*James*

I wake up hyperventilating thanks to an awful dream. It's usually always stemmed from my father. If only it was just a dream and not a reality from some point in my childhood. It's been months since I've had this happen, so this one caught me off guard.  I gasp and take a deep breath, now becoming more aware of my surroundings. I'm home.  In my own house.  Safe.

Maggie jumps up onto my bed and licks my cheek, then lays her head on my lap while I try to calm down. It's like this dog knows when I'm anxious. She can sense it.

"Mornin Mags." I grumble, not fully awake.  "That was a bad one." I drag my hands down my face and get out of bed. 

I remember this stuff used to scare the hell out of my exes. Especially Lindsay. But after years of therapy, my PTSD nightmares are few and far between.  I know what to do.  I quickly grab my notebook and pen from my nightstand and jot down whatever I can remember from my nightmare.

I force myself up and sit in the side of my bed.  I'm gonna work out hard today. Joe will never be stronger than me again. Ever.

I look at the six different vitamin bottles lined up on the table next to my bed and take each vitamin one by one like I do every day.  I will keep myself as healthy and as strong as I possibly can. He will never hurt my family again. This is my routine.  This is me trying to live. This is me trying to function with fear.

Once fully awake, I open all the blinds in thy house to let the sun in, water my plants and let Maggie out in the backyard so she can do her thing while I make a very strong cup of coffee.

My dog has acclimated well to my schedule, sleeping when I do and when I'm home, I tire her out so by the time I'm ready for the night shift, she's ready for bed. 

Once the coffee is in my system, I eat a banana, thanks to swiping one from the Marriott continental breakfast table before leaving work.

Then, I get dressed and washed up and bring Maggie to the park for a long four mile run before taking advantage of the gym at the hotel.

I'm grateful for this job. For the free meals, the access to the gym, hell even having a TV with cable on in the lobby is an upgrade for me. My phone is technically a "Work Phone" paid by Paul himself so he can get ahold of me when he needs to. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be able to pay for service. I take advantage of all the blessings that come my way.

While in the hotel gym, I work out hard. So hard. Lifting weights to the point I feel like I'm gonna get sick.  I don't care.  I have to do this.  I have to continue to push myself to the breaking point. There's no way I'm going to let myself go. Because Joes is still around. He sees one slip up in me, and he will take advantage of any weakness. I will never let him win again.

I'm about to leave the hotel to go home and shower, feed Maggie, and take her out one last time before work when a familiar voice catches my attention. I pass by the hotel office and see Julia. Clearly fed up with whatever she's trying to do on the computer. She gets so worked up so quickly that it's comical.

"What the hell!" She yells at the computer screen.

"Oh my God, I can't with you." Julia says and rolls her chair back.

"Everything ok in here, Miss Moretti??" I give her a sarcastic smirk and wipe the sweat off my face with my towel while leaning on the doorway.

"I take it you're having computer problems?"

"And I take it you're not working??" She looks me over, and it's noticed.

"Oh yeah, perks of working at a hotel, you get to use their gym. Beats having to pay for a membership, right?"

"Right," Julia swivels back to look at the screen. "Anyways, I don't know what I'm doing. It's fine. I can do it later."

I throw my towel around my neck and step into the room to see what she needs help with. "Do you need help with anything?"

I look at the screen to see she's on the LAX airport website, looking up flights.  My heart pounds a little heavier. Is she going home?

"Are you leaving us already, Julia??"

"No, no. I'm stuck here for a while, remember? I just need to go to Boston for a few days next month. But I don't have a clue what I'm doing." She slides the chair off to the side to give me room.

A wave of relief washes over me.  I lean over and look at the screen and notice Julia has no clue how to book a flight.  I glance at the screen, then back down at Julia.

"Are we going to Boston or Japan??" I tease her and watch her squint at the screen.

"Obviously, I pressed the wrong button."

"Julia Moretti, have you never booked your own flight before?" I lean closer to her ear, flirting a little before standing straight up.

"Um... no, my husband always did that stuff..."

I freeze. She's married??

"I can do it another time."

"Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were married. I would have never-- Shit..." I walk back over to the doorway and lean against it again, giving her more space. I never would have flirted if I knew she had a husband.

"You're good. It's over. I'm not. And that night was a misunderstanding. You know that, right?"

"Ya, whatever. No big deal. I gotta run and shower before I clock in. If you need any help with that later, I'll be around after 6." I brush her off and quickly leave. Maybe the other night WAS a mistake, but I know she felt something.  There's no denying that.

Once home, I walk Maggie again, feed her dinner, and eat the leftover breakfast Al made for me to bring home for my dinner. 

Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to struggle financially the way I am, but the bills from my past pile up and half my pay goes to take care of my mom.  It's worth it, so if I have to eat leftover eggs and hash browns for dinner, then I eat leftover eggs and hash browns for dinner. There are people in worse shape so I can't complain.

I feel like I try so hard to make ends meet. I wonder what it's like to live in Nate Hollan's shoes? Imagine never having to worry about money? Must be nice.

*****

*Trisha*

I try to rearrange Nate's schedule for the day and shut my phone off after booking a session with Julia for him. While driving, I see the familiar SUV. I pull my car into the lot. Mother fucker. Nate's driver is parked in a spot at Sullivan's.

I fucking knew the bastard would be here.  This is starting to become a problem now.  I walk through the door of Sullivan's and sit down in Nate's booth.

"I thought you'd be here."

"Are you stalking me now, Trish?" Nate jokes. He doesn't seem drunk.

"You wish, Playboy. I pass this dump on the way to yoga. I saw your driver parked off to the side."

I notice he's only drinking a soda and let out a sigh of relief.
"I see you came to your senses?"

"Is there a reason you're here bugging me, doll?"

"Well, seeing as you're sooo busy today," I roll my eyes at him.
"You asked if there was a way to get more studio time for Julia in your calendar, right? I hear she's pretty bad at the guitar."

"She really is." Nate laughs his loud contagious laugh that I've grown to love.

"Well, you're in luck, my friend. I just got off the phone with Julia, and she is willing to go to the studio tonight for an extra practice session, if you are."

"Yes! Of course!" He exclaims
"I mean, I think it will help me get my mind off this day, actually."

"I figured that would be the case. I will text her to let her know."

I lean back in the booth and start texting away to let Julia know the session is on and give Nate a proud look. 

Thank God he isn't drinking today.
*****