there's a flashback in this chapter and it's indicated by italics!! so don't be confused or surprised when you see them :))

tyler looked beside him and was met with the endearing sight of a sleeping brendon. his unkempt hair was sticking out every which way and his mouth was slightly parted, releasing light puffs of air. tyler smiled at the sight but climbed out from under the covers, careful not to wake brendon up.

he tiptoed down his stairs and pulled his phone out to text melanie.

tyler: we need to talk. it's super urgent and can't wait so meet me at marina's in ten minutes

melanie: assuming that i can't say no, i'll be there

tyler grabbed his car keys and left the house, very quietly shutting the door behind him. the ride to the ice cream shop was very quick and tyler was there before melanie, giving him a bit of time to discuss the problem at hand with someone who knew less about the situation and was less likely to be biased.

"tyler! i'm so happy to see you here, where's that cutie that you brought with you last time?" she asked, leaving her spot behind the counter so she could give him a hug.

"i actually have to get your advice about something regarding him." tyler sighed as he dreaded the moment that he would have to put his emotions into words. they barely made any sense in his mind and he couldn't imagine how it would sound as he said them out loud.

"oh, honey, do tell." marina said in a calming voice and led him to a booth in the back corner. she could sense his stress and she knew that tyler never dealt with things well when it came to boy troubles.

"i'm so stuck, marina. i'm such a horrible person but i can't control how i feel." he wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the tears that began to gather on his waterline. "it's happening again, but this time i'm the one doing the damage."

marina didn't respond to that because there was simply nothing to be said. she just engulfed him in a hug and sang quiet songs into his ear, the whole situation being eerily similar to one they had been in a few years prior.

tyler was eighteen at the time, he had just recently moved into the area and the closest thing he had to a friend was marina. he would go to her shop every day and the two grew extremely close in a matter of weeks.

tyler had met a guy while grocery shopping one day and he fell head over heels for him. his name was jesse and he was all tyler talked about. it was the first time tyler had his feelings reciprocated. jesse made him feel special, like he was truly something extraordinary, and tyler loved it. tyler was oblivious to the fact that him and jesse weren't anything official, he figured that jesse was his boyfriend because of the way he treated him, but that was nowhere near the truth.

over time jesse became distant, showing less affection towards tyler and spending less time with the boy. tyler didn't think much of it, because people get busy and have other obligations, so he assumed it was that. but one rainy day, a little less than a month after they started talking, jesse showed up at tyler's house, face masked with guilt and a hint of sorrow. the words he said tore into tyler like a child at christmas, ripping open the thin wall that held back his sanity and letting it flow freely. those words felt like strong hands wrapping around his neck, cutting off his flow of oxygen, leaving him light headed.

"i'm so sorry, tyler. i found someone else."

tyler was speechless, a plethora of millions of ways he could've responded swarmed around his mind. "y-you found... someone else?" his bottom lip quivered and he felt so pathetic. of course this happened, he should've seen it coming. he had only recently met jesse and although he liked to believe it, he barely knew him.

"i really did like you tyler." did. all that tyler could focus on was that 'did'. how long ago constitutes this 'did'? three days? a week? three weeks? tyler didn't want to know.

and tyler felt pathetic, like he was oblivious to any and all clues jesse may have given him. was he too clingy? too annoying? too boring? too ugly? he wanted closure, but he was terrified of it at the same time.

jesse was the reason that tyler had such difficulty with the concept of relationships. he was okay with flings, but as soon as things shifted into something more he removed himself from the situation. that was until he met brendon. he wholeheartedly trusted brendon and felt like things would work out for the two of them. he was okay with letting his guard up to be with brendon, because he trusted him.

he never expected to be the one on the opposite end of things. here he was, going through the same thing as two years ago, but this time he was jesse. he was the one about to break the heart of someone who deserved all the love in the world. and it was all because of josh.

"tyler, melanie is here."

he sat, staring at the wall, face impassive.

"tyler?"

melanie grabbed his shoulders, shaking him out of his dream-like trace. he snapped out of it and peered up at his best friend, doe eyes watery with tears at the memories of his past.

"oh, baby, come give mel some love and tell me what's going on." tyler crawled into her lap, snuggling into her shoulder as the sleeve of her shirt dampened from his tears.

"i-i'm a horrible person!" he sobbed, body shaking as erratic breaths escaped his mess.

"don't say that, that's far from the truth. why do you think that?" it was marina talking now, aiding melanie in calming the brunette down.

"i-i st-started talking to j-j-josh again," he took a moment to fill his lungs with more oxygen, "and i r-really like h-him, m-mel! a-and i-i-i can't he-help it!"

melanie was shocked, to say the least, but deep down she knew this would happen. josh knew how to pull tyler's strings, and it scared her. marina was confused as she had no knowledge as to who josh was, but she kept quiet and soaked in the new information.

"does brendon know?"

"n-no, and that's w-what m-makes this s-so much w-w-worse. i'm pulling a j-jesse and-and i'm a fucking h-hypocrite."

"tyler, you need to tell brendon. i know it's going to be difficult but he deserves to be told sooner than later." melanie said, wiping away the tears that fell from tyler's eyes as he finally look up at her.

"but i-i don't w-want to b-be the o-one to hurt h-h-him. he d-deserves s-so m-much better."

"he does, but you can't let yourself put this off any longer because he will be hurt much more if you do that."

"o-okay. i j-just- i don't k-know how i'm go-gonna tell h-him. i don't wanna b-be like j-j-jesse." the name burned tyler's throat as he said it, sounding so horrible as it registered in his own ears. jesse made life so unnecessarily difficult for him and he despised the tattooed man with dark auburn hair.

"don't dwell on the past, jesse is out of your life and you're only hurting yourself by bringing him up."melanie lifted tyler's face and observed his beaten down features, frowning at his lifeless expression.

"just be honest, that's all brendon would want. he really cares for you, tyler, and he'd be happy as long as you're happy." melanie added on, pressing a light kiss on her friend's forehead before she ushered him off of her lap.

"i'm sending you luck, ty. tell me how it goes," marina exclaimed as she pulled him in for a hug. he exited the shop with melanie and she wrapped her arm around his waist, hands rubbing against his skin soothingly.

"let's go get 'em, tiger."

•••
a/n

a lil background onto why tyler was so weary about relationships in the earlier chapters!! i thought i'd go more into his character before the story ends since it'll help shape the outcome.

i'm in lots of pain :// i'm sick and my throat is very sore but i also got a cortisone injection in my hip today which wasn't fun. i still haven't packed for florida and i'm leaving tomorrow night so i'm highkey screwed.

but i'm happy happy happy bc i'm seeing jon bellion again on june 17 (exactly 6 months since i saw him at my tøp show)!!! i'm so excited bc i love him and he's great live :')

make sure you drank enough water today and that you're hydrated!! treat yourself to a yummy food that you're scared to eat/not allowing yourself to eat, because you deserve it. one snack does not change anything. you are beautiful and you shouldn't restrict yourself from eating certain foods. don't fear the outcome, because the truth is that it won't change anything. if you eat a pint of ice cream you're still the same person as you were before. nothing changed. you didn't gain any weight and i promise that you don't look any different either. don't let your mind tell you otherwise, because you deserve a treat. i love you.
-carina

p.s. i read this over once and i'm very tired so please correct me on any grammar or spelling mistakes i made!!