I decided to go out running while waiting for Hashi to come back from meeting his friend.

As I set out in a slow pace, I started planning a noodle dish in my head so that me and Hashi could eat together once he got back. I had just learned how to make homemade soy sauce, and would add some fried carrots, broccoli and other greens to the dish alongside crispy tofu.

I was just deciding on how to make a homemade mango smoothie to go with it when it started to rain. I didn't mind running in the rain, but this was like a waterfall, making it impossible to see more than a short distance in front of you. I decided to take shelter inside a hotel lobby, into which a few unlucky pedestrians were already running to wait out the rain. I would do the same until the rain lightened up so I could continue; this magnitude of downpour never lasted. 

But in that hotel lobby, I would get the shock of my life.

At first, my heart jolted in happiness. Hashirama! Out and about with his friend! I was just going to go up to them to say hi when a voice spoke up in my mind.

Why is he coming down a hotel elevator? And not out of the hotel bar?

And then, I saw who he was with.

And it felt as though all blood fell out of my body; as if I were a planet that lost its gravity and all of the oceans poured off it.

No... No, it can't be.

Hashirama. And my abusive ex. Coming out of a hotel elevator together, looking dishevelled.

Without thinking, I hid behind a pillar before they could see me. Although I probably didn't need to worry; they seemed to have eyes only for each other. They stopped before the exit, and Hashirama grabbed hold of my ex's hand.

And then, a wave of realisation hit me.

That uneasy feeling had always followed when I hugged Hashirama, from the very first time I felt his scent up until now. I suddenly realised what it was. It was the same scent as I had found on my ex every Friday evening when he came home drunk after having fucked someone else.

Never in a million years could I ever have guessed that someone else was my beloved Hashirama.

I had no memory of how I got home.

When I opened the door, Hashirama was already there. When he saw me, his face broke out in something I could only describe as relief and happiness.

"Madara!" Why was he so happy to see me? Did he know no shame? "Oh my God, you're drenched! Why didn't you take shelter from the rain?"

"Oh", I said stupidly. I hadn't realised I had run back in the rain, but I was as wet as if I had taken a shower.

"Let me help you."

Hashirama took a step forwards with his arms out, and I took a step back on pure reflex. I could feel the terror in my eyes. 

"Madara?" Hashirama suddenly looked worried.

I can just leave it. Just pretend I never saw anything. Go on about this life with Hashirama in happiness and peace. It would be so easy. 

I snapped.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

I didn't recognise my voice as I screamed at the man that I had believed that I loved, and that I had believed loved me, too. Tears were pouring down my cheeks, blending with the rain water, making it salty.

Hashirama looked terrified.

"Madara, what-"

"I trusted you!! I trusted you!! I gave my everything to you despite everything that has happened to me and you go meet my abuser in a hotel room!!" His face changed to shame, not misunderstanding. If I had hosted any hope of this being a coincidence, it was washed away then. He knew who exactly who it was he had been with in that hotel room. "With my ex!! You knew it was him!!"

"Yes, but-"

I broke down. I sunk down on my knees and scream-cried. Hashirama approached me, but I screamed something incomprehensible at him which made him back off. I could feel how hand-fallen he was, how desperate.

I stood up on staggering legs, and somehow managed to undress and put on training trousers and a hoodie. I didn't pack anything.

"Where are you going?" Hashirama asked with a voice full of panic and pain.

"To stay with a friend."

"Madara, if you let me explain-"

"No", I said simply. I would never give him the chance to explain.  I opened the door to the home that I had shared with Hashi for so long...

And closed it behind me without looking back. 

It had stopped raining, and the sun was currently drying the tarmac. It dried me as well, which I was grateful for as I had started trembling. I don't know how much of it was from being wet. 

I called the first one I could think of, which was the owner of the studio where Hashirama had taken the first portraits of me. We had become good friends, him and I, and I knew he had a small room in the studio with a bed for when he had time-consuming projects over several days. 

He told me where he hid the keys without asking me why I needed a place to stay, which I was grateful for. As I walked over, I went through what had happened over and over until it became unbearable.

And when it became unbearable, my mind went where it always went.

I hadn't thought about the bartender for so long. I hadn't needed to; I had been with Hashi. But once again, I allowed myself to imagine a life where he was my partner, a life where I could trust someone and never regret it. 

Tears were streaming down my face as I stepped into the familiar studio, and my heart crunched when I realised I had never been here without Hashi. I walked around the beautifully lit white room, touched the surfaces, tried to imagine the coming days here during which I would spend time on my laptop looking for another place to stay.

I just realised I hadn't packed anything and thus didn't have a laptop when something caught my eye. 

On a desk lay a magazine, and the page was turned displaying a spread with portrait photos...

Of me. It was the photos Hashirama had taken of me for the police. I was naked, bruised and absolutely miserable.

My heart started pounding. Had Hashirama gone behind my back and published them? No, an inner voice immediately said. Hashirama would never...

But hadn't I believed Hashirama would never do such a thing as being unfaithful as well? Could I really say I knew Hashirama? 

But then, I looked at the little square of text on the page. And I saw that Hashirama's name wasn't there. Instead, there was the name of our friend the studio owner...

And his address.

The significance of the address being publicised like this alongside photos of me didn't occur to me then. I was too upset. Then, my phone buzzed. It was my friend, or former friend, the owner of the studio.

By the way, Madara! I forgot to tell you. You will see familiar photos in a magazine I left on a desk. I can explain!

White-hot rage bubbled up within me. He had probably remembered it too late. Had he remembered, he certainly would not have let me come here. How long did he think he could hide the fact that he had stolen Hashirama's photos, and sent them for publication without asking me, the object? 

What are Hashirama's photos doing in a magazine?

His answer was immediate.

He refused to publish them. But I just thought they were too good to stay hidden. The makeup on you making it look like you're bruised is fantastic!

It's not makeup, you idiot.

You published them in YOUR name?!

His answer pinged, but I didn't have time to read it before the door to the studio, which I hadn't locked, opened.

And there stood my ex with a copy of the magazine in his hand and the most evil grin on his face.

"There you are, you little fucker."

And that was when I realised I should never have come here. 

I knew then that I had never, ever known true fear before, because this was it, and it didn't feel like an amplified version of what I had felt formerly in my life, but was an entirely new sensation, a new sensation that made me completely unable to move.

"I thought I'd pay a visit to your little..." He lifted the copy of the magazine he was holding. "Friend. To say thank you for posting such beautiful portraits of my fiancé. Asking where you were, but here you are, offering yourself to me willingly. As always."

He walked to me and took a strand of my hair between his fingers and sniffed it. I couldn't breathe.

"Another one who you let fuck you, you dirty whore?" I immediately felt myself shrink to the same size ha had forced me into during our years together. "You thought you could get away? I will show you what happens when you humiliate me the way you did."

He took step closer and I still couldn't move. 

I closed my eyes and imagined the bartender.