Tell Me How To Be In This World
These are the types of things Nate isn't cut out for. Sure, maybe in his early twenties, but not anymore.
And Julia.... Julia DEFINITELY isn't cut out for this. She can't handle it. How do I know? Because Nate called Paul to come over before having this conversation with Julia. He knew Julia would freak out. And she did. She was anything but calm.
I couldn't hack it, so I went down to the gym to work out. James should have just come down with me, but he was adamant about staying by Julia's side. Halfway through my workout, I see James and Casey pass by the door to take Maggie outside. I quickly hop off the elliptical and head outside for an update.
Casey walks Maggie up the road, but James sits on the bench in front of the building for fresh air.
"Hey James the Receptionist. Are you ok?" I sit down next to him and take his hand. He looks distraught. For good reason. He just shrugs. Sometimes I think he forgets he can talk. Either that or he can't think of the words he needs to say. "It's pretty bad up there, huh?"
James nods and rests the side of his head on my shoulder. It actually breaks my heart seeing James like this. I frown and tilt my head to rest on his.
"It's all fake. We've had to do it before." I say quietly, knowing we aren't in the apartment or the car. I leave out the fact that Nate ended up sleeping with Sophia during their PR stunt. I hope to God Julia never finds out that information. Nate has been with a ton of women. Having the money he has and the looks he has, women practically throw themselves at him. This is no different. The world's top model is infatuated with him, and it's well known. Nate is on edge, and I don't blame him.
We sit outside for a good fifteen minutes before Casey comes back with the dog.
"Alright, James. Wanna head up?"
"Yeah." He scruffs his dogs ears and then stands up.
"I'll grab my stuff and be up in a few minutes myself." I say, and we all head back inside. Once up at Nate's, I text him first even though we are in the same apartment. I don't want to knock on the door if he's trying to calm Julia down but want to check on him before heading home. I also need to make Nate aware that Richard texted me.
Once I get the ok to head in, it's the first thing I say to him.
"Richard just texted me." I whisper to make sure I don't wake the crazy up. She ripped through his room like an F5 level tornado.
Nate nods and shows me his phone. He received the same text from Richard. It starts tomorrow.
Nate drops his head on my shoulder, and I hold him as my best friend, the only man I care about so strongly ( sorry Paul) literally cries on my shoulder.
"How the hell am I gonna do this, Trish?"
*****
The ride home with Paul was silent. I'm not sure what happened in that room, but it was up to Paul to control Julia. Any other person, it would be no big deal, but I know for a fact this shit gets to Paul when it pertains to Julia. He pretty much told me so the time Julia renovated Nate's bathroom and Paul was stuck restraining her while Jonah pulled shards of glass out of her body.
"Sorry, Trish. I'm gonna need something stronger than beer tonight." Paul pulls into the local liquor store. This is probably against the rules being my bodyguard, but he's with me 24/7. Once we are home and the doors are locked, I know I'm safe. So if Paul wants to get hammered, so be it. I nod and wait in the car as he quickly runs in and out within five minutes.
"Whatever you don't drink, throw away, ok? I don't want that left in the house. That's all we need Nate to find." I say as Paul comes back. He nods, and we head home so he can get wasted. Once Paul does his job, checks to make sure the house is completely safe, we go in, and he locks the door behind him. He checks the entire house like he always does before he even thinks of drinking.
I pour him a glass of whiskey, and he leans against the kitchen counter and gulps it down in one shot.
"That bad, huh?" I refill his glass when he nods. I have a feeling tonight Paul will drink himself into a coma and pass out in bed, or tonight will be the night we have sex since we haven't since my miscarriage. I got the ok a few days ago, but we've been a little preoccupied and haven't done anything yet.
"She's not gonna do well with this." Paul grumbles and refills the glass again. "If Macy couldn't handle this shit, Julia sure as hell can't."
He's right. There's no way Julia's gonna do well with this if Mace couldn't handle it.
"Imagine what NATE must feel like. He's the one who has to physically do it."
Paul gives me an 'are you serious look.' "It's Mila Giovanni. I'm sure he'll be ok."
Maybe he doesn't know everything that happened. I'm not sure if I'm the one who should tell him what Mila did and to what extent so I say nothing to that and keep what I know to myself.
It takes four or so glasses for Paul to really feel the effects of the alcohol but when he does, I can tell by how glassy his eyes get.
"I need a shower." He grunt but takes my hand and the bottle of whiskey with him.
"God, you're just like Nate. You taking that in the shower with you too?"
"No ma'am.." Paul takes another swig of poison and puts it on the bathroom counter. "I'm taking you in the shower with me."
He slowly undresses me, kissing every inch of my body and then brings me right in to the shower with him. I hate to think of Nate during these moments, but I do, because Nate and I have taken SO many showers together.
I reach up and wash Paul's hair, his body, and he does the same for me. After today's shitshow of a day, we are both on edge and in need of a release. I have a feeling the whiskey is heightening that feeling for Paul by the way he can't seem to keep his hands off me. God, he's so sexy. He pulls my body flush against his and passionately kisses me. I didn't think I'd be ready after the miscarriage but I am more than ready tonight. I need this and from the looks of it, so doesn't Paul. Without missing a beat, he lifts me up holding the back of my thighs and leans me up against the shower wall.
"You'll let me know if you're not ok, right?" I know what he's saying, but I'm ready.
"Paul, I so fucking need this right now..." I don't even need to finish the thought. Once he hears that first half, he slams into me hard and doesn't stop. It's exactly what I needed. We go at it like animals and Paul uses every single muscle to make this encounter one I will NEVER forget.
I drag my nails down his back from the sensation, making him groan and go harder. He's rough but cautious, every so often looking at me to make sure I'm ok. I can only nod, breathless from what we are doing under the water.
"Damn it, Paul." I gasp. "You feel so good." I pull the back of his hair as I come and let out this explosive moan sending Paul over the edge, crashing into me with more force and speed. I'm usually not like this. I'm usually fairly quiet. I don't know what it is about Paul that brings this side out of me but he's enjoying every second of it.
"You ready?" He groans in my ear, letting me know he's almost there. I nod and orgasm again right when he releases all his tension into me. "Fuck.." He grumbles and drops his forehead to my shoulder while I hold him tight. I can feel his heart pounding. Paul looks right at me while pushing into me a few more times to ride it out. "We're good together."
I nod and smirk at him. "We really are."
*****
*James*
I wake up around 2 am. My nightmares are getting worse. All sorts of shit going through my head lately. I need to get back into counseling and grief therapy back to my regular routine of taking care of myself. Physically and mentally.
Maggie hops right up on my bed, sensing it, and I pet her for a while before Julia peeks her head in to check on me. She sees I'm awake and comes in, closing the door behind her. She climbs into my bed and under the covers.
"You never went to sleep?" Julia asks while she begins to pet my sleeping dog.
"I did. I had a PTSD thing."
"I'm sorry. How long has this been going on? Why did you never tell me you were still dealing with this?"
"You.. You have enough shit going on, babe."
There's no way I am bothering Julia with my issues. She has enough to deal with. She doesn't need to carry my burden. I can carry it myself. But Julia feels bad and throws her arms around me, holding me tight. Of course, I welcome the embrace and pull her in close.
This is the first time we've been alone. No one is chaperoning us. What's going to happen is inevitable. Unavoidable. Certain to happen now. Julia needs to accept this reality. Because this is how it's supposed to be, and she knows it. She feels it. She kisses me first, and I waste no time. We make out in my bed even with Casey sleeping on the other side of the room. Julia shuts the light off for me, and our eyes adjust quickly.
I'm already sitting upright, leaning against the headboard of the bed, when Julia straddles my lap without breaking our kissing. She's literally only wearing a long T-shirt and underwear, and I'm in my boxers. So when I harden, the first thing my body does is tick my hips up to feel more, driving Julia to kiss me more feverishly.
Julia is bold. She feels something, and she goes with it, and she is certainly feeling something right now as she pushes her underwear to the side so I can enter her. She lifts herself up and sits down on me, so I'm fully rooted in her, making her break our kiss for the first time and gasp from the sensation. I'm feeling the same sensation and it's fucking strong as hell right now as we have sex.
"Oh my god. Do you feel that?" Julia gasps and begins to move faster, needing more.
"Yeah." I gasp myself and hold her body tight against mine while our hips are moving. She's already getting me close and that's not what usually happens. Whatever this feeling is...it's real. Undeniable. "Keep going, babe. Fuck." I groan in her ear so only she can hear me.
"Why... why does this feel so good?" I look at her tortured face knowing she is thinking and feeling the same thing I am. We aren't doing anything we haven't done, aren't in some new position.. but the feeling is overwhelming.
"I'm not sure." She answers breathlessly right before she puts her hands on my face and kisses me. I can't take this slowness anymore, the buildup becoming painfully strong, so I start thrusting up into her fast, making her thighs shake by hitting her deep. Julia presses her mouth against my shoulder to muffle her moans.
I can feel her pulsating around me and then she jolts forward against me, drops her head to my neck and lets her orgasm rush through her body. Her high is so intense it brings me closer to my own.
"Oh God. I'm gonna..." I can't even finish my sentence. I close my eyes and drop my head back while pounding up into her body. The aching is so strong Julia orgasms again. The need to feel this is indescribable, like our body couldn't handle the strain of not being near each other, so when we were finally reconnected the rush was a shockwave felt through every muscle and every nerve.
Less than a minute later I hit my high, letting out a suppressed groan as my body shudders from such a strong orgasm. It sends us both over the edge like fireworks went off inside.
Nether of us sure why this specific event and build up was so strong but it was unbearable until we finally reached orgasm. We both ride it out and I drop my head to her shoulder. She had to have felt that. She can't pretend anymore.
Whatever that was... there are no words. I gaze at Julia with a bit of confusion to what we both felt. It felt real. It felt forever.
"I know..." She nods. "I felt it too." Oh thank God. She at least admits to it.
"Julia."
"James.....Please don't say it." A tear falls down her face. She knows.
"Jul-" I try to talk again but she cuts me off. She's not accepting it.
"Please don't." She cries.
"Because I'm right. You can't deny it. This. Us. You felt it. I know you did."
She nods. Because she feels the truth. It felt right. It felt forever. Julia keeps trying to ignore all the signs. All the little moments like these. The moments when you both feel complete. Like one person. Like there's no question you're supposed to be together. We both felt it at the same time. And this isn't the first time it's happened with her and she knows it. Yet, she continues to try to ignore it, deny it but it's getting harder to pretend. James and Julia. It's real. Why does she fight it? She knows I'm good for her and she's good for me.
But Julia is Julia. She's stubborn. She doesn't give in to our reality. So she cries in my arms. And I cry. Because every time she denies me and chooses Nate, she breaks my heart a little more.
*****
*Trisha*
I'm nervous for Nate. Overly nervous. It's not often I get like this but now that I'm no longer pregnant, I take one half of an anxiety pill to calm my nerves. I feel awful for Nate. He shouldn't have to sell himself short like this. He has so much talent, a huge fanbase....he doesn't need to do things like this. He already has made a name for himself. But management looks at Nate only to profit off him. They don't care about feelings. They care about money. And Nate Hollan is money.
We wait in the studio for everyone to come in. This is where we are gonna go over everything in detail about this fake PR Stunt. Everyone comes in at once. Managers, producers, publicists, everyone. This is a big deal. This is money.
"Ciao Nate." Mila greets Nate with a kiss on both cheeks before she sits down. She looks like she just came off a photo shoot. Her hair and make-up done perfectly. She's wearing a deep red sundress with strappy heels. She sits down right next to Nate on the couch and crosses her long legs. Everyone finds a seat. Some having to sit on folding chairs with their tablets or laptops. Mila's translator sits on the other side of her ready to work.
"So here's the plan." As always Richard gets right down to it. I sit at the table with Mila's personal assistant, both with our laptops open ready to take notes and dates. The translator echoes in the background everything being said for Mila to understand and respond.
"We start today. Right when you walk out of this room."
"Iniziamo oggi?" Mila raises her eyebrows.
"Yes, today." Richard responds after the translator translates. "You two will get into Nate's Mercedes and go sit down at Starbucks. It will be busy."
"Voi due salirete sulla Mercedes di Nate e andrete a sedervi da Starbucks. Sara occupato." The woman translates. Mila nods and Nate glances at me. His face pales. He shouldn't have to do this shit!
"Make a scene. Hold hands. Smile at each other. Kiss. Make out for all I care. We need it to go public before the interviews begin."
"Fare una scena. Tenersi per mano. Sorridetevi a vicenda. Bacio. Fare per quello che mi interessa. Abbiamo biosgno che venga reso pubblico prima che inizino le interviste."
"What? No. I'm not kissing Mila. Come on. You know I'm in a relationship, Richard." Nate scowls. Shit, Nate. Shut up! He knows he needs to hold his tongue around these people.
"Che cosa? Non sto vaciando Mila. Dai. Sai che ho uno relazione, Richard." The translator repeats and Mila furrows her brows.
"Aww, Nate. It just pretend. Acting. You know? Like... eh.. Movie." Mila laughs and kisses Nate's cheek but he flinches and backs away.
"That. That right there can't happen. Nate. You need to sell it. You've done this before."
"Yeah, not by choice! You see the bind this puts me in with Julia??" He stands up and begins to pace. Shit. Sit the hell down. I give him a look to remind him who he is, where he is, and how he can NOT freak out in this room full of people. He gets exactly what I'm saying and sits right the hell back down.
Thank God I took a fucking pill.
"Quello. Proprio li non puo sucedere. Nate. Devi venderlo. lhai gia fatto prima." The woman pauses to translate my abrupt outburst. " Si, non per scelta! Vedi il legame che questo mi mette con Julia??"
"Right now, you are not with Julia. In public, you are with Mila, not Julia."
"In questo memento non sei con Julia. In pubblico sei con Mila, non con Julia."
"Sono disposto a fare tutto il necessario per assicurarti che il video musicale sia un successo, signore." Mila smiles at Richard.
"She said "I'm willing to do whatever you need to make sure the music video is a success, sir.'" The woman translates.
"I'm sure you are. Richard, I can't even fucking understand her. Is her translator gonna follow us around too? Do you see how ridiculous this is?" Nate pinches the tension at the bridge of his nose and the room goes silent, putting everyone on edge.
"Sono sicuro che lo sei. Richard, non riesco nemmeno a capirla, cazzo. Anche il suo traduttore ci seguira in giro? Vedi quanto e ridicolo?"
"Non abbiamo bisogno di parlare, Nate. Facciamo finta che siamo una coppia."
"We don't need to talk, Nate. Just pretend we are a couple."
"Great. This is just fucking great." Nate glares at Richard.
"Grande. Questo e semplicemente fantastico... "
"He said 'great' not 'awesome'" I correct the translator bluntly.
"See? Trisha can understand. You'll learn Nate. You'll figure it out. Get it done. Starting right now. Mila, as always. It's a pleasure." With that, Richard and his minions stand and exit, forgetting to take Mila and her fucking translator with them.
"You have a bodyguard, correct?" Richard asks before shutting the door. "Hire him. He goes wherever you two go. Make this work, Hollan."
Mila's translator translates everything and I'm already on the phone with Paul who is now double booked. Within twenty minutes Paul is in the room ready to follow us.
"How's Julia?" Nate asks. He didn't leave things well at all. He left Julia at home crying to the point Nate got all worked up and vomited in the garage trash bin. We had to go to my place so he could brush his teeth and use mouthwash before the meeting. My heart breaks for him. Again, he shouldn't' have to do this PR shit.
Paul just shakes his head without muttering a word. It's bad.
"We eh. We start now, eh?" Mila asks in broken English.
I begin to feel sick to my stomach. We all know what Mila means. Her and Nate have to practice being a couple until they are completely comfortable with each other. Until it's believable. They can't slip up. Nate can't flinch. They can't leave this room until they have so many make out sessions they can sell it to anyone and everyone watching. I've had to witness this before, so hasn't Paul. It's hard to watch...especially when it's your friend who has to go through it and be used like this for money. Especially when you can clearly tell he is uncomfortable.
But this is his career and it's on the line if he fucks up.
Both me and Paul turn away to give them privacy while they practically fuck each other with their eyes and suck each other's faces until they look like they've been together for years. Mila Giovanni is just loving this. They stand up and kiss. Back away. Do it again. Over and over again until Nate stops holding back and becomes more comfortable. Because Mila is already 100% on board. Nate needed more work. But he got there. A fucking erection and all. At one point, I saw him be the one to lean into Mila, grab her face and kiss her passionately. It actually gave me an uneasy feeling in my stomach watching him do that with her.
By the end it looks fucking real......and feels real to all of us watching it play out.
I think it's starting to feel real for Nate too.
*****
*James*
Poor Julia is driving herself crazy, sitting in the living room on her phone. Of course, it wouldn't take long for things to fucking blow up all over the internet.
Photos of Nate and Mila at Starbucks sitting in a booth together kissing. Sources say Julia is now out of the picture and Nate has moved on. That the Heartbreak Hotel music video did indeed spark a romance and they have been dating since, now public with their relationship.
Julia was ok with the pictures at first but then when someone posted an actual video of Nate and Mila making out, her face paled. It got to her. She begins to cry.
"Put the phone down, Julia. Come eat breakfast." Jonah demands and takes her phone away.
"I'm not hungry." She refuses to eat and lays down on the couch. She turns on the tv and it's everywhere.
"Shit."
"Guys, shut it off." I come out of the bathroom and watch the video as well then forcefully grab the remote out of Julia's hand and fumble. I can't fucking turn the damn TV off. Jonah takes over and does it for me.
Julia is ready to shut down. She turns to face the inside of the couch and pulls the blanket right over her body. She can't d this alone.
"Scootch." I move her in a little so I can fit and we are both facing the same direction. I wrap my arms around her and keep my mouth close to her ear. I close my eyes and begin to pray for Julia. Not just for Julia...for Nate. For Mila. For peace and comfort and the ability to only do what is absolutely necessary to get this job done.
We live in an awful world. A materialistic, greedy, money hungry world that makes people not care about anything but the paycheck. Unfortunately, that's Nate's world. It's part of the job. But is it worth it? Morally? Emotionally? No. Of course not. I think of a Bible verse I keep close to my heart. It's actually written in the details on my back tattoo but you would really have to be searching for it to find it.
1 Timothy 6 says "But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs."
I see this way too often in people close to me. Whether Nate likes it or not, I consider him a friend. I pray for him, for his management, for Trisha... his entire team. His world is so warped and he tends to forget what's really important in life. I pray this PR stunt doesn't break Nate to pieces but he's walking a fine line.
"I need you to be in 'friend mode' for me right now, James. Can you do that?" Julia looks at me and I nod. Of course I can. That's how we started this whole relationship. I will always be Julia's friend.
"I don't know how to do this. I don't think I'm strong enough to be with someone that has to do these things." She cries and drops her head to my chest.
"You're stronger than you think, babe. It's just acting. You know that and Nate knows that. He's in love with you. Only you."
I sigh because it's true.
*****
*Trisha*
Nate and Mila got a lot of attention today. Richard will be happy. But I can see it in Nate's eyes. He feels used. All for money. Richard doesn't care how this would make Nate feel or how it would affect his life. He cares about dollar signs. That is it.
We all pile in to Ren's SUV. Reporters have kept Paul busy and on edge and we have to fight them off to get into the tinted windowed vehicle.
"This is ridiculous." Nate blurts out, now that we are safely in the car.
"You sure do draw in media attention fast, Nate. That took all of twenty seconds after you two sat down for reporters to start showing up." I shake my head as we all scroll through our phones. Yep. It's everywhere. Videos and all. This is awful. What kind of world do we live in! And the comments. Even from other celebrities, happy to see this new relationship.
"Abbiamo finito per oggi?"
"Are we done for today?" The woman translates. I think her name is Rosa but I'm not positive. For now, we are gonna call her Rosa.
"Yeah. I'm taking you back to your hotel."
"Dovrai accompagnarmi per farrlo sembrare reale."
"You will have to walk me in to make it look real."
Of course he does. "You know this is fake, Mila.."
"Sai che questa e una falsa Mila." She nods when her translator tells her. Ren drives us up to her hotel. Paul escorts them in and within ten minutes they are back in the SUV.
Nate stays quiet most of the ride. This really bothered him.
"One of James's sisters called him about the news. I think it was Kendall. He knew to pretend that its real." I break the silence when I read Jonah's text. James doesn't have the coordination to message yet so he tells Jonah what to say and he texts. I didn't even think of his sisters. He has to lie to them. To everyone. Nate nods but he says nothing, still staring out the window.
"You ok, Nate?" I ask.
"What do you think?" He snaps at me. I feel my face redden. I can handle Nate when he gets like this but it still hurts. Paul notices right away and lightens things up.
"Trisha. You know a little Italian, right? Translate this. Hai una guardia del corpo sexy." Paul demands and I start laughing.
"She thinks you're sexy Paulie."
"Drop them off first, Ren." Nate rolls his eyes.
*****
No sooner do we get home does Nate call needing me back at the house. This happens all the time. When you are part of The Nate Hollan team you are on call all the time. We head back over and I'm glad he wanted me for this one because he was about to call Richard and give him some attitude when the subject of tour came up between him and Julia. I talked him off the ledge so he is going to call Elliott and see what his thoughts are.
We're outside on the balcony and Nate is pacing like he always does. He puts Elliott on speaker so I am part of the conversation.
"What does this mean for my tour?" Nate asks.
"Depends on sales. On a lot of things. Mila may be able to go on tour with you."
"I don't WANT her to go with me. That's the issue Elliott. I'm taking Julia. We already have it planned. I fucking proposed to her!"
The line falls silent.
"NATE!!" I jump up. What the hell is he doing?!! Was this a slip up? On purpose? I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna fucking kill him!!
It was a slip up. I can tell by the way he drops his head regretting it immediately.
"Nate, please tell me you are joking." Elliott responds nervously and now I'm the one pacing. I don't know how to fix this one. This is a big one. I'm always cleaning up Nate's shit! He really fucked up.
And Nate being Nate- He doesn't hang up on Elliott. No, nothing can be that easy. Instead he winds up and chucks his phone right over the balcony, using all his strength.
"FUCK!!"
This outburst doesn't surprise me. Nate is always doing shit like this. That's why I already have another cell phone for him purchased at home. Because this is a common thing.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?! I can't believe you just did that!" I yell at him.
"I'll buy another."
"Not THAT fuckhead. Telling Elliott!!!"
Now I have to drag Paul out to clean up Nate's mess. I go back home, open, set up and charge the new phone for Nate. Then I meet up with Elliott at the Cafe to smooth things over. I literally beg him to tell no one. Then pretty much threaten him, reminding him who signs his checks and whatever happens to Nate happens to us all. It's like dominos.
There's nothing more I can do so we pick up a few pizzas to bring back to Nate's for everyone.
******
*James*
We need to talk about last night. This discussion has to happen because Julia is in denial. She needs to hear this. She needs to be more grounded.
"Can we talk about last night?" I sit on the chair next to Julia in Nate's obnoxiously big bedroom.
"What mode are we in right now, James? Friend mode?"
"I don't know. I don't care. Listen, Julia. We can play make-believe all day long. That's fucking fine." I start with a bang. "I'm just gonna say it. Maybe this Mila thing is a blessing in disguise."
"What?"
"Julia. You can't go on tour. You need stability. I think you're kidding yourself here. I think.....the only reason why you're not with me is because you're afraid I can't handle you. And maybe I can't. Maybe that's something that comes with time. Something I need to learn. But that's not enough. It's not enough to pretend that I'm not the right person for you. It just isn't."
I take both her hands in mine and look at her with empathy, knowing my next sentence will sting a little. Still, it needs to be said...
"Just being honest, babe. Mila is better for Nate."
She stares at me in disbelief.
"Fuck you, James."
Yeah I had a feeling she'd say that. She tries to stand to run away and dodge the conversation but I grab her hand and sit her down. Time to adult. No more running.
"I'm not done." I say calmly. "Look at them. Look at US Julia. They live the same life. In the spotlight. It's a completely different world that they live in. You know this. You're trying to live in Nate's world and it's not gonna work for you. Julia. Did Nate even ask you what YOU want? Has he ever said "Would you like to go on tour with me?" Or does he just assume and you go along with it because you can't make fucking decisions? Did he just say I'm gonna marry you. You're coming on tour with me. Without a thought. Without asking you if that's the life you wanted. Has he ever explained how he would make it work? How you would fit into his tour life? Or does Nate just say 'we'll figure it out'...."
I watch her face change.
"Babe, you fit into my world. You don't even have to try. It just works. It's easy. Less stress. You need routine. People like Nate and Mila.... they thrive off of chaos. It's just how they are wired. You were never supposed to be with Nate. You're trying to make something work that will never work. You and Nate will never work."
"Again. Fuck you, James." Julia storms out of the room. We didn't even have a fight. It was a calm conversation. She can't be mad at me for that. And she isn't mad AT me. I can tell. She's mad at the truth and hearing it.
*****
*Trisha*
Something happened between James and Julia. Something was said. Julia is suddenly acting different. Whatever she is thinking about is consuming all her thoughts.
"Jules... which one?" Nate stares at her waiting for an answer.
"Which one what? Sorry." She looks at him dumfounded.
"Cheese or pepperoni. Pizza. Which one?"
I picked up a few pizzas for dinner and am asking Julia what kind she wants. But Julia is completely zoned out.
"Oh. Uh. Whatever is fine." She gets up and goes out to the balcony.
"Is she ok???" I look at Nate who just shrugs, grabs some pizza and follows Julia out.
"James.... what did you do?" I look at him teasingly and he inhales sharply.
"I told her what she needs to hear."
"Which is..."
"Reality." He tells everyone the conversation he had with Julia.
"It's about TIME someone tells her this shit! She's not gonna do well on tour with Nate. That world.... it's not for her. Her and Nate... oil and water." I say and we agree on that but I can tell Jonah doesn't want to be part of this conversation. He's been team Nate all along. They are good friends. I don't blame him for not joining in but can tell he agrees.
We stop talking when we hear Nate and Julia fighting. Again.
"I'll never fit in your world." Julia walks back in, grabs the keys and storms into the elevator quickly.
"Julia! Where the hell are you going? Julia!" Jonah is the one to yell for her but the doors close and we all stand around, stunned.
"What the hell is going on around here today!" Jonah glares at Nate now as he comes in from the balcony.
"Where's Julia??" Nate looks around the room.
"She just left!"
"What? Where?" He grabs his keys and follows Julia's path, slamming the elevator button a few times. "Cmon, cmon, cmon you stupid thing."
Then James leaves.
*****
*James*
"I'm going with you." I invite myself into Nates car without asking.
"You shitting me right now? This isn't a field trip Gallo. What the hell did you say to her!! Where the hell would she go?"
"I don't know. Su- Sully's. Or. Griffith Park." I stammer.
"Well I can't fucking go into the bar."
***
We drive around for awhile. I go into the bar. We drive around Griffith Park, even go to the Marriott. No sign of Julia.
"Where the fuck would she go? And how are you so calm right now?" Nate looks at me keeping my cool while he spirals out off control. Then I remember something.....
"My house." I nod. "She... Try my house. She's at my house."
We drive over to my house and the Jeep is in the driveway. I knew it.
"How did you know she'd be here?"
"This is where she went. We've done this same thing before to her." The day she told me she loved me.
"Why is everyone talking in circles today? James. Spill it." Nate parks the car but waits for me to talk.
"We did this before. We confused her. This exact same thing to her."
***
I knock on the door.
"You ready? Are you ok?"
She opens the door all the way so I can see Nate sitting on the couch, equally distraught.
"You know what?!" She spins around to the counter and grabs her keys. "Why don't YOU both talk and decide for me. OK?! Because apparently no one in this fucking room seems to know what to do anymore. Once you two figure it out, let me know." Julia pushes past me and storms out of the room.
"Julia!" We both call out in unison and both freeze, realizing we said it at the same time.
***
I remind Nate of the day at the Marriott. Right before everything went downhill. Heart attacks, detox, media, Avalon... Julia drove to my house.
"This doesn't make sense. She's already with me. There's nothing to figure out."
"James..."
"Nate."
"What did you say to Julia?"
I don't answer him. There's no reason to. Not right now. I fumble to get out of the car and Nate follows me into my house. I know right where Julia will be.
I walk straight to the backyard. There she is. Curled up in her ball with a blanket around her on the patio couch. Asleep. Her eyes and lips are swollen. She cried herself to sleep here.
We both drop our shoulders at the sight of Julia.
"We are tearing her to pieces." Nate mumbles and I agree. He scoops sleeping Julia up into his arms.
All this back and forth. It's killing her. Julia can't make the decision. She never could. It needs to be made for her but neither me nor Nate are willing to give up our spot for the other person. Instead, Julia bounces back and forth and drives herself crazy while doing so. This isn't a game. It's not some competition.
This is a person's life.
Both Nate and I agree- Julia is so lost right now.
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