*Trisha*

Donuts, bagels and coffee, decaf for you..." James comes in with his hands full, balancing drinks on top of the box of donuts. "I don't really know what everyone likes, so you all get the "Julia Special...a little cream and one sugar." I know this cost him a little money and feel bad that he went ahead and treated everyone here. But that's James for ya.

I've been distancing myself a little more from this place lately mainly because Richard is on my ass about Nate's future....and I've kinda taken an interest in Dave again but I'm certainly not telling Nate this.

"Thanks, Hot Stuff, that was really nice of you. Usually, it's me having to run around and do that. I like having you around." I wink at James.

"No caffeine- Here you go." James slides a coffee over to Nate, who only nods as his thanks. I, however, thought it was very nice of James to even think of him and know he can't have caffeine with his heart anymore.

Nate is moody from his detox. His tremors have slowed down to the point you don't really notice unless you're really staring at his hands.

"What crawled up your ass this morning?" I ask when I see Nate roll his eyes at James and Julia talking on the couch.

"Good morning to you too." Nate replies while taking a sip of his coffee.

"No, really, you're in rare form already. Did something happen with your sister? You took her back to The Avalon this morning, right?"

"No, nothing happened. I'm fine. Cara's fine. Everyone's fucking fine." He squints at me trying to be rude, but I can handle Hollan. I fix a lock of hair that fell down on his forehead and tuck it back into place.

"You need to get back in the studio. You'll feel better."

"I don't know. I haven't been there since my heart attack. Just thinking about that room sends a shooting pain in my chest." He admits. 

"I'll go with you when you're ready." I know exactly what he's saying. After everything came crashing down with Dave, I couldn't even walk back into the apartment we shared without having a panic attack. Nate had to be the one to pack up my shit and I stayed with him for three months until I found a new apartment. I can't believe I'm hanging out with Dave now after all that.

But it's different now.

Nate's phone is on the counter in between the two of us facing up. A text message comes through and I look at him with a raised eyebrow..

[Hey, I know it's been awhile. I heard about your heart attack and health problems. Obviously. The whole world heard. Just checking in to see how you're feeling. Hope you're doing ok.]

Macy. I know they talk a little here and there.

"You're not gonna respond?" I whisper when I see he isn't going to respond.

"I will. Not right now though."

"Don't blow her off..." I scold.

"I know what you're trying to do. Stop. It's over. Trisha, don't put that thought into my head ok?"

"I'm not putting ANY thoughts into your head." I change the topic. "Why don't we go to the studio today?"

"Why don't we fucking go visit Susan fucking Hardy the reporter, after and end the night at fucking Sullivan's, We can make a whole fucking bad day out of it. Just to twist the knife a little more. I said I'm not ready, Trisha." Nate glares at me, gets up and walks to the bedroom without looking at anyone.

"What was that all about??" James looks over at me. I sigh and slump down a little.

"Just Nate being Nate."

Right as I say that fucking Richard starts bugging me via text. Not the time. I read the text and head to Nate's room. He's not gonna be happy when he hears this.

"Hate to break up the party in here," I announce once in Nate's presence. "Nate... Richard wants to schedule a meeting in four days to go over stuff for you to get back on track with the record. In the studio..."

His eyes widen. "Four days? But I just said-"

"Sorry. I know. I just got the email a few minutes ago. You got it too. You need to get into the studio and get over this fear of yours before your meeting with Richard."

*****

*James*

"Jesus Christ, Nate." I hear Trisha say while I'm outside on the balcony. The sliders are open, and Julia is in one of her virtual meetings.

"Shit." Nate jumps up and sits up on the couch, disoriented, in cold sweats and shaking.

"What the hell was that all about?"  Trisha asks.  I get up and stand by the sliders, but I don't think Nate even notices me.

"What happened?" Nate scratches the back of his head, confused, watching Jonah walk in with his blood pressure cuff, putting it on Nate without saying a word, looking concerned.

"156/90. Pretty high. You fell asleep but pulled a 'Julia' on us. What was your dream about? Do you remember?" Jonah pulls at the Velcro to take the cuff off his arm.

"Don't start that bullshit with me. I'm fine. I don't need to journal nothing." Nate snaps. "Where's Julia?"

"In her virtual meeting."

"Lovely. I'm leaving before she tears up another bathroom." Trisha snickers but get a dirty look from Nate. "I'm kidding. Christ, Nate."

"Not funny. You know, she could probably use a friend, not someone who tears her down every chance they get, Trish." He gets up. "I need air." 

I sit back down right as Nate comes out on to the balcony and slams the sliders shut behind him. I don't even think he realizes I'm out here right now. He leans against the railing and drops his head down. I should leave. He needs space.

"I can leave..."

Nate jumps and spins around to see me sitting down at the patio set on the other end of the balcony.  I start to get up but he shakes his head and resumes his position.

"You're fine, Gallo." He grumbles. There's this awkward silence even though the noise of the city below us is loud.

"Think we did the right thing?" Nate keeps his head down while talking. I get up and stand next to him, leaving a few feet of space, and lean over the railing like Nate. We both look out at everything and nothing at the same time.

"What do you mean?" I don't make eye contact. If we are going to have a serious discussion, it will be while looking straight ahead. I can't look at him and he can't seem to look at me either.

"You know what I mean. Keeping her here. Trying to help her here."

"Why do you keep fucking around with her, Nate? You're not helping her. It's selfish. We are supposed to be focusing on getting her well. Together. That was the plan." I  take a deep  breath after saying what's on my mind. I remain calm and I know he hates that about me.

"Answer my question first, Gallo."

"No. I don't think we did the right thing. She has a lot of shit to sort through that neither of us were aware of. But I don't think the hospital would be good for her either. She'd just shut down."

"Think she should have gone to The Avalon?" Nate turns his head and look at me but I keep my eyes forward.  We both stay silent, unable to answer this specific question. Because we both already know the answer.

"I love her. I'm not 'fucking around' with her.'" Nate answers the previous question.

"You're not good for her. It's not healthy. She needs stability. All you're doing is messing with her head now."

"What she NEEDS is someone to take care of her. You don't fucking know how to do that!" Nate retorts loudly.. "You're not used to that shit. Instead, you remove yourself from the situation all together. I can take care of Julia. I know how to. I've been doing this for awhile. I'm the ONLY one who knows how to take care of her. You're not used to this."  He stands up straight now and stares at me, waiting for my response.

"You have no idea what I'm used to."  I make eye contact with him now.

"You have enough on your plate with your mother, sisters, and asshole of a father. You can't handle Julia too!"

I glare at Nate now. Julia told him about my personal shit. And now he's throwing it in my face? Is this what he does to people? I feel sick to my stomach. Furious. Embarrassed.

"You're a fucking prick." I leave and slam the fucking slider shut so hard the glass cracks from one corner to the other. I then walk past everyone and leave the apartment with another slam of the door. I don't get mad often but that was the last fucking straw.

*****

*Trisha*

What the hell just happened? James doesn't get mad like that. I know him well enough to know that. Jonah, myself and Paul are all staring at Nate now when he reenters the apartment from the balcony.

"Care to explain?" Jonah asks.

"There's nothing to explain."

"Are you kidding me right now??" I jump up. "Nate, you really pissed him off! What did you say to him?!"

"Listen, I can't help it Gallo turns into the fucking Hulk when he gets mad! Trish, call maintenance and make an appointment for them to fix the slider." Nate demands and storm to his bedroom like a five year old, slamming and locking the door. The sound of his slam compared to James was absolutely pathetic.

Julia comes out of her meeting and Jonah fills her in. She is just as shocked as I am with the outburst from James. It for certainly has something to do with her and I hate that.

"Maybe you should leave your boy toy at home. This is ridiculous. Between the two of you, you're gonna get Nate evicted!" I grab my purse and jet out to catch James. And I do. outside on the bench in front of the building. Clearly upset.

"Hey, James the Receptionist." I say softly and sit down next to him. James stares ahead and I can tell he is hurt by whatever Nate said. "What happened in there?"

James huffs a little before turning to me. "Does Hollan have a habit of throwing people's personal shit in their faces and rubbing it in to make them feel bad?" 

I let out a sigh. He's done this to Julia before.

"He sure has. It's one of the many bad habits of his. What did he say?"

"You know, Trish. I try. I try so FUCKING hard." He drops his head in his hands and my heart drops for him. I rub his back until he's ready to talk. What the hell did Nate say to him? It takes James a good five minutes before he lifts his head.

"You know I'm not rich." He looks at me but I don't understand where he's going with this yet. "I work so friggen hard. You know where that money goes?" He waits for me to shake my head no. "To my mom. My mom who isn't even 60 years old and dealing with dementia. My money goes to help pay her medical bills. To help keep her home. Me and my sisters...we all help to make sure she's taken care of.  You know what she remembers the most when she has one of her episodes?? My fucking father beating the shit out of his family."

I knew Joe Gallo was an asshole. I knew he was a drunk and had a feeling he was abusive. But to actually hear the words come out of the mouth of his son brings tears to my eyes instantly. I grab James's hand and rest my head on his shoulder while he talks. 

"You know I can't even look at my mother without her thinking I'm her abusive husband all because I look like him. All  because my fucking eyes are blue.  Looking at me brings her right back to Joe. Do you know how that fucking feels, Trisha? And then. God..to have Nate throw it in my face? Saying I have enough on my plate with my own family to deal with Julia's shit... Who says that!" He doesn't cry but his eyes are watery and it breaks me more. Fucking Nate. I'm gonna kill him.

"I'm sorry. James, I'm sorry about everything. Nate's an idiot and doesn't know how to handle what he's going through. I know he doesn't mean what he says. By no means am I sticking up for him or saying what he did is right. Because it wasn't. I'm just letting you know...he doesn't mean what he says right now. This isn't him. This isn't Normal Nate. This is Detox Nate. They are two different people."

"I hate them both."

*****

After I have my moment with Trisha, I abruptly leave. The first thing I do is go to the bank and withdraw the thousand dollars Nate gave me for working with Paul. I'm obviously gonna pay for the damage I've done to his door. That wasn't right of me to slam it that hard. I didn't think it would actually break.

Jonah lets me in, but seems .. weird with me. Then I realize why. I take a deep breath and head to Hollan's room. The bathroom door is shut, and Nate and Julia aren't in the bedroom. Nice. Fucking amazing.

"All this time I thought it was me. I didn't do anything wrong! I was a good wife to him! I was a fucking good wife to him!!" Julia cries loud and I hear her while in the bedroom. I swing the door open and glare at Nate.

"You can't just leave her alone, can you, Hollan?" I know my eyes are filled with rage. I feel it deep in my bones. There's Julia in the tub upset  and Nate is with her. He's so lucky he is sitting on a chair next to her fully clothed.

"I came back to apologize...here's your fucking thousand dollars back. It'll help pay for the glass repair. It's all I have." I throw the cash on the bathroom floor.

"I'm just talking to her. Cool it, Gallo. We're not doing anything, as you can tell. And I'm not taking your money." Nate says.

"I was a good wife to him." Julia doesn't pay any attention to either of us. She stares ahead and repeats herself while tears stream down her face faster than I've ever seen on her.

"Jules? Hey.... Julia. Christ, get Jonah. I think she's in shock." Nate squeezes Julia's hand. Jesus Christ. I rush out of the room and grab Jonah to come check on her.  She's covered from the soap bubbles, so I don't care if Jonah comes in, but this isn't normal. It's like she's barely blinking.

Jonah quickly comes in with his bag, and I follow behind him. "What happened??" He asks while kneeling down next to the big tub, observing Julia. Nate is holding her hand, but she's not holding his back. Both me and Nate watch Jonah as he goes through his bag and finds a little flash light. He shines it in Julia's eyes, back and forth, but she doesn't even flinch, blink, or follow the light.

"Her pupils are enlarged." He says to himself. He pulls her hand away from me and puts his fingers on her wrist, looking down to concentrate on her pulse. "Rapid pulse. Hey Julia.."

Nothing.

"James, pull her out of the tub."

Nate gives Jonah a look, but he just shakes his head.

"You can't lift anything." He turns back to me and I grab a towel. "Get her to bed and make sure she's warm. The exposure therapy was too much for her today. She's in shock. She's too overwhelmed."

"The what??"  Nate asks. I gently pull Julia out of the tub making sure to cover her with the towel and then carry her to the bed.

"Just.. get her dressed." Jonah calls out to me. He's always very professional and doesn't want to see anything that would make Julia uncomfortable later.

I get Julia dressed the best I can and make sure she is under the covers.

Jonah is still kneeling, facing away from the bedroom. "What happened?"

"She just... fazed out. She started talking about her dick of a husband and then started remembering things. She said that the fucking therapist told her to TRY to remember shit from right when it first started. She can't relive that, Jonah! I don't care if it's been five years or five days. It's too much for her! She's falling into this deep depression." I hear Nate explain.

"I will talk to the therapist and let her know what's happening. Exposure therapy IS very successful in treating trauma. It involves revisiting the situation until you can process it better."

"She doesn't WANT to process it. She WANTS to forget it! For Chrissakes Jonah, figure it out!" Nate gets up and storm out of the room.

*****

The money is still untouched on the bathroom floor. I'm sitting in the recliner next to Julia, who is dressed in her white t-shirt and her loose pink plaid pajama bottoms. Something that was easy for me to get on her. Her hair is still up in a messy bun, so she wouldn't get it wet in the bath.

"I did everything right. I tried to be good to him." Julia mumbles to herself. She's sitting up, leaning against the headboard of the bed, but still unresponsive and staring ahead. Jonah grabs the BP machines and puts the cuff on Julia's arm. Nate sits on his side of the bed, unable to make eye contact with me which is just fine because I seriously want to punch the guy in the throat right about now.

Paul stands in the doorway. "Is she gonna flip out when she is done with ..whatever the hell this is? Do I need to watch her??"

"No. I don't think so. Everyone handles traumatic shock differently. She would have already been in an agitated state by now if that was gonna happen. If anything , she will cry. But stay close just in case I'm wrong." Jonah says.

"Well. I don't do crying so I'm gonna go back to watching the game." Paul grunts and heads back to the living room.

"90/60 ... Her blood pressure is a little low. Make sure she doesn't get out of bed fast. She may get dizzy. She could be a little dehydrated, or this could be from the medications. I'm gonna have to call the psychiatrist and let her know."

"Tell me you aren't switching her meds AGAIN..." I keep my eyes on Julia while I ask the question.

"Unsure. But you two need to figure your shit out with her. She's too stressed out. Now, she probably thinks SHE is the bad guy. The cheater. Like her husband. She's not emotionally well enough to choose between you two fools. Someone needs to back down so she can start to heal."

Jonah's final words before leaving to make the phone calls, tick both me AND Nate off.

"She may have done everything right and been the perfect wife to her husband, but you're both making her become a disaster for a girlfriend."

Jonah shuts the bedroom door behind him without giving either of us a chance to process what he just said.

The silence in the room is unbearable.

"I can't be the one to back down." Nate immediately says first. I stare him down with daggers for eyes when I hear him say this.

"Then we have a problem."

***** 

Julia wakes up to a quiet room. I'm still holding her hand while laying on the recliner. She thinks I'm sleeping. I watch her leave the room and have a full on conversation with Jonah but they are talking too quietly to hear what they are saying.

Next thing I know. Nate is awake and heads out, closing the door behind him. I lay on the recliner but don't bother trying to listen to what is being said with the bedroom door being closed.

But little do Nate and Julia realize, the sliders are open a little in Nates bedroom.  The balcony is lit up only by the city lights but that's enough for me to see ..and hear.. what happens next.

"What are you doing out here? You're not cold?"  I hear Nate say to Julia.

"You forget I'm from New England. I don't get cold." 

"Well I'm from England and it's bloody cold out here."

"You're such a wimp. Come here." 

Come here.... this is how it begins isn't it. My eyes sting hearing her words.

"Come on. Before I change my mind. You know I will...."

I can see movement and it looks like Nate and Julia are sitting on the small patio couch facing the view of the city.

"Better?" She asks.

"Mmhmm." 

"I'm not hurting you, am I??"

I feel nauseous. 

"Not even a little, darlin."  He fucking kisses her. God damn it.

"I'm always gonna love you, Nate." Julia says and my heart breaks.

She's the one initiating the kiss this time. Then it turns into a full on make out session.

"Jules..."

"Don't say anything. I need to feel this." I hear her say. My heart breaks more.

I see the shadows move and Julia turns to straddle Nate's lap. I close my eyes feeling so much pain in my heart it's physically excruciating. It's not just Nate taking advantage of Julia. She is at fault now too... initiating it tonight and that kills me to know.

"Do you feel that?" She asks him, letting out a soft moan after. "Do you feel how good that feels?"

"Yeah. I can feel it." 

While keeping my eyes closed, laying in the recliner, tears run down my face.  I feel genuinely sick to my stomach. Obviously I'm aware she has been cheating on me. Nothing was hidden. But to witness it myself.... I can't even explain the pain I'm feeling right now. 

"Nate..." 

"Yeah?"

"This is the last time we're doing this." 

As much as I want to believe that when I hear it, I can't. The hard lump is still stuck in my throat as they continue to have sex and finish.

"I'm always gonna love you, Nate." 

"I'm always gonna love you..."

And I wonder if any of this is worth fighting for now.