I open the envelope and it is a bit thicker than the others, but just a little bit. His letters have been progressively getting longer so I'm not that surprised, in fact I'm excited because through his words I get to know him better. I might not have a clue how he looks like, but I know how he expresses himself. Maybe we've run into each other in the street without knowing, maybe we even had a class together once but we don't know. However, I feel that if I read anything written by him I would know immediately he's the author, even if I don't even know his name. I would say 'H wrote this' with confidence pouring off my voice. I don't know how his voice sounds, whether is husky or soft, high or low, but at the same time I do know his voice, or better said, the way he voices things.

He's been walking me from one place to the other the whole day, he's metaphorically taken my hand the whole day and even if it's getting chilly I don't feel cold at all as I hold these pages in my hands. If I close my eyes and take a deep breath I kind of feel him with me, kneeling in front of me and looking up, smiling at me and taking my hands to push me to keep going. A faceless man that feels so familiar.

I wonder if it's like this how people with prosopagnosia feel. Incapable of recognising, memorising a face so they have to rely on other things to know to whom they are talking to.

I think faces and what people look like distract us from seeing the real them, to really listening to what they are saying. When we can't see the face of that person writing to us we hold tighter on to the words, because that's all we have. I've held on to H's letters because I don't know what he looks like and today, less than twenty-four hours have felt longer because I’ve got to know him. I’ve got to know his world, his friends, his interest, his ideologies without getting distracted by appearances. Even if we say we don't allow ourselves be fooled by appearances, we can't help filtering the people we meet by what they look to us. It's the first thing that gets through us, so how couldn't we? But when we are kept from seeing we instead can listen, we can touch, we can smell, and even taste. Aren't four senses more powerful than just one?

It's funny how doing this is not only taking me closer to a stranger, but it is also showing me things I never stopped to question before. It has made me think and ponder truths I took for granted. It has made me reflect on my behaviour and society.

I chuckle because when I left home I just thought I was going to meet a guy and I was scared, I was nervous. But I've done so much more than I could've ever imagined.

With that smile still on my lips, I finally start reading the letter.

Dear Maca,

Are you still clapping? You can't tell me they didn't blow you away with their performance. What song did you ask them to play? You have to tell me when we meet and tell me all your thoughts. I want to know first hand how you've felt today, in every stop.

I don't know if Lee Won told you how we met. If she didn't or if she did, I'm still telling you.

In my life there are many important things and I like giving a chance to every thing that catches my attention, even if it is really silly and it won't contribute in any way to my life. I have to try and see what it feels like, even if it is useless. I've tried many things, Maca. I regret some because they were just disgusting (like eating crickets. Ew ew ew! Good thing you're vegetarian) but at the same I don't regret them because it's been interesting. They have spiced my life up a little bit.

I had just watched one of these talent shows on the telly and there was this guy who had many instruments on stage with him. The cello, violin, guitar, tambourine, a mini drum set and a flute. And he went from one to the other performing one son. He started playing the other instrument  while the previous one was still echoing. I thought it was amazing how he could play so many instruments so well and fast, switching from one to another as if he were taking his clothes off. So I decided to find someone like that and I went to the music classes in uni. I had taken some because of my major, but this time I was just window-shopping. There are many talented people in the music major but I didn't find someone like him, instead I found this group who combined many instruments to play any kind of music. No matter what you ask them for, they pull it off somehow making it sound incredible. I've been their fan since then.

I must admit that the reason why I sent you to them is more selfish than why I’ve sent you to the other places I've picked. I know music is important to you, I myself can't live without it and I think it's wonderful to see how others live music. I honestly believe these guys don't just play, they make music come alive instead. And I wanted you to see that, because in a concert is different, you don't get the same connection. But above that I wanted you to see something I really love. I wanted to share with you one of my favourite things in life, which is these guys. I go every Sunday to see them play, and I just sit on the floor and enjoy. My favourite performance was one snowy day, there barely were people outside and the cold was eating us alive, but we were there.

They played Falling Slowly.

I can't tell you how beautiful that was, I can only tell you it was like the world itself was helping them to play that song. The wind, the snow, the cold, everything was in sync and it took my breath away.

I promise you the next snowy Sunday I'll take you to them, hoping the sight will be like that one I saw that day.

Is it too selfish that I wanted you to feel like I feel when I see them? Am I being selfish for taking you to meet people I love hoping you can also feel like that so we can have more things in common?

Maybe more than being selfish I'm scared…

Maybe I'm scared that when we meet I won't know what to talk about. I know I have so many things to ask, so many things I want to know, but I'm scared the moment I'll see you I'll freeze and I won't be able to utter a word so I'm making you do all this alone so you can tell me everything later.

Could that be? What do you think?

I really hope I'm not making you do things that you don't like, and if that's the case, I hope you'll let me know so I can apologise and make sure to never ever make you go through something similar.

I must confess I write every letter with shaky hands and I'm afraid it'll be a total disaster or that my friends won't help me. I'm relying on so many people to carry on with this crazy idea I had, but I'm an optimist. I promise you that as you read this in biting my nails, waiting, regretting my choices but at the same time reassuring myself that it's okay, I did well.

If I have an ulcer by the time you get here you know the reason why.

Maca… I really hope you don't regret following these letters and that you are having a good time. As we approach to the final letter I feel more uneasy and nervous because the moment we will meet is becoming more imminent. I've postponed this a lot because I’ve wanted to meet you practically since the first post-it, but taking the step to break through the illusions and expectations is quite scary.

But I'm doing this and we are not done yet, you still have some other places to see and people to meet and I'm waiting for you. I took the step already now I can only carry on with what I started. I'll just keep praying it'll all turn out nice at the end.

So, tell me, do you enjoy playing? Do you think it's something only kids can do? In my opinion I think no one is too old to play once in a while. It's rejuvenating and invigorating, after you spend a while running and laughing you feel lighter and happier. When was the last time you actually play? You know, like hide and seek and those things. Because I would like you to meet a group of kids who make me sweat like a pig every time I pay them a visit. Forget the gym, these kids are better than any personal trainer. And they are really cute because they don't laugh when I trip and fall (which I do quite often, mind you), so you don't even have to feel embarrassed if something like that happens to you.

This time you'll meet my sister, by the way. She works with these kids and she's waiting for you. Her name is Grace but don't ask for her surname, okay? No cheating! We are so close to finish this so what's the point in doing that now? She’ll give you the next letter and also something to eat. It’s getting late, isn’t it?

I want you to go there and play with them, have fun, remember when you were a kid and even if you don't have recollection of playing like that when you were little, then create the memories now. If that's the case, I hope one day you'll feel comfortable enough around me to tell me about your past.

I'm really hoping for the best, that once we meet we will keep hanging out and we will get to know each other better and we will become friends. I can't explain why but I know I want to keep you in my life, Maca. And as I told you before, I want to stay in yours, even if it's just as a memory.

I can't read handwriting or anything, and I don't know if I'm just making up excuses for what I want, but I do get the feeling that you feel lonely. I know you have friends and your family, but sometimes we feel the loneliest when we are surrounded by people. And call me crazy but I want to change that. I don't want you to feel lonely or left behind, I want you to have a friend here whom you can feel close to even if it's through a post-it. I want to be there for you.

When you get where I'm waiting for you, can you give me an answer? If you don't want to that'll be fine, too. If you decide it only works trough post-its, that's fine too. Don't be afraid and give me your sincere answer when we see each other.

Please note that it's not an ‘if’ but a ‘when’.

I'll see you soon, Maca. Have fun! You're almost done with all this. And remember, keep up that smile (:

PS: the next letter is R.

PPS: don't believe if my sister says I'm a loser. She's a bully.

PPPS: The guy on the talent show didn’t win. I don’t know what’s wrong with judges, I thought he was amazing :(

I can't wipe out the smile from my lips when I finish the letter, touched with his words at a whole different and new level. He’s asked me so many questions and I have answer for all of them, but we need to meet first for that. I hurry up to see the directions because I want to see him now, because I need to give him my answer to that request he made, which I don't even need to think about. It's crystal clear: I want him to stay in my life.

-:-:-

Longest letter ever! hehehe I hope you liked it. This story has like 5 chapters left or so and the sequel will start immediately after, so fear not!

For those who think the name is Harry Styles... that has 11 letters and so far we haven't got a single S or Y.

Also... did you notice you've fallen for a guy whose name is a mystery, whose face is an enigma? You only know his personality, but you love him, don't you? Isn't that amazing? I think love should always be like that.

Bel, xx

PS: prosopagnosia is an illness, also known as face-blindness. Basically, people with this condition can't "see" faces, meaning they won't recognise you if they meet you again.