Playlist - Radio by Lana Del Rey

Astoria

I know worry was etched all over my face as I gently placed the ice pack over Axel's bruised knuckles. He had hit Chase pretty hard. On top of it, his mood had taken a nosedive since then. He was sour, grumpy, agitated and simply fuming.

I had seen his mood shift right before my eyes. He went from the passionate lover to a crazed man ready to take out whoever challenges him.

I felt myself burn with mortification as my thoughts went back to our time in his car. I couldn't believe I had allowed him to do all those things to me. He hadn't gone far, thanks to Chase, but if he had, I would probably have let him do it.

His magnetic lust filled eyes had compelled me to give in to his demands. It was almost as if he had dared me to deny him. I was putty under his touch. And we had only just kissed, well, Axel had eaten my lips and fondled my breast.

It was a new feeling altogether. I hadn't ever been touched like it. What scared me the most, I wanted him to do it again. Only this time, without having to deal with his awful mood.

He had snapped on the maids today at his home. I had seen one or two in particular wiping their tears. I wanted to give him an earful for it, but held back. I wouldn't want my grandparents to take on his wrath.

"Shit," he cursed at the pain. I didn't say anything. I was being quiet around him. "It hurts like a bitch."

Well, you did hit him pretty hard.

In the midst, I saw my phone flashing indicating a call. I stopped and leaned forward to pick it up. The screen read Winter's name.

When I ignored the call and went back to ice his bruise, Axel took the phone from my hold. His eyes moved from the screen to my face.

"Why's she calling you, now? It's past midnight."

"She's having trouble with her new job. Must've called to vent it out." I sounded convincing to ears and hoped he wasn't suspicious of anything.

I know why Winter had called. It was for my recent move to my hometown. In fact, she was moving along with me. The move to my hometown Missourie was happening because of my Uncle's poor health. He wasn't a rich farmer, and it was season time for their family to earn some money.

My grandparents had initially decided to move us back permanently, but grandpa wasn't willing to let me sacrifice a good high school diploma for anything. I would be doing distance learning from my very school, just far far away from Axel.

It tugged on the painful strings of my heart to come to an understanding that we were on borrowed time together. Half of my worries was because I didn't know how I would come clean to Axel.

His anticipated reaction scared me the most. He would come to hate me for leaving him behind. I would be vulnerable without him. I know it.

But we couldn't be together forever. It's those things that could never become true. The odds would be against us.

I'll live happily knowing that we both gave our all to be together. I would never be the girl his parents, especially his dad, would approve. After listening to what Winter had to say about her relationships, I had figured it would be better as a summer love.

Heartaches and agony would always last between us. It will just have to work.

Axel's face was unreadable. "Unlock your phone for me." It was an order, not a request.

"Unlock my phone?" I echoed his words. "Why?"

"Do it." His words left no room for argument. I should be pissed off and yell at him. He was behaving like the dominant man in my life, he always did. It was his words against mine. Controlling, unyielding, possessive...

He fixed with an unwavering stare. My fiddly hands typed in the password, handing the phone over to it.

I had no idea what he wanted to find on my phone. I didn't text anyone. My social life was nonexistent. But the text messages of my impending move would still be there. I couldn't recall whether I had deleted them or not.

My panic hit in waves. He would know something was up if I straight out snatched the phone from him.

"Your instagram is private, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why does a couldypeter feel like it's okay to ask you out on a date?" His blazing blue fields snapped to mine. "Yesterday," he finished.

My throat suddenly felt dry. "I didn't check his latest messages." I managed to get it out. "I am sure it means nothing. He was interested to know whether I am going to the senior's dinner."

He let out an abrasive chuckle. "You are contradicting your words, Astoria."

Axel was naked from the waist up. He had become perfectly comfortable being half naked around me. His freshly showered bronzehair fell rakishly on his forehead, few droplets of water were visible on his forearms.

In nothing, but his black sweats, he sat in front him, leaning back on his cushioned headboard. Had he not been emitting lethal vibes, I would have drooled all over him. He looked extremely attractive.

There wasn't a single bone inside him that wasn't perfect. He was the epitome of male handsomeness and he was still in his teenage years. I know for sure, he will grow up to look even more dangerous smoldering in future.

Axel had demanded that I sleep in his bed instead of my own. I had never spent my nights in his home. It was only ever my bedroom that became our sanctuary.

I was wearing my white gown that I usually wore for bed. But under his threateningly composed gaze, I felt underdressed. Lust was borderline for him.

"Tell me if you want a different man, in this case, a pencil dick loser in your life." His nonchalance quickly disappeared. "So I can beat him to pulp right in front of you."

I shifted, biting my lip at the spiteful sharpness of his tone. His jealousy was menacing and unparalleled.

"It's that fucker over me, toots?" He snarled. "Is that so?"

"You're imagining things. It's nothing like—"

"Like what?" His anger fueled up. "You were all over his limp dick in Washington. Do you know how fucking tough it was to win you back?"

"Axel—"

"Not a word from you." I willed myself not to cry in front of him. "And don't fucking think about going to the senior's dinner with Chase. It'll be ugly, Astoria, I can promise you that."

"What has gotten in you." I stood, no longer able to take his words. "You're acting like my boyfriend."

In a flash he was in front of me, crowding my personal space, his strong fingers closed around my upper arms. "Toots, we are way past boyfriend, girlfriend labels. I am your man. The only man in your life." He stressed on every syllable. "I'll put a ring on your finger and baby in your womb before we get ourselves in college." He touched my narrow hips, going to my breast "These are going to expand when my baby grows inside of you. Your fate was sealed with mine long before we knew what love was."

He threw me on his bed. I saw stars in my vision at his brutal treatment. "I am going to make you mine in every way possible." He climbed on top of my body.

"Baby, what's gotten in you?"

"You," he said. "It's you who did this to me."

The way he said the words didn't sit right with me. It sounded like he was helpless and angry that it was me whom he yearned for. Was he ashamed of me?"

We both froze when my hand met his cheek. I didn't realize when I had slapped him, but I immediately regretted it. Oh, God.

He grabbed hair, pulling me to his face. "What. The. Fuck. Was. That. For."

"I am sorry. I don't know why I did it."

I noticed his jaw was set in a hard line. He was teetering on the edge. He wanted to slap me back too. I feared his slap would cause me more emotional damage than physical.

He grips my wrist, forcefully throwing me off his bed. I landed on my knees with thud. "Get the fuck out of here."

***
Senior's Dinner Evening

I was dressed in my mother's gown. It was the only dress that would look respectable at the dinner. I have been brimming with unease since yesterday when Axel threw me out of his bedroom.

I had dismissed his cold, menacing reaction from last night. It was me who had slapped him. I deserved his retaliation. It was only natural. But the corner of my mind and heart was fighting a battle of its own.

It was just a retaliation, right?

Rain had chosen a perfect time to announce itself. It poured like never before. I flopped down on my bed, fingering the 'A' initial pendant. I had recently purchased it. It reminded me of both my and Axel's name. Little charms of moon and stars around it.

My worried grandma had popped at least twice in my bedroom to see how I was doing. She knew the impending move was already causing me turmoil plus the possibility of being stood up by my kinda date wasn't bad enough, it had also started raining.

Just rain all over my parade.

I fought to keep the nagging thoughts at bay. I know Axel didn't want me to go to the senior's dinner with Chase. He had been extremely demanding, and I wouldn't lie, I thought his jealousy had turned me on.

I was even more adamant on defying him. To push his buttons with precision. But any illusions that I had of me possessing any kind of control over Axel were painfully shattered. It was him that controlled me, played with me and I let him do it.

His words from yesterday came back to me in waves. I don't know how I had tried to ignore the truth in them. Despite the fact that we weren't in a committed relationship anymore, our relationship was more profound than it used to be. The mere titles of girlfriend and boyfriend// wasn't enough to describe us.

Our connection ran deeper, into the abyssal.

Even if I wanted to ignore the truth, I know there was no one for me other than Axel. He had become my betrothed. The knowledge brought a sinking feeling to my stomach.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I stood up and paced around my bedroom, but when the heaviness in my chest grew, I went to open up the french windows of my bedroom.

Cold breeze sprayed the rainwater on my face in an instant. I inhaled, deeply. The much needed oxygen calmed my bundled nerves. I tried to blank my head. Senior's dinner loomed over my head like a guillotine awaiting my demise. I can never be the same again. In a way, I was sealing my fate for good.

I ignored the pain, momentarily. I was going to hurt him tonight, more than I had intended to. I was hurting inside too. But...

My head turned at the sound of someone entering my room. It was grandpa. He looked tired from a long working day. He stood in the doorway, a hint of a rare smile on his face.

"Papa, come in." I gathered the skirt of my gown. Grandpa stepped inside, scanning the anime posters in my room, then landing on my unmade bed. He frowned at it. "I'll get to it," I waved my hand, dismissively.

"You always do," he mumbled. I offered him a small smile. He stared at my face with eyes glimmering with a hint of sadness in his blue eyes. "You look just like your mom."

My eyes softened on the mention of my dead mother, his daughter. She and grandpa never got along because of their difference of opinion. Hayley Emerson always despised grandpa for never supporting her dreams of getting out of their small town.

Her death had affected grandpa the most. He lived with an aching guilt buried inside his chest for all his life.

I placed my hands on his old shoulders, squeezing them. "It's okay, papa." I hugged him. The silence stretched, the only sound in the room was of the rain. It wasn't long before grandpa pulled away, clearing his throat.

"I had wanted to give this." For the first time, I noticed a small black box. "It belonged to your mother. She left them here before leaving your mama and I. It's about time, I hand them over to you."

Excitement flared within me as I inspected the box before opening it. The content it held was one of the most beautiful and jaw-dropping pieces of cobalt earrings, the same color as my eyes.

I looked up at my grandpa with a questioning look. He smiled down at me. "Come on, wear it."

When I saw how beautiful it looked on me, I was immediately in love with it. Perfect.

"I know Hayley would be proud of the person you have grown up to be. It was too late for us to save her, but you, you'll do amazing things with your lives. I know it." Grandpa bloomed with pride in his eyes.

My stomach twisted with the possibility that I would never be or get to be what he wanted me to be. My mom wasted her life chasing the wrong man, it only brought her misery. I don't want to walk in her footsteps. It would only lead to anguish.

The flame in my heart burned a little brighter. I was set up for failure the moment I laid my eyes on Axel. He was my achilles heels. I avoided extending the conversation any longer. Grandpa eventually left my bedroom.

I gazed at the ticking time. I grew disheartened at every passing minute. Maybe he would not come to get me. I grabbed my phone, disconnected the charging cord.

Where r u? I wrote the text to Axel, but didn't hit send. I bit on my fingernails before eventually hitting send and burying my face in my hands. Oh, what an embarrassment I've become.

Shrugging off the unsettling, I left my bedroom and trudged down the wooden stairs. I went to the small deck attached to the rear of the cottage. I stood near the open door and watched the rain up close.

The hairs of my neck stood up, alarmed. I suddenly felt anything but alone. I spun around in a haze and found the magnificently attractive, bone melting boy who stole my heart leaning indolently against the wall with his hands folded.

He gazed at me, appreciatively.

He wore a fine black suit with a crisp white shirt underneath. Few buttons to his shirt were left open revealing his taut chest and teasing the hard surface that led to his abs. His expensive shined brightly, almost blinding my vision.

I felt the color rush to my cheek, in an instant. I bit my lip, looking unsure of myself. I gulped, suddenly feeling I had seen him for the first time in my life. How could I imagine being his date? His beauty was luxury, he was luxurious.

I would look so out of place on his arm with my decade old dress, tattered heels, inexpensive jewellery. I felt and looked cheap in front of him.

"What had I told you, baby?" His voice left a trail of goosebumps on my skin. "Only I'll see you in that dress."

Say something, anything.

I tucked the loose tendrils of my hair behind my ear, simply to have something to do other than appear like a complete fool in front of him now that I had no words coming to my head.

He left his place from the wall and darted towards me. I couldn't inch as it would lead to the deck and drench me in rain. He crowded my personal space and pushed up against me.

His unwavering eyes fixed on me, staring in my eyes, urging me to defy him, break the connection. "Answer me honestly, did you think I would let you show up with a man who isn't me?" His fingers gingerly traced my jaw. "This is an important dinner. My family is waiting for me in the car." His nose touched mine as he spoke. "My date is waiting to be picked up from her home."

The way he said the word 'date' clearly laid out in the open that he wasn't referring to me. I wasn't the girl he would take as his date to the same event as his parents, or his social circle.

I was a dirty little secret.

My pulse quickened it's pace. I felt so insignificant. That's how a dirty little secret is meant to feel like. My thoughts immediately raced back to my mom. Did she let herself feel the same when my father rejected her and the baby she had been carrying?

Was this agony that I felt rivaled my mom's too?

You'll do amazing things with your lives. Grandpa's words echoed in my head, like a taunt. I was just like my mom, running after someone who wouldn't openly claim me.

He noticed the change on my face. His hand grazed the skin of my arms, delicately. He leaned in, his lips brushed against my own. Both of us were staring into each other's eyes, my eyes wide while his were studying me.

I gulped and sought to find my dignity which had gone missing since he came into my life.

"You're lucky that I am letting this slip-up pass." He leaned back, eyes raked my dress. "You'll ride with my friend in her car. She'll keep you by my side the entire night." He informed me of his plans. "Don't talk with anyone other than her."

Again, no words.

"And, one last thing." He cradled my face in his palms and swept into a toe curling, ferocious kiss. Words weren't enough to describe the extraordinary way he made me feel. His tongue parted my lips, seeking entry to dominate my mouth.

"I want to own every single thing about you." He pulled away, leaving me breathless and controlling himself to take more from me. "I'll see at the ballroom."

***

Gabriella Potter was the head cheerleader of our school. She was popular to the core and if I wasn't wrong, and was super into girls. Her blonde hair cascaded down her back in an elegant way. She wore a beautiful teal gown which in comparison made me look severely underdressed.

I was thankful that she didn't comment on my clothes or else I would've curled yself into a ball.

"What's the deal with you and the dream boy?" She was very nonchalant about her question. "There has to be something going on between the two of you."

I stammered. "N-No. We are friends."

She gave me an amused smile. "Okay. Don't tell me."

We pulled into the grand hotel where the dinner was held. The nerves started to get me, but with a reassuring pat to my cold hand from Gabriella, I relaxed, a little.

I followed right behind her. She led me all the way to ballroom and just before we reached the a big double doors of the dinner, she told me wait and typed something on her phone.

Moments later, a very dashing Chase Henry appeared from behind the doors. A relaxed smile on his face when he met me.

He wore a crisp navy suit that matched his eyes. His blonde hair pushed back in a neat look. His model-like structured face looked ever so stunning.

"Astoria, darling." He swept me up in a hug. "You made it without that oaf lapping around you." His words made me laugh. "You look breathtaking and thank goodness, I have you as my date."

This immediately alerts me. "No, that's wrong. I am not your date."

"Why? Because of Axel?" He asked, callously. "Trust me, he will not even look at you during the dinner. He'll be seated with folks at different table. I can leave a lady as beautiful as you alone in this strange room."

I darted my eyes at Gabriella. She looked at me with interest in her eyes. Was this game to her? Axel had told me to stay with her and yet she's playing the part of a double agent.

"Don't look at me," she said, when I stared at her for too long. "Go with Chase. He'll take care of you," she urged.

"Chase, I don't want to cause any rift with you and Axel," I told him, sincerely. "He takes things a step further."

"You don't worry about it. He and I are just fine," Chase reassured me. He extended his hand to me, ever so gentlemanly. "Shall we enter together?"

My heart rate increased, but I reluctantly placed my hand in his palm. Oh, God, I hope I am not making a mistake.

***

a short chapter will follow on sunday