Day 30

It's been 30 days since the crash. 30 days of James being in a coma. Dr. Giovanni doesn't come to check on him daily anymore. His sisters visit him daily, though. All but Kendall, who has yet to come up.

Nate  has been trying to get back into the daily routine. He tries to work around Julia's schedule. He'll escape when she's at physical therapy or in one of her counseling appointments and rush to the studio. What he should be doing is spending most of his time IN the studio and seeing Julia when it's convenient for him and during visiting hours. Especially now that Julia has her cast off and in only in a brace and almost a week into her detox. He should be able to do the things he needs to do while she gets herself situated.

Today is going to be a great day for Nate. His first full day of work. He's gonna get back into the studio with the band. Go over tour details. Get fitted for a suit for the fundraiser and then go visit his sister, whom he hasn't seen in a while now.

I come into the suite full of energy and ready to get back to life. Paul as my shadow, of course.

"You ready, Nate?" I focus on Nate.

"Ready for what?" Julia glares at him. Did he not tell her this would be happening?

"Oh, I forgot. I have a practice scheduled at the studio with the band today... I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you."  I watch him kiss Julia's cheek and hop off the bed. I can tell he's itching to get into that studio and out of this room.

"For how long??" 

"Not sure. After I may go visit my sister. It's been a while. You're ok with that, though, right?"

"Of course." 

Umm. Why is he asking her if she's ok with this? This is not all about her. This is his life, too. I find myself getting irritated by that and quickly leave the room with Nate and Paul. I'm not gonna let her neediness guilt trip Nate into staying around the hospital.

We head to my car and I carefully sit in the drivers seat. This is the hard part of my day. I've only driven myself once since the accident and had a complete meltdown/panic attack when I had to go through the exact intersection we crashed at. Poor Paul had to calm me down and take over driving. I never did tell Nate this. Or anyone. And Paul doesn't bring it up .

"I grabbed you a coffee, decaf."  I tick my chin to the coffee in the cupholder for him and make sure his seatbelt is fastened. I look in my rearview mirror to make sure Paul has his seatbelt on as well.  My hands begin to shake, and I grip the wheel.

"Thanks."

"So how does it feel?" I try to focus on the road and act normal but can feel the anxiety kicking in. My eyes dart from one car to the next, making sure everyone is in their own lanes and not on their fucking phones.

"How does what feel?"

"To be on the other side. No longer in the hospital, getting back to your routine? Feels good right?" 

"It does. I just feel bad leaving Julia in the middle of her detox." I knew it. Here comes the guilt.

"You need to get back to life, Nate. You realize who you are right?"

"Obviously..."

"People expect stuff out of you.... Vacation's over Playboy."

Some idiot pulls into my lane and cuts me off with his big Subaru and I slam on the brakes. My heart begins to pound hard. I stop completely in the middle of the road. "Oh my God!" I yell and immediately see the visions of our head on collision.

"Jesus Christ, Trisha." Nate starts yelling at me. "Trish. Drive!"

I get nervous and pull over to the side of the road. Cars are beeping at me, people are pissed that I'm causing traffic and I'm fucking ready to piss my pants from anxiety.

"What the hell.." Nate gets mad and I start to cry. I don't realize how hard I'm gripping the steering wheel until I see Nate's eyes focused on my hands. My shaking hands.

"Trish.... Shit. Hey. it's all good. Trisha, look at me." 

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's fucking happening to me."  I wipe the tears streaming down my face and get out of the car. I start pacing, unable to calm down. Nate throws his baseball hat on to conceal him and comes out as well He grabs me by my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug. My whole fucking body is shaking like I'm friggen Moretti. I am NOT Julia.

"It's ok. You're nervous to drive. You're just on edge, that's all." Nate walks me to the passenger side just like Paul had to and takes over the driving.

Once we pull into the studio parking lot, Nate stares at me before talking.

"Hey. It's gonna take a little time, right?" He tries to make me feel better.

"It's already been a month Nate."

"It's ONLY been a month, Trisha. You have one job today for me, ok darlin? I want you to hire us a driver. Just for a little while." He holds my hand and I nod. I really didn't want him to find out about this shit. He's the last person I wanted to find out about my issues. I need him to focus on himself instead of trying to fix everyone else around him.

******

It's been over two hours and I get a ton of work done on my laptop in Nate's studio room while he's with the band. Paul sits on the couch, happy to not be running errands,  and I set up shop at the small table in the room.

When Nate DOES come in the room he is beaming. A huge smile on his face and bright eyes again.

"How'd it go?"  I look up at him and back down at my laptop to not draw attention to how excited I am he followed through with this. "You guys practiced for awhile!"

"It went really well. It was like I never left." He sits down next to Paul on the couch and they both scroll their phones like two old men reading the newspaper on a park bench. 

"Hey, you didn't use your money to buy everyone's new phones did you?"

"Yeah, why?" I cock an eyebrow at Nate.

"No doll, you should have used mine. Transfer the money or go to the spa on me or something."

"You sure??"

"Trish...."  He gives me his look. The look he gives to remind me money isn't an issue.

"Spa day it is." I smile up at him.

"I'm gonna go visit Cara. Can I use your car or want me to grab one of mine?"

"Nahh you can use mine. I'm gonna stay here and get some work done. Just pick me up on the way back or let me know to get an uber."  I happily toss Nate my keys, relieved I don't have to drive and can feel Paul's eyes on me as Nate leaves.

"We gonna talk about what happened or are you gonna ignore it like last time?" Paul crosses his arms over his muscular chest and I shut my laptop. I make my way over to the couch and sit down next to him to give him my full attention.

"What happened, Paul.."

"You know what happened... Why are you downplaying this? You're obviously having a hard time getting behind the wheel, Trisha."

I let my head fall back on the couch and close my eyes for a minute. 

"Sometimes I liked it better when you were one of those bodyguards who didn't talk. What happened, Paulie?" I tease him, trying to get out of this conversation.

"I became invested in my clients. My clients became my friends."

"Aww. The Tin Man DOES have a a heart."

******

By the time Nate is done visiting his sister and brings me and Paul home it's after dinner. I sit on his couch and watch him rush to eat a bowl of cereal as his meal before showering and  running back to the hospital.

"Nate. Let me make you something. Real food. You don't have to rush. She's not going nowhere."

"Nah it's fine. I didn't intend to leave Julia this long."

"It's ok if you do. She's being taken care of." I shake my head at him. He's so wrapped up in her he's not even going to eat a proper meal for his own dinner?

"Really Nate. Even a quick grilled cheese sandwich." 

"I'm ok. Thank you though. I need to hop in the shower before I head out." 

Nate rushes to clean his bowl and hits the showers. 

I sit on the bed and wait for him. I can hear him scrambling around trying to be as quick as possible. Hear the bottle of shampoo drop. Then the bar of soap. 

"Oh Nate." I say under my breath.

He quickly comes out of the bathroom still wet in just his boxers. He struggles to get his clothes on since he didn't dry off and I roll my eyes at him.

"Nate. You don't need to rush." I tuck his hair up while he sits on the bed, attempting to tie his sneakers. I can tell his ribs hurt when he bend down and he winces from the pain.

"Hey. Slow down..."  I get off the bed and kneel down to tie his shoes for him.

"Thanks."

"Don't rush ok?? Don't make me nervous driving." I look up at him. I didn't mean to say that out loud. I don't even know why I said it. But seeing him so tired and rushing around....it just brought me right back to how tired James was. The scene plays over in my head.

"Hey. You sure you're ok??" Nate lowers his eyes to me.

"Yeah. I think it just messed me up a little. The accident."

"Maybe you can talk to that Donovan kid a little...."

"I'm fine, Nate. Really."  I kiss his forehead and stand up. "Really. I'm ok."

I say that over and over again in my head even after he leaves.

I am fine.

*****