Another week had passed since the two settled in back at home together, all seemed to be going well, or so they thought. Seonghwa was recovering pretty well, his wound no longer hurt that bad unless direct pressure was added onto it. Hongjoong, well, that was different. While he seemed to be showing progress, that was a facade he put on for Seonghwa so he didn't worry.

The treatment he was receiving was helping, but not to the extent that he wanted to. Hongjoong understood that things like this would take months, possibly years to recover from, but he was becoming increasingly impatient with the slow progress of it all. As much as he tried to hide it from his lover, Hongjoong felt himself slipping again, and he didn't know what was going to happen once he let himself slip.

One morning, Hongjoong had slept in Seonghwa's bed the night before, so he'd awoken engulfed by the arms of his lover holding him from behind. Hongjoong rubbed his eyes gently before he looked to the clock beside the bed on the nightstand. He noticed it was only 5:45 in the morning, but instead of trying to fall back asleep, he decided he would take a bath instead. 

Quietly and carefully, he managed to snake his way out of his lover's arms without waking him. All Seonghwa did was groan slightly and roll over onto his other side. Hongjoong made his way into the bathroom, he pushed the door to shut it, hearing the soft click as the door latched shut. Hongjoong made his way over to the sink, kneeling down to the cabinet as he opened it, then pulled out an orange bottle of his medication. He shut the cabinet before he stood up straight, uncapping the bottle.

Hongjoong hesitated for a moment as he stared at the bottle full of pills, invasive thoughts beginning to eat away at him. Finally, he just quickly dumped two pills into his hand, tossing them into his mouth and swallowing them without any water. Hongjoong threw the pills back under the sink, then leaned on the edge of the counter as he sighed out. 

Hongjoong stared at himself in the mirror for a while, except the person looking back at him seemed foreign, like he wasn't staring at his own reflection, instead, he was staring in the eyes of someone else. He suddenly reared back a fist like he was going to punch the mirror, but he stopped himself. He began to shake slightly and breathe a bit hard.

"Fuck me..." Hongjoong whispered to himself as he pushed off the counter. "Keep it together, Hongjoong. You'll make it through this."

The red-haired male then made his way over to the large clawfoot bathtub, thinking the bath would make him feel better as he waited for the medication to take effect. He stripped off the loose t-shirt, tossing it to the floor, then stripped off the pajama pants and boxers he was wearing. Hongjoong leaned down to turn on the faucet of the tub, turning the knob to warm as he felt the water.

Once the water was filled up enough in the tub, he shut off the water, then slowly lowered himself down into the tub. He sighed out and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the headrest.

Hongjoong hadn't been in there long when he all of a sudden got dragged into one of his episodes again. He was back at the alley with San Choi, he could feel every blow collide into him like he was there all over again. Then he began seeing blood, lots of blood. He saw himself facing a single mirror in total darkness, facing his own reflection. The man he saw in the mirror had a deranged, wicked smile upon his face, blood dripping from his hands and face. Then suddenly, the mirror shattered into a million pieces. Gallons and gallons of thick, crimson liquid began rushing at him like a break in a dam. No matter how hard he tried to fight against it, he was overtaken by all of it, engulfed by the powerful flood of blood. The taste of copper in his mouth as the flood forced down his throat and up his nose as he desperately tried to gasp for air.

That's when Hongjoong suddenly snapped back to reality, he woke up coughing up water and gasping for breath. He then realized he was laying on the tile floor, Seonghwa was above him, it seemed the blonde-haired male had performed CPR to bring him back. There were tears in Seonghwa's eyes as he cupped his hands on Hongjoong's cheeks as he continued to cough.

"I thought you wouldn't come back. You were under the water when I found you in here, and when I pulled you out you weren't breathing." Seonghwa sobbed as he leaned down, pressing his forehead against Hongjoong's forehead.

"I-I don't know what happened..." Hongjoong muttered out once he was able to catch his breath. "I closed my eyes and then..."

"Did you have one of your episodes again?" Seonghwa said as he then pulled the smaller male into his arms, holding Hongjoong like he was a baby.

"I-I think so... I took my medication, then stepped in the tub to relax. I-It seemed to suck me in, I didn't even know what was going on. The things I saw..." Hongjoong shook his head, still seeming to come down from the shock of it.

Seonghwa sighed out as he composed himself, sighing out worriedly. "That's it. I'm calling Dr. Kang, I'll have him come by and we need to discuss better options for you. I thought you were getting better."

"Seonghwa... I haven't been getting better. In fact, I haven't changed. I only told you I was getting better so that you wouldn't worry about me." Hongjoong looked away, knowing Seonghwa wouldn't be happy with this confession.

Seonghwa frowned, shaking his head slightly. "I'm sorry, you what? Joong, do you even realize how fucked up that is? I'm trying to get you help, I know I can't completely fix you, but I can at least provide you with someone who can. You can't just act like you're okay when you're not."

Hongjoong then sat up, pulling himself out of Seonghwa's arms. "I don't want help. It's not even doing what I want it to anyways."

Hongjoong got up off the floor, grabbing a towel from the rack beside the tub, then wrapping it around his waist. Seonghwa also got up from the floor, grabbing the smaller male by his waist as he pulled him in close.

"Joong... You're not just going to be fixed overnight. The things you've gone through have been utterly traumatizing. It's going to be a long time until you're finally okay, and until then you need to keep receiving help, regardless if you want to or not." Seonghwa said as he reached up a hand and touched Hongjoong's cheek.

"I thought the first step in getting better was WANTING to get help." Hongjoong squinted his eyes slightly. "I appreciate the effort you're putting into this, but I don't want help anymore. I don't want to do it anymore.

"Why? Because you're so damn impatient over the fact that you're not speeding through recovery? Look at yourself! I just pulled you out of the bath and had to bring you back because you nearly drowned. You're not okay, Joong!" Seonghwa tried to reason with him as best as he could. "You need some serious help. Please just listen to the words I'm saying!"

"You're not okay! You're not okay! Your mind is fucked up!" Hongjoong said in a mocking tone, clearly becoming angry as his ears began to burn bright red. "I know I'm not fucking okay! I know my mind is royally fucked up, but that's not my fucking fault, now is it?!"

Seonghwa tilted his head as he squinted his eyes. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying every god damn thing that's wrong with me is because of you! I lived a perfectly normal life until you swooped in and turned my world completely upside down! Because of you, I can't even sleep at night because of the things I've done!" Hongjoong completely unloaded on Seonghwa as he pulled away from his grasp. "None of this would've happened if I just stayed the fuck away from YOU!"

Seonghwa let out a bitter scoff, hurt forming in his eyes. "You act like I had any intention of all of this happening. After all the things I've done for you, this is how you want to treat me? I've fed you, cared for you, gotten you help and put you up on a god damn fucking pedestal because you're my whole world! And that's still not enough for you?!" Seonghwa frowned deeply as he began to raise his voice. "I NEVER ONCE intended for you to get hurt! Not for a single moment!"

"IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO GET HURT THEN YOU NEVER WOULD'VE BROUGHT ME INTO YOUR FUCKED UP LITTLE WORLD! YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, I AM NOTHING LIKE YOU! THIS IS NOT THE WORLD I BELONG IN, YET YOU STILL DRAGGED ME DOWN WITH YOU!" Hongjoong snapped, suddenly shoving Seonghwa back, hitting the sensitive spot where he'd gotten shot.

Seonghwa stumbled back a bit from the sudden shove. He hunched over as he gripped his chest, letting out a groan of pure pain. Seonghwa swallowed hard, trying to breathe through the pain as he looked up at Hongjoong. The blonde-haired male tried to keep himself calm as he glared at him.

"If you don't want to be apart of this world because you hate it so much... Then leave. Get your shit and go." Seonghwa growled, clenching his jaw tightly. "Let's see who else gives a single shit about you once you leave."

Seonghwa stood straight again, shaking his head as he licked his bottom lip. "I'm done, Joong... I can't keep doing this with you. I'm tired of giving you the whole world on a golden platter, then having you spit it back in my face. If you hate me so fucking much, then just leave. Get your things, and get the fuck out." Seonghwa choked as a lump began forming in his throat.

After Hongjoong realized what he'd just done, regret began to fill his gut. Seonghwa was right about everything, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it.

"Seonghwa, I-" Hongjoong began before he was cut off.

"I SAID GET OUT! LEAVE!" Seonghwa shouted as a couple of tears started to fall down his cheeks. "I'M DONE, JOONG! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Hongjoong flinched slightly when Seonghwa yelled at him, dropping his head as he looked at the ground. The red-haired male grabbed all of his things from the bathroom, then walked past Seonghwa as he left the bathroom without another word.

Seonghwa felt so defeated, so tired of it all. The blonde-haired male just dropped back onto the tile floor, beginning to sob deeply. Seonghwa pulled his knees up, resting his elbows upon his knees as he grabbed his hair with both hands tightly. He didn't want any of this to happen, but it was already too late for that. Seonghwa couldn't keep playing these endless games with Hongjoong no matter how deeply he cared about him, it was driving his own self insane.

It was clear that the relationship between them was toxic, and neither of them deserved one another. Everything they had built together was over.

_____________________

Two months later

_____________________ 

That day, Seonghwa had been called into a meeting with Samuel Nims and his daughter, Hana. Mr. Nims said it was important, so of course, he made his way to the Nims estate that was located further outside of June, about an hour south. Seonghwa had one of his men drive him there as usual.

Seonghwa had changed his appearance slightly, instead of the platinum blonde hair he had before, it was now a shade of black, ebony almost. His hair was styled neatly with gel, the sides of his head cut into a close fade with two lines cut into the side of his head. He'd even gotten a tattoo on the right side of his neck of a smoking rose, shaded in with realistic detail. Seonghwa was handsome before, but with his subtle changes, women, even men, found the notorious businessman hard to resist.

Once he had arrived at the estate, he was escorted inside by two men dressed in grey Italian stitched suits, armed with heavy guns as a form of security. He was lead down a series of winding hallways that seemed to make the large estate into a maze. Finally, they lead him to a very spacious, victorian styled office that was clearly empty.

"Mr. Nims will be with you in a moment, please, have a seat." One of the men said, gesturing to two leather chairs sat in front of an amber-colored desk before leaving with the other man.

"Hmm..." Seonghwa hummed to himself, fixing his suit slightly as he walked over to the chair, sitting down gently.

After about ten minutes, Mr. Nims came into the room. Samuel was a very tall man, standing about six-foot-four, and a bit on the stockier side. His pale skin was wrinkled with age, but he was still considered rather handsome for someone of his age.

"Ah... Seonghwa. I'm glad you could come on short notice." Samuel said with a smile, walking over to his desk and sitting down.

"Of course, sir. Whenever you need me, you know you can always count on me." Seonghwa said as he nodded his head politely.

"And that's why I'm so proud to have you apart of what we have here. You've proved to be the most loyal and hardworking man here, aside from myself of course." Samuel said with a chuckle.

"So why have you called me in here?" Seonghwa tilted his head, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands in his lap.

"Ah, yes. One moment." Samuel held up a finger, then looked over towards the door. "Mr. Kim, will you bring that envelope in please?"

Seonghwa's brows immediately furrowed with suspicion. Just then, out of the corner of his eye, he could see a smaller male with longer white hair walk up. Seonghwa didn't see what his face looked like at first. The white-haired male was dressed in a long-sleeved, close-fitted dress shirt, a golden watch on his wrist, and black dress pants.

When the smaller male stood beside Mr. Nims to place the envelope on the desk, he was now facing Seonghwa, and Seonghwa instantly recognized who he was.

"Joong..." Seonghwa muttered while he blinked in shock.

"Ah, I forgot. You two knew each other VERY WELL once upon a time, correct?" Samuel grinned as he grabbed the envelope.

"Seonghwa," Hongjoong said in a blunt tone, raising a brow.

"Samuel, what the hell is this?" Seonghwa sat forward in the chair, gritting his teeth.

"Well, it's business, my son. That's why I called you here." Samuel replied, acting as if he were innocent.

"You KNOW what I'm talking about. Do what you want with me, but you leave Hongjoong out of this." Seonghwa snapped, glaring at Samuel with intense eyes.

"I came here voluntarily, Seonghwa. I'm not being forced into anything. You better have more respect for your employer." Hongjoong tilted his head as he squinted his eyes.

Samuel laughed, clapping his hands together. "Isn't this kid amazing? Hard-working and... He knows his place, unlike some. He's been so very helpful this past month."

"Why the hell did you call me here? So you could rub HIM in my face? You think this is funny?" Seonghwa's eyes became intense as the anger grew in his stomach.

"Seonghwa, please, you know me better than that. I would NEVER rub your former lover in your face for my own personal gain." Samuel frowned slightly, then held out the envelope to Seonghwa. "I need you to work on a case for me. That pesky Choi family keeps messing in our business, and I'd like for you to handle it."

"And what's in it for me? What do I get out of this if I accept?" Seonghwa raised a brow as he looked at Samuel.

Samuel laughed once again as he shook his head. "You're starting to sound more and more like me every day, Seonghwa. But alright, I guess I could arrange something." 

"And that would be?" Seonghwa replied.

"Well, how about I appoint this fine young man as your assistant. Your work has been slacking significantly lately, I'd say you need him." Samuel said with a slight smirk.

Hongjoong widened his eyes slightly as he looked between Mr. Nims and Seonghwa. 

"Sir, please, I can't-" Hongjoong was cut off by the older male beside him.

"You can and you WILL," Samuel demanded as he glanced at Hongjoong. "Remember who you're speaking to. You don't want a repeat of last time."

Hongjoong blinked a few times then dropped his head in surrender, falling silent after that. The anger in Seonghwa's gut grew even more after hearing that. He knew Samuel must've done something to Hongjoong, and it tore at him inside.

"Alright... Fine. I'll take the case, and... Hongjoong." Seonghwa growled slightly as he snatched the envelope from Samuel.

"Well, good. Now if we're at a mutual understanding, get the hell out of my office." Samuel barked, shooting a look at Seonghwa.

Seonghwa stood up from the chair, then walked over to Hongjoong as he grabbed his arm a bit rough. Seonghwa began dragging the smaller male out of the room and down the series of hallways.

"Seonghwa, what the hell? You're hurting me, let go. I can follow you just fine." Hongjoong hissed from the firm grasp on his arm.

"Shut the fuck up. We're gonna have a LOT to talk about." Seonghwa said with anger through his teeth. "Two fucking months later and you end up here..."

Seonghwa and Hongjoong soon left the Nims estate, sitting in the car ride back to Seonghwa's estate in complete silence. Seonghwa kept clenching his jaw and fidgeting with the gold ring around his middle finger. Hongjoong couldn't even look at Seonghwa the whole time. He hadn't seen him in so long after what happened, being in the same vicinity as him was incredibly nerve-wracking. 

Once they had arrived back at Seonghwa's estate, Seonghwa grabbed ahold of the smaller male one again and drug him inside.

"Seonghwa! Stop dragging me! What the hell is your problem?!" Hongjoong exclaimed as he was dragged into Seonghwa's bedroom.

Seonghwa kicked his bedroom door shut, then turned to Hongjoong with an intense look in his eyes.

"Why did you go to the Nims? Why the fuck would you do that?" Seonghwa seethed as he got close to the smaller male. "Are you stupid or suicidal?"

Hongjoong frowned up at the black-haired male. "My decisions are NO concern of yours. You threw me out when I needed you the most. Why do you care that I went to them for help? At least they did something for me."

"And I did NOTHING for you, correct? That's fucking rich. I didn't throw you out just because I felt like it. I threw you out because no matter what I did for you, it was NEVER enough for you. I tried helping you, I tried everything in my fucking power to help you. Don't you DARE say I didn't do a damn thing for you because I took a fucking bullet for you, asshole." Seonghwa snapped as he pointed a finger in his face. "I risked EVERYTHING for you."

"Yet you still threw me out. That's really cute, Seonghwa, such a loving partner you were." Hongjoong spat in response.

Seonghwa suddenly backed the smaller male against his bedroom door and had him pinned, glaring down at him. "I fucking loved you, with every ounce of my being, Hongjoong. You can't tell me I did nothing to prove that because I did. Not to mention how many times I fucking saved your life. I understand I pulled you into a world of hurt and toxicity, but not once did I ever betray my love for you. I told you every waking moment that I loved you. You were the light to my darkness, you brought out a side in me no one has ever seen before, and you stood at my side with undivided loyalty. Don't you DARE start acting like a hypocrite."

"I'm not acting like a hypocrite. If you truly loved me like you say you did, you wouldn't have thrown me out at my worst point. Do you know what happened to me after I left here?" Hongjoong said as he suddenly rolled up his sleeves, holding up his arms to display deep, freshly pink scars running vertically along with his arms. "I nearly died because I was abandoned, I was left alone, discarded like trash."

Seonghwa looked down as he saw the fresh scars, feeling a lump start to form in his throat as is demeanor changed. Seonghwa backed up a bit as he grabbed Hongjoong's wrists so he could look at them closely. He began to regret everything after that. Seonghwa thought he handled it roughly, but Hongjoong had gone to a whole different level.

"Joong..." Seonghwa muttered, shaking his head. "I never wanted this to happen."

"You don't get to call me that anymore. Since I am strictly just your assistant, you will address me by my whole name." Hongjoong said bitterly as he yanked his wrists away. "We're done here. I'll be in my old room if you really need me for something important."

Hongjoong turned as he grabbed the door handle, yanking the door open as he stormed down the hall. 

"Hongjoong! Get back here!" Seonghwa called after him. "I'm not done with you!"

When Hongjoong didn't return, Seonghwa grabbed his door and slammed the door hard, knocking a few pictures off the wall as they shattered. Seonghwa then began to pace his room as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Fuck!" Seonghwa yelled as he walked to his desk, shoving everything off of it including his laptop.

He didn't know how well he was going to manage with Hongjoong working for him again, but all he knew was that it was probably going to cause way more hell than last time.

****THE STORY WILL CONTINUE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. THANK YOU FOR READING****

(A/N: Sorry this was so long! hope you enjoyed <3)