(song: "Gravity" - Jai Wolf )

10 Months Ago . . .

     "You're not wearing your ring today," I pointed out.

     Cassie sat in the passenger seat of my car sorting through the contents of her backpack. "Greg and I had a fight. I'm not going to wear that ring anymore."

     I really wanted them to break-up, but Greg had some kind of magical way of working things out. "You'll make up with him again, you always do."

     "He just makes me feel so . . . flawed, you know? He's always so good to me that I just want to sabotage it."

     "That sounds healthy," I said with sarcasm. "Look, I'm not and have never been team-Greg; his face is too symmetrical and even his muscles have muscles. So if you say that you want to leave him, I support you one-hundred-percent. However—based upon me seeing the both of you together—you're the one usually at fault, not him. So, you always end up back with him."

     "I'm dealing with a lot of things lately, even at home with Lily. It just spilled over into my relationship with Greg," she admitted sadly. "Maybe if I had been adopted when I was younger, but who adopts a teenage girl? I feel like I'm a charity project more than her daughter. I'm horrible to put this all on Greg. Poor Greg."

     I sighed. I knew how this was going to play out. "Cassie, do you want me to drop you off at Greg's house?"

     "Could you?" She looked at me with her apologetic expression. "I'd really appreciate it."

     I turned the car around and avoided her gaze.

     "Toby?"

     "What?"

     "Even though I'm with Greg, no one in my life is more important to me than you."

     I fought off the desire to shout and tell her to just dump Greg and be with me. Her words didn't help or make me feel better, they just made me feel bitter.

For the first time, I am able to witness Kristen fully dressed in her ballet attire. She looks so beautiful and elegant, like a swan stretching it's head towards the sky.

     Why hadn't I notice how stunning she was in the past?

     I sit in the corner on the floor of the practice room where I won't be in anyone's way. Kristen's ballet instructor is a strict woman who is very hard on the girls, but I guess that's part of the trade.

     "Tail down, spine up girls!" The instructor belts out. "Make it look natural. Georgia, keep your head erect. Kristen, mind your hips. Coordination is key. You all must look and move as one."

     Jesus, I never knew that ballet was this hard. It requires way more discipline than any sport I was familiar with.

     After a long and lengthy class the instructor dismisses the girls. They all rush to go change, but not before looking between Kristen and myself to release a giggle. Kristen tries to keep from looking embarrassed about their reactions, but she fails.

     "They think you're my boyfriend," Kristen explains. "It's not really common here, we're usually so busy with practices and homework that there isn't time for dating. By the way, my instructor says you're too distracting for the other girls and for you to wait outside the room next time."

     "You want there to be a next time?" Is the only thing I pick up from what she says.

     If Kristen's complexion weren't brown, I'm sure she'd be visibly blushing. She gets all ruffled and rambles. "That's not what I mean. I'm just saying that you're distracting."

     "Got it. I'm distracting you."

     "No!" She speaks too loud and gets a look from her instructor. Her hands grab at my arm hastily and she leads me out of the dance-room, down the hallway and outside to the parking-lot.

     "As I was saying . . . if you come again, you have to sit outside, okay?" she finishes.

     Her weird, shy behavior is officially cute to me now. My friendship with her feels so very different from the friendship I had with Cassie. In my friendship with Cassie, it felt like she always had the power. Around Kristen it feels like I have the power. Whatever that even means.

     "So you do want there to be a next time." I say just to be smug.

     Kristen doesn't say anything at first and then shakes her head. "If you want to come, you have to sit outside . . ." she repeats.

     "How often do you have to be here?" I wave my hand towards the building flippantly.

     "As much as possible."

     "Then I'll come here, as much as possible . . . "

     Kristen holds her breath and looks up at me. She's a tall girl, but no one is taller than me so she still seems small. We stare at one another maybe for half-a-minute without saying anything and it isn't awkward even though it should be.

     She breathes again and that's when we break gazes.

     "So Cassie . . . " Kristen clears her throat.

     I lean on my car and pat the door to indicate to Kristen that she should join me. "Yeah? What about her?"

     She settles at my side, still in her ballet outfit. I didn't even give her time to change like everyone else did. "I don't know why she chose Greg over you."

     I didn't expect to hear that.

     "What?" It's my turn to be flustered. "Greg is perfect, why wouldn't she?"

    She tilts her head and smiles so softly at me. "No one is perfect, Toby. Most of all, not Greg. Cassie told me that you didn't let her talk about Greg, so she confided in me about their issues. You're just so uniquely you. I really feel like I have misjudged you in the past. You're pretty great."

     "If you think I'm great you haven't been around me long enough. I'm a jerk by nature, Chapman. I'm like the sea; I have high-tide and low tide. This is just my low-tide."

     "I don't believe you."

     I turn quickly and place my hands on either side of Kristen to pin her between the car and my body. I don't physically make any move to touch her, but I do bend my neck down enough where our noses are two inches from touching. I can almost feel how rapidly her pulse is racing, and remarkably I feel mine start to race too.

     "I'm a low-life. I've broken hearts, just ask Rachel Porter what I took from her and if she thinks I'm great. I didn't even have feelings for her. She wasn't the only girl I've been with either who I didn't actually care about."

     Kristen's face twists from anticipation to revulsion. "Why are you telling me this?"

     "So you understand why Cassie chose Greg. I'm selfish, I follow my own desires instead of what's best for others."

     She lifts up my arm and moves away from me. Why does she look hurt? I didn't do anything specifically bad to her, I only am warning her that I'm not what she thinks.

     "See you Friday, Toby . . . " She says duly, implying that she doesn't want to see me tomorrow.

     Fine. I don't want to see her either. She's a poor substitute for Cassie anyway.

     She goes and so I go too.

     I play rock music in my car loudly, I bang my head to the music and yell it at the top of my lungs. My heart and my head start to cause friction with each other. Inside my heart I feel all the love I collected for Cassie over the years still present and ready to burst. Yet, somehow, all that love just feels a little less today. Is it because Cassie abandoned me? Or is it because of Kristen?

     The bees in my head are back, so I try to drown them out with more loud music.

     I want to find Cassie, get some answers and confess everything to her before it drives me mad. I need closure and to be able to let go. I can't do that until Cassie knows the truth and I know her truth.

Thursday mornings are the worst.

     I stand in the parking-lot at school ridiculously early again. I know that Kristen is a creature of habit and will always arrive at the same time every school day. Her little blue Honda pulls up and she sees me.

     I smile and wave like Wednesday never happened.

     She looks at the school building and then sighs and heads over towards me instead. She balls her hand into a small fist and gently shoves my arm with it.

     "You're a jerk," she says.

     "I know."

     "Do you want to come to practice with me again today?" She timidly queries.

     "I do."

     "Okay."

     "Okay."

     Kristen doesn't say anything else. We walk together into the building for the second day in a row and by now the whispers have changed. They say that I'm trying to replace Cassie with Kristen and poor Kristen. The voices are shaming me and pitying her. It's almost enough to make me believe it.

     But Kristen doesn't leave my side, she just stays there. She's there before school and back at my side after school, just like Cassie used to be.

     I remind myself that she is not Cassie.

     She is not Cassie . . .