Chapter 30

I didn't dare go into the bedroom. It didn't seem right. I had absolutely no clue what Kaden and Gina were doing, but I had a feeling it was something similar to what Kaden and I would do if we were left alone. Instead, I spent most of the day sitting on the entrance hall floor , with my back against the wall; I let my tears flow heavily. The tears allowed me some relief, but not enough. The only way I would be fully relieved was when I knew that Kaden wanted me, and only me. Since I was in the entrance hall, quite a few people passed me: Emma, who pretended she hadn't seen me; Aaron, who backed away when he saw me crying; and lastly Flynn, who tried to approach me. I shook my head at him, telling me I'd prefer to be left alone.

My hair was sticking to the side of my face in a very unattractive way, but I was too crestfallen to fix it. I just wanted to sit there and wallow. I couldn't resist the urge to rub my frozen hands together and blew hot air on them. The jersey I wore was thick, thick enough to fully encase me in warmth, but my fingers were still cold. I knew that there was a pair of gloves next to the bed, but I didn't want to go in there. Would it be embarrassing to walk in on someone doing the deed? Or would it be better for me to get it over and done with, since I was almost certain Kaden liked Gina more than he liked me? They had known each other for longer. Had he always felt this way towards her? Was I just a placeholder, until he could get her back?

This was not the first time my thoughts were interrupted by a siren. The siren was familiar and unnerving, and I wondered why the FBI would bother with that siren anymore; it just alerted people that they were coming. I didn't move from where I was sitting. I knew that I should have moved because my face would be the first they saw when they opened the front door, but I didn't have half the energy required to push myself up.

"What the hell?" Kaden pulled up next to me. He was either too stressed to realise I was crying, or he didn't actually care. "Get up!" he yelled, looking at the door and trying to deduce (from the sound of the siren) how close the FBI were. "It's a house-to-house search," he explained, when I didn't move. Eventually he got sick of my lack of effort and he bent down to pick me up, slinging me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing more than a backpack. When he started walking away with me, I was aware that my skin was touching his and his hands were on the back of my thighs; but I didn't allow myself to feel anything, because I knew that I would only be disappointed.

"We'll have to hide you in the basement," Kaden told me. "I'll be with you, but the others have to stay up here. The FBI have seen the lights on, they know somebody's in here." And then, as if on cue, there was a series of knocks on the door. Kaden sped up and quickly said something to Holden, too low for me to hear. Holden agreed to whatever Kaden had told him and went to wait at the front door, ready to open it as soon as the two of us had left.

Once we were in the basement, Kaden set me down. He held his hands on either side of me, to catch me in case I fell. The basement was dark, hot and stuffy, completely different to the rest of the house. I couldn't see much, but I could see boxes. Some seemed to be filled to overflowing and others were lying empty on their sides, like someone had attempted to pack up their life but decided it wasn't worth it and gave up halfway.

"It's going to be okay," Kaden assured me, mistaking my silence for worry, when in fact I just didn't want to talk to him.

"I don't need your reassurance," I snapped, my eyes wide.

"What?" He put his hands on the wall on either side of my face, caging me in, forcing me to press my back up against the wall. I could just about make out a glint in his green eyes, but other than that I couldn't see his expression, to gauge if he was confused or amused. "Are you jealous?" he asked incredulously. I didn't say anything, knowing he would know if I lied. "Well, I can assure you that there is nothing to be jealous about. There was something between Gina and I," he confessed, "but it's over now. You have nothing to worry about. I'm all yours and I always will be."

"Where were you all day?" I enquired, not meaning to make it sound like an accusation.

"With Gina," he replied, and the way he hung his head in shame made me want to vomit. "But it's not what you think. We were just catching up. And I'm more than sorry I wasn't with you. If I could redo today, I would."

It was easy for me to believe him...too easy; but I went with my gut instinct and decided that his words were true. It was worth forgiving him, because I knew I couldn't live without him. "I'm sorry I overreacted," I apologised, putting my cheek against his chest.

"I love you," he told me, resting his cheek on the top of my head.

"I know," I replied, teasing him instead of admitting that I loved him as well.

"And I don't suppose you have the same feelings for me?"

"What would you do if I said No?" I enquired.

"I wouldn't give you a chance to say No," he stated, giving me a quick peck on my lips, before sliding his hands under my jersey and looking at my face to survey my reaction. I instantly forgot whatever it was we were talking about and allowed myself to get lost in the feeling of his hands on the bare skin of my back.

"We probably shouldn't be doing this," he said. "Not while the FBI's raiding the house looking for you."

"They won't find us in here," I reasoned, not trying to hide the nervousness in my voice. "They'll do a quick search and get out. They're probably going according to what their device says, so they'll have to search the whole neighbourhood." I remembered what Holden told me and used this to try and convince Kaden that we were safe.

"Is that you saying Yes to me defiling you?" he asked.

"I guess I am," I replied, pulling the zip of his jacket down a little bit.

He eagerly pressed his lips to mine and continued to explore my body with his hands. The small kisses he gave me made my knees buckle in nervousness. But all too soon he pulled away from me, taking a step back and breathing heavily.

"I can't do this," he said, panting heavily.

"Huh?" I was too confused to say anything else. This was what he wanted, why was he stopping now, when I was more than willing to give him everything?

"I just can't," he repeated, holding his hands up with his palms facing me.

"Why?" I asked. "Why am I the only girl you don't want to have sex with?"

"Want? Of course I want to have sex with you," he started. "But I don't want you just for your body. I want you for you."

"You can still have me anyway you want me. Sleeping with me is not going to change my personality; I'll still be me," I argued.

"We can't do this now." Kaden ran a hand through his hair. "You only want me to fuck you, because you're feeling insecure."

"That's because I have a reason to feel insecure. I need to know that you care about me, more than Gina," I yelled, but instantly clapped both of my hands over my mouth, wondering if the FBI were still in the house and if they had heard me.

"I don't need to have sex with you to prove that." He matched my angry tone. "I love you so damn much. I don't want to love you, but I do."

"Did you sleep with her?" I asked, not bothering to say Gina's name.

He nodded his head. "But it was two months ago, long before I met you. I went to visit her at her college and stayed over in her dorm room, we both got a bit carried away."

"Okay," I said, not sure if I should have been glad that he confessed, or if I should end everything between us right now. Did I want a second-hand boyfriend? Did it even matter that he had slept with her, if it was all in the past? "Does she know you don't care about her like that anymore?" I questioned.

"I never cared about her the way I care about you. I don't need to explain that to her, she didn't care much about me either; we only got carried away after a couple of drinks. I love you too much to get carried away like that with you. If we move too fast, we'll wreck what we have and we may never be able to rebuild it."

"So, is it safe for me say that for now we'll just be dating? That I'll be your girlfriend?"

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

I answered his question with another question. "How can you still ask that?"

Kaden had no time to react to what I had said, because Gina bolted in, making me hate her more than I already did.

"Kaden?" she called out. I could see her head bobbing from side to side, looking around the basement, trying to see, but eventually giving up and instead just switching on the lights. "The FBI's gone and someone better explain to me what's going on here," she ordered. Only after she had said this did she notice that I had both my hands on Kaden's chest, and that he was leaning into me.

"Great," Kaden smiled and lifted my hand to kiss each of my fingertips. "Let's get out of this dusty place," he suggested, kicking an empty box with his toe causing it to fall over.

Gina's pupils had dilated to double their original size and her mouth was opened into a perfect o. It looked like her chin stood the risk of touching the floor. "Kaden, I'm carrying your baby," Gina exclaimed, splaying both her hands over her perfectly flat belly.

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