CHAPTER NINETEEN:

CAUSE OF DEATH

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      The Nott family name was tainted with evil. It was more than just the surface title of being labelled as Death Eaters, servers and followers of the Dark Lord. Nova hadn't understood just how evil the Nott family name was until the night of January twenty-third, 1985. 

      It had been a normal enough day. Nova's father was at the hospital with Elizabeth and the twins were sitting around Nott Manor waiting for Rinks to get them warm cookies. Nova could hear her aunt moving around in the upstairs guest bedroom but Nova's mind didn't really process what was happening. Something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones.Even at such a young age, she knew something was going to change. "Theo," she whispered, her toddler voice coming out muffled. "Theo," she whispered again and her brother looked up at her.

      "What?" he asked, looking up from the picture book he had in his hands. Rinks was slowly but surely teaching them how to read, and Nova recognized only some of the words on the page. 

      "I'm scared."

      It was the first and last time she'd said those words out loud, but they still struck her to the core even eleven years later. Because January twenty-third, everything changed. When Nova and Theo had been brought to St. Mungo's later that day, Nova had reached her tiny hand out and held onto her mother's index finger with a grip so tight that Nova's knuckles turned white. The two of them were silent, knowing even at four years old that they shouldn't speak. That all their voices would do was aggravate their father.

      "She's making great progress, Edgar," a Healer mentioned, coming over with a clipboard in his hands as he monitored Elizabeth's body. "Her heartbeat is strong, she's been responding to some treatments. I'd say today's a positive day." Nova always heard those words. Positive. Treatment. Heartbeat. She didn't fully process them, but the Healer always delivered the news with a smile, so she figured it was a good thing.

      But Nova's father was never satisfied. "That's not my wife," he said, the same mantra he'd been repeating ever since the curse had hit her and she had become the lifeless thing in front of them. "That's not my wife," he repeated. The Healer looked uncomfortable, but nodded and walked away. Nova and Theo simply stared ahead. This was a time for their father to mourn, not them. They weren't allowed, or at least, they didn't feel like they were. 

      "Theo," she had asked him once when they were sitting in her room. "Why does Father say Mum wasn't his wife?"

      "I don't know," Theo had replied quietly in the darkness of the room. "I don't know," he repeated. It was a mystery to the both of them at the time, the effect the curse had on Elizabeth. They didn't know that it had stripped her of everything that she was. Suddenly, she wasn't the mother who let them ride on a broom with her. She wasn't the mother who took them to Florean's on her birthday so she could get her favorite ice cream. She was just a patient in a hospital bed who was like a statue of Elizabeth. The same beauty, the same expression, but no life in her eyes.

      The three of them stayed in St. Mungo's that night for hours. Nova didn't remember what time it was, but she knew it was in the middle of the night when their father suddenly moved forwards and bent on his knee, making sure his children were looking at him in the eye before he started to speak. "That isn't your mother," he said,and his voice was angry. "It's just a corpse. I want you to understand that, okay? Your mother is gone. I don't want her to be like this for the rest of eternity." His words didn't make sense. She wanted to scream at him that it was her mother in that bed, but even as a child her father had frightened her. She knew better than to say the words that were begging to fall from her tongue.

      Tears had formed in Nova's eyes, but even then she didn't truly understand what was happening. Theo did, however. Theo always did. Which was why when Nova stared up at her father, who was moving to stand straight again, she felt Theo's hand squeeze her own in an attempt to anchor himself to the Earth. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but she didn't need to. Because suddenly she was staring at her mother and her chest wasn't rising up and down anymore and she didn't know why. Why wasn't her mother breathing? Positive. Treatment Heartbeat. She thought Elizabeth had been doing well. She had leaned into Theo's shoulder and cried until her eyes were drooping from sleep. The last time she ever let tears for her mother fall.

      Nova hadn't understood then, the severity of the situation. She just knew that one second she had a mother, and in that moment, she no longer did. But now she did. Nova understood everything. And even then, with the most evil act her father could perform, she had never hated him more than this moment, the moment when she read the words across the parchment for what must have been the thousandth time. The words that meant her father had once again stolen someone that she loved. The only person that had ever loved her fully and completely.

      She was sitting underneath a tree by the Black Lake, hours before classes started. She hadn't slept a wink and at 4:30, she had slowly made her way our of the Slytherin dorms and out of the common room until finally, she was out of the castle altogether. The sun was barely starting to rise, a bright yellow glow cast over the lake's surface. Nova felt anything but. If she could describe herself in terms of color, it would be all muted shades of navy blue and black, because the heaviness of her heart was too much to bear. The tears on her cheeks had long since dried, but the hurt remained. The hurt would always remain. 

      Her eyes were closed, but she heard footsteps and realized who it was the second she felt a presence sitting beside her. Wordlessly, she reached her hand out.

      "I don't know what that means," he mentioned, and Nova wanted to smile so badly. If anyone could draw a smile out of her, it would be him. She couldn't bring herself to.

      "It means I want you to hold my hand, Weasley," she said simply, her voice sarcastic. She felt his fingers intertwine with hers, felt the warmth he offered. But still, she couldn't manage a smile. "What are you doing out this early?"

      When she opened her eyes to look at him, he was red. "I...er... I was practicing Quidditch." She raised an eyebrow and he turned an even deeper shade of red, proving her statement from the night before. He blushed too much. "What about you? What are you doing out here so early?" he asked, desperate to change the subject. His fingers were fidgeting in her hand. She didn't think it was because he didn't want to hold her hand, but more so because he wasn't used to the feeling of someone latching onto him so desperately.

      "Here," she said softly, handing him the piece of parchment she had ingrained into her brain. His eyes scanned the words quickly when she finally opened her eyes to look at him, and he gave her a confused look once he was done reading. "It's from my father. It's going to happen. Theo's going to become a Death Eater." Even after admitting the words out loud, she couldn't believe it. 

      "Oh," Weasley replied quietly. "Nova, I'm... I'm sorry."

      She shrugged. "I knew it was going to happen, but I guess a small part of me hoped that it wouldn't. I don't know. It was stupid of me to try and be optimistic about something like this. My family is the worst type of evil. I shouldn't have expected anything less."

     "C'mon, your family can't be that bad," he said as a way to reassure her. With his hand in hers, she silently thought to herself that he was calming her, in a way she was sure only he could. Nova had no idea when she'd come to rely on him this much to keep her calm, but somehow, she had. 

      "My godmother is Bellatrix Lestrange," she whispered. "My relatives serve the Dark Lord. My family is that bad, Weasley, I promise." She squeezed his fingers. "And now my brother is going to join them. He's going to be labeled as evil, like they are."

      Flashes of memory had been rattling through her brain all night. Memories of Theo when they were younger, of the boy who proudly told her at twelve years old that he wanted to be a Healer, like the ones that had tried to save their mother. Memories from their tenth birthday, when their father had missed because of work and Rinks was the one to bake them a grand chocolate cake four tiers high. She had shoved Theo's face into it and he had smudged frosting on her cheek, but it was the best birthday she'd ever had. Because even at ten, she understood that when her father wasn't around, she was happier. Theo was happier. And when she'd blown out the candles on that chocolate cake, she remembered wishing that Theo would be that happy forever.

      But wishes were stupid. And if it wasn't for the boy currently holding her hand and being her anchor, she would say that optimism was stupid too.

      "We'll deal with it," Weasley replied, and she liked the way her heart fluttered when he said 'we,' like he'd help her with anything. It was something she'd like to get used to, the feeling of lightness whenever he was around her.

      But she knew she had to tell him. To let him know what he was getting into. Because Nova Nott came with enough skeletons in her closet to raise an army.

      "When I was younger, around four or so, my mother was hit with a Cruciatus curse so strong that it paralyzed her entire body." He turned to look at her, eyes wide in surprise that she was sharing this information. However, he stayed silent. "She was like a coma patient, but her eyes would open and close. She was in a worse condition than Longbottom's parents." She remembered the haunting look in her mother's eyes whenever they were open. "My father used to tell me all the time that it wasn't really her. 'That isn't my wife,' he used to tell all the Healers. 'That's just a corpse.' I didn't really understand what he meant when I was younger, but I do now. It was kind of like shell of Elizabeth Nott rather than Elizabeth Nott herself." Nova paused, her free hand reaching down to pull at the grass next to her.

      "Nova, you don't have to -"

      "I need to say it. And I need you to hear it. I need you to know what you're getting yourself into." She took a deep breath, steadying herself. Her voice was monotone when she spoke once more, but she knew that he would know she was hurting. "On January twenty-third, 1985, Theo and I were with my father in St. Mungo's. I remember him leaning down to tell us that it wasn't our mother anymore, like he always did, and then I remember Theo squeezing my hand so tightly that it hurt. I didn't know why until later in life. All I knew was that my mother was breathing one second, and the next, she wasn't. I didn't know what had happened. Theo did. I think our father might have told him what he was planning." Nova let out a dry laugh. "He told a four year old, isn't that messed up?"

      "I'm not sure how to deal with this," Weasley replied honestly. "Do you want me to get someone? Hermione, maybe?"

      "No. I just want you here," she commented, squeezing his hand again. "You help more than you think, Weasley. Give yourself some credit."

      "I thought we were through calling me Weasley," he replied. 

      She wondered how she was able to smile at a time like that, but she did. She supposed it was just him. Being around him, allowing herself to feel that way. "I was wondering if you'd actually processed that. You looked quite catatonic."

      "I was surprised," he replied in a defensive tone. She just laughed at him. 

      "Anyway," she said, bringing their attention back to the story, "my father... he... he had grabbed a pillow from underneath my mother's head and had... smothered her with it, I suppose you could say." Nova felt her hand shaking, but the rest of her was eerily calm and statuesque. The kind of emotionless Ice Queen everyone thought her to be. In that moment, she wanted to be that Ice Queen. "And that was that. She was gone, the Healers never suspected anything, and Theo and I had to deal with keeping that secret."

      "Merlin," he whispered under his breath. She didn't bother replying.

      The two sat in silence for a while, just staring out at the Black Lake that had the pretty yellow glow cast over it. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to say something or not, but his hand in hers was helping. "I didn't truly know what hating him felt like, even then. But...but now..." Her free hand found the parchment again. "He's taking my family away from me. The only person that's ever cared about me, and he's... he's taking him away." 

      "That's not true," Weasley said softly. His face was red again. "Nova, I'm here. And you - well, quite frankly, you're absolutely daft if you don't see how much I care." Her eyes widened in surprise and she felt a small laugh bubble up at the statement. He gave her a dopey grin, happy to know that he had at least provided some laughter. 

      "Did you just call me daft?" she asked.

      "Returning the favor," he reminded her. "But, Theo isn't the only one that cares about you. Harry does. Hermione does. Fred and George do, even if they're prats about it sometimes. Neville does. Even Ginny does, actually. And my mum," he paused and let out an embarrassed groan, "Merlin, my mum. Fred and George sent her a letter and let it slip that I might be... something with you and I bet you I'm going to get a response tonight."

      "Your mum," she said softly, looking down at their interlocked fingers. "Tell me about her."

      He looked surprised at the command. "My mum?" When she nodded, he shrugged. "She's absolutely insane. Totally embarrassing. She's angry with us more than she is happy with us. But, she's brilliant. She makes me pumpkin tea when I'm sick and makes sure Fred and George don't prank me too much. She was incredibly calm when my dad was at St. Mungo's, so I had to admire her for that." 

      "She sounds amazing." Nova didn't remember enough about her mother to be able to talk about her, but she could see in Weasley's face that he could go on for ages about her if he could. "And now tell me about your dad."

      "He's obsessed with muggles," he said, and then checked down at her face to see her reaction. While the old Nova might have grimaced at the thought of Muggles, she was so different now from the old Nova. She simply looked up at him, raising a brow for him to continue. "He's the working one of the family. He's funnier than you'd think. He's quite embarrassing too, actually, but he never really gets us in trouble. He leaves that more for Mum. I think it's because he's worried if he punishes us that we'll hate him or something. He talks a lot about pointless things, but it's nice to listen to."

      "I wish I had your family." She couldn't imagine her father talking about muggles, or making jokes. And she couldn't imagine talking about her father like Weasley was talking about his. "I'd give anything."

      "Nova, are you sure you don't want to talk about Theo? I think it might help. Though, what do I know? I don't know how to deal with this."

      Nova let out a laugh. "Being here, talking to me about your family, it helps." As if wanting to prove her point, she reached her free hand out and placed it on the side of his neck. She pulled him closer to her until they were finally kissing, lips slotted together in a slow kind of rhythm that she desperately needed to distract herself. The sun was still rising and she could feel the warmth of it on her skin, and in this moment, she wanted to pretend everything was okay. She was kissing Weasley, and she was okay. "I have to get used to the fact that we can do this now," she mentioned when they pulled away. Weasley snorted.

      "You have to get used to it?" He gave her a comical look that made her laugh again. "It's a shock to me, sitting here and knowing that I fancy you and that you fancy me back. It's not a bad thing," he said quickly, afraid his comment would offend her. it didn't. "It's just something I have to get used to. It's weird going from hating someone to... something."

     "I know what you mean," she replied, nodding her head. "Do you mind having Granger get some of the notes from whatever lessons she's got with the Slytherins today? I think I'm going to take a day, stay in bed." When he gave her a worried look, she sighed. "Just trust me on this, yeah? I need this. I promise. Don't take this the wrong way, but it's something only twins can understand. I bet Fred and George have never had to deal with it to this extent, but this feels like losing a part of myself. I just need some time."

      "Time from me?" he questioned and suddenly his grip on her hand was tightening. She knew he was feeling insecure. She'd heard from Potter and Granger that he thought he was the Weasley child with nothing to offer, that his parents loved him less than their other kids. Nova didn't think it was true at all, but she saw it on his face when he stared down at her with an unrecognizable fear in his eyes.

      "No, I don't need time from you. Just time from Theo. Time from myself, I guess." She held up their intertwined hands and rolled her eyes. "I think this is that last thing from time, Weasley."

      This time when she brought her hand up to his neck, he was prepared for it. His lips met hers with the same kind of softness he knew she needed. Her hand disconnected from his only for a second as it reached up to join the other hand on his neck, and she felt her fingers meet the red hair at the nape of his neck. His own hands were on her shoulders, bringing her closer as they continued the kiss. His lips were still chapped, but it was just the kind of thing she needed to focus on to keep herself anchored down in that moment; the moment of pure bliss was something she wanted to remember forever. 

      "Hey," he whispered as he pulled away just slightly. "You'll be okay. We'll get through this. I'll help you. I'll talk to my dad, I'll talk to Dumbledore, I'll talk to someone. You don't have to do this alone."

      "Actually, this is exactly the type of thing I have to do by myself. Theo won't listen to anyone else. I think at this point, even Greengrass is out of the question." She wondered if Theo had told Greengrass. She knew that the two sisters were more tolerant of muggles and didn't exactly agree with the ideals of their parents and the rest of the Death Eaters, but would she try and stop him? Would she stand by Nova and try to do right by Theo?

      "It'll all end up okay, Nova."

      She wanted so badly to believe his words, but she knew she couldn't. Not when it was her brother's freedom on the line. His life. "Thanks, Ron."

      Nova didn't need to look at him to feel his surprise, but she wanted to. She caught the raising of his eyebrows and the widening of his eyes and the slightly alarmed look on his face before it slowly smoothed out into a small smile. It was him who initiated the kiss that time around, and though it was short and sweet, it was exactly what she'd needed. 

      "If you're going to kiss me every time I call you by your first name, I'm going to have to call you Ron more often."

      His cheeks tinted pink and she reached up to run her thumb down the side of his cheek, giving him a mocking smile. He knocked her hand away with a light slap, but his fingers found hers once more, as if sensing she needed something to hold onto. They sat there for only a few more moments, watching the sun come up over the Black Lake with a eerie sort of calm between them. It was the type of calm that suggested neither party was okay with it, but it was the only possible option.

      Nova decided to forego breakfast that morning as she hiked her way back to the Slytherin common room. Bulstrode and Parkinson were giving her weird looks when she walked into the dorm and ignored the folded Hogwarts uniform resting on her trunk and instead climbed back into bed. While Parkinson seemed to not care, Bulstrode walked over to where Nova was lying down.

      "Nova? You alright?" Bulstrode asked, eyes narrowing at her as if to examine if there was anything wrong. "Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?"

      "I'm fine, Bulstrode. I'm just taking a day off. It's normal for students to do that, you know," Nova responded. 

      "Ignore her, Millicent," Parkinson said in a snooty voice. "If she wants to be irresponsible and take the day off, let her. It isn't our problem." Nova noticed that Malfoy must have not talked to her about the relationship problems they were having, so she didn't take any offense to Parkinson's sad attempt at being rude. When she stomped out of the dorm, Nova let out a sigh of relief.

      Bulstrode went to follow Parkinson, but Nova called out her surname. The surprise of it was enough to stop the Slytherin girl in her tracks. "Thanks," Nova said simply, hugging her pillow closer to her. "For worrying. I'm fine, though."

      "Did you just thank me?" Bulstrode asked in surprise. Nova barely contained her short chuckle. "Well, you're welcome, anyway. I'll try and bring you back some meals throughout the day." Once she had left, Nova decided that maybe Bulstrode wasn't all that bad. It was a surprising revelation, like the one she had made about Zabini. Maybe not everyone in the Slytherin house was doomed for evil.

      Nova's opened window gave perfect opportunity for an owl to soar through, the same owl that had come for her Christmas morning when she had received the Weasley sweater that she still hid in the bottom of her trunk. It crashed into her bed post and fell flat on the bed, but Nova just picked up the letter it had been carrying in its talons.

      Ron, it read. Nova recognized Molly Weasley's script.

      Fred and George have told me that you've went and gotten yourself a girlfriend! I must say, I was very surprised, as you adamantly said at Christmas that you didn't fancy Nova Nott, but I suppose things change. I hope you know that you can't keep her hidden forever. As your mother, I expect to meet this girl soon Ronald Weasley. Other than that, I hope you have a wonderful rest of the term. I'll see you for Easter holidays, yes? 

      Dad's doing fine, by the way. He's recovered quite nicely from his attack and sends his love.

      Love,

       Mum

      She didn't know why she had received Molly Weasley's letter to her son, but Nova figured it was probably just Fred and George that had sent it her way to try and embarrass their brother. They didn't know that it did the exact opposite. She held the letter close to her chest, to where her heart was beating, and let out a sigh. They didn't know that she'd give anything to get a letter like that from her father, discussing something as little as her new... something. She quickly shoved the thought out of her mind.

      For today, she didn't want to process the fact that Theo was going to become a Death Eater. She didn't want to process that her father was ruining his only son's life. For now, all she wanted to do was lay in bed, Molly Weasley's letter clutched in her hand, and remember how happy she had been when she was sitting with Weasley in front of the Black Lake, watching the sun rise above the water.

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