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Playlist - State of grace (Taylor's version) by Taylor Swift

Astoria

It's perfect.

I told myself as my eyes did a thorough scan of the dress I'd tried on. It was a light beige, airy dress with floral prints over it. It looked appropriate for a dinner party, at least to me.

The dress belonged to my mom. It was one of her favourite outfits, according to my grandma. She loved wearing it as a teenager at every chance she could get. I wouldn't deny, it did look pretty.

I was on cloud nine when my hands stumbled on this lovely dress hidden in the attic. It saved me time and energy to work on different things. For now, I had something appropriate to wear to the senior's party.

All the hard parts were left.

I looked out of my bedroom window and stared at Trent palace. After all this time, I still called it a palace, because it wasn't anything of a home to me. As far as my memories allow me, it wasn't much of home to Axel either. The time we spent together was either holed up in my bedroom, the estate manicured lawn and as far the land went on, the solarium, his game room or pool room.

To some extent, my heart sympathised for Axel. He was truly alone and being an only child, there weren't many people he could bond with or be himself. I was glad he never had to portray a manufactured version of himself around me. He was himself.

In retrospect, he always had a unique way of showing his emotions. There had been a threatening calm around him. Sometimes I wondered what my life would be if Axel had stayed away from me like I'd asked him to do in my very bedroom.

I perched on the windowsill. My thoughts clouded with the time I'd spent with Axel. They were the best moments of my life. You'd want nothing to change. I thought, grimly. It was better to acknowledge the truth rather than living my life in denial. Maybe you're a masochist.

Ding!

I pulled myself out of my thoughts at the sound of the arrival of a text message. I took my phone off its charger and quickly clicked on the notification.

'Sup

I read the text from Axel. He had made me accustomed to his routine texts. Everyday I was met with a wake up, sleepyhead₹₹, dream of me x and an occasional sup. I never responded to texts with more than one syllable. Yet he never failed to deliver them.

Hey, you.

The reply came instantly. I felt giddy all of a sudden.

Axel : There's something flirtatious about that text. I just know it.

You're reading too much

Axel : Maybe...

The three dots tingled before disappearing. I waited for him to respond, but it never came so instead with my trembling fingers, I typed a new text.

What are you doing now?

I hit send and placed my phone down on the wooden surface of the windowsill. I waited for his text, but it never came. Disappointed, I chide myself for even feeling disappointed for not getting a response.

You're a foolish girl. I shook my head, wryly.

I decided to browse my instagram. There were no dms, no notification. Honestly, I used instagram just to give myself a break from studies. Okay, and to sometimes stalk my classmates. Fine, not all classmates, just some select few.

Oh, God. I occasionally had a habit of checking Axel's instagram profile. Also, his girlfriend's, his prospective girlfriends, friends and our school soccer update account. It was actually a little sad. Here, I was, checking on my ex-boyfriend and his little crew.

Axel and I didn't follow each other on instagram. My account was a private account with barely thirty followers, most of them were my cousins and extended family. Thankfully, Axel and most of his crew had public profiles so it made my work easier.

I went on to Axel's page and checked his recent posts. He hasn't posted anything in nearly two weeks. There was highlighted circle around his icon, indicating his recent story update, I didn't dare click on it.

It was one thing to visit his profile, but for him to know that I deliberately do it would be an embarrassment. He'll peg me as a stalker. I then checked Jenna's profile.

My heart immediately sank a little when I saw her recent post. It was posted thirty minutes ago and was a candid picture of her inside Axel's car, her head on his shoulder. It was titled, with my love.

Images of him typing out a text to me, then stopping once his girlfriend was by his side assaulted my vision and it pained me to fathom that I had still not accepted the fact that I was history to him. In fact, I was the one that had insisted on telling him to move on with his life. So I should be happy that he had someone to love him.

What do you want from him?

It was a question I found myself asking on more than one occasion. I was such an emotional mess. Is it closure that I want from him? But we dated years ago, when we were still growing up. How could that break up leave me so scarred even now?

I exited the app, then went on the message app. I clicked on his name, then typed on a new text.

I have a favor to ask you. Can you we meet?

***

Three hours since I last texted him. There was no response waiting for me. I sighed and went on with the task at hand. I diced up the vegetables and mixed it with the ramen noodles. My grandparents had taken a two day leave from work to visit my uncle back in Missouri.

As I waited for the ramen to cook, I mentally made a list of the things that needed to be taken care of. In the midst of my sorting and filing, my phone started to beep repeatedly.

I untied the apron and went to fetch my phone. I stared at the screen of my phone. With a deep breath, I answered the call.

"Hello." I was the first to speak.

"Astoria." His unmistakably deep voice sent a jolt of electric butterflies inside the pit of my stomach. I had realized, we had never talked on the phone with each other as grown teenagers.

"You there?" He asked.

Like a fool, I was too mesmerised hearing his husky voice that I had forgotten to talk, or even breathe. I inhaled and spoke,"Yes, yes. I am right here."

After a beat, I said,"You read my texts?" My tone was laced with nervousness.

"I did," he said, casually. "I was busy so I couldn't reply to them."

"It's fine," I lied. If anything, I wanted to know what occupied him to the extent that he could spare a few seconds to reply to my texts, and was he busy with Jenna? Instead I said nothing.

"You said you wanted to meet me?"

"Yeah, I actually had something to tell you. Technically, it's a favour I want to ask." Gosh, I sounded awkward even to my ears.

"I can't meet you now," he said, in his silky husky voice. "I don't think I am returning tonight to my place either."

"Oh, you're staying with a friend?" I kept my tone neutral, not giving him any indication of my blatant prying.

"Funny, but no," he laughed. "But if whatever you want to say is urgent, then swing by Carl's automobiles."

I arched an eyebrow, intrigued. "That's a mechanics repair shop," I shot, incredulously.

"Thanks for letting me know," he scoffed, feigning disbelief. "What would I do without you?"

"Stay down, smartass. I mean what are you doing there," I paused and looked at the clock. "At nearly eight at night."

"Working on a mystery piece."

I sighed. "That kind of answer is expected from you."

"Then why do you ask?" I could hear the hint of a smile in his tone.

"My mistake, I won't do it again."

"No," he said, almost immediately. "I like when you do it."

I smiled, a blush crept up my face and I was thankful that Axel couldn't see my face through the phone.

"You're such a flirt. Don't forget you got a girlfriend to keep." I reminded him, the words left a rancid taste in my mouth.

He just laughed in reply.

I carefully listened to the background noise, being nosy again. Sound of drilling and other bustling was evident. Relief surged through me, he really was alone.

My thoughts went back to Jenna's instagram post. Maybe it was a throwback and nothing more. But even if it was a throwback, I couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy hit me. I envied her for having Axel so close to her.

He wanted you first. You sent him away, remember?

Brushing away any remnants thoughts, I decided it would be a good time to possibly get Axel on board with what I had in my head.

"I think I'll come buy the auto repair shop."

"Tell Gary to bring you to me," he said on the phone. "I'll see you when you get here." He hung up.

***

Before leaving, I had given my appearance a check in the mirror. My unusually bright blue eyes reflected excitement, my pale skin had some pink color on it and for some reason, the smile on my face just would flatter.

Talking with Axel on the phone had such a surprising effect on me. I wonder what it would be to spend hours talking to him just like we used to.

I tightened my hold on my sling bag which held my phone and a few dollar bills inside it. I walked inside the shop, nervous. I looked around to find the right guy to help me.

Axel had mentioned the name Gary to me.

I approached the front desk. A man with oil grease on his white shirt and tools hooked around the band on his waist appeared.

"What can I do for you, young girl?"

"Can I speak to Gary?" I found my voice.

"This is he."

"Oh. I am a friend of Axel. Could you take me to him?"

He cocked his head. "You're that son of a bitch's girl?" He huffed. "Your man has been busting my ass nonstop. Take him with you."

I chuckled, timidly. "If he allows me, then I will." Correct him, you fool. He's not your man. You're not his girl.

"Follow me." Gary led me to the back of the shop. "He's working on an ancient piece. Frustrated as hell." My mouth formed in an O.

Axel had the car up on hydraulic lift and he was underneath the car, working on it.

"Come on, boy." Gary busted his fist on the roof of the car. "Your girl is here."

I could hear the frantic beat of my pulse, the erratic beating sounded rhythmic to my ears. The car creeper slid right out, revealing a shirtless Axel.

"I'll leave you kids alone." Gary exited and we were left alone.

My gaze was glued at him as I watched him lift himself off the trolley, and jump to his feet. I was confused whether I should castigate myself or be terrified at the serious repercussions I was facing being under Axel's magnetic field.

He shouldn't be my achilles' heel. I shouldn't let that happen, ever.

"You're here," he said, incredulously.

I nodded and took in his shirtless appearance. I'd never seen the grown up Axel half naked ever. Not even during our swim meets at school. There was always a barrier of protection around us.

He looked jaw-droppingly sexy in his dark blue jeans. It had oil grease on it, and so did his chest. The perspiration from working long hours was visible when he turned and gave me an impeccable view of his back, even his hair were dampened. There was something very achingly attractive about Axel's hair. I had spent hours combing my fingers through the wavy mass, tugging on them when I'd pulled him in for a chaste kiss.

Those were the innocent days.

There was no denying of the sexual gratification pouring out of me. I felt masculine energy whirring throughout the garage.

"Take a picture, baby. It'll last." The bastard smirked and leaned back on the car, crossing his arms.

I shot him a glare. "I wasn't staring."

"Sure, you were."

I flushed, embarrassed. I tucked my hair behind my hair and gave him a snarky smile to hide my mortification. "Whatever." I looked down at my ballet flats. "You were here the entire day?"

He shook his head. "Just the evening portion."

"And in the afternoon?" I tried my hardest to sound subtle. It would just add to my pile of mortification if Axel caught on my prying.

One cool brown eyebrow rose. "Suddenly interested in my whereabouts." The words sounded good like a statement.

I rolled my eyes. "Aren't I your friend?" He nodded, a soft smile playing on lips as if enjoying our interaction. "Then, it's the friend in me casually asking you a simple question." I played it cool.

An abrasive chuckle left his mouth. "Alright then, I was with my girlfriend. In fact, you just missed her by five minutes. I would love to introduce you to her."

My heart dropped, but my facial expression stayed intact. "I have already met Jenna."

"Not Jenna. I meant, my real girlfriend. You met her back when we were kids. Do you remember, Charlotte?"

How could I forget her? She had your first kisses back then. But what struck me was the fact that he had two girlfriends. I was disgusted and disappointed. How could he be such a big player?

His stunning blue eyes narrowed to slits. "I can tell that you're judging me." He picked a cloth to wipe his face.

"No, no, I am not," I lied. "I am just not entirely at ease with that bit of information."

He spun around and went to pick up his tools. "You must think I am such a fucking player. Two timings asshole. If only you knew what a clusterfuck of a mess I am in, you wouldn't have that judgy look on your face."

I bit my lip and inched towards him. I stood behind him and after contemplating plus arguing with myself, I reluctantly touched his defined shoulders. The moment I placed a firm hold on them, and slowly massaged the area, Axel loosen his rigid stance.

"Make me understand?" It sounds more like a question. I cleared my throat and my tone, strong. "Tell me. I am your friend." I dropped a kiss on his shoulder blade feeling all too confident. The salty taste of his sweat met my lips.

He looked over his shoulder, our gaze locked. Four blue eyes staring at each other. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"If not now, then any other. I am always there to listen," I assured him.

In a swift motion, he spun me around and pulled to his hard chest. "Astoria, don't think about crossing the threshold of your drawn boundary lines," he warned. "I'll eat you alive." His words sent waves of electric jolt throughout my body.

"With two girlfriends and hundreds of booty calls under your belt? Never," I teased, and stuck out my tongue. "Put some distance, fast." I playfully pushed at his shoulders.

He chuckled, shaking his head. His words had twisted my stomach in indescribable knots. Still stuck in my head, I did my best to push them aside for now and concentrated on the problem at hand.

"Okay, but I do need something from you." His mouth twisted in an evil grin. He looked so much like a handsome villain. "Not what you're thinking. I actually have a favour to ask you."

He still held me, but at arms length. "Tell me."

"What are your plans for senior's dinner, are you going?"

"My family is invited so my attendance will be mandatory. Why do you ask?"

Here goes nothing. "I need you to be my date for the dinner," I blurted everything out in a single breath. "You and me." I motioned the both of us. "If you don't want to be my date, then just enter the venue with me. That'll suffice." I think so.

I balled my hands in a fist as I waited for his answer.

"I am going to be honest with you; I don't think that's entirely possible, but—" Axel didn't get to complete his words because he was interrupted.

"She can go with me."

Both of our heads turned to see a very amused Chase. He stood elegantly in his v neck shirt which gave an impeccable view of his body underneath with khaki trousers, he looked like he has just returned from The Vast—which was an exclusive country club.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Axel's harsh tone slithered the air.

Chase ignored him. "If I may, I ask, why do you want my dear friend to be your date?"

"She's not fucking answering you." Axel came to stand in front of me, meeting Chase head on. "It's not polite to ignore others."

"I am only polite to beautiful girls." He cocked his head to look at me. "If you'll give her a chance to talk, I can provide you with an alternative."

***

next update - 29th may