I'm sitting here in Nate's studio waiting for him to get out of a meeting, yet my mind is currently now on Paul. We didn't really talk about last night, but I'm not sure we need to. Once I woke up in Paul's arms, in his bed, I knew it was what I wanted. No regrets. I don't think he was still intoxicated, and I don't think he regrets it either. 

He has the day off today because Julia won't be going back to The Avalon until things are figured out, so Nate picked me up on the way to the studio. The meeting took a little over an hour which is no big deal. The big deal is how Nate is acting AFTER the meeting.

"Soooo, how'd it go? And why do you look so frazzled??" I look up from my laptop at my now pacing boss slash best friend. He plops down and takes a sip from his water bottle like he just ran a marathon.

"We're gonna start planning to film the music video for Heartbreak Hotel." 

"That's awesome!" I clap my hands excitedly. "Who'd they get to be the lucky winner for THAT one?" I ask, well aware this music video is supposed to be a very erotic, envelope pushing project. One that Nate is not used to. Nate stares ahead still in a bit of shock.

"Mila Giovanni."

"Wait, WHAT??? Mila Giovanni as in Mila Giovanni??" I slam my laptop shut and stand now.

"You lucky motherfucker. Oh God, wait till your little Julia finds out about THIS!" I cackle and Nate squints his eyes at me. Julia is going to FLIP her LID!!

"Stop. She'll be fine. She knows this is all acting. It's fake." 

"Nate. How the hell did you get Mila Giovanni to star in this video? You do realize this particular video is pretty much ALL about sex, right? Oh man are you gonna have a hard time." I continue cracking jokes.

"Grow up, Trisha."

"So when does this all partake, Playboy?"

"First thing's first, I have a personal trainer and nutritionist coming tonight. Gotta get some "gainz" going before I show off this sexy bod." He jokes, catching me off guard and I spit my tea out on the table. "Real nice."

Nate shakes his head laughing while I clean up my mess.

"Oh my God, Nate. Never say that again!"

"What? "Gainz""? He says it again on purpose and snickers.

"Anyway, your body is already perfect. You know that." I wave him off and sit back down. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

"Thanks, but no. I want to be James gainz."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but that ain't gonna happen. You are two completely different people, and he looks like he's worked out three times a day for yeeaarrss. I mean, look at the guy. He goes into a coma for weeks and comes out still looking buff."

"True."  He leans back and feels his abs. His body is perfect. Every inch of him is lean muscle. No,  he's not bodybuilder James  or Paul buff, more of a Shawn Mendes/ Harry Styles body type.

"If you're that worried about it, just use James in the video instead of you. Just make it two characters, and you and the band singing and shit. I mean, he doesn't need to talk and, God, THAT would be fucking HOT. Especially with that tattooed back. James Gallo with Mila Giovanni. Christ." I fan myself with my hands.

"Yeah, no." He shoots the idea down fast. Too fast, if you ask me.

"You're actually looking forward to this aren't you, admit it!"

"Nooooo. It's just part of the job."  His face turns red and I laugh harder now.

"Hey. I'm not knocking it, hell I'm attracted to her and I'm not even gay."

"OK can we stop putting visuals in my head, you're not helping."

"Jesus, Playboy, you're gonna have to make sure you get taken care of before you shoot or you are gonna have a hard-on the entire time."

"Ok. We're done here."  Nate bolts up, grabs his keys and ends the conversation right there.

*****

So for the next two fucking weeks, Nate busts his ass working out and meeting with a personal trainer and nutritionist, working out almost four hours every single day. this is not uncommon in the industry  when you have an upcoming project, but certainly not something you can maintain long term. He achieved the outcome he desired in minimal time though and looks amazing. But we barely see him. If he's not in the gym, he's in meetings, if he's not in meetings or with the band, he's sleeping. 

Yesterday was the first day filming. I wait in the dressing room and get work done. If I need to run errands for Nate, I call Paul to come get me. Neither of us mind the last minute calls. Mainly because we end up having sex instead. Things are moving fast with me and the quiet bodyguard, but we both agreed to keep things quiet for now. I'm not sure how Nate will feel  with his two employees seeing each other like this. 

I enjoy Paul's company though. He's drama free and I love that.

******

Today, I'm already on Nate's shit list thanks to my morning sickness kicking in right when we had to leave, so now we're a little late to the filming studio. He doesn't say two words to me the entire ride over and then as I head to the dressing room, He walks in the opposite direction to talk to the producer. But I feel fine now so Nate usually lets it go quickly.

I watch Holly set up all her cosmetics at the vanity, while I'm set up at the small table in the room with my laptop. Nate joins us minutes later, sipping a cup of tea while Mila follows him. She is this top supermodel who can have anyone she wants yet over the years she has made it known her celebrity crush is Nate Hollan. She is not shy about it either.

Mila says something to Nate in Italian but he brushes her off.

"Uh, yeah sure." He responds and waves to Holly who is waiting for him.

""Uh, si certo." The translator translates his every word and he roll his eyes at Holly who laughs. She knows all about Mila's celebrity crush and thinks this is hysterical.

"Perfetta!" Mila leans against the door of the dressing room in her robe, exposing her cleavage while she sips her coffee.

Nate sits down for Holly so she can begin doing her job and looks at Mila through the mirror.

"Just keep your hands to yourself today, ok doll?" He throws the model a reprimanding look. Both me and Holly share a look wondering what that was all about... Has she been ACTUALLY flirting with him? Like...physically

"Tieni le mani a posto oggi, ok tesoro?" The translator chimes in though we all think Mila understands English just fine.

Mila laughs.

"Come posso resistere a Nate Hollan? Sei quello che dicono...irresistible." She laughs again. Then I laugh because I  took Italian in high school and know some of what Mila is saying and she is FOR SURE actively flirting with Nate.

"So, I'm not really going to do too much today. It's the rest of the shower scene and then the sauna scene." Holly puts her hands on his shoulders and looks at him through the mirror before beginning to fiddle with his hair.

"The REST of the shower scene? How much more do they want from me!? I don't want to get the girl pregnant!" He jokes but I shoot him a look.

"Five minutes, folks." One of the directors says while knocking on the doorframe. He looks over to me and I smirk at him. I see how Mila is affecting him and I find it pretty damn funny.

"Don't you have work to do? I believe you're behind." He sneers. My smile fades instantly from embarrassment. I can't believe he just said that. And in front of Holly. I don't comment back. Instead I look down at my phone to try and pretend what Nate just said didn't affect me. 

He notices right sway, whips around in his swivel chair and puts his hand on mine.

"Trisha. I was kidding." He says softly.

"I know you were." I keep my eyes down at my phone.

"Siamo pronti?" Mila asks if Nate is ready in passing,  And he nods and leaves the room.

"What was that all about? Was he just trying to piss you off or something?" Holly look over  at me, knowing his comment hurt my feelings.

"Yeah, he's just being an ass is all."

An ass who is about to be a father and the REASON I'm falling behind.

******

*James*

"What do you think about this Mila Giovanni thing?" Julia asks while helping me get dressed for the day. "You think she's hot?"

She's kidding, right? Mila Giovanni is one of the hottest female models on the planet. That's a loaded question right there. She's trying to trick me. So I tell it like it is instead. I don't look nervous at all. I laugh at her stupid question, nod my head and raise my eyebrows, letting Julia know of course I think Mila is hot. You'd be a lying  idiot not to.

"You're supposed to lie and say no, James." She huffs so I furrow my brows and shake my head no with a goofy grin on my face. I stand up and kiss the corner of Julia's mouth and then her lips, letting her know, SHE is the only person I think about- period. 

"We need to stop doing that." Julia comes to her senses and pulls away from my kiss but I keep pecking the corner of her lips to drive her crazy. "No, I mean it, James. We're best friends. I love you. But .. that's it. We can't be more. It's too confusing for me. I want to be the one to take care of you, but we need to stop crossing the line."

Yeah yeah yea, Julia. I roll my eyes and back away. I attempt to put my shirt on but fuck it up.

"Wait. Wrong way." She takes my shirt off my body and fixes it for me. It was inside out ."Ok."

But when she attempts to put my shirt back on, I lean in for another kiss. I walk her backwards and push her against the wall, holding her wrists so I can get one more kiss before she pushes me away for the day.

Julia begins to tremble and turns her face to the side, shocking me when she starts crying. I back away quickly, extremely confused  and watch her cover her eyes with her forearm and shake her head while crying. What just happened??

"No. It's not you." She cries, still covering her face. "Holding my wrists like that...the restraints....Jeremy..." She's not making complete sentences but I figure it out right away and my heart drops. I didn't mean to trigger anything and now feel awful. I  hug her and let her calm down for a minute in my arms. 

Julia is going to have a lot of healing to do from this. She has her work cut out for her and it kills me that I can't help her the way I want to

"Sorry. It's the little things that sometimes trigger me." She breaks our hug and wipes her eyes.. "I'd get therapy for this shit but you know. The therapist is the rapist." She frowns and walks out of the room. I follow her and sit on the couch to pet my dog, now feeling bad. This has happened with Julia a few times  and she isn't getting the help she needs to move on.

"You good, Julia?" Jonah looks up from loading the dishwasher. He can always tell.

"Yeah. Just had an awful flashback." She downplays it and turns the TV on.

{"And here's a steamy sneak peak of the video in the making..."} The Entertainment Morning News reporter announces, showing a clip of...

"Holy shit." Jonah blurts out. It's a small ten second clip of Nate and Mila in a steamy shower making out.

{"Next week, we sit down for an interview with the supermodel Mila Giovanni and America's Heartthrob, singer, Nate Hollan, to talk more about his new music video they are working on together."}

The screen shows the clip again and then goes back to another newscaster.

{"Now THAT is a steamy shower right there, Bridgette."} He says, looking at his coworker who raises her eyebrows and nods.

They move on to the next topic, but Julia is stunned. It was a very seductive ten minutes.

"You know it's all acting." Jonah says the second he sees Julia's reaction.

"Yeah..." She says softly but then walks to her room where she ends up shutting down for a good portion of the day.

******

*Trisha*

My lunch today will now consist of saltine crackers and ginger ale. It's all I seem to be able to keep down. Nate comes for a short break to eat lunch.

"How is it so far?"

"Fine. There's food in room 1A if you're hungry. You should eat."

I hold up my crackers with an eye roll.

"It's the only thing I can keep down today. This and ginger ale."

"Do you want me to grab you more?"

"Nah. Eat. You don't have much time. I'll get up in a minute and grab another one."  I look down at a notification on my phone, back up at Nate, and back down again.

"Oh boyyy."

"What now......" Nate questions.

"They aired a clip of the music video today before your interview next week." I look up the clip of the shower scene on my laptop to show him.

"Lovely.." He says nonchalantly, and continues to eat like it's no big deal.

"They're calling it out to be the sexiest music video released in 2024."

"It's just a five minute video. I really hope they show more of the actual storyline and singing and not just us making out." He said with a mouth full of salad.

"Who knows. But the ratings are gonna be crazy. The ten second shot is all over the internet, you tube, and being talked about. Some on Twitter are saying this will turn into a romance between you two."

"Everyone knows I'm with Julia." He keeps his eyes on his salad but I keep my eyes on him.

"I bet if you were single, you'd be all over it, for the media attention alone. C'mon, Playboy. You know you would. You're still Nate Hollan. You're not married." I get up and grab the blood pressure cuff out of my bag.

"Anyways. Keep eating, you don't have much time. Did you take your heart medication?"

"Yeesss, mom. I took my medication."

While he eats I check his blood pressure like Jonah requests and put the numbers in my phone before resuming my spot with my laptop. Nate looks at the time and quickly finishes his salad before being to get back on set.

Once he's gone I open my laptop and feel the anxiety kick in.  I'm  so fucking behind on work.  I don't know how to catch up.  Right as I think that,  I feel my saltines starting to come back up.  No.... I can't get sick here.  Shit. I rush to the bathroom just in time and make it to the toilet. I end up getting violently ill while no one is in the dressing room but this can't happen once Holly comes back in. I quickly grab my phone and text Paul.

[Hey, sorry to bother you. Any way you can pick me up at the film studio?]

*****

*James*

Julia stays in her room most of the morning, comes out to help me with lunch and then heads straight back to bed. It's not healthy but what can I do about it? Casey tries but Julia isn't having it. At least she ate lunch so that's all we can ask. Gwen and Kendall pop in to visit and brought over a big pan of homemade lasagna for us which was really nice of the girls to do. What wasn't nice is their attitude today.

We sit in my little living room area of my bedroom and at first it's the girls just giving me small talk. Stupid shit mom has been doing,  Jennie's new boyfriend drama.. I half listen while petting Maggie the entire time.

"Knock Knock." Casey opens the door a little. "Sorry to interrupt. James, just wanted to let you know PT is cancelled for today. Nurse Ryan's daughter has the stomach bug. So later just do your normal exercises with Julia, ok?"

I nod and Casey beings to close the door.

"Where is Julia, anyway? Isn't she the one who takes care of James during the day??" Kendall asks and I look over at Casey trying to hint to her not to say anything to the girls. But she obviously didn't get it.

"She's having a rough day and is laying down. But James ... and little Maggie here.. are both well taken care of." Casey doesn't go into detail but Kendall needs more now.

"What do you mean, she's not having a good day? What does that even mean?"

"Kendall, stop." Gwen glares at her sister when she sees the look on my face. 

"What? I want to know what's wrong with her, that's all. She's supposed to be taking care of James. If she's having a hard time with her own depression and shit-"

"Kendall! Knock it off. That's none of our business."

"I love how you girls care so much for your brother," Casey chimes in. "Please know he is ALWAYS in good hands here. He has two full time nurses and a house full of people that love him. He's never alone."

I nod wanting to tell Kendall to shut her piehole already but can't for obvious reasons.

"All I'm saying is every time I visit, there's some kind of drama going on here. Especially with Julia. It's gotta be stressful for you, James." Kendall looks at me, but I furrow my brows and shake my head. What is she trying to do here?

"Ken. Stop..." Gwen shifts in her seat a little.

"What?? You were just saying the same thing the last time we were here. Don't deny it. Gwen."

I watch Gwen's eyes widen from her sister's lack of a filter and fill with embarrassment. "Can we just spend time with James? That's why we're here."

"James, let me know if you need anything." Casey gives me a sympathetic look and waits for me to nod before closing the door.

What the hell do my sisters have against Julia all of a sudden. They love her. Why are they acting like this? I shake my head at both of them and stand up. Maggie jumps off my lap and follows me out to the main living area. I turn on the TV and ignore the girls the rest of their visit. They get the hint that they pissed me off and about 20 minutes later end up hugging and kissing me goodbye.

"What the hell was that?" Casey sits down next to me, and I shake my head. "Do you feel like you're not getting cared for the way you'd like, James?"

I take Casey's hand and shake my head no. Then give her a face like my sisters are just acting crazy.

"Wanna take Maggie for a walk with me? It's nice out." 

Maggie hears her name and "walk" and runs to Casey.  I nod and look down the hall at Nate's room. The door is still closed. Julia really isn't doing great today. I wish my sisters weren't here during it. Now they're gonna be talking up a storm saying Julia's not taking care of me or blow it out of proportion. 

*****

Paul finds his way to Nate's dressing room to find me back in the bathroom getting sick. He cracks the door open and then his shoulders drop at the sight of me. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, too weak to do anything.

"I can't keep anything down. They can't see me like this here. They'll know. Especially Holly. She'll catch on quick." I whisper and attempt to stand up even though I feel lightheaded. Paul takes my arm and helps me out of the bathroom.

"Ok. Let's pack up your stuff. I'll text Nate and tell him." Paul starts but I shoot him down quickly.

"No! Don't. He's already pissed I almost made his late this morning from my morning sickness. I don't want him to know I had to leave work because of it too. God, Paulie. I have so much work to do." I begin packing up my laptop and making sure I have everything I need.

"Do you want me to bring you back to Nate's studio then? You always get your work done quickly there. And no one will see you if you get sick. Or do you want to go home? You tell me."

"Yeah, let's go to his studio then. I have to get back on top of things."

Paul helps me grab everything and I text Nate, telling him I have a meeting to go to and that Paul is with me. He won't question it. I always have meetings. We head out before anyone can notice.

"Thanks, Paul. I know this was your day off." I look over at my bodyguard slash......what exactly are we?? 

"I wasn't doing anything. I don't mind." He gives me a little grin and I smile back. Then he reaches over the console and holds my hand. I feel heat rise to my face and smile stupid while looking out the car window. I'm not used to this sweet side of Paul. I love it.

He picks up some soup from Panera for me to have, knowing I can tolerate that, and we spend the rest of the afternoon in the studio. I plug along trying to catch up with work and the agenda for next week, needing to move things around here and there due to my error of overbooking. Paul sits on the couch and reads the newspaper like he's from the stone age

A few hours later Nate joins us.

"Well look what the cat dragged in." I say without looking up from my screen or missing a beat with my typing.

"Yeah, I'm in the doghouse." Nate huffs and starts making himself a cup of tea. Paul lets out a little laugh.

"Got something to say, big guy?" He peers at the bodyguard.

"Nope. But can't say I blame her. I saw the ten second clip."

"EVERYONE saw the ten second clip." I chime in. "And keep your voice down. Mila is in a meeting right next door.

"She is? Does she at least have clothes on this time?"

"Unfortunately." Paul grumbles while still reading the paper and I give him an exaggerated eyeroll.

"Nate. Richard wants to have a meeting soon. More tour details." I read the email that just came through on my laptop.

"Yeah. Ok. Hey, you set up that meeting with Elliot for next week's interview, right?"

Oh no.

"Shit!" 

"Trishaa... this is an important meeting. Are you serious??" Nate sits down on the couch next to Paul.

"She's been a little sick lately Nate, cut her some slack." Paul tries to defend me, but I know Nate. He doesn't tolerate slacking.

"I'm trying. But Trish. You know this job. You know what it takes. If you can't keep up because-"

"Go to hell, Nate. I can keep up just fine. Why the hell do you think I'm here right now? Jesus."

Is he really doing this to me right now?

"Can you please schedule that meeting? Like now? I need to be prepared." 

"I'm setting it up right now." I open the calendar app and close my eyes for a second. Shit. I just moved everything around and now have to redo it all. Hours' worth of work, for nothing. I send the Meeting Invite to Elliot who accepts right away from his phone and try to make it look like I have it all put together. I most certainly do not. "There. Done. Happy??"

"No. I'd be happy if you could keep up." He huffs and looks down at his phone. He's extra moody today. Something must have happened. I can usually handle Moody Nate but today I'm overwhelmed. I look back at my screen and swallow down my emotions. I can feel my tears beginning to build as I try to move things around on the calendar app. I fucked up. Now I'm going to have to ask him to pick between two events scheduled because they are both at the same time...because of my mistake. He's gonna know.

"Ok. Soo." I stall and Nate looks over at me. I keep my eyes on the screen. "You have two events at the same time on Tuesday. Would you rather cancel the Charity Golf Tournament or the Meet and Greet signing event?" I can feel my cheeks heat up and a pit in my stomach form.

"What the hell are you talking about, Trisha??" Nate jumps up and walks over to where I am. I swallow hard as he leans in over my shoulder to see the calendar. He studies it for a minute, seeing my mistakes. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I forgot about Elliott's meeting. I spent three hours moving things around to fit the agenda in. That meeting fucked it all up." I say a little softer, feeling both Nate and Paul's eyes on me. "I'm fixing it now."

"You can't fix that, Trish! There's not enough time in the day!  You need to figure your shit out." He scolds. "God. I guess... Shit, I don't know. Move the meet and greet even to Wednesday." He pauses. "Wait. You can't. I have the meeting with my manager. Jesus Christ Trisha!" He snaps and I nod but am on the verge of tears while trying to make the agenda work.

"I'm sorry." I choke out but Nate just walks away.

"I can't deal with this right now. Figure it out. I'm going in the other room to practice." He grabs his guitar and slams the door behind him, making me jump. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment. I begin to redo the three hours' worth of work while tears stream down.

"Do you want me to take you home, Trish?" Paul stands up and then notices I'm crying behind the laptop. "Shit... Don't cry. You know I can't handle crying."

"I know, Paulie. Sorry. I can't go home until I fix my mistakes."

Which take another three hours. By the time I organize everything it's nine o'clock at night. No one is left in the building and poor Paul is half asleep on the couch. I'm hungry, exhausted and mad at myself for making such a stupid mistake, pushing me even further behind in my work now.

And sad that Nate upset with me and noticing I really can't keep up.