Chapter - 19
Her fragile fingers were calling him to hold hers in his hand but he couldn't. He wanted her lips to move and call him but she couldn't. He wanted to hold her delicate body in his arms but he couldn't. He wants to see that twinkling shine in her eyes but she can't open them...not anymore.
She looks pious and calm as if sleeping. A sleep which is never ending. She slept for forever. Leaving him behind with his miseries. He is cruel, he is inhuman, he is monster. How can he do this..how can he do this to an innocent soul. He don't deserve her.
He cried bitterly, looking at her lifeless figure. He can't hold her in his arms. She looks so calm and peaceful. There is calmness and serenity on her face telling him that she doesn't hold him responsible for any wrong, she doesn't blame him for his sins. She forgave him.
He choked while crying. She is innocent, her eyes looks just like her mother, her nose is like his and lips..he can't point out maybe mixture of them both.
""am so excited.. I can't even tell you... I will pamper her a lot, She will be my little princess, and i will make sure she loves me the most in this whole damm universe""
Until few months ago, he was happy and hopping around about her arrival. He was damn sure that it was going to be a girl, his daughter, his angel in darkness... He will love her the most, she will be his centre of universe. And now.......
.
.
He lost her. He couldn't do anything for his angel for his little bundle of joy.
He was crying desperately to hold her in his arms for once..just for one and last time...but he can't, he is afraid to hurt her any further... But again, how can he hurt her when she is no more there. He thought she will get dirty with his blood filled hands...blood of his own daughter and her mother's innocence, her trust.
He let her down again. How is he gonna face her now. How will he break it to her that their daughter is no more..that he is the one who chose to kill her when he was suppose to protect her from every evil. He himself become her predator. He killed his own daughter, his ray of hope.
He walks near her, looking at her from close. Ziah, means.. light and life. First ray of light in darkness. He carefully touched her soft chubby cheeks. But with her gone, everything seems dark again, more than before..there is no hope of rainbow. His daughter left him and now her mother will hate him with passion in the same way she used to love him.
"Sir, apki wife ko hosh aya tha..magar she again went into her unconscious state, after knowing about the child...." Nurse informed him. He shivered, thinking now how is he going to face her.
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He saw her from outside her ward. Her body attached to machines through various wires and tubes. His heart came to his mouth watching that sight of hers. He never in his wildest dream thought to see her like this... He never wanted her to land up in a situation like this, where she has to loose a part of her.
He push the door and enters inside and sits down beside her on stool. Her eyes and cheeks went in hollow. Her lips went dry and skin lost it's natural colour, it was pale yellow. She looks thin, weak. She didn't looks like the Naina he knew till yesterday, she was chirpy, hopping around like a bunny.
He is to be blamed for her situation, her all the miseries. The pain she is bearing and still gonna bear for life. Only if he dropped the his revenge plan things would have been different. But still after his sins life serves him another opportunity to make everything alright, instead of grabbing it with both hands he crushed it...which resulted in making him loose both his child and his........
A tear fell on her hand from his eyes. He held her hand and kissed it lightly, he felt a heavy weight on his heart, it was killing him every second.
He remember the day he first saw her, she was full of life, who loves to laugh and make everyone smile around her but he snatched that smile and filled it with sorrow. He sparked a hope in her heart he made her fall for him then cruelly snatched it all from her giving her miseries for life. He thought that he loved Sunaina but no..he don't, he never did.
Few more tears escaped from his eyes. If he ever loved Sunaina then he wouldn't have planned revenge, a man cannot hurt the girl he loves even if she is wrong, but he never felt that connect with Sunaina. But his ego made him hurt her, his wife..his Naina and he regret it when it's too late, he realised late when he lost her that she isn't just any other girl, it's Naina..the girl he ruined when she loved him selflessly.
Hell she begged him, once, twice, thrice many times, to take her in, she will do anything but he didn't budged. She asked him with pleading eyes keeping her self respect aside if he never loved her.
""sirf ek sawal ka aur jawab de do... " She takes hiccups in between "kya tumne mujhse kabhi pyaar nahi kiya... Ek pal ke liye bhi nahi" She asks holding her breath.""
He closed his eyes letting his tears roll down the heaviness is increasing as the burden of his sins increases. He looks at her face and cups her cheeks.
"Mere zehen me har waqt sirf tum thi.. Hamesha se tum hi basi thi.. Shayad pehli mulakat se hi.. Uss waqt samjh nahi paya lekin aj jaan gaya hu jab tumhe maut ke itne kareeb dekha.. tumhe hamesha ke liye kho dene ke dar ne aj mujhe samjha diya.... Ki kitna pyaar kiya hai meine tumse.. Tum pas this to un ehsaaso ko samjh nahi paya jab dur hui to jana.. Pyaar to sirf tum hi ho.. Baki to bas chalawa tha."
"Tumhari shikayat tumhara gussa tumhari nafrat inn sab se pyaar hai mujhe... Mein sab seh lunga bas wapas ajao.. Wapas ajao. " He cried holding her hand in between his palms regretting his deeds.
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In evening she regained her consciousness but this time she showed no emotions, she just wept silently without making any noise not responding to her parents, in-laws, Sunaina or Gunny. Now it was Rajveer's turn.
With slow and stumbling feets he enters in her ward. For the first time he was scared, scared to look at her.. Scared to break her further more than he already did... He is repenting of his deeds.. He was repenting for breaking her beyond repairs.
He saw her sitting against bed, staring outside the window, with no life or hope in them. She is pale, her eyes red and swollen, may be due to continues crying. He carefully sits on stool beside her without making any noise.
"Naina" He whispers softly after gathering enough courage. He could sense her demeanor changing Sensing his presence. Her body went stiff, her palm clutching bedsheet.
"Naina.. Mein, " He takes deep breath trying to form words "mere pas Aur koi option nahi tha".
"Go away" She plainly said trying hard not to look at him.
"Mere jane se tumhara dard kam nahi hoga, mein janta hu tum iss waqt kitni takleef mein ho magar yakeen mano Naina, mujhe bhi dukh hai iss baat ka ki... "
"I said leave.. " She sternly said in harsh tone.
"Nahi Naina mein tumhe iss haal mein akela nahi chhod sakta" He firmly said while Naina was trying hard not control the bubbling rage inside her. "Janta hu tum anadar se tut gayi ho.. Mujhpar naraz bhi ho ki mein ye faisla akele kaise le sakta... But trust me Naina, wo faisla lete waqt mein hazaro maut mara hu....jitni takleef tumhe ho rahai hai utni hi takleef mujhe bhi hai.. Akhir wo meri bhi bacchi thi... I loved her".
"No you don't" She snapped at him, finally looking at him estranged "tum apne siwa kisi se pyaar nahi karte.. Kisi se bhi nahi... Tumhe sirf apne dukh sukh se matlab hai aur kisi se nahi".
"Aisa nahi hai Naina" He shook his head.
"Aisa hi hai.. " She screamed "tumne hamesha apni man mani ki hai, jab man chaha khilona samjh ke khel liya.. Jab man bhar gaya to fenk diya.. Yahi to kiya hai tumne hamesha... " Hearing the commotion Sunaina and Gunny comes inside totally clueless of the happening.
"Naina tum.. " She warns him showing her palm.
"Aj sirf mein bolungi... Aur tum sunoge" She dangerously said as her eyes went red with rage "tumhe dusro ko aina dikhane ka bahot shauk hai na... Aj mein tumhe aina dikhati hu.. The Great Rajveer Singh Shekhawat, jisey har insaan galatiyo se bhara dikhta hai.. Wo insan khud hi ek galati hai"
"Aisa insaan jisey apni ego ke agey kuch nahi dikha..." Her tone softens "fir chahe uss ego mein kisi ke dill ke hazaro tukde hi kyu na ho jaye.".
Tears flowing out freely from her eyes " Ek ladki jab shaadi karke apne pati ke ghar ati hai.. To kitne sare sapne apne sath lekar ati hai, hazaro armaan hote hai uski akhon mein, dill mein dher sara pyaar or umeed ki uska pati bhi usko usi tarah pyaar karega jaise wo karti hai.... Apne pure parivaar ko choddh kar ek anjan insaan par bharosa karke uska hath thaam leti hai iss umeed mein ki wo usey kabhi dhoka nahi dega.... Meine bhi apni puri duniya tumhe maan liya tha Rajveer, apna sab kuch tumhe de diya tha.. Pure vishwas ke sath.. " Her voice cracking
"Ki tum mujhe kabhi dhoka nahi doge... Kyunki meine tumhe apna mana tha har tarah se... Lekin mujhe kya pata tha.. Jis insan ke piche mein akhein munde chal rahi hu wo ek din mujhe beech anjan raste akele chhod dega.. " Guilt and regret was filled on his face.
"Sare armaan sare sapne ek jhatke me bikhar gaye... Luti huyi si khadi reh gayi mein... Jaise kisi ne mujhse meri sasein cheen li ho... Ha Rajveer tum meri sasein ban gaye the.. Mere jeene ka sahar.. Lekin tum ne zara si bhi parwah nahi ki mere pyaar ki, apne pairo tale kuchal diya sirf apne apko sahi sabit krne ke liye" Her words were Piercing his heart, her cries wrenching him and showing to what extend he damaged her.
"Meri zindagi tumhare dhoke se mano tham si gayi thi.. Jaise isme kuch baki na raha ho lekin fir ek din jeene ki umeed jagi... Ki shayad ab sab sahi hoga.. Lekin tumse wo bhi bardasht nahi hua.. Tumne usey bhi cheen liya.. Aur iss baar tumne sari hadhein paar kar di... " She gritted in disgust.
"Ek pal ko manlo, galati didi ki thi.. Par isme mera kya dosh tha... Mein to har sach aur jhut se anjan thi... Meri kya galati thi.. Sirf itni ki tumse pyaar kiya?" He lowers his eyes in guilt not able to handle her accusation which is true "chalo yaha bhi maan liya, mein uss ladki ki behen thi jisne tumhare bhai ki zindagi barbaad ki isiliye tumne apni khundak mere dill se khel kar nikali... Lekin iska kya dosh tha jo ab tak duniya mein hi nahi ayi thi.. Ye to tumhara bhi hissa thi na... Masoom thi na.. Jisne ab tak apni akhein bhi nahi kholi thi... Iss se kaisi dushmani jo tumne sari hadein par kar di aur uski sasein hi rok li" She cried bitterly hiding her face between her knees.
Rajveer looks at her in shock, he wipes her uncontrollable tears "mein tumhare sabhi ilzam sweekar karta hu Naina.. Magar ye nahi.. Meine apni marzi se apne bacche ki... " He couldn't complete "jiske ane ke intezar mein mein besabri se din gin raha tha... Mein kaise usey khud se alag karta... Ye jhut hai Naina.. Ye jhut hai... Mera dill janta hai, mein aisa kbhi nahi karna chahta tha" He almost pleaded in front of her to believe him.
"Lekin tumne kiya, tumne kiya wo... Tumne maar diya usey... Mar diya meri bacchi ko" She cried.
His heart screaming deniel "mera bharosa karo naina.. Please believe me... Mere pas aur koi rasta nahi tha... Mere pas sirf ek hi option tha.. Either it's you or her... "
She screamed again startling everyone "to kyu chuna tumne mujhe... Mar jane dete, tha hi kya meri zindagi mein ab aur.. Sab kuch to tum pehle hi cheen chuke the... Ek akhri ehsan aur kar dete.. Mar jane dete mujhe... Kam se kam meri bacchi to zinda hoti... Magar tumhe sirf mahaan ban na tha. Zinda chhod kar tumne to mujhe ek aur saza de di... Wo adhikaar sirf tumhare pass tha kyunki tum uske baap the..kyu nahi chuna usey..kyu nahi bachaya usey".
"Aap sahi kehti thi didi... Ye insan bharose layak hai hi nahi, iski fitrat mein dhoka dena hi hai...apne hazar bar mujhe kaha tha iska yakeen mat kar ye kisi ka saga nahi ho sakta, jo ek bar dhoka de sakta hai aisa karna dobara uske liye koi chhoti baat nahi.. Magar mein hi bewakuf thi, jo iss insaan par dobara bharosa kiya... Firse sapne dekhne ki himmat ki" She said directly looking at him, while he was surprises at her confession.
"Tum jaisa insan kisi ke pyaar ya hamdardi ke layak nahi hai... Janwar ho tum" She said in disgust breaking him apart "tumse zyada ghatiya aur neech insaan meine aaj tak nahi dekha... Chale jao yaha se... Chale jao" She screamed at him going hyper.
"Naina stop... Teri halat theek nahi hai" Gunny tries to calm her down.
"I regret the day I met you... I regret falling for you... I regret for believing in you... " Her breath getting shallow as she stares at him accusing. While he stood numb at her outrage.. Breathing is getting difficult for him.. He saw his ugly shadow today... What she is saying is truth.
"I hate you Rajveer singh shekhawat... I hate you with intensity of my heart.. " Her eyes were getting drowsy as gunny handles her. The lips who never got tired confessing, how much she loves him, are now declaring her hate for him.
"Rajveer hath jodti hu tumhare, jao yaha se.. Jab tak tum uske samne rahoge.. Naina ki halat kharab hoti jayegi.. Isiliye please" Sunaina requested while he went outside with tired feets looking at her go unconscious after strenuous outburst in her fragile condition.
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