"Shit" kie said as we drove to the Camerons, Topper called Sarah and told her the cops were coming for Ward and Sarah wanted to be there for Wheezie, In the other hand John b wanted to be there to see Ward getting arrested

I don't think John handled the situation very well to he honest, I mean I get that he killed his father and he's getting justice and it's amazing but he also needed to be there so Sarah

I mean I didn't expect him to be depressed now cause he's getting arrested but maybe not to party about it in front of her

"Oh my god. Can you please hurry? I need to be there for Wheezie" Sarah said

"You think I wanna miss this?" He said and Sarah looked at him with disappointment

I wanted to scream at him, what the hell was he saying like what the fuck dude????

We couldn't see anything, we went to the Camerons house, Sarah wanted to comfort Wheezie

After Sarah told Wheezie to come back to their home we followed the cops to the doc

"Dad" Sarah said as we saw Ward standing on a bout with a lot of cops on the doc

"Hey, hey. You gotta let us through" John B said

"That's Sarah Cameron let her through!" Shoupe ordered

"What are you doing here Sarah?" Ward asked

"Dad! What are you doing?" Sarah asked

"Vic, you gotta get her out of here! She came he here right now!" Ward shout

"Just come on in, and you... you can talk to her!" Shoupe said

"Sarah I am so sorry baby. I can't!" Ward said as he pulled out the boats anchor

"What are you doing? Dad, no, no, no!" Sarah shout

"Ward this ain't gonna end the way you want it to! You don't need her sewing this" Shoupe said

"No dad don't leave! Where are you going?" Sarah shout with tears

"I love you!" Ward said before he got in the boat

"Turn around and get back here!" Shoupe yelled

"Please don't leave!" Sarah begged as we heard sirens willing

And the boat exploded, just like that as we watched every piece in that boat in the air and destroyed

"No. No. Dad. Dad!" Sarah said as she started to break down

I saw her looking at John B, he didn't comfort her so I went and held her

I felt so bad for the poor girl who just her dad dying in a ducking exploding boat and John B just stand there like that

After a few seconds Topper arrived and took her and held her, I didn't push him or fight back I just let him be there for her

I don't like Topper, at all. But she needed comfort and he was there to give it to her so I just let it go

I knew Ward was a bad person and he deserved that, but I still felt bad for Sarah. I know what it's like to love a person that hurt you the most, that caused you too much pain, only because he's a family.

I also felt like she needed the comfort from John B and he wasn't there to give it to her, I feel like he always forgets ward is Sarahs dad and it's complicated

I know he don't see the situation the same as I do, and it's alright and understood I just needed to talk to him.

-

When we arrived at the chateau I saw 32 missed calls from my mom and texts

"I know you fucking stole drugs and money"

"You tucking exploiter rat"

"You better come back home soon or it won't end up well."

And then it goes like that, a lot of swears and threats

Yeah I may not though about that...

I felt the anxiety coming, I was in the guest room alone, I was scared and anxious

I don't know what this crazy bitch is gonna do about it, but I know what they are capable of.

Nobody was home, at the chateau, Jay said they needed to get something ready, when I asked him about it he said I'll see

I think he's doing something for me but I am not sure he was really sweet lately

But anyways, no one was home and usually in those moments I would've cut myself to make me feel better

But I can't. I can't do it for Jay

But the pain was also too much

And then I remembered, the ducking drugs. I don't want to kill myself right now, but getting a bit high is not a big deal, I mean I would've been able to feel something different then depression

I know that thing isn't real but it is something. And I needed to feel something.

So I took my beg, lifted the cocaine and flattened it with my credit card and sniffed it

I felt it coming, I felt it in my body, in my veins

And I was able to feel stuff, that I didn't felt before, that made me feel differently.

I only took 2 pills so it wasn't that bad and it made me feel something without hurting myself

I've been searching for this feeling since the first time I've hurt myself

A feeling of ran way from reality

But it was different then hurting myself, self harm was only a few minutes of joy but when I am high it's longer and stronger and more powerful.

I jus staid like that until I fell asleep

-

The next day we spent the time at the dock, we didn't had something to do and John B have been waiting for Sarah to come back so I decided it was a good time talking to him

"Hey uh can we talk?" I said as I saw him sitting by himself at the dock

"Yeah what's up?" He said and I sat next to him

"I think you should talk to Sarah. She needed you yesterday and I get that Ward deserved that, believe me I do but he's also her dad" I said

"I am not going to cry that the man who killed my father died Olivia" he said, sounds impatient

"I don't think you should I didn't said that, I just think you should talk to her" I said

"Yeah but when she said that me and her are together and not engaged, like she's still want to be with him and I am just in the way" He said

"Look it was uncomfortable situation, he just saved her life and you know how much I hate that dude and I was confused too but don't take it personal you can not actually think she want to get back with ducking topper" I said

"I don't know is she'll be back anyways" he said with a shrug

"Oh come on of course she is! She loves you, even tho you can be a real pain in the ass sometimes she loves you" I said

"Am I pain in the ass?" He sarcastically said

"Oh absolutely- for sure!" I said and he put his hand on his chest, acting like he got hurt and I laughed

"Liv!" Jay said walking towards us

"We literally haven't talk for a ten minutes" I said

"It's ten minutes too much!" He said

"JJ you're a simp" John B said and I shakes my head as agreement

"So you wanna go to the beach?" He asked

"Yeah sure" I said as he help me getting up, holding my hand

"Am I no invited? Wait... is it a date?" John B asked with a gasp

"Ew I would never date that dumbass" I said laughing as I walked away and Jay slapped the back of my head

"Let me get my bag and change" I said

"Yeah I'll get some stuff ready, meet me outside in 10" he said and I nod with a smile

It was about ten minutes after, I put on a sunglasses and a brown bikini with some necklaces I stole from Kie

"Ready madam?" Jay said, reaching out his hand as I took my bag and walked out of the room

"Always monsieur" I said as he took and held my hand

"Close you're eyes" he said with a smile

"It's getting creepy you simp" I said

"Come on I am trying to be romantic" he said laughing

"Okay okay" I said, closing my eyes and he leads me to the beach

"You can open them" he said

I gasped when I opened my eye and saw a checkered white-red blanket and a tray with fruits and pancakes

"Okay there is no way I hell you did that alone" I said laughing

"Okay I didn't made this all by myself but hey- come on! Don't ruin it!"

"I am sorry it's beautiful and it's so nice of you. Thank you but what is so that for?" I said with a smile

"It's me making up to you for being asshole" he said

"I love you" I said before I kissed him

We spent a few hours on eating, surfing, talking, laughing and being just two teenagers who forgot about their problem for one day, it is the most peaceful and beautiful day in my life.

"Do you have a cigarette?" Jay asked me as we were in the water, taking a break from surfing and just floating on the boards enjoying the waves

"Yeah it's in my bag. Need a break from me beating you're ass in surfing?" I said teasing him

"I am so beating you're ass!" He said as he walked to my bag

"You wish!" I said laughing

"Don't take that personally Jay, you'll be good as me some day" I said as I saw his face dropped

"Hey what's wrong?" I said after a few minutes of silent as I was getting down of the board and walked towards him, confused

I saw him lifting the drugs I stole from my father the other day

"Jay I swear to god it's not whats it's look like"

"It looks like a fucking Cocaine and heroin" he said looking at me

"I didn't used them okay? I just stole them from my father the other day I got back home and I regretted it immediately, I thought I already flashed them on the toilet" I lied

"Why didn't you told me?" He asked

"I didn't wanted to worry you and I already thought i got rid of them"

"Look Liv I care about you, you can't hide something like that from me" he said as he put his hands on my shoulders

"I don't get what the big deal is, we are literally smoking weed together so often" I said

"Yeah but there's a difference between weed and cocaine or heroin. Liv that shit is way more serious."

"I didn't even used those Jay" I said

"Do you promise me?" He asked, he is not learning with his promises.

"Yeah" I said nodding, lying to him in the face.

"Okay, first thing I am doing when we're back to the chateau is flashing this in the toilet" he said and I nod

Look, I am not addicted or something I only took 2 pills so it wasn't that bad, I didn't cared if he'll get rid of them I think it would be a relief.

"Can we please keep enjoy now the amazing day you made for us?"

"You know I can't refuse to that" he said with a smile as we got back and kept surf

I felt regret after he trusted me, but I am not going to do this shit, I just wanted to see how it feels and I needed replacement for my self harm

But, how do I feel next time I am going to want to self harm? I genuinely don't know.

I knew I kind of kept the drugs for a reason, like yeah most of the time I forgot about them but I had chances to get rid of them

I think part of me still doesn't want be here, but even now when I am getting "better" I wanted to keep them if I ever wanted to end it all

And like I said, it is getting better but the thought would never leave me, no matter where I'll be, where I'll go, or with who I'll be, there will always those thoughts that refusing to leave my head

I thought maybe if I'll be with Jay again it would be different, I really thought I was close to feel happiness but I am still feel empty

It's like I'm his endless emptiness

I can't ran away from myself and those thoughts, I know it and that's the reason I kept the drugs, I am not proud of this but I am trying.

Trying is harder then what people think.

I mean maybe, eventually, I'll have to come back home and I know there's a big chance of that but I am trying to avoid that.

I am really trying to get better and find peace, not for me, for Jay

I am doing my best to become a better person for him, to become a person that he deserves

But it's not that easy tho, the world has been cruel to me since I know myself it can't be like all of the sudden the world became nice, I feel like something big, something bad is about to happened, something that I have no control on

And this fear became weakness, I let kie, John b, Pope and Jay in, and it's so easy to hurt me right now, I don't think they would tho, but I am scared because now I have something to lose.

Au/ dark chapter

And I added more trauma for Liv again🤭
Oops I did it again...