pointed nails reaching out to grab Nova by the face. She twisted and turned Nova's chin, beady eyes inspecting the girl she called her goddaughter. Nova didn't see any disappointment in Bellatrix's eyes when she was finally released, and she didn't know if she regarded that fact as good or bad. "You've got your mother's chin. Too pointed."

      "I hardly think the shape of her chin matters, Bella," Nova heard her father say in an annoyed tone. Bellatrix didn't dignify him with a response. All Nova's godmother did was place her hands on Nova's shoulders and stare at her. Just her eyes connecting with Nova's. Nova clenched her teeth and tried to hold back the shiver that threatened to rack her body. "Bella," he father said once more in a warning tone. Bellatrix simply smiled at Nova, the kind of smile that one would have nightmares about.

      "You're prepared?" Bellatrix questioned, another long fingernail scraping the underside of Nova's chin. Nova didn't dare to flinch. "You're prepared to serve the Dark Lord at whatever the cost? Because you'd be glorious, Konstantinova. You'd be a hero among us. The praise for your actions would never cease. You could have all you've ever wanted."

      Nova caught Theo's eye. Her brother was staring at her with eyes full of disbelief, like he didn't imagine she would come to the meeting. She wanted to scream at him, wanted to shout that he was stupidly blind to not see that she was doing this for him. So he would be free. She'd always protect him, even if it meant the end of her. 

      "What do you need me to do?" Nova asked, her voice monotonous.

      Bellatrix let out another sound of delight and the most evil of grins snaked its way across her face. "Don't you worry, Konstantinova. The Dark Lord's got plans for you. When everything is set in motion, you'll be notified. For now..." Bellatrix grabbed Nova's chin once more, forcefully this time. Nova couldn't stop the sound of pain that slipped through her lips when her godmother's fingernails dug into the skin of her cheek. She saw Theo move to take a step forwards, but her father's arm shot out in front of him to keep him immobile. "You'll do everything in your power to help your brother, you understand?" Her tone was deadly, leaving no room for argument. "The Dark Lord won't tolerate child's play, Konstantinova. Remember that."

      Nova clenched her teeth and snapped her eyes closed when she felt a trickle of liquid running down her cheek. Bellatrix's fingernail had broken skin, leaving a trail of blood in its wake. 

      "Bella," her father snapped. "You've made your point clear. I'd appreciate if you'd release my daughter."

      "I'm making sure she knows what she's got to do, Edgar," Bella sneered, but her eyes were still steadily focused on Nova'a face. "You know what to do, don't you, Konstantinova?"

      "Yes," Nova replied. She was relieved when Bellatrix's hand left the side of her face. When her godmother's back was turned, she reached her hand up to wipe the blood away from her cheek. The external pain was manageable. The internal pain was harder to comprehend. She'd do what she needed to do to protect Theo, that she knew. But the question was if she'd hurt others in the process. She didn't think she could stand hurting Fred or George or Harry or Hermione. She didn't think she could bear to hurt Weasley.

      She watched her father hold out his arm for Bellatrix to take and with a quick Apparation, they were gone. It left Theo and Nova alone in the Shrieking Shack, staring at the place where their father used to stand. Nova felt cold, like someone had doused her with a bucket of ice water. 

      "Are you alright?" he asked stiffly. She hated that it had come to this. They were cordial and formal with each other, an exact replica of the way she spoke to her father. Theo didn't belong in the same category as her father. He belonged with her. "Nova?"

      "I'm fine," she said in the coldest voice she could manage.

      "You aren't fine," he replied. And his words were like a dam was breaking. Like she was a bomb, and the wick had just been lit.

      "How would you know?" she demanded, turning to face him and fixing him with a glare so stony that he moved back in surprise. "Take a look at what you've done, Theo. Look what you've gotten me into. You may want to ruin your life by following in Father's footsteps, but I didn't want this. By agreeing to do this, agreeing to be nothing more than their pawn, I'm now involved."

      "Are you suggesting this is my fault?" he asked, his own icy glare taking over. If there was one person who could rival Nova's ice, it was her brother. "I haven't done anything that would have come as a surprise, Nova. Be honest. You were just waiting for me to become one of them. You didn't truly believe I'd ever be able to escape. You were just waiting for me to fall."

      "I was waiting for you to fall so I could catch you. I would have done that. But not now. You've put me in a situation that I didn't want, and I'm going to be selfish. I don't want this. This is for you, not for me. And if everything turns out for the worse and I get hurt... that's on you. My pain is on you. How does that feel, Theo?"

      For a split second, she saw it. She saw his face blank before she saw the hurt in his eyes. Because he knew it was true. He knew that if something were to happen to her, if she were to die, the responsibility would lay on his shoulders. Maybe it was cruel to accuse him of that. Maybe Bellatrix would have come after Nova on her own, without the prompt of Theo finally becoming a Death Eater, but those were questions Nova didn't have time to ask. For now, she would blame Theo. And the knowledge of that made her want to sob.

      But she wouldn't allow herself. She would stand tall, finally stick up for herself. Because even Theo, who she loved more than anyone in the world, deserved consequences for his actions. And his consequences came in the form of guilt. Guilt because he was going to be her destruction. Guilt because this is what he'd done. Guilt because she could have had the life she dreamed of, the life never being involved with the Dark Lord. And Theo had snatched it away from her in the blink of an eye.

      "Roll up your left sleeve, Theo."

      He was silent as he reached down, tugged on the black sleeve of his shirt. There was a moment before Nova saw his skin where her heart hoped. She hoped it would be a blank arm, like it had been all the other times she had asked him to do this task. That maybe, just maybe, things weren't set in stone yet and she could actually do something. Save him. 

      But she saw the beginnings of the black tattoo, permanently inked on his skin. She saw the symbol of the life he had chosen. She saw the symbol of the darkness, the evil, and the path he had decided to forego without her by his side, as she always had been.

      She saw betrayal, spelled out in the curves and lines of the mark of a Death Eater. 

      And so, she spoke the words she knew would break his heart. But he had long since broken hers. He was breaking hers now, as she stared at the black tattoo on his arm. 

      "You're going to ruin me, Theodore. I hope it was worth it."

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      hahahahahahaha bellatrix bugs me

(not really she's actually one of my fave villains)