"When you're all burned out on teenage aggression, take me as an antidepressant...

(Do you feel better now?)"

___

Monday comes back around, and dammit, it comes hard and it comes fast.

And Royce isn't ready.

For starters, she's exhausted as she slides into the passenger's seat of her sister's car. She loves her siblings, and she loves Paige to death, but she just cannot handle a conversation this morning.

She really, really can't.

She's got a Seattle Seahawks cap pulled low over her head, long hair flanking her tired face.

It's that kind of gloomy day.

"...and oh my god, Zayn texted me last night and he said Liam really, really had a good time, Pops. And, he's definitely going to Jesse's on Friday. Like, I want to piss myself I'm so excited for you. Liam's just so sweet and cute and god, he's perfect for you."

Royce sighs tiredly, leaning her head against the window as Paige pulls from their driveway.

"And we need to go shopping, Pops! Like, how long has it been, really? We never go out together, anymore."

Royce yawns. "Yeah..."

"So, we've got to go shopping. This is gonna actually be so much fun, oh my god. Both of us, tag-teamin' it, again. The Greene girls," she exclaims, "going out and looking sexay."

Tobe laughs. "Eew."

"Never mind him," says Paige, as a new thought crosses her mind, "Oh! Wait, by the way!" She exclaims, slapping Royce's arm.

"What? What?" She exclaims, sitting up at once. She rubs her tired eyes. "Fuck, Paige..."

"Chris keeps texting me, telling me to tell you to call him. Sounds important."

"Yeah," Royce yawns again. "I know, I know..."

Tobe lifts a brow. "What's going on?" He catches Royce's eye in the mirror. "S'everything okay?"

"I'm sure everything's fine," interjects Paige quickly. "I mean," she grins smally, "you know Chris...Always needing to know what's going on with us..."

"Yeah..." replies Tobe, leaning back in his seat.

"Yep," Paige nods. "And, another thing--"

Tobe leans forward from the backseat, again.

"Paige."

She pauses. "What, Tobe? God, boy, can't you see I'm talking to Royce?"

"Can't you see Royce needs a nap?" He sits back, and Royce can't help but laugh to herself, shaking her head as she thanks God for her brother. "For the love of..." He shakes his head. "Zip it or ticket."

"It's click it, or ticket, Tobe."

"Yeah, but," he shrugs, turning back to his phone, "mine works better."

Royce laughs.

___

Royce gets to her first period just as everyone is...

"Leaving so soon?" She asks, meeting Kennedy at the door.

Kennedy twirls her long finger in the air. "Turn that ass around, Missy."

"For...?"

"Assembly," Kennedy replies, slinging her arm around Royce's shoulder and guiding her towards the auditorium. "Leggo."

So, Royce is nodding off, her head hitting Lola or Kennedy's shoulders as she leans back in the darkness of the auditorium and drifts.

She pulls her baseball cap lower on her head and closes her eyes.

Until...

"...and it has been brought to our attention that over the weekend, a few students were involved in a minor infraction with police..."

Kennedy grabs Royce's thigh.

Royce sits up.

"...and while we will deal with these students accordingly, what we do not need is for rumor to spread. We are addressing you, the student body, to inform you that no one was hurt, and because this incident did not occur on school grounds, there will be no need for suspension, however," their principal pauses, "there will be repercussion for such negligence."

Royce whips out her phone and sends a text.

And Calum receives it, from his seat across the school.

Poppy: where the fuck are you???

He replies, and his reply makes her realize just how ready she is for this week to already be over.

Calum: president's office

So, upon the assembly's dismissal, that's where the girls go.

"The fuck?" Lola exclaims, as the boys meet them in the halls. "What the hell? Why're you in trouble? You went to fucking jail for the love of--"

"Well, hello," exclaims Ashton, because after their meeting with the president of St. Augustine, what he did not expect was to be greeted by Lola, Kennedy and Royce. "Holy fuck--You guys're..." He shakes his head, "This is emotional. I'm emotional," and he opens his arms, "Bring it in."

The girls groan, but they accept Ashton's invitation to this hug.

"So?" Royce asked, her face pressed against Ashton's chest. She peers up at Calum, who is kind of laughing as he stares at her puckered lips. "What the fuck's going on?"

"Well..." Luke rubs at the beard he'd been growing out, lately. "I guess it could be worse..."

Kennedy sighs. "Oh god..."

"Honestly, it's not bad, really," Ashton continues. "Sure, we've got like, a thousand hours of community service..."

Lola laughs. "What?"

"...but, it's fine. Really. President's like, y'know, he's like, a pretty cool guy."

Royce stares incredulously at Calum. "You? You plus community service?"

He nods. "Every Saturday," he sighs. "Sucks balls."

Royce shakes her head. "Damn."

"Starting at fucking seven," he sighs, running his hands across his face.

"In the morning?"

He nods solemnly.

And then, he grins.

"Yeah," he says, ducking his head and lowering his voice. "But, fuck it, 'cause my night's are still free."

___

"So," Kennedy begins, "about this camping trip..."

And Royce snorts, staring off into space as she sits with her friends upon the hood and roof of Kennedy's car, blocks away from school, all of them eating their lunch.

It's supposed to rain, today.

It's fucking freezing, but Michael's been passing around a flask of something awful that she only took a sip of and nearly spit out.

Instead, she held up her thermos.

"I'm good with hot chocolate," she'd said. "Thanks."

Despite living in Seattle her whole life, Royce can take or leave the rain. The city was known for its prolonged gloom and coffee drinking but also it was know for its long-term depression.

Today, with the thick, dark clouds rolling in, it will rain.

This, Royce knows.

But, the rain today, on top of it being Monday, is definitely making Royce feel like she needs a bright, warm pick-me-up.

And it might be the depression setting in, or the fact that this is only the first day of the week, but Royce is really in her feelings as she stares out across the city.

A year ago, she couldn't imagine herself to be where she is.

Like, a year ago, she couldn't have imagined that she'd be sitting with the four 'bad boys' of St. Augustine Prep, one of whom she'd been having sexual relations with, the other three she actually was really starting to like -- for the most part -- as they sat with her two best friends, her two other besties from The Bluffs, and laughed and joked around about a fucking camping trip in December as a flask of Honey Jack was passed around on a day these boys nearly got expelled from school and on a day that was barely a week after they'd actually been locked up in jail.

And what shook Royce, was how okay with this she was. What surprised Royce was that she was comfortable. Her friends were comfortable, too. They were enjoying each other. They were laughing. They were having a good time. Royce liked hanging out with them.

What shook Royce the most, was that she couldn't say the same about the group of other jocks and cheerleaders who claimed her.

Royce doesn't do this.

She's not the type of girl to be associated with these boys, given their reputation.

But, Royce has never been the kind of girl to care about what people thought about her 'associations.'

Honestly, all Royce cares about, is finding the people who loved her enough to not want to let her go.

And, wasn't that the issue with fucking around with one of the few boys who were notorious for sliding in and out of girls without so much as a backwards glance in the school halls...?

"Hey."

Royce turns, as Calum slides beside her.

She nods. "What's up?"

He taps the brim of her cap. "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

And she turns and stares at him, her eyes drifting over his fluffy brown hair and furrowed brow and almond eyes and wrinkled nose and pouty pink lips. She watches how that pout is tugged down at the corners and he stares back at her and runs his teeth over his bottom lip, eyebrows pinching more.

"What?" He asks.

She shakes her head. "What, what?"

He laughs, and Royce smiles at the way his eyes wrinkle and his head gets thrown back and he smiles that open-mouthed smile that shows off all his teeth.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks.

Royce tips her head upward, pointing to the dark skies and cloud cover.

"It's gonna rain."

His nose wrinkles. "What're you really thinking about?"

And he lifts an eyebrow and Royce is already rolling her eyes because she can feel him about to say some cocky shit.

"It's me, isn't it? You're thinking about me and how hot I am, right?"

Royce rolls her eyes.

Yes.

"Don't flatter yourself," she replies, and Calum only grins wider, chuckling as he leans forward, shifting his weight so it rests on his elbows upon his knees.

"Sure," he grins. "You know I'm hot."

Royce only shakes her head. "You're impossible, Calum."

But her heart is hammering in her chest.

How she's able to keep this impassive facade, she doesn't know. She feels like there's only a matter of time before Calum catches onto her inability to stay calm and cool around him. She feels like there's only a matter of time before her emotions get completely in the way of their sex and fuck buddy pact and there's only a matter of time before he eventually decides he doesn't want to fuck around with her, anymore.

And that thought makes her feel like throwing up a little.

As Calum laughs beside her, Royce shakes her head and her frown replaces her smile, because she's back to her pensive reflection, again.

Because, Royce realizes, she's comfortable with Calum and Luke and Ashton and maybe she could grow to like Michael...But, that was an issue, wasn't it? How long could their friendship last while she was hooking up with Calum?

How long was hooking up with Calum even going to last???

And, to make matters worse, she's kind of maybe sort of starting to catch some real feelings for this boy who does drugs and fucks girls and doesn't call and crashes dates and hangs out with dealers and goes to jail...and her father would not approve.

And Royce is in too deep now to change.

They pull back up to campus as the bell is ringing.

Lunch is ending.

The next period is about to start.

"Jesus," Lola mutters. "Chem. Shoot me, now."

"How 'bout we shoot your professor, instead?" Ashton suggests, throwing his arm around her shoulder.

Luke nods, "'Cause we could probably have that arranged..."

Ashton nods, too. "We could definitely have that arranged."

Kennedy sighs. "And that's why you guys are doing community service."

And after grabbing their bags and books, Royce watches as her friends leave her at her locker. She's got a free period, so she's taking her time with things, lounging about in the halls when three things happen.

The first: her phone rings.

It's Christian.

It's her brother.

He's calling.

And she stares at the call, debating whether or not she should just get this conversation over with now, or wait until after school to call him back.

What the fuck could Christian want--?

"You're not gonna answer?"

She turns.

Here is thing number two: Calum.

He's leaning against the lockers, grinning that grin at her that makes her want to kiss his stupid face and -- No, Royce. Stop it. Stop stop stop stop stop stop...

"Way to be in my business," she replies as he grins.

"I mean," he shrugs, "if you're not gonna talk to your family, you might as well hang out with me, right?"

"Those two things are not the same, y'know."

"Close enough," he replies, poking her cheek. And he leans his head down, "We should've stayed off campus," he says, voice low. "We shouldn'tve come back. Fuck this place."

"Yeah?"

His lips graze her ear. "Yeah."

"Well, whose car would we've taken, huh?" Royce fights a grin. "Yours or mine?"

"Alright, fuck you," Calum exclaims, and Royce throws her head back, laughing. "My license isn't suspended that long."

"Nine months?" Royce chokes. "That's not a long time to you? And I thought you were good at math."

"Well, Paige drives a fuckin' Audi."

Royce snorts. "And?"

"So, where's your car?" He folds his arms, smiling smugly. "Everyone's got one but you."

"Not Tobe."

"Who is eleven."

"He's fourteen," she laughs as he does, too. "Fuck you."

"What?" He pokes at her cheek again. "Your parents don't love you, Royce?"

"Paige and Chris got their cars the year after they each got their license."

"So...?"

"So," she pushes him gently, "I turn seventeen in May," she replies. "That's like..." She wrinkles her nose, "That's practically when you can get your license back."

"May is not September, babe," Calum replies, and Royce turns because since when did he start calling her 'babe?' "We'll be riding in your Porsche or your Ferrari before I get my shit back."

"Ha ha," she replies. "My dad would never get me one of those cars."

"Royce," Calum laughs, "you've skipped class maybe once in your life--"

"Thanks to you!"

"Exactly," he nods, "and while you should probably be thanking me for saving your life..."

She rolls her eyes.

"...your parents don't know that shit. You're fine. They're still gonna get you a sick car--"

And Royce grins, just as thing number three comes sauntering down the hall.

"Shouldn't you be in class, Royce?" Interrupts Jesse, who takes a look at Calum and sniffs disdainfully. "You've got to have better things to do."

She grins as Calum scowls beside her. "Free period, bub."

"Well, good," Jesse smirks. "'Cause I heard you're needed in the office. I missed you at lunch, by the way," he adds. "Couldn't find you to tell you, then."

She frowns. "Really?"

He nods, backpedalling to class.

"Oh," Royce nods. "Okay. Thanks, Jesse."

"No problem."

And Calum slips his arm around Royce's shoulder.

He smiles. "Don't you, y'know, have class?"

Jesse snorts. "Don't you?"

"Got a free, mate," and he turns to Royce. "Don't we?"

Royce stares up at him, surprised. "Yeah," she nods, turning back to Jesse's angry, confused scowl. "He's right. We do."

Jesse's eyes never flicker back to Calum.

He purses his lips. "Such a shame," he shrugs, and he tugs softly on Royce's coat. "See you later, Royce."

She waves. "Bye," and with a final snort towards Calum, he takes off towards his class, leaving the two of them alone.

Calum pulls her closer. "I hate that--"

Royce laughs, "Meet you in the library?"

Calum's attention switches now from Jesse to Royce.

Calum stamps his foot, "Why the library?" He whines.

"I have homework," she laughs, pushing from him. "Duh."

He sighs, dramatically falling against the lockers. "Fine," he folds his arms. "But, I'm not gonna like it."

She sticks out her tongue. "Don't come."

"Wow. You suck."

"Only sometimes."

"I..." And Calum sticks his tongue against his cheek.

Royce is laughing. "I have actually been spending too much time with you."

"Good," he grins, tugging on her sweater, "'Cause that was actually pretty funny."

"I'm hilarious," she shrugs, before shaking from his grip. "Now, lemme go," she grins. "I've gotta go."

"Alright," he says, allowing her to leave him in the halls. "Hurry up."

___

The secretary in the school's front office greets Royce with a smile.

"Hi, Ms. Greene," she says, pointing to the conference room adjacent to the wall behind the secretary. "Right through there."

Royce grins with a, "Thank you," before hefting her tote upon her shoulder.

In retrospect, she probably should have asked why she was summoned to the front office, but she assumes there's some PTA notice to give her mom, or maybe one of those annual-giving envelopes for her dad...

So she steps inside and stops, because there's a woman sitting across the room, her coat upon the back of her chair, and she stares at Royce through the same brown eyes that have suddenly bugged in Royce's head.

Dina smiles.

"Hello, Poppy."
__

Calum sits in the library for ten minutes.

And then fifteen.

And then twenty, before he scowls and gets up and stalks from the table because there's no way it takes this long to grab something from the office.

He keeps checking his phone, because maybe Royce has texted him, y'know, to let him know why it's twenty-fucking-minutes into their period and she still hasn't shown up like she said she would.

Maybe she's actually doing something.

Yeah.

Royce was popular.

Maybe someone stopped her to talk.

Maybe it was Paige, or someone like that.

Maybe it was Tobe, or Kennedy, or Lola...

...or maybe it was Liam.

Fuck that.

And Calum grabs his shit and stalks in the direction of the front office.
___
"Well, Poppy?" Her mother asks. "Aren't you gonna say something?"

Whenever Royce sees Dina, it's her impulse to cry.

When Royce was little, she cried more times in her mom's arms than she did in her dad's.

But, on the same token, her mother had never been particularly affectionate, anyway. Her mother wasn't around. Her dad was. Her mother didn't cook for them. Her dad did. Her mother didn't read her stories at night. That was all her dad, too.

How he managed to raise both her and Chris while also pursuing his PhD...Royce would never know.

Her only explanation?

Love.

Because she remembers late nights on the opposite side of Seattle, far away and out of the minds of the people in The Bluffs, where darkly lit nights and a two-bedroom apartment and little for dinner shaped her early years. She remembers not realizing that their electricity had been purposefully shut off some nights and she remembers not realizing that some nights it was their water that didn't work. She remembers being too young to know that being poor meant she didn't have while others did. She remembers being a child and being happy...when she was with her dad.

Because those memories of sleeping in the backseat of the car so their dad could study with lights on, or eating nuggets out at the Wendy's on the corner for weeks straight, or showering at shelters some nights were due to a mixture of the fact that their parents were young, straight out of college and paying for a medical degree, but also because her mother was spending their savings on the mixture of over-the-counter and illegal drugs that kept her high.

Royce is close to her dad for a reason.

Royce is not close to her mom.

Her father, even with his limitations, was still there.

She didn't even know that he sang anatomy-related songs at night to get her to sleep and to help himself study for exams. She didn't even know that her scary bedtime stories about ghosts haunting hospitals were designed to help himself recall vaccines for common illnesses.

Her dad was in his early twenties with two little kids.

Her dad was young and determined for himself to succeed so they never had an excuse not to.

Her mother, on the other hand, was absent most days and when she was around, she was so high and so strung out Royce hated those days she was left alone with her mom without her dad.

"Shut up, Poppy! Jesus Christ, girl! Sit yo' little ass down and shut up all that fuckin' whining gah damn."

"I'm sorry, baby. I love you, I love you. You're mommy's princess. You're her angel. I love you, I love you. I love you..."

Royce is nearly seventeen, now.

But, the sight of her biological mother triggers some very scarring memories for a child -- or anyone, for that matter -- to experience in the first four years of her life.

This cannot be happening.

Not again.

"Well?"

But, it is happening, because Royce's mother stands before her, and while she doesn't look sunken in and skeletal and wild like she did the last time, she still does not make Royce want to run into her arms, either.

"Well? Aren't you gonna say anything to your mom?"

Royce summons the strength to reply, despite the wall of tears threatening to overflow from her eyes.

"My mom," she says, "is at work."

Dina frowns. "Poppy..."

"No," she shakes her head. "My name is Royce."

"Oh," Dina grins, laughing. "Oh, I see. You're grown, now. I get it. I was a teenager, once--"

"No," Royce exclaims, although her brain is screaming at her to just get out of there; to simply leave the office. "No, don't pretend like you understand me, or you can connect with me on any level, because you don't."

"Look," her mother says, "I know I've made my share of mistakes--"

Royce snorts loudly.

"--but, I'm still your mother, and you don't get to speak to me like tha--"

"Oh, puh-lease," Royce screams. "Stop trying to pretend like you're my mom! You're not! You're not my mother and you never will be!"

Dina shuts her eyes, pinching her nose. "I know what happened, Poppy, and I'm here because I want to make things right. I don't want you to keep running, and I don't want to throw away my relationship with you--"

"What relationship?" That wall of tears is about to break. "Which one? The one where you brought me and Chris with you to the state border to buy crack? The one where you left us at home by ourselves when that ran out? The one where you drove us around the city, taking us to lounges and crack houses and underpasses so you could get high without daddy finding out? So, which one is it?" She yells. "Which one? Which relationship did you fucking form with me!?"

"Enough!"

And now, the secretary jogs into the room. "Everything alright here, ladies?" She asks tensely.

Her mother's eyes are flashing, and Royce can barely see through her own blurred vision.

The secretary looks between them. "Maybe it's time for you to get to class, Royce--?"

"Poppy, I..." Dina adds quickly, and she steeples her hands together, eyes shut, "I know," she whispers, "Okay? I know what happened, and I--"

"Can't," Royce grits, "erase the past."

Her mother sighs. "Poppy, stop--"

"Don't," Royce says, backpedalling towards the door. "I don't want anything you can give me."

"Poppy."

But Royce has rushed out of the conference room and into the office.

And she runs right into Calum.

"Royce!?" He exclaims, reaching out and steadying her.

"Fuck--Calum?"

His wide, confused eyes meet hers.

"Did..." She gasps. "You heard that?"

"I--Some," he admits, and before he can continue, Royce has pushed past him and is rushing out of the front office.

"Royce, I--"

"Let her go," says the woman with the dark skin and long, curly brown hair and eyes just like Royce's. She stands with a sigh. "She'll come around..."

But, Calum has jogged from the front office.

That was Royce's mom?

"Royce, wait! What the fuck just--?"

He quickly catches up to her, meeting her at the front gates of the school in the Seattle mist and Seattle fog and Seattle gloom.

"Royce! Royce, wait. Wait, wait, wait..."

She turns, arms wrapped around herself, teeth clamped upon her lip. Her eyes are glassy, and Calum's face falls, expression softening at once.

"Are you okay?"

She shakes her head, breathing labored.

"I can't..." She's about to cry. "I don't..." Here come the tears -- Don't cry in front of him, Royce. Don't do it -- She shakes her head. "I've got to get out of here..."

Calum doesn't hesitate.

"C'mon," he says at once, throwing his arm around her shoulder.

He knew they shouldn't have come back to campus, today.

"Fuck it. Let's go."

___

double update! <3

phew. a lot happened in this shit wow.

soo just to recap: dina showed up at school. royce can't handle her mother. calum catches part of that argument. they leave.

makes sense?

lol just making sure. comment and vote! y'all know i love your comments and votes. :)

the reckless || nekokat