It's been two weeks at home, and to say it's been an adjustment is an understatement. James had his follow-up appointment already, and Dr, Giovanni is unsure when he will start talking again but believes he will eventually. He doesn't seem too concerned.

He does not believe James has any significant brain damage, but he does believe the head trauma will take a long time to heal. 

The only person James will listen to is Julia. Anyone else and he doesn't cooperate.

 Julia doesn't mind, though. I think it gets her mind off shit. She seems to be recovering well from her broken leg, and her detox isn't nearly as bad as it was even a few days ago. She's still a hot mess, though.  

Once I found out what Dr. Donovan did, I canceled my therapy appointment with him. I made up some lame excuse that Nate's schedule became very busy now that he is home, and right now, the timing isn't great. He was completely fine with it, and fortunately, he doesn't have my home address or anything like that. Just my phone number and email.

I still worry about Nate. Apparently, Julia has been keeping him up at night with those nightmares she gets. Things are gonna get busy for him, and he's going to need the energy. Right now, his focus is on Julia. She still needs a lot of care. Aside from her broken leg and nightmares, she shuts down. She cries, she stops eating, and she gets frustrated. Everyone pretty much lets her flip out at this point. 

We let her because we all know we would do the exact same thing if  we were dealt the hand she's been dealt with. And I have.  Obviously not in front of people, but I've certainly flipped out in private before.

The best part of my day is seeing Nate with that fucking dog. He is trying to convince us all that he wants nothing to do with the thing but I've caught Nate NUMEROUS times petting Maggie and once he even let her up on the furniture to lay on his lap so he could pet her.  He loves the thing, whether he wants to admit it or not. And she's getting a ton of attention with a houseful of people.

Paul is still my shadow. I haven't told anyone but Dave is still texting me. He received the restraining order. He left a message saying I'm overreacting because he was drunk but he's trying to get himself back on track. I haven't called him back or responded to any of his multiple text messages, and I'm certainly not telling Nate. He doesn't need to worry about that stuff. 

I spend a lot of my time at Nate's. I'm not gonna admit it but being in my own house with just me and Paul is lonely.  I miss being around everyone and feel out of the loop. So I do a lot of cooking for them and Jonah does a lot of fucking eating so that keeps me busy. How he stays so fit  will always be a mystery.

Right now I'm baking  some breaded chicken for dinner tonight. Unsure if I'll make it into a chicken parm or leave it as is but Nate's apartment smells really good right now.  There's a whole bunch of commotion going on in James's room which means he isn't cooperating with anyone right now so I keep busy in the kitchen instead.

I couldn't resist taking a picture of Nate with my phone. He fell asleep on the couch watching Golf, with the dog on his lap! Evidence!

Nate begins to wake up and the pup jumps off his lap, hearing everyone in James's room.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty. She still keeping you up at night with those dreams?" I look over as Nate sits up and yawns.

"Yeah, something like that. What's going on in there?" 

"Yeah, you may not want to go in there. They're trying to get James to let other people help him. Not just Julia. He is NOT happy. Julia was told to hang out in your room but I don't think SHE is very happy about that either." I reply while pulling out the chicken out of the oven to check it and then putting it back in for a few more minutes.

"I'll go check on her."  Nate takes a deep breath and heads to his room.

"Smells good." Paul walks out of the bathroom. He's another one that is always eating, like Jonah. He sits on the couch knowing  soon we will be leaving for the night and wont have to deal with the stress in this apartment.

"What the hell is going on in there?" I raise an eyebrow. Jonah looks stressed. This is a lot for him and I wonder if he's regretting everything by now.

"We're trying. I don't know. I'm gonna have to do some research on this tonight. James is too attached to Julia. He won't let anyone else help him. She's gonna have to go back to the Avalon sooner or later." He huffs. "Casey wake up yet?"

"No, not yet." I reply.

"Good. I was hoping we didn't wake her." 

He's so sweet with her. They are obviously dating, those two. They are taking it slow which I commend them for. But Jonah lets Casey sleep well into her shift, even when he is tired.

"I'm giving in. Gonna go get Julia. Baby steps." Jonah lets out a sigh and I shake my head at him.

"Hey, Julia... We need your help." Jonah stands in the doorway. "It's going to be a process but right now, James isn't having it and he needs to eat. We tried.."

Julia comes out with her crutches and makes her way across the apartment with Jonah and Nate into to James's room. Once he sees her, he calms right now. Every time.

I check the chicken one more time and take it out of the oven. I look at the time and head to James's room.

"Hey, hate to break up the party, but Nate. You have a session in the studio with the band at seven. I made chicken for a late lunch, early dinner, for anyone who's hungry, and then Paul is gonna take me home for the night." I look at Nate.

"She's talking to you, Miss." Jonah gives Julia a look. She can be just as bad as James when it comes to eating.

Nate stands up and gives Julia a kiss on the cheek and James gives him a dirty look. I laugh a little at that. Of course, the dog decides to follow Nate out of the room, like always.

"Yeah, you're not coming with me." Nate shakes his head at the dog who continues to follow him.

"You guys wanna eat now or are you waiting?" I look at the three men surrounding the kitchen. All who want to eat now. I plate their food. Chicken, broccoli and mixed veggies.

 "You." I nod at Nate. "You need to hurry though if you wanna make it on time."

"Yeah yeah yeah."

*****

*James*

It's time for the nurse, Casey, to get me ready for bed but all I want to do is spend time with Julia. She knows how to take care of me. 

Casey tries. She's nice and all. But it's frustrating. So frustrating. I hate how emotional I get over everything. It's not like me but I can't seem to control it. Everything is so hard for me to do now. 

"What are we gonna do with you?" Casey teases me while watching Julia take my clothes off for bed. Of course, I get a hard on in the middle of it. Another thing I can't help but can't do anything about. It's killing me. Torture.

"Gosh, is it gonna be like this every time I change him?" Julia nods a little and Casey knows what she's talking about. She laughs.

"You were a couple at one time, right?" Casey knows all about us at this point. Julia is becoming close to her. Which is nice. Julia doesn't have any female friends here. "So he is probably just confused. He has a hot woman taking his clothes off for him. Typical male."

I'm not confused. I just really want Julia.

"True. I feel bad though. Not like he can do anything about it himself."

"So just sleep with him. Not like you haven't before."

Please.....

"I'M KIDDING!!!" She laughs ."But yeah. It must suck to be in his body and not be able to get the relief he needs." She says in a more serious manner as Julia pulls my shirt up over my head. "Even after a month of laying around he's still so buff."

"I know, right? He did good today. We finished all the PT and weight training together."

"Good job, James!" Casey writes it in my chart and then helps me into the bed. I push myself over and pat the empty space for Julia to come lay with me. 

"Not tonight, James. I need to help her take her shower with that bum leg of hers." Casey shakes her head.

No. I want Julia here with me. I pat the mattress harder. I need her to stay. Don't go Julia. God, don't leave me here. I feel lost in my own body. I can't even do anything for myself.

Don't leave.

I feel tears sting my eyes.

"It's fine. I can take my shower when Nate comes home. He can help me. It's ok, James. I can lay with you."

Thank God.

"Alriigghhtt. You win. Again." Casey smirks and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

Julia lays with me, sliding under the covers and putting her head on my chest. It's all I need to get me through this. Usually I can fall asleep knowing she's here with me. She's safe. Jeremy isn't near her. Tonight I turn to my side so I can face her. I try to tuck her hair behind her ears like I always do but my hands won't cooperate and one strand keeps falling out of place. Julia knows this is hard for me so she tucks her hair behind her ears for me. I pull her in against my body so our foreheads touch.

She must know I'm still in here, right? My body is broken but I'm still here. I still want her. I still need her. I need to show her I'm still here.

I lean in and kiss her. She lets me and I feel her melt into me. 

Babe, there's so much I want to say to you. I need you. It's so frustrating but I fucking need you so bad right now. My body is letting her know how she makes me feel. I just want to be with her. I shift my hips the best I can to press into her. Please, you know I'm still here.

"You know we can't." She breaks my kiss but I don't give in that easily. I start kissing down her neck. I'm painfully hard now. "God, you're still in there aren't you?"

YES! That's what I'm trying to tell you! Julia gasps and I nod my head and roll on top of her.

"Shit. James... we cant." Julia says but her legs part for me.

 I press into her over our clothes, grinding against her core needing as much of her as I can get. I can tell she feels it too. She matches my pace and we move against each other over our clothes. But I need more. I've got to get some relief. I need to be inside her. I roll my hips into her over and over again and can tell I'm pressing against her nerves the way she needs it by the way her body moves under me. She looks so hot right now.  God, it could happen for me just like this... 

After some time, Julia orgasms against my body. I keep moving and let out little groans like I always would during sex. I can actually hear my voice coming through and can tell Julia hears it as well. I move my body faster needing more.

"James..." She whispers while holding my body tight against hers. I kiss all over her face and press against her.  I can tell she needs this almost as much as I do.  She nods and I try to pull her shorts down. She takes over and  she yanks her shorts down and quickly lines me up to her.

Oh thank GOD. The second I'm inside her my entire body comes alive.

I slam into her and feel every single sensation more than I have ever felt it in my life. We both gasp and we can both hear my voice in my moans. I look at Julia and see that tears are filling her eyes. She knows it's me. I'm here. I feel the same as before. Nothing inside me has changed. Just the outside.

She feels so good. I drop my head down to her shoulder and thrust in and out of her, knowing I'm finally going to get the relief I need so desperately. Usually I can go forever but tonight, tonight I can't hold it in any longer. I slam into her harder and keep going until I finish inside her. And when I do, I let out a sigh of relief that can be heard. I lift up and study Julia's face, pecking her lips over and over again as we both try to catch our breath.

I'm here, Julia. I'm still here.

*****

*Trisha*

Out of boredom I decide to drag Paul to hang out with Nate and the band during practice. I really didn't want to sit at home and enjoy watching their practice. Of course, everyone was happy to be all together again. We practically grew up together at this point. At least for part of our teen years and all of our twenties. The only difference here is usually after practice we all have a few beers together. This time, the fridge in the studio is filled with only sparkling waters, iced teas, soda and juices. I made sure of that before the session was even booked.

When it's time for everyone to leave we head back to Nate's studio room where I left my stuff.

I can see Paul looking at his phone. Then at the time. Then at his phone again once we are in the room.

"Got a hot date, pal?" Nate raises an eyebrow at the bodyguard.

"No. Um. I need to do something for the 4th floor. But it can wait."

"Paul. Go. I can stay with Trisha." 

"Seriously, I don't even need a bodyguard." I plop down on the couch and open my laptop. Of course, Richard is on our asses about tour so I have to reply to his email.

Nate throws his keys to Paul who  doesn't miss a beat and catches them.

"Yes, you do. But we're fine here. Go. Do what you need to do. Take my car and text me when you're on your way."

 "You're letting PAUL drive your Benz and never let me??" I tease Nate. 

"Would you like a Benz, Miss Banks? Say the word and it's done."  He WOULD buy me one if I asked. That's just Nate. I would never, obviously.

"No.. I'm just saying. That's your baby.."

"Yeah yeah yeah."

Paul rushes out and I finish my email and close my laptop.

"Tonight felt good, didn't it?" She asks.

"It did. Did you like the new song? I finished it in the hospital."

"Yeah, her real life drama makes good music for you." I shake my head. The song is obviously about Julia and her 'two loves'. "How's that all going anyways? How are you?"

"I'm fine. And it's going nowhere. We're at a halt."

"Because of James..."

"Yeah. It's complicated." Nate rests his head back on the sofa and closes his eyes. He's stressed and I feel awful that he hasn't been able to catch a break.

"She's never gonna be able to make a big decision like that. Even Jonah has said that before. Someone's gotta make it for her. James sure as hell can't right now." I lean my head back just like Nate and hold his hand.

"I'm not gonna force her. She'll choose when she's ready. There's enough going on right now."

"So she just sleeps with you both then?" I laugh.

"As in falls asleep? Yes. She will sleep next to James to calm him down and then come to bed. If you're talking about sex then we are dry as the Sahara desert, my lady. I'm not sure she's ready for that after..." He doesn't finish his sentence. He knows I know exactly what he is saying. "You never did tell me about-"

 "Not tonight." I stop him quick. Last thing I want to do is talk about negative shit right now.

"But you know, it may be a VERY long time before she's ready after that. Just sayin. Be prepared for that." I joke but the reality is. I'm feeling it just as much as Nate is. We could both use a de-stressor. 

"Thanks for the warning." He sighs. I make the first move and put my hand on his thigh. God I really could take him right now on this couch. "Trisha, behave."

"Sure thing." I say but let my hand travel up his thigh a little more. C'mon' Nate. Give in. I need this just as much as you do. "Just letting ya know. It may be a REALLY long time." I begin to kiss his neck. 

"You're not making anything easier for me, doll." He breathes out,

"What.... you technically don't have anyone. And you know I don't... correct me if I'm wrong, but you are in just as much need as I am right now."  I feel the front of his pants and his breath hitches when I feel his erection.

"You're killing me, you know that?" Nate closes his eyes and drops his head back on the couch while I continue to move my hand over the fabric of his pants. I've got him. In the palm of my hand. Literally.

"Am I?" I whisper in his ear and then sit on his lap to straddle him. My skirt hikes up and Nate's hands hike it up more and strokes my thigh highs under my skirt.

"I'm pretty sure we shouldn't be doing this right now, Princess."

"There's no one in this building. It's late. And you haven't gotten a text from Paul...and.." I press my body into his and he groans, rocking his hips up into me to feel more. "And.. I'll beg if I have to." I brush my lips against his. "C'mon Nate... give in."

And he does. He grabs the back of my head and kisses me so passionately I can barely catch my breath.  My whole body is on fire needing him. He rips off my blouse and underwear but keeps my black skirt, red bra and nude thigh highs on for the visual. He's all about the visual. I pull down his pants and he kicks them off fast, not wasting any time now.

I spin around so we are both facing the same direction, line him up to me and sit down. We both gasp from the sensation. He always feels so good. God I needed to feel this. I think Nate did even more by how loud his groan was, making me laugh a little.

"It's been awhile.." He says and grabs on to my hips, needing me to start moving. And I do, gaining a "Fuck" and a gasp out of him before we go crazy on each other.

We have sex right on the couch of the studio.  Like always. Fantastic sex. He's rougher than usual but I like it. It's just what I needed from him tonight.

*****

Paul doesn't come back to the studio for another hour after we finished so we rushed for nothing.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Nate looks over at me. We are both completely dressed again and  there are no signs we ever did anything. We sit on the couch with our heads resting on the back like earlier, exhausted from what we did.

"You're gonna keep doing that. That's what." I smirk. I have no embarrassment telling Nate what's on my mind. Or if I need a good lay. I'm human just like he is. I tell him everything. Well....almost everything.

"Yeah. We gotta stop though. You're gonna get me in trouble, princess."

"You get yourself in trouble. You can say no. There's such a thing as saying no."

"To you? Yeah ok."

Paul comes into the room and we are ready to leave for the night. We say our goodbyes and I again beat Paul to the passenger's seat. It's become a joke now.

Everything is a joke until we pull in to my parking space.

"Shit."

"You've got to be kidding me." Paul grumbles under his breath. 

Dave is sitting on my front step with his elbows resting on his knees and his head down.

"Let me handle him first before you go all bodyguard crazy on him, ok?"

"Trisha. The whole point of a restraining order is-"

"I know. He may not be drunk. Ok? Just.... just come with me." I shake my head and give Paul pleading eyes. "I'm not giving Dave any more chances but if he just needs to hash it out so we can end this then I will give him that."

"You drive me nuts, Banks. You know that??" Paul gets out of the car and opens my door for me. Dave looks up when he hears us and quickly stands to his feet. He looks like shit. His hair is tossled a little, his tie is loosened and his  dress shirt untucked and wrinkled. He looks like he hasn't been sleeping. But he's not drunk. I can tell the difference between "Drunk Dave" and "Sober Dave."

"Trish. Can you please just hear me out?" Dave pays no attention to Paul.

"Dave. You got the restraining order. This is breaking it." Paul says.

"You really hired him as your bodyguard, Trish? You know I would never hurt you." He ignores Paul again.

"Dave. You're not serious right now, are you? You came to my house fucking drunk at nine am. I know you remember what happened. Don't pretend you didn't. So yes. I have a fucking bodyguard. Because of you. So, why are you here?" I cross my arms over my chest and study his face. I genuinely feel bad for him. When Dave is sober he is the sweetest man. Just like Nate. Well, Nate can be a little moody regardless but Dave.. When he is drunk, he's a monster.

"I'm sorry." He says softly. "I never meant for any of that to happen. I know I'm a mess. God, Trisha. I know. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything. I just wish things were different."

He steps forward but Paul pulls me back a step and Dave gets the hint. I feel my tears start to build.

"You know. There was a time I loved you. I was gonna marry you. Dave, if only you just got the help you needed."

"You can help me. Please. I know you can, Trisha. I need you to help me! I'm not asking you to be with me in a relationship. I know that ship has sailed. I've fucked up too many times. I know the things I've done. I know I've hurt you. I'm asking you to help me." He looks me in the eyes and for a moment, all I want to do is help him. I stare at him for a moment, unable to form words.

"I..."  I fumble with what I want to say and Paul pushes me past Dave quickly and unlocks my front door. "She can't help you, Dave. You need to leave the premises before I call the police."

Paul shoves me in the house and closes the door behind us, locking it.

"That's it Trisha. That's enough. You gave him his chance to talk. He talked. If he comes back again I'm having him arrested." Paul says while my back is still facing him. I cover my face and begin to cry.

"I was about to-"

"I know what you were about to do." He turns me around and wraps his arms around me I bury my face in his chest. "I stopped you from making another mistake. It's my job."

I cry so fucking hard.