"I wanna hear the things you say when no one's listening, but that don't matter anyway, 'cause you're mine."

~P

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Looking out onto the traffic before me, I let summer wind soothe me into relative stability, but it's not enough to calm my racing heart. Faceless bodies faze in and out of existence as the light turns green, then yellow, then red.

Made out of muscle and bone, they don't realize how vulnerable they are in the harsh daylight. Really, anything could go wrong. Just the flutter of a butterfly wing could result in absolute catastrophe.

I scratch at my cuticles.

Can I be honest for a second, Naomi? I'm nervous, mostly because I'm meeting your friends for the first time today, but the worst part is, I don't know if they'll even like me. Uncertainty has always made me anxious, and though I can blend in with just about any group, there is still the chance that I miscalculated somewhere down the line.

As our text conversations became more vibrant over the past couple of weeks, I decided it was time to properly meet them in a more appropriate location. Last time, I couldn't even get a chance to vet them, lest I ruined my chances of getting to you. Though you don't know I'm here, I don't think you really have to. I know that, in your heart of hearts, you want me to look after you like the guardian angel you need.

On a better note, I guess I could count this as my own vetting process. I'll be going through my list of criteria while they go through theirs, checking each of our boxes to see who is really worthy of Naomi Yamamoto.

But I know I'll always come out on top in the end.

After scouting the place for a bit more, I go in when you're busy picking out drink orders, order discreetly at the counter, and sit at a booth 2 spots away from you. Phone in hand, I turn to the side with my hoodie drawn up so I can still see and hear what's coming from your table.

Hoseok is the one that sticks out to me the most. If I can say anything about him, it's that he doesn't belong in a glorified fast food place like this. Majoring in business, he's set to inherit his father's consulting firm in 15 years if he plays his cards right, and though he doesn't look it, his cherry-colored head stores hundreds of pages worth of legal loopholes and tricks that'll certainly come in handy for his line of work.

However, one thing he doesn't know is the ability to hide his wealth. His Louis Vuitton bag is casually draped over the side of a spare chair next to him, and he acts as if he doesn't notice 4 separate people staring at it as he chatters away. He's the loudest one of the group by far, but for some reason, I'm not annoyed by the sound of his voice like I am with most people in general. There's a certain cadence to it that flits from one sentence to another without breaking a social norm in the process.

I eye the girl on his right. Lily Anderson is a peculiar one. She's a psychology major like you, but she isn't half the student you are, nor has she seized a real life of her own. Only having moved out of the suburbs in her 20's, she aches to be different in a city known for its uniqueness. She wears tacky jewelry to stand out, yet only succeeds in making herself look even more plain in the throng of college students doing the exact same thing. She has vanilla taste in clothes, hairstyles, men... well, you get the point.

The only thing that really catches my eye is the red hair that flows like liquid fire, cutting off right above her shoulders. It fools people into believing she's prettier than she really is, and it gives her an innocent charm that could lure anyone in. Maybe that's why you've let her drag you down for as long as you have.

However, I think there's more to her than meets the eye. Every time she speaks or moves, she glances toward you for approval. She clung to you like a leech the first time I saw her, and I don't think that stopped in the few weeks I haven't been around.

She could definitely prove to be a problem in the future, but I hope I'm wrong. It'd be too much work if I'm not.

Once you're done settling in, you smile and start the conversation off. "Thank you guys so much for coming out on such short notice. I think I really needed this."

Hoseok's mouth curves down as he takes your hand in his. "Are you okay, hon? I know you've been through a lot of shit for the past few weeks..."

"Y-yeah. Everything's fine. Just with," you swallow, "him and work and-"

"What happened at work?" Lily asks.

"Nothing, really. Some guy came in and..."

"OMG. Did he put his hands on you?" I roll my eyes. She sure likes to interrupt you, doesn't she?

"No!" you say, impatience laced in your voice. "But he was there for therapy, obviously, and he just had this weird vibe. He kept picking at his nails and went through my stuff, and..."

I wait for you to continue, but you seem to decide against it as you shake your head and take a sip of your lemonade. Something about that rubs me the wrong way, though I'm not sure why. Why would a client go through your stuff? Is he someone I need to take care of?

You sigh. "Anyway, that doesn't matter. Let's just say I've been going through it."

Hoseok squeezes your hand and says, "You know we're always here for you, boo. But, I gotta be honest. He-who-shall-not-be-named was kind of a jackass, and I think you know that. It's better that he's gone."

"For once, I agree with Hobi on something," Lily chimes in as she grabs your other hand. "He never deserved your attention. Like, at all."

Your breath hitches, and I can tell you don't know what to say. Agree and dishonor the dead, or disagree and seem desperate?

You do neither, and pull away to give them both a little shrug.

"So, uh, how are you guys? I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever," you comment, and Lily takes the bait almost too well.

"Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Still single as fuck," she replies, looking at her nails with a bored expression before looking up with a devious smile. "Unlike youuu!"

"Not this again," you groan. Hoseok glances between the two of you, looking rather offended at the subject matter.

"Wait, does Nana have a new boy toy?" he asks in a hushed tone.

Lily shakes her head. "No, it's the same one. Taehyung, right?" You nod almost imperceptibly, but you don't hesitate to kick her under the table. She yelps, then kicks you back. How cute.

"Oh," Hoseok says, suddenly uninterested. "I thought we were done with him."

"Just because I don't talk about him for 10 seconds doesn't mean I'm done with him."

"Well, I mean, after you fucked Jungkook..."

I grip the table for dear life. Tell me I heard him wrong. Tell me I didn't hear him say Jungkook and fuck in the same sentence.

You make things so hard for me, you know that? I wanted a pure, uncomplicated love to be happy with, but alas, I couldn't even manage that. I want to rid myself of my demons, yet chase them like my life depends on it. And now the nightmares born of my paranoia really have come true.

Can you figure it out? Because I can't.

"First of all, how the hell do you know about that?" you ask. "And second of all, that was before-" You stop yourself in the middle of your sentence and start sipping on your metal straw. Hoseok raises an eyebrow.

"Before what? Hm?"

"Nothing. Let's talk about your romance life, Hobi!"

"No, ma'am. You're not dodging this one. What'd you do?"

Lily looks like a rabid dog as she gawks at you, practically drooling on the table. Anyone could tell she lives for this type of drama.

"OMG, can I please tell him?" she bursts after not even 3 seconds of silence.

You sigh. You wanted to keep what we had in our sacred bubble of time before giving it up to your pack, but you cave under Lily's best puppy face.

"...Fine."

"Okay, cool. So, they had a huge makeout sesh in the storage room of the Rose Petal, and, like, he apparently lifted her onto a shelf and everything? Like, who even has the upper body strength to do that in real life? Oh, and his dick is huge. Wow. Okay. I'm sweating. I need my inhaler."

After digging through her purse frantically, she delivers a puff of medicine into her lungs. You nor Hoseok seem to care about the near asthma-attack, though; it's probably happened too many times to count.

On the other hand, you look positively mortified at the amount of detail Lily chose to disclose, and you don't even try to kick her again as your face blooms scarlet from the humiliation.

"You saw his dick? And I didn't hear about it?" Hoseok questions, arms crossed.

You attempt a casual shrug but fail. "I didn't even... You know what? I don't have to tell you everything!"

"Yes, you literally do! This is what I'm here for, girl. You think I care about you? The only reason why I'm at this place is to find out how good you got it from a rando, and I'm out of here."

"OK, fine, then! How many hookups have you had in the past week?"

Hoseok pauses for a moment before blurting, "I plead the fifth." It doesn't take long for both you and him to begin laughing, tension forgotten. Lily's eyebrows furrow the fraction of an inch as her jaw clenches.

"Okay, okay. Shut up, guys. I think people are starting to stare at us..." she hisses as the peals of laughter surrounding her peters out.

The conversation comes to a halt at your table, and I feel umber eyes prying into my brain. It's as if the volume to my world has been muted in an instant, and I resist turning fully around at the price of me sitting frozen, attempting to look busy on my phone. It feels like getting caught red-handed in the cookie jar. It's exhilarating, yet the potential for punishment almost drives me mad.

A chair leg scrapes against the floor, and I hear footsteps coming my way. I could pick it out a crowd blindfolded just from the cadence of the walk. It's you.

A part of me wants to reveal everything I've done in the past few days in the name of obtaining your love. I so desperately want you to recognize how devoted I am to you, how loyal I've been even when you don't expect me to be.

But the other part of me, the one that constantly works to fit the puzzle pieces of my plans together, tells me to shut my trap for the time being, that it'll only get me into trouble if I confess my true feelings.

I imagine every scenario in my head, mostly the ones involving you not taking the fact that I'm here so well. I shiver at the mere thought of it. It makes me feel like a child again, when I used to curl up on myself until I thought I would disappear. And most of the time, that's exactly what I wanted.

There's nothing tangible about you that reminds me of the demons I left behind, but something in the way your eyes automatically cut across the room and the underlying deliberateness in everything you do is familiar. It feels like karma coming back to bite me when I gratify myself to your pictures, to your very being.

But I dealt with my punishments in stride then. I'll do it again when the time comes.

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안녕 여러분! I hope everyone enjoyed
this chapter, and leave a vote and comment
if you did. I couldn't leave Hoseok and
Lily out for too long! What did you guys
think about them? Any theories on their
development? Let me know!

QOTD: what's your favorite K-Drama?

I don't watch a lot of them, but my all-time favorite is Boys Over Flowers. I grew up with it as a kid so it has a lot of sentimental value!

Until next time, happy reading!

Love,
Haneul