"But I'm not just a fuck-up, I'm the fuck-up you need, I don't hear nobody when you focus on me. Perfectly imperfect, yeah, I hope that you see.

Tell me you see..."
___

Dinner is...

Well.

Dinner is awkward.

It's awkward as fuck.

Its actually such a hot fucking mess that Zayn accidentally spills some water on Paige and Christian and Tobe both laugh and somehow, some way that breaks the ice and cuts through the awkward tension and dinner is still awkward as fuck but people are at least talking.

Calum is, of course, getting questions about his grades and where he wants to go to college and what his career goals and ambitions are because he's totally being interviewed for this role of "boyfriend" by his girl's parents and that was expected.

But, Royce also has to mumble out some answers and find it within her to answer the shit she's being thrown her way by Dina because there's also that giant elephant in the room, too.

And then there's the awkward tension between all four of the Greene kids because three of them haven't come back into the other's good graces yet and the oldest, well, he's been pretty much left out of the loop.

Family shit.

If Jesy were here, that statement about the Greene "family shit-show," might actually ring true.

It also might get another drink tossed in her face.

But, hey.

That was expected now.

Royce was the "bad girl" in the family, wasn't she? She was the one who let her personal life interfere with her social life.

And she was usually really good at hiding one from the other. She was usually good at being the Royce Greene. She was usually very good at being the straight-A, cheerleader, princess that everyone expected her to be.

Until her boyfriend came along.

Until now, that is.

Because that's even what her parents thought. If it weren't for her mom finding out about Calum sleeping over, she might have done a pretty good job of upholding that image.

And tonight was the make or break.

She really hoped her parents liked Calum. Hell, she wanted Christian to like him too, since Tobe seemed to be cool and Paige was...

Well, Paige was the wildcard.

Royce hoped Paige might come around. Royce hoped Zayn might help Paige come around.

But, one could only hope.

Because Royce was tired.

She was tired of upholding an image. She was tired of being who everyone expected her to be. Royce just wanted to be Royce. She wanted friends and family who cared about her no matter who her friends were and no matter what she did and no matter what her grades were.

There was an immense pressure to fit into a certain mold at her school, and deep down, she wondered how she'd be viewed if all of her peers knew about Dina. If the student body knew about her mother's habit and the life she lived as a child, would they ostracize her? Would they call her a freak or a druggie? Would they lump her with Calum and his friends or single her out completely like Paige's class once did to Zayn?

And as she sits at the table and watches her sister scowl and her parents—all three of them—smile and her brothers laugh at conversation made by the two "bad boys," Royce is seriously wondering how she has found herself in this situation. She wonders how she, of all people, has found herself living a life where she has to bail boys out of jail and skips class and hangs with daughters of drug dealers.

No wonder Calum was so scared to tell her everything. No wonder he was so scared to be honest. It didn't excuse the lies, but she can at least understand where he was coming from.

And after dinner, she's plagued by all of these thoughts. In fact, so much so that she offers to do dishes once dinner is over; once it's time for dessert.

"Royce," Theresa teases, "the dishes? You?"

"I'm evolving," she replies, causing the table to laugh—even Paige cracks a small smile.

As she reaches for plates, Calum pushes himself from his seat. "Want help?"

"How sweet," she grins, "But, maybe next time. For now, you're good."

"You're sure?"

She nods, and her dad laughs.

"She's good," he says. "She does this all the time, sometimes," he chuckles. "Don't you, Royce?"

"All the time meaning," Calum clarifies, "when forced?"

"Something like that."

And the table laughs again.

And Royce scraps plates and carries them to the kitchen, smiling to herself.

They liked him.

Calum.

He was perfect, honestly. At least, he was being perfect tonight. He was charming and funny and casual and all throughout dinner, Theresa kept catching her eye and grinning each time he said something even the slightest bit humorous or endearing because she could tell.

She could obviously tell why Royce was into him.

It was also nice to have someone else on her side.

On Calum's side.

Sure, Royce obviously spent the most time with him, but it was refreshing to see this side tonight. It was refreshing for him to show this side of himself to her parents; to her family because there truly were multiple sides to him, and for some reason, she was attracted to most.

Royce takes the dishes into the kitchen and begins filling the dishwasher.

In actuality, she's enlisted herself to be the  dishwasher tonight only to escape her parents and her siblings and their guests, because tonight has truly been a lot and she's looking for some much-needed alone time. That was the thing about a big family. When there were so many people, Royce could barely hear herself think.

She was such an introvert. Maybe that's why her friends and the other popular kids at school all had to literally drag her out of the house to see her at functions. They had to beg Paige to get her to come to things like Jesse's parties and other shit. Right now, there were just a few too many people in her home and she was feeling drained. She wanted to lay down. She was ready for the night to be over.

And just as Royce is thinking these thoughts and wondering how many questions Kennedy and Lola are going to ask her once she finally returns to school tomorrow, there's a noise.

"Looking for silverware."

Royce looks up.

It's Dina.

Royce swallows; she'd like to reach a point where the sight of her mother didn't make her feel uneasy, but she hasn't reached that point yet.

Again, Rome wasn't built in a day.

But she can hear Calum and she can hear Emma in the back of her head and she decides to try.

"Yeah, uh...right there."

She points to the correct drawer and Dina nods and that's that.

Silence builds another wall between them; an awkward tension becoming even more obvious and prevalent in the room.

So much for alone-time.

So much for silence.

She can hear Dina rustling through her drawers--her mom's drawers--as she pulls out more cutlery for the dessert and Royce can't help but feel frustrated. Like, leave already. Why the fuck is it taking so damn long for her to grab a few fucking forks and knives?

She didn't even need knives. Didn't Zayn bring cupcakes or some shit?

She's bothered.

She's completely bothered. And she's trying not to be, but she is. She can't help it. Grab the shit, she thinks, and go, because she's not wanted in here.

Royce does not want her in here.

Her mind is consumed with enough tonight, that this is just enough to send her over the edge.

Like, seriously?

Enough, already.

She picks up a dirty plate, focusing on the bubbles and the hot water clearing off the remnants of dinner, trying to distract herself. She's trying to focus on cleaning and dishes and not the mother her boyfriend has brought over for dinner. And she's watching the water run; she's scrubbing a stain so that she might stick it with the rest of the plates in the dishwasher when that tension builds within her.

And out of nowhere, Royce drops the plate back in the sink.

"Why'd you do it?" She begins, her gaze hard enough to cut steel. "Why'd you leave us?"

Dina stops, pausing. Her eyes remain on the silverware.

"Were you just," Royce shrugs, "you just good with that? You just thought it would be okay to take your kids on your binges or leave us instead? You thought we'd be fine on our own, didn't you?" A lump grows in her throat. Tension is building, anger is becoming sadness. "You thought we just didn't need you at all..."

Dina drops the silverware. "Poppy--"

"Or did you just not care?" Her voice is low and uncharacteristically level, "Did you just not care about us? You didn't care that we were on our own?"

"Poppy," she repeats, taking a step towards her, "Royce, it was never about you," she sighs. "None of it. None of it ever had to do with you."

"But it affected us!" Royce exclaims now over running water. "Are we--Am I just supposed to be okay now? Like I wasn't scarred from that shit? I'm just supposed to grow up and get over it? Move on," she fights the tears in her eyes, "so we can shake hands and be friends now? Or better yet," she barks out a laugh, "so you can be my mom again?"

"No," Dina shakes her head, "Royce, no. And I can't take back the things I did--"

"Of course you can't."

"--I can only apologize," she clasps her hands, "And I'm sorry. Baby," she takes another small step towards her, "I've been trying to tell you. I am so sorry for the things I put you and your brother through. Baby girl, I wish I could take back those things I did, I do. And every day I pray that neither of you will know what it's like to confront those demons because it is so very very easy to lose sight of what is important when the only thoughts that consume you all have to do with your next high."

A silence fills the kitchen.

"I lost myself," Dina's brow is furrowed, "I lost me. How was I even supposed to take care of y'all two?"

And Royce turns away. She stares at the water running and lets those words settle into her spirit.

"I didn't..." She continues to stare at the dishes in the sink, "I'm sorry for what I said...in front of The Diner," she blows out a long breath. "You didn't deserve that."

"I did," Dina replies. "I, I know how...how I was," she states, "as a mother. Barely. And I'm happy you both have one who isn't," she grins slightly, "who isn't how I was. Who's really amazing...I just," she blinks, and something in Royce's stomach turns at the sight of Dina's expression , "It's hard giving y'all up. I can't," she shakes her head, "Now that I'm in the right frame of mind, I mean. I can't give y'all up," she says. "Not completely."

And Royce is silent again.

Those words—all of these words—rest heavily; they linger so heavily, upon her soul.

"Look, Poppy...I mean, Royce--"

"Thank you."

"Excuse me?"

"Thank you," Royce repeats, nodding—that breath she'd been holding all night finally releasing.

"Thank you?" Her mother is shocked, "Thank you for what?"

"Not," Royce gulps, "for not giving us up," she blinks back tears. "Completely."

"Baby girl," and Royce tenses, feeling her mother's arms around her, lightly at first, as if Dina doesn't even know how to give a real hug properly, "I almost gave up on myself," she says. "It took me until now to not give up on me. You and your brother? You had nothing to do with my problems. Y'all two were not even a part of this--my demons."

Royce roughly scrubs at her falling tears. She told herself not to cry and here she is.

Fucking crying.

By the time Royce has finished washing dishes, conversation has resumed around the table, with her parents talking to Chris about college and Paige going off to do homework with Zayn and Calum coming to help Royce in the kitchen.

Royce rejoins Calum at the table, the one in the kitchen, the one where they first used to "study."

"Hey," she tugs on his shirt, pulling on the black fabric.

"Yeah?"

"They don't hate you."

"Well," he laughs, "that's nice."

Royce giggles. "Maybe you'll get invited over again."

"You think they'll ever let me up to your room?"

"Nah--" She grins. "Not if my mom can help it."

They laugh. It's been quite a night—it's been quite a week; a semester, actually.

"C'mere," and she takes his hand, leading him through the back sliding door in the kitchen.

He follows behind her, throwing a backward glance over his shoulder before he slips behind Royce, outside into the brisk night air.

She takes a seat on the porch steps, patting the space beside her.

"Don't you have homework to do, Missy?"

"A shit ton," Royce laughs, grinning as he sits beside her, his thigh against hers, his arm around her shoulder. "Thanks for the reminder."

"It's what I'm here for."

"I need you," she states, "Like, majorly. If I'm not gonna fail this AP."

"You'll be fine, Royce," he grins. "You're perfect, remember?"

"Ha Ha."

He grins.

And Calum kisses her head, softening the blow before he delivers his words carefully, "I saw you talking to your mom."

"Dina?" She nods after he does. "Yeah."

"And there was no yelling," he says. "Weird."

She laughs. "I'm evolving."

"That's what we're saying again? Okay," he grins. "Evolving, then."

"Hey, you know it's true."

"Whatever you say, princess," and as she laughs he sobers instantly, "I gotta be honest, though, I'm proud of you."

She whips her head, almost expecting him to be kidding.

"You're serious?"

He nods.

"You. Serious?"

"I'm evolving too. Duh."

She laughs aloud. "I..." She shakes her head. "I have done nothing for anyone to be proud of lately."

"Not true," he shakes his head. "Not true at all."

She snorts.

"Talking is a pretty big step, Royce. That's huge," he grins. "I'm proud."

She grinds her teeth. "I cried, though."

"And you're still one of the strongest people I know."

Royce turns to face him. This weird, amazing boyfriend version of Calum was blowing her away tonight.

"Just so you know," he continues, "I didn't want you to talk to her so you could patch up your relationship and move on like everything is fine, y'know?"

She frowns now. "I don't..."

"I just...I just wanted you to get closure. Like, for you," he stares at her, "'Cause I feel like you carry so much. Like, you want everything to be perfect, but, not for you, y'know? It's like you're doing it for your parents, or Paige, or your brothers..."

He shakes his head. "I just wanted, I guess, for once, you to feel like this was one less thing you had to worry about."

And he shakes his head again, "I just—"

"Thank you."

"Um..." He sits up, her statement catching him obviously off guard. "You're welcome?"

"Everybody's so shocked by my 'thank you's,' today" she mutters. "Damn."

"You're kinda mean, so..."

She laughs. "Shut up, Calum."

"Make me, Princess."

She side-eyes him, and he's laughing and she's trying not to. She rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

"Weirdo."

"Shh," he says, "don't ruin the moment."

"So wild," she sighs. And she sobers instantly, "But seriously, all I've ever wanted to hear, I think," she blinks, turning her head towards the cloudy skies, "is that she cared. Cares," she corrects. "Like, she didn't just throw away my brother and me. Like," she clears her throat, "I don't know—It's not like she intentionally hurt us, but..."

She sucks hard on her teeth. "But, I've been taking it personally for a long...well, since forever, actually."

"You're not wrong for your reaction though," he frowns. "Not to me, anyway."

She snorts. "That's an unpopular opinion."

"I mean, the first people we learn to trust are our parents. If they break that trust...I can't imagine how that'll affect you. Obviously."

"But you invited Dina to dinner...?"

"Because I knew if it was up to you, you'd avoid her forever."

She nods. "Okay, true..."

"But," she frowns, "you said you wanted me to get closure—?"

"Yeah," He laughs, "closure. Closure's for you. Not Dina. Not Paige. Not your parents," he squeezes her knee, "Your mental health is most important," he shrugs, "to me, anyway."

Her heart swells—there he goes, again.

She beams, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he taps her, "And, I gotta tell you something, though."

"Yeah?"

"That day at The Diner," he sighs, "I never meant for you to see that—me with Dina, anyway."

"Yeah. I figured as much."

"I was there because I had to be," he replies. "Because Dina paid Kenn back for our bail and Emma stays there sometimes."

Royce nods. "That's what you said."

"It's the truth."

"I believe you."

"Really?"

She laughs. "If you can believe it."

"You know," she sits up at once, "you're pretty great when you wanna be."

He laughs. "So nice to be appreciated, Royce."

"No, seriously. Seriously. I'm so serious about that 'thank you,' actually."

"Me?"

"Yes, you," she grins. "I never thought I'd agree with you on this," she exhales, "but I needed this. I needed this dinner," she nods, staring out across the yard, "You're right. I needed closure."

Calum's teeth are clamped on his bottom lip, his smile threatening to break across his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she nods.

He nudges her gently. "Told you so."

"I know, I know..."

"Best boyfriend ever?"

"Best and worst," she laughs.

"Fair," he nods.

She laughs.

"And believe it or not," she adds, "I have Emma to thank, too."

Calum groans. "Eew."

"You should be nicer to her."

"Sorry. Can't."

She laughs again.

And a comfortable silence fills the yard. It's nice, actually. It's comfortable.

It was almost as if things could stay this way and Royce could just not return to high school.

"Calc, though," she repeats, because in reality she still had classes and grades and shit to do, "We've actually got to study for the AP..."

"Said it," Calum nods. "So I can't have you trying to take my clothes off this time."

Royce laughs aloud. "Me? Me take your clothes off? Are you serious right now?"

"Damn it, Royce! Shh!" Calum looks around the yard, "You want your parents to kill me?"

She giggles into her hands, "Sorry," she drops her voice, "I just can't believe that--"

"You wanted to have sex with me? I know, I couldn't believe it either."

"I didn't want to have sex with you," she teases, "I just wanted to pass math."

"You literally pushed me onto your bed and ripped my clothes off..."

She laughs aloud. "You are so wrong!"

"...with your teeth. It was so crazy, I was like, 'whoa.'"

"You are so wild."

"Must be what the cheerleaders are doing these days."

"Wouldn't you know?"

"Wow—!"

The sound of glass sliding shakes Royce and Calum from their laughter, and both of them turn to see Paige, who's sticking her head outside.

"Dina's leaving," she says.

Royce nods, "Coming," as Calum rises from his seat beside her and helps her to a stand.

His hand doesn't actually leave hers, though, and Royce can't help but feel all of the feelings that remind her of why she liked him; why she wanted everyone to give him a chance.

And he leads her into the house and they continue their banter and Royce almost misses Paige, who's staring at him, who mouths, "We need to talk," as they follow her inside.

___

wow it's been nine years since i updated because every day i rewrite this chapter

comment and vote because i gotta know how this shit turned out l o l

you know what's funny, though? i started writing these stories because i was tired of scrolling through fanfic options and never finding any with black and brown women in main roles, so to see that you all have been enjoying my stories is a big deal to me and i truly don't know how to thank you enough. :)

p.s. the sequel of we'll all be is getting updated next w. strippers for all y'all reading those :)

don't leave || snakehips ft. mø