*James*

"Wow." Julia whispers while I'm lying on top of her catching my breath. I rest my head in the crook of her neck, trying to hold in my emotion. It doesn't work in my favor. Julia can feel my body trembling, and I keep my face turned away, so she doesn't see my tears. The one thing I didn't want to happen in front of her. I can't believe she's doing this to me.

She wraps her arms around me and kisses under my ear.

"I'm sorry. James, I'm so sorry." She whispers. "I never meant to hurt you."

I pull away and roll off her.

"Sorry. I'm being stupid." I sniff, still looking away. I lay on my back, and Julia rests her head on my chest while looking up at me. She's crying as well. I wrap an arm around her but stare ahead, unable to make eye contact.

"It's not stupid. I love you." She says. She says the words I've always wanted to hear yet she's not choosing me.

"Just not enough for your clothes to be in my dresser drawers or your toothbrush next to mine." I choke up and look down at her. Julia starts to cry more, and I tighten my arm around her. Here I am, consoling her, when she is the one making this decision. But I love her so much I can't stand to see her cry. I love her so much all I want to do is make sure she is ok and happy and healthy.

When the hell is someone gonna love me that much?

"I'm sorry." She wipes her eyes.

"I really thought I'd spend the rest of my life with you." I huff and look straight ahead again.

It was supposed to be "James and Julia." I imagined her moving in with me. I imagined more sunrises on the beach, I imagined spending the rest of my life with her. What hurts the most is that I've done nothing wrong. There's nothing for me to fix. Julia just doesn't love me. Not like she loves him.

*****

*Trisha*

"I think you're making a big mistake." I lay on top of Nate with the blanket over us and his arms wrapped around my body.

"I know you do." Nate sighs and leans up to kiss my lips. I rest my head on his chest and continue talking.

"I mean it, Playboy. I don't think she is gonna be able to handle this lifestyle. I can't see this lasting long. I'm not trying to be negative with you. I'm just saying what I think."

"You're always just saying what you think." He laughs a little. "And no one can COMPLETELY understand and handle this lifestyle unless they are a celebrity. I'm gonna do whatever I can to make the adjustment easy for her... once she gets the help she needs and is healthy."

"I could have handled it." I confess. I said it out loud for Nate to hear. For the very first time... I can't believe I just said that. Shit.

I immediately come to my senses and retract my words the second they leave my mouth. "Never mind. Forget I said that." I sigh. I've thought this for years and years and I choose NOW to confess I want to be with Nate. What the hell am I doing?

"No, you're right. You make a valid point. You can definitely handle this lifestyle." Nate strokes my hair over and over again. "I want to see you with someone better than me, love. You deserve SO much better."

I sigh in defeat. Not really what I wanted to hear.  I don't want better. I want Nate.

*******

*James*

"So now what?" I'm still focusing on anything but Julia as we lay together in the hotel bed. She's still using my shoulder as a pillow, and my fingers gently stroke up and down her arm.

"Now...." Julia scoots up a little and rolls to her side to face me. "I'm gonna need my best friend James, because...." She pauses.

"I'm gonna go to the Avalon." The sentence consumes the room.

I turn my head and look down at her. She's going to the Avalon. Now, it all makes more sense. I pull her in tighter and kiss the top of her head. I nod in agreement and swallow hard before my next string of words comes out.

"Is that why you're choosing Nate? Because he can pay for that?"

"James...." She furrows her brows at me.

"Julia." I look away, regretting ever saying that out loud. 

"I'm not choosing Nate because of his financial status. I can't believe that thought would even cross your mind. Do you know me at ALL?" A tear falls from her face onto my shoulder, but neither of us bothers to wipe it away.

"Then why, babe. Why are you choosing the wrong person? The harder lifestyle to handle? Aside from money, what the hell does he have that I don't? Because I'm never gonna understand this hold he has over you, and I'm never gonna stop loving you." I feel like this is a record repeating over and over again. This same conversation- with no solid answer to it.

"And I'm never gonna stop loving him. Don't you get it? The way you're never gonna stop loving me... that feeling...that's how I feel about Nate. I'm never gonna stop loving him. It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with money. You know this. You know when I'm in the same room with you all I can think about is you and when I'm with him all I can think about is him."

"You need to give 'us' a chance, Julia. You haven't been with JUST me. You've been with Just him plenty. You've been with me yet living under his roof. You've been with me, yet fucking sleeping in his bed. Around him 24/7. It's suffocating you and clouding your thinking. God. You haven't even gone one day without seeing him. Remember when we were in the laundromat, and you told me you can't control who you fall in love with? And I told you I'll take whatever you give me. No matter what. I said once you're better and not living there you won't see him as often, right? The temptation won't be there." I sit up now. "I let you in to my world, my home, my life. I let you meet my sisters....my mother."

Julia follows suit and sits up as well and wipes my tears away from my cheeks, but I shake my head at her. I'm not finished, and she needs to hear this.

"God damn it, Julia. Don't you remember when everyone wanted you to get admitted? I fucking drove you there and then bailed, we went to my house, remember?" I raise my voice at her which is so out of character for me. But I'm desperate for her to understand me.

"We stood there in the pouring rain right outside my house. You said everyone thinks you're too much to handle. And I said you're not too much for me. I said I can take care of you myself. Dammit Julia give me that chance!" I cry out.

"You're not even giving me that chance now. Give us one month of you being with me and never seeing him. Not one time. And I bet you would choose differently. You'd be clearheaded. But no. You don't give me the chance. You've NEVER given me the chance!" I yell and Julia flinches.

I abruptly move my arm and get out of bed. Julia sits up and watches me start getting dressed while I talk. Or yell. Or whatever the hell I'm doing.

"James. Stop."

"No. You know what? I'm done, Julia. This is too damn hard for me. This fight...... I can't." I glare at her while pulling my jeans up. "Baby, if you're not choosing me. Fine. That's just fucking great. It aligns perfectly with my life right now." I say with a defeated look.

Julia's eyes widen. "Please..."

"I think we need to cut ties altogether, Julia."

"Wait, what??? What are you saying??"

"I think..." I grab my keys and wallet. "I can't be used by you. The shoulder to cry on without any feelings for me. Being just friends with you is too hard for me. It's all or nothing. I wish you the best and want nothing more to see you happy" I open the door and stand in the doorway now. "But when is it my turn for someone to want to see ME happy? I'm sorry. I can't do this." I walk out and the door slams behind me loudly. This is the first time I've ever had a breakup where we were mad. A breakup where we left angry. All my exes are still my friends. But Julia... God... I don't think I can handle JUST being her friend. I walk down the four flights of stairs and out the door without looking back.

I head to my SUV feeling like I'm suffocating. I sit and roll down the window while I silently cry. Next thing I know, the one person I currently can't stand pulls up alongside me. Julia must have texted Nate, or he reached out to her. I keep my eyes forward when Hollan rolls down his window, glaring at me.

HE has no fucking right to glare at ME.

"What the hell are you doing to her, Gallo?!"

"Why are you here? You already won." I stare straight ahead.

"Because unlike you, I fucking care about her- dipshit. Now go back in and make things right. God damn it. She's your best friend. Fucking grow up already. So you don't get to sleep with her anymore. Jesus, James. Don't just throw away everything because of that."

"I can't stop loving her."

"So don't stop. I love Trisha yet I'm not choosing her. Don't you get it? She's my best friend. I'm always gonna love her. But God. The two of you. You and Trisha....once you guys move on and find your.."Julia".... then you will understand."

"I don't think YOU understand what the hell you are talking about, Hollan." I huff. "Julia IS my Julia."

"She's not. She loves you. She's just not IN love with you. There's a difference. Now get your ass back in there and make things right before she fucking spirals out of control. You know what you need to do." He stares at me and watches me wipe my hands down my face and sigh.

"I hate you. You know that Hollan?" I grumble.

"That's ok. I hate you too, Gallo. Now go."

*****