Chapter 23

Kaden had fallen asleep almost immediately after we had gone back inside, which was reassuring. Reassuring because I was beginning to think he was an insomniac. He was sprawled across the bed, his feet curving around the edges of the mattress. One of his hands was on his chest and the other hung loosely off the side of the bed. His eyelashes were casting shadows on his attractive cheekbones, and his jaw was clenching and unclenching. I had grown so used to the way his jaw moved that it would have been unnerving if he didn't clench it in his sleep.

I should have been sleeping as well. I could have slept the way I had the previous night on Kaden's chest. But it didn't seem right to climb on top of him without his consent. Plus, he would probably wake up if I so much as touched him, so I couldn't bring myself to do it. Although he didn't look it, he was sleep deprived. I had found the empty pill tray under Kaden's bed. Of course, the silver glint in Kaden's otherwise immaculate room had made me curious, a closer look had revealed it to be Speed.

So for now I sat on the wooden floor and observed Kaden. I knew I wouldn't get another chance to see him so unguarded. His hair looked darker in the dark and he looked like a fairy tale prince. His eyelids were a light purple colour and if I didn't know better, I would have assumed it was a very light eyeshadow. It was too much to ask for me not to touch him, so I put my palms flat on the floor and convinced myself that sleep was the most important thing for him right now.

"Sage?" a voice whispered. I thought it was in my head, so I ignored it, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped slightly, but quickly recovered from my shock and put a finger on my lips, while gesturing at Kaden's sleeping form.

Emma tried to stifle her giggles. Her chocolate brown eyes matched the T-shirt she was wearing.

"Why are you staring at a sleeping boy?" Emma enquired. Her hands on her hips made her look comical, since she was unable to keep the smile off her face while she chided me.

"Nice shirt," I stated, dodging her question. "I didn't know you liked Guns and Roses." Well, that was a stupid thing to say. I hardly knew her long enough to know her likes and dislikes. But her wearing a T-shirt, with thorns protruding out of plump, red roses, while a gun went off in the background, still seemed a bit off to me.

I wasn't expecting Emma to blush, but she did; worse than I did when someone mentioned my relationship with Kaden. "It's H..." Her voice trailed off, and she furrowed her eyebrows. "It's David's," she said uneasily.

"Geez, how many boyfriends do you have?" I wondered out loud. If she could get confused about whose shirt that was...

Emma took a step back, like the blow of my words had physically harmed her.

"Emma," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"I thought you'd understand," she cut me off. Her face was paler as she shuffled her feet. "Especially after what Kaden made you do with that police officer."

"He told you?" I was only partially shocked. I knew he would have told someone, I just thought it would have been Flynn and not Emma; unless he had told all of them.

She nodded. "He's beating himself up about it, but that's not the point." Emma was an expert at keeping emotion out of her voice. It would have been better if she was screaming, instead of talking calmly. At least then I'd be able to tell what was going on inside her head. I could imagine she was upset with me. I was upset with myself. I shouldn't have hinted at her being a slut.

"I know you think I go from one boy to another, but I don't," she clarified. I was ashamed of myself, because that was exactly what I was thinking. I had just assumed from the way she dressed so revealingly, and I couldn't imagine her being a thief like the rest of them...

"Emma, I'm so sorry," I repeated. I would have said something more, if I was given the chance, but Kaden bolted upright and swore when he rolled off the bed and landed with a hard thud on the floor. I didn't know when Emma had started crying, but the tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

While Kaden bolted upright and went to her, I stood up. It surprised me that I had remained seated this whole time. It also surprised me that Kaden was so alert after he had just woken up. "Emma, what happened?" He pulled her to his chest and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. There was nothing sensual about the way he held her; it was in a brotherly way. When I had first got here, I thought they would make a cute couple, but now I couldn't imagine them being anything other than siblings.

"What happened?" Kaden directed his question at me, when he realised Emma was crying too hard to say anything.

"I..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I felt choked with the guilt that was forming a lump in the back of my throat.

"She called me a prostitute." Emma found her voice. It took a bit of effort to hear what she was saying, since she was mumbling into Kaden's shirt.

"I didn't say that" I argued, with a slight shake of my head.

"But you thought it," she accused.

The look on Kaden's face was one of complete horror, and I took that as my cue to slip away. Kaden made no effort to stop me from leaving. He had the appearance of a deer in headlights; he was frozen, and his pupils had dilated to double their original size, his only movement the occasional smoothing of Emma's hair.

***

I paused in the kitchen, my eyes squinting in the dark. I could see the outline of the kitchen table and the stools that stood to the side of it. The legs of the stools were bent in the middle and bore a resemblance to knees. The old-fashioned light fixtures emitted no light; but I shouldn't have expected them to, as it was close to midnight so nobody would be up.

I found myself tripping over my own feet as I navigated across the creaking floor, making my subtle escape so much less subtle. My mother had always said I had the stealth of a banana. I didn't think bananas were stealthy at all, but at least now I knew why my stealth was compared to that of a banana's. I winced at the noise my footsteps made.

I wasn't entirely sure where I was going. Outside maybe? I didn't want to be here when Kaden came looking for me to talk about what had happened.

"Emma?" It was Holden. I didn't acknowledge him, I just kept walking. He must be pretty sleepy if he mistook my small frame for Emma's tall one. "Emma, what the hell are you..." He swallowed his words when he flipped the light switch on and saw me standing there.

"Hey," I greeted, with a fake smile. Holden's face was pale, which was normal. His face fell when he saw me, which was also normal. He was shirtless and I would have stared if it had been Kaden, but Holden looked malnourished; contrasting with Flynn, Aaron and Kaden who were all hefty. Holden's ribs were visible under the thin sheet of almost translucent skin that covered them. His body, unlike Kaden's, was smooth and scarless, but the ribs jutting out looked like whip-lash marks in the dim light.

Holden sighed and ran a hand across the bottom half of his face. "Get back to your boyfriend," he suggested, pointing towards Kaden's room. "If he sees you here with me, God knows what he'd do to me."

"If I go back in there, God knows what he'd do to me," I said under my breath. I said it low enough for him not to hear, but the way he raised his thin eyebrows made me wonder if my words were audible. Holden pulled out a chair and sat down. Then he pulled another one out and gestured for me to sit. I remained standing and uncomfortably looked to where the sobs were coming from. It didn't sound like sobs anymore, more like the soft rustle of someone making their bed.

"Well, sit down." The words out of Holden's mouth sounded like a command. I don't know how he managed to sound like a military general, but I found myself obeying him.

"Do I want to know why you're wandering the Warehouse like a ghost, instead of snogging Kaden?" His mouth quivered like he wanted to smile, but couldn't remember how to curl his lips upwards.

"He's not my boyfriend." At least I didn't think he was.

"Whatever you say." He ran a hand over his short cropped hair, and I found myself wondering if he did it just as a force of habit, or if he was trying to neaten it up. I suspected the former, since his hair was so short it was impossible for it to be even slightly tousled.

"Can I ask you something?" I waited for him to reply, but he didn't, so I just carried on talking. "Why don't you like me?" I might as well know, since now I seemed to have caused Emma to dislike me as well.. If I could fix the situation with Holden, maybe the one with Emma would be more bearable.

"I don't dislike you."

I pursued my lips and folded my arms across my chest, silently telling him that I didn't believe a word he had just said.

"Fine, that was a lie," he confessed, holding his hands in the air and shrugging. "But can you blame me? It would have been rude for me to agree with you," he explained. "Even if you already knew the truth," he added, as an afterthought.

"So, are you going to tell me why?"

He shook his head. "It's not something you'd find particularly interesting."

"Well, it is about me," I responded. I pulled my hair free from its braid, just to have something to do, while I waited for Holden to reply. I combed through my curls nervously, knowing I was not going to like the explanation I got. I mentally prepared myself for the worst and tried to set my face in a stone mask.

"Kaden likes you," he pointed out.

I blushed slightly, but nodded my head.

"It's scary. I've never seen him like this. I don't quite like Kaden much, or so he thinks, but I do care about him. It's like not liking your siblings, but still wanting what's best for them; that's how I feel about Aaron and Kaden." I didn't get a chance to wonder why he didn't mention Emma, before he continued. "This thing between you and Kaden, it's going to end ugly. You don't belong here with us, you have a life outside of his crime. There's no way you can stay here forever. You're going to leave and we'll be the ones who have to pick up the pieces of Kaden's heart and mend it as best we can." Holden exhaled loudly as if he was deprived of oxygen after giving such a long speech. I wasn't sure if I imagined it, but his shoulders seemed to relax, as if a massive weight had been lifted off them. "None of us have parents. I'm assuming you do?"

"My mother," I responded, feeling guilty for not thinking about her sooner. I should have called her, to find out if she's okay. I hadn't seen anyone here with a phone, it was as if they were living in the Middle Ages, devoid of technology; but I should have still found a way to contact her, I could have found a pay phone somewhere.

"Then what the fuck are you doing here?" Holden asked surprising me. He didn't say it with anger, more like curiosity. I still hadn't expected him to ask something like that, so I was thrown.

"Excuse me?" I asked for clarification, trying to stall for time to come up with a good enough answer.

"You heard me." He crossed his arms over his thin chest.

"I don't know," I replied, having given up on trying to find something better to say. What was I doing here? Was it because I was too afraid of being anywhere else? Or was I too afraid to be anywhere without Kaden? Surely I should be back at home with my mother, carrying on like normal. But that's just it, nothing was normal...not since I had killed that stranger and my mother and Patrick had covered it up.

Talking with Holden was refreshing. He made me contemplate everything that was going on in my life. As much as I hated to admit it, we should have had this conversation earlier.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realise Kaden had appeared. That is until Holden nudged my shoulder and jerked his chin towards where Kaden was standing.

Kaden was looking at me in a way that I never thought he would. He was disappointed, it was evident in the way that that his forehead creased and a slight v appeared between his eyebrows. To be honest I actually preferred him to be angry with me right now: it was less intimidating. His mouth was sewn shut, like he couldn't open it for fear the words out of his mouth would be too harsh.

I stood up so quickly that I almost fell over. I made a dash for the door. My fingers struggled to grab hold of the slippery doorknob, but when I did manage to grab it, I pulled it open with a force that made me stumble backwards.

The cool night breeze hit me square in the face. I didn't care that I didn't have a jacket, that I was wearing a tank top and shorts. The only thing that mattered was leaving, before I had to face Kaden.

I was well aware that he was following me, but I didn't look back at him. It bothered me that I was running, and he was walking, and still the distance between us remained constant.

"Leave me alone." The wind altered my words in a way that made them sound louder than they were. Soon the sound of Kaden's footsteps on the dry grass stopped, and I was grateful that he still respected me enough to grant me my wish. I carried on running through the thicket of trees. The Autumn leaves got stuck in my hair and blended with my fiery hair, turning it into a sort of vineyard. I didn't bother to dislodge the leaves, I just continued running.

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