" You MUST take the first bite, Ash. I insist."

" No, I insist you have the first sip of water."

" I insist."

" I insist."

" I insist."

" I insist."

" I insist."

" Nono, I insist."

Gary sighed dramatically as Ash and Richie continued their intense battle of politeness over the table. Their voices grew louder, each more determined than the other.

"I INSIST!" Richie declared, pointing a fork at Ash like a duelist.

"And *I* insist!" Ash shot back, gripping his glass of water like it was Excalibur.

Gary, sitting between them, pinched the bridge of his nose. "This has gone on for half an hour. You guys haven’t even touched the food yet!" He gestured at the untouched feast on the table. "Meanwhile, I’m over here starving!"

Pikachu and Sparky exchanged looks, equally exasperated, while Gary rolled his eyes. "Alright, that’s it. We’re ending this madness." 

He grabbed Ash’s fork in one hand and Richie’s knife in the other, clanging them together like cymbals. "Knock it off! You’re ruining my meal!"

Ash looked mildly offended. "Gary, this isn’t just about food. It’s about *honor*!"

Richie nodded solemnly. "Exactly. A gentleman never lets his cousin take the first bite."

Gary groaned. "This isn’t a duel, it’s a dinner! Just eat already!"

But Ash and Richie were now standing, staring each other down like knights preparing for battle. The air was thick with tension.

"Fine!" Richie declared. "Let’s settle this the way our ancestors would."

Ash grinned. "A battle it is!"

Gary blinked. "*Ancestors?* You two aren’t royalty. You’re two guys fighting over who eats first!"

But Ash and Richie were already clearing the space. Pikachu and Sparky stood on opposite ends, mimicking referee stances. 

"I’ll take the left side," Richie said with a smirk.

"And I’ll take the right!" Ash countered.

Gary stared at the scene unfolding. "You two can’t be serious. Are you having a *food duel*?!"

Ash nodded confidently. "Loser takes the first bite."

"And winner gets bragging rights," Richie added.

Gary facepalmed as the two cousins squared off, both now holding spoons like weapons. This was going to be a long dinner.

Then Professor Oak stepped into the dining room with his signature cheerful demeanor, holding a book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. "Ah, what a lovely sight! Two cousins bonding over the age-old tradition of a polite standoff. It reminds me of a time long ago, when—"

"Grandpa!" Gary interrupted, waving his arms frantically. "Not now! They’re about to duel over who eats first!"

Oak chuckled, entirely undeterred. "Even better! A perfect moment for a poem to commemorate the occasion!"

Gary groaned. "Grandpa, we don’t need a poem right now! We need you to stop them before they break the table!"

Ash and Richie froze mid-duel, spoons raised like swords, and turned to Oak with matching grins.

"Actually," Richie said, "I wouldn’t mind hearing a poem."

Ash nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, me neither!"

Gary smacked his forehead. "Oh, for the love of—"

Oak cleared his throat dramatically, raising his tea like a prop in a theatrical performance. "Ahem! Two cousins at a table, bonding so strong. A battle of wits, though it’s taking too long. Politeness abounds, their manners refined. Yet hunger persists—this food must be dined."

Ash and Richie clapped, thoroughly enjoying the performance. Pikachu and Sparky joined in with enthusiastic squeaks.

Gary, meanwhile, slumped back in his chair. "Grandpa, that didn’t help at all! Now they’re more fired up than ever!"

Oak grinned. "Nonsense, Gary. A good poem always inspires unity."

Richie and Ash looked at each other, determination glinting in their eyes. "He’s right," Ash said. "We’re inspired!"

Richie nodded. "More inspired to win this duel than ever!"

Gary groaned as the cousins resumed their ridiculous battle. "Grandpa, you’re supposed to stop them, not make it worse!"

Oak simply sipped his tea. "Ah, youth. So full of energy." He turned to Gary with a twinkle in his eye. "Now, how about a haiku?"

Gary buried his face in his hands. "This family is impossible."

Two hours had passed, and Gary had reached his limit. The shouting and clinking of spoons from the dining room still echoed through the house, punctuated by Professor Oak’s enthusiastic cheers.

"Come on, Ash! Show that cousinly determination!"
"Richie, my boy! You've got this! Dig deep!"

Gary groaned, grabbing his books and storming off to his room. "Why did I even think coming home would be peaceful?" he muttered to himself as he climbed the stairs.

Once in his room, he flopped onto his desk chair and opened his biology textbook. He flipped through the pages, trying to focus on photosynthesis. But Ash’s and Richie’s voices carried through the walls like they were standing right next to him.

"YOU TAKE THE FIRST BITE!"
"NO, YOU TAKE IT!"

Gary clenched his teeth. "How are they not tired yet?! They’ve been yelling for hours!"

As if on cue, Professor Oak’s booming voice chimed in again. "This is the true spirit of family rivalry! Keep it up, boys!"

Gary slammed his book shut and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "This family is actually insane," he mumbled, rubbing his temples.

He tried turning on some music to drown out the noise, but it didn’t help. He tried putting on headphones, but he could still hear faint shouting underneath.

Finally, he grabbed a pillow, shoved it over his head, and groaned loudly. "Can someone please come and make them stop before I lose my mind?!"

Downstairs, Ash and Richie continued their verbal duel, completely oblivious to Gary’s suffering. Meanwhile, Oak clapped enthusiastically. "Marvelous energy! I should write another poem about this!"

Gary rolled over in bed and muttered into his pillow. "I’m moving out."

" You lie down first."

" No, you!"

" You!"

" You!"

" You "

" You!"

Gary moaned as the two cousins argued. " Why can't you just lie down at the same time?!"

Ash looked horrified. " That is not dignified!"

Gary sighed. " Well if you want to argue take it outside."

The two boys looked thoughtful. " Okay."

Gary sighed as he buried his face into his pillow, thankful for the peace.

But ten seconds later he heard clinks.

His eyes widened. " They wouldn't.... They couldn't...."

He went to the window and peeked out, then groaned.

His nightmare has come true

Richie and Ash were having a sword fight.

Gary ran to his grandpa's room and ran in. " Grandpa they're having a sword fight!"

Oak looked worried. " Who?"

" The cousins, who else?!'

Professor Oak’s worried expression deepened as he followed Gary to the window. Together, they peered outside and saw Ash and Richie going at it with wooden sticks, as if they were knights in a medieval duel.

“En garde!” Ash yelled, thrusting his "sword."
“Not bad, cousin, but you’re no match for me!” Richie countered, spinning his stick dramatically.

Gary groaned. “They’re going to break something. Or themselves.”

Before Oak could respond, Pikachu and Sparky, eager to join the action, dashed into the fray. Both Pokémon had their cheeks sparking with electricity, ready to back up their respective Trainers.

“Pikachu, no!” Gary yelled.
“Sparky, stop!” oak added

But it was too late.

“Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!” Ash commanded.

“Sparky, you too!” Richie added.

In perfect synchrony, the two electric Pokémon unleashed powerful Thunderbolts. The energy crackled across the yard, lighting up the night like a fireworks display.

Gary’s jaw dropped. “Oh no.”

The Thunderbolts struck the wooden sticks, splitting them in two. The electricity ricocheted off the metal lawn chair nearby, setting it ablaze. A nearby garden hose burst, spraying water everywhere, which only made the electrical chaos worse.

Gary turned to his grandfather, panicked. “Do something, Grandpa!”

Oak, however, was calmly stroking his chin, muttering to himself. “Fascinating. The combined electric discharge appears to have amplified exponentially due to the water’s conductivity…”

“Grandpa, this isn’t the time for science!” Gary yelled, shaking him by the shoulders.

Outside, Ash and Richie stood in the middle of the chaos, still arguing.
“I told you my Pikachu is stronger!”

“No way! Sparky clearly won that round!”

Gary slapped his forehead. “I’m surrounded by lunatics.”

Just then, the sprinkler system activated, soaking everyone and everything. Pikachu and Sparky let out little squeaks of protest before dashing to safety under the porch.

Ash and Richie, drenched and laughing, looked up at the window where Gary and Oak stood.
“Hey, Gary! You should’ve joined us!” Ash called cheerfully.
“Yeah, it’s not a real family gathering until someone gets electrocuted!” Richie added.

Gary groaned. “I’m moving out. Tonight.”