36. Past is not the Future
"It's my fucking money," you growl, looking up. The chill in your voice shocks Lily. You're angry in a way she's never seen before.
"And it's my fucking music - it's like he's got my life, Monica," you grit your teeth, "it sounds like just another pop song, doesn't it - oh la la rarer than a pink diamond - still it was - it is the song I'm most proud of," you whisper, "I was in a shithole - no rent, no fucking food except stale burgers from that restaurant - I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't. So I figured let's at least write one last song to myself. The world doesn't give a shit about me but I recognize my worth. I believe in me. So I wrote it - in the McDonald's bathroom on a fucking bill," the resolution is very real in your eyes when you say, "he can't take that away from me. I won't let him!"
Right then, the penthouse lock system beeps. You're not expecting anyone at this hour.
"Ah - I was about to add," Monica starts in a careful tone, "Your mother's here."
You don't move from your place. Lily gets the door and returns with your mum in tow.
Your mother takes one look at your face and speaks to Monica, "you told her then?"
Monica nods. "I got a call," your mum continues after sitting down on a plush chair across from you, "Ribbon will declare bankruptcy within three months."
"As expected," Monica sighs.
"This is your chance to get back your old albums, Y/N," your mother says.
"Where are we on legal, Monica?" you ask, not answering your mother directly.
"See. The good thing is that you have writing credits in all your songs. That was the whole loophole thing - he owns the albums but since you wrote the songs you could just re-record them. The bad thing is - he has writing credits too on a few - and some of them happen to be the biggest hits - including Pink Diamond. Unless he sells them to some other company - he won't because we're already on to him - we can get back those songs that are just yours easily. But IP laws get tricky for those that you co-wrote."
"What if I re-record everything?" you flinch internally while even making that suggestion. It is exhausting, to say the least - and who knows if you can get the same spunk out there again? You're not the same person anymore. And most importantly - those recordings are a part of you - of everything you went through.
"Again, easier for those you solely own, hard for those he co-wrote," Monica says.
"Co-wrote - what bullshit. It was me and his production interns who did all the work," you run your hands through your hair in frustration. It's a good thing you had your hair cut a few days ago. There's one less thing weighing your head down. You glance at your mom.
"I told you not to leave home for him," she says.
"Really, Ma? You wanna do this now?" you warn.
"All I'm saying is that he was a bad sort from the start, look where he's landed you."
"Where he's landed me? Where have YOU landed me? You don't know - you were never there!" you raise your voice in the end, trembling at the same time. "What have you ever done, Ma?" You take deep breaths, trying to keep control.
"I have been fighting him for you for five whole years Y/N! Do you think I enjoy spending my life taking care of your money?" your mother responds, not quite raising her voice as much as you.
"I am paying you for it," you shake your head, "What's the point of you fighting him if at the end he still gets Prakriti?"
"He hasn't taken it yet -"
"Can you save it?"
"Y/N, I am trying -"
"Trying won't do, Ma. If you want to keep your job then stop him."
"We can stop him," Monica cuts into the brewing storm, "we've got to convince the board otherwise, right? I'm sure Ms. L/N has enough goodwill to get enough people on our side."
"I do," your mother says, "but DK has his ways too. He took his position at Prakriti far more seriously than I anticipated. I don't know how much he's promised to pay them but he's got some very influential people on his side. I'm sorry Y/N. It's not looking good," she sighs.
"That's a shame," you mutter, "the whole point of putting a cold snob like you to represent my interests was to counter him. You're so confident in declaring you see through DK, I guess even you can't defeat him."
Your mother's face hardens. "You're ungrateful, Y/N -"
"- and I deserve this? Isn't that what you always say?"
"- that's not what I was going to say. And I am guilty for saying it back then - I am truly sorry Y/N, I really am. You're too busy hating your mother to see how hard I'm trying to make amends," there are tears in her eyes.
"What's the point, Ma? I don't need you anymore. I'll just have to get someone else."
With that, you walk out onto the balcony. The biting cold outside numbs your pain a little. You shut your eyes against the dry Seoul wind, but regret it as his face swims into your mind's eye. DK. How could you ever have trusted him? You've asked yourself this a million times. And deep down you know that there was simply no other way. You were seventeen. You'd left home right after finishing school. And he really was okay in the beginning, possibly because he never saw potential in you. He was superior, older, experienced - you were no challenge. He had your adulation for him to bathe in.
You'd perform in a cafe every night, work McDonald's during the day, and write songs in every spare second you got. And you were useful enough to him. He got you gigs and took his cut - which was mostly everything. He didn't know you were going to break into the new YouTube space the way you did. It wasn't common back then. Hell, you yourself didn't know. Your first album - that was when the casual flirting started to get serious. You sigh. Three albums, Prakriti Foundation and four years of your life. Until that night.
"Y/N?"
You don't turn around. It's your mother. She's relentless, you think.
"I won't let him take Prakriti from you. Not over my dead body, my child," she pauses.
You can't speak because the tenderness in her voice has set free the tears you were holding back so hard.
"I know I hurt you, if I could go back and set things right I would, my child -"
"I was alone, Ma. Alone in that city, in everything. And you - you were ashamed of me. You were too busy being ashamed that your daughter wanted to become a singer to see what it cost me. And no - I don't regret shit. Hell no. But maybe - just maybe - it would've cost a little less," you begin to sob, "- if - if - y-you - h-h-had my b-back then!"
Your mom places a tentative hand on your shoulder. You let it stay there. "Y/N. I am here now. I've been here since the day I found out -" you flinch, "- since the day I told you I will deal with him for you. I understand if you can't love me - I'm not exactly loveable - but please don't hate me, my baby girl... Please let it go...for your sake."
She really had been there. You went years without seeing DK even though Ribbon's ownership of your albums and his being one of the founding members of Prakriti meant that you both were tied at the hip. Between your mother and Monica, DK never got to touch you again. But it was time to end this once and for all.
You muster up your strength and face her.
"I don't hate you, Ma. And I -," you brush off fresh tears before you continue, "I trust you enough to - I know you're capable enough to take care of Prakriti - I obviously do..." You look at her teary-eyed face. "You're not as cruel as you were back then, I'll give you that."
"I've never told you how proud I am - I have always been - of you, have I?" she whispers, "Y/N, it's true I was disappointed back then, I was egoistic, I acted harshly - I can't defend myself for that. But that was me, Y/N. You were always so grounded, so mature. Your attitude, and of course your talent - you think I didn't see that? Do you think I didn't see how impressed everyone was by my daughter? How could I not be proud? You are my amazing baby girl, Y/N - you were and you always will be. And I love you so so much."
Tears stream down her face. Her liner has begun to leak now, making you laugh in between your own sobs. She's your mom: dramatic, outlandish in her fashion sense, entrepreneurial to the core, and always protective of you. You don't know what to say, so you hug her. She hugs you back tightly.
"I'm sorry too, Ma. I really am..."
Inside, Monica and Lily watch you through the glass doors.
"Oh boy..." Lily sighs with relief. "I got so scared when she got angry like that."
"I sincerely hope they make up. I've been trying for years -"
"You're like her other mother, Monica ma'am.," Lily interrupts Monica, "the way she relies on you for guidance, praise, instructions, everything."
"I think aunt might be more age-appropriate..." Monica sighs. She wishes to the highest heavens that you and your mother sort out certain things. To be honest, she has seen it weigh you down often. For all your cheerfulness, you can be incredibly isolated sometimes. Mending things with her might just open one closed door of your heart. Although she does feel that you're better off at a distance from your mother's temperamental remarks. And she sincerely prays she and Rhea never end up like that.
"So what's the plan?" Lily asks once you and your mum are back inside.
"Hit him with a lawsuit," you command.
"Are you sure, Y/N?"
"Threaten it, don't file it, but make it a real threat this time. Make this your first priority, Monica, I can manage my schedule with Lily," you pause, "Mom, meet the board members. He can't have all of them on his side. Update me regularly both of you."
He was smart, but you weren't a scared immature kid anymore. You had a team, your resources and most importantly - yourself.
"I'm not letting him win this time," you snarl.
"We," Monica says, "are not letting him win this time."
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