* James*

I wake up to Julia holding my arm that's draped over her. Her heart is so fast already.

"I can feel your heart pounding hard already, babe. You always wake up this anxious?" I mumble.

"Apparently."

I pull her in closer, and she holds on to my arm tighter.

"Mmmm. What's going on in that head of yours already? It's early." I ask, but she doesn't answer. "Hey..."

"Nothing. Go back to sleep." 

I lift my head up and rest my chin in the crook of her neck.  I know what she wants today. I feel like I'm losing her already.

"You want me to tell Paul to bring you to see Nate later? It's ok, Julia." I sigh.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I pick up my phone to look at the time.  "I'll make you breakfast before you go." I sigh and get out of bed.

I head downstairs and get the coffee going first. then start breakfast. Paul is in the living room scrolling through his phone. I wonder if he even slept last night. I wonder if Trisha got any sleep last night.

*****

*Trisha*

I cried myself to sleep in Nate's bed. Once I woke up and realized it this morning, I sat up. I need to be strong. I make his bed and leave his apartment to go home and get changed

I don't bother dressing up. I'm going to the fucking hospital to see my best friend.  Once home I shower and throw on a black and white Reebok T- shirt, jeans and sneakers, and put my hair up in a ponytail.

I head to the hospital, get through the zoo of a crowd at the front entrance and through security. Before I go in Nate's room I take a deep breath. Don't let him see me being weak. Act fucking normal Trisha. I get an update from the nurse before I open the door.

"How'd it go with Mommy Dearest?" I plop down in the open seat and scroll through my phone.

"Same as always. I don't even know why she came. She just ended up getting kicked out and now's on the list of people who can't visit." Nate sits up a little. I raise my eyebrows at that news.

"Did security do that or you?" I lean over and fix his hair a little, pushing a few locks away from his forehead. He looks like a child right now. My heart breaks seeing him like this.

"Me."

"Good for you, Nate. She looks like she's still using, huh..." 

"I talked to the nurse out there and asked a shitload of questions." I give up on his hair and lean back in the uncomfortable chair.

"I'm sure you did." 

"Do you think we should book a flight for Julia to go home? Just until this dies down and we know what's gonna happen next?"

"What?! NO!"  Nate pushes his breakfast tray off to the side. "Did NBC say anything? What did Richard say??" His monitor beeps and I mute it quickly after seeing the numbers on the machine rise. I put my phone down and look at Nate.

"That's why, Nate. Right there. Those numbers are no good. You know this by now. The nurse said you need to cut out as much stress as you can, and you already have by taking care of Rita so she can't come back. I think Julia should go home until this all blows over. It's just another stressor."

"It? You mean She...." He glares at me. "You think she's a stressor. She's not, Trish. Julia didn't cause this. My fucking drinking did."

"Don't get all irritated. It was just a suggestion. I never said SHE was a stressor, but this whole situation ... Jesus, Nate, I saw the way you guys fought the other day. It was intense. And after, you said it's always like that." I lean in and put a hand on Nate's chest. "This heart of yours can't take 'intense' right now. I want many more years of annoying the hell out of you."

He lays his hand on top of mine. "Trisha. I'm fine. This is a minor glitch. That's all."

"Just think about it, ok? If you come to your senses and change your mind, I can book a flight for her."

"It's not happening."

I roll my eyes at him and look at his tray of food.

"What the hell is this shit, anyways?"  I look at the slop they are feeding him. He's not fucking 80. He has all his teeth. "They know you already eat healthy, right? Is this just punishment for the crowd outside?"

Nate shrugs and stirs the oatmeal with a disgusted look on his face. "I'm not hungry anyway."

"I'll go get you real food." I stand up and push the tray back to the side. "Want a coffee too?"

"They said no caffeine." 

"Shit, Playboy, how you gonna function? I'll be back with REAL breakfast." I stand up and head out. At least this will give me something to do, and he needs a regular breakfast. Not this shit!

*****

*James*

Once I make breakfast, I go upstairs. There's Julia, in the den, torturing herself watching the news.

"Hey, you hungry yet?" 

"I hate this. Nate should be able to have a fucking heart attack without the world knowing!!"

"Seriously..." I stand next to her and also watch for a moment. "At least they're taking the necessary precautions with those gates and security."

The reporters are pretty much repeating everything from yesterday since there's nothing to talk about today. I take the remote out of Julia's hand and shut off the TV.

"Cmon. Let's go eat."

*****

"So, I have to work tonight. I couldn't find coverage for my shift. You and Paul will get dropped off at the hotel when you're done at the hospital, ok?" I feel bad that I couldn't get the night off, but Cheryl already did me a favor covering last night's shift.  I start filling the sink to wash the dishes from breakfast. These are the times I wish I had a dishwasher Every time I save up for one, something comes up. This time is my dead washing machine that needs to get fixed.

"I can do that, James. You cooked. I'll clean up." Julia pushes me away and I welcome he break from this specific chore. "Visiting hours aren't for another hour anyways."

"Be my guest." I sit back down at the island with my coffee. "You didn't have a bad dream last night."

"Nope. I slept fine." 

"You hog all the blankets though, you know that?" I smirk.

"So I've been told." 

"You're thinking about something aren't you. I can see that brain working overtime in that little head of yours." I rock my char back while talking. Ma always yelled at me for doing this but I have yet to crack my head open.

"I'm thinking of a lot of things." 

"You know they have daily meds for that shit, right?"

"James. You're going into Fix Me mode..." Julia turns around swiftly and gives me a look.

"Sorry."

"I don't need meds, What I need is to figure out what the hell I'm doing." She shuts the water off and walks out of the room. 

Shit.

Apparently, I hit a nerve. I can never tell with Julia. She's all over the place. I let out a breath and go upstairs to check on her. She's in a cleaning frenzy trying to keep herself busy.

"Babe, leave it."  I take the aftershave out of her hand and put both my hands on her shoulders. "You're driving yourself crazy."

"Everyone's always trying to fix me. Luke, Nate, now you too? I need you to be James for me. The James that listens and makes me laugh. The James that makes me feel happy. Not "Fix it" James. Don't you get it?? It's not worth it! Don't waste your time."

"What I get is ... I think you're letting yourself fall into this hole of depression. You're throwing in the towel, Julia. I'm not ok with that. I told you I'll be whatever you need me to be, and do whatever you need me to do, but you need to want it for yourself too. Put the effort in. It's hard but it's worth it." I hug her tight. "If you're not gonna fucking do it for me, do it for Nate."

I know my words cut into her a little, but this is getting out of hand. Either you want to change yourself and your way of thinking, or you don't.  Depression is one thing. Self-pity is another, and it doesn't work for me.

"I'm trying. I could really use my "friend" James right now. Not fixer James. James who I can talk to without him trying to solve my problems."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I'm just so tired. Mentally exhausted right now. That's all."

"Do you want to go back to sleep for a while and go to the hospital this afternoon?" 

Julia nods and climbs back into bed. I stand in the doorway for a minute and watch her. Is this her shutting down like Nate warned me when they got back from Boston? Is this what I should be watching for? I can't tell but now I'm on edge as she falls asleep quickly. I feel like she's going downhill fast on me.

*****

*Trisha*

I go back to the hospital, jump through all the hoops to get up to Nate's room and bring him breakfast. A bacon egg and cheese on an English muffin, a smoothie and a fruit salad. I also ran back to his house to pack a small bag of clothes for him in case he wants to get changed out of the hospital gurney. 

"You're a lifesaver." Nate sits up more while the nurse is taking his vitals. She quickly jots down shit and leaves the room without saying a word.

"Everyone here this friendly??" I resume my designated seat next to Nate and hand him his food. "Jesus."

"I think all the staff is pissed off that it's me in this bed. I guess it's a circus out there?" Nate asks. He has no idea!

"It's a shit show. There's not enough security for someone of your stature. It's like the fucking president of the United States is here or something." I smirk at him knowing that gave him a big head.

"Did you sleep last night?" Nate asks, showing at least a little concern for me over Julia this morning. I laugh a little to myself. Do I be honest with him or sugar coat shit. "What's so funny over there."

I let out a sigh. "I had a little bit of a nervous breakdown.... in your bed... on your pillow." I confess.

"Trish......" Nate pushes the food away and leans over to take my hand. "I'm fine."

"It was just scary yesterday. That's all. I don't even know why I went to your place. But like a fucking stalker, I laid on your bed, sniffed your pillow and lost it. " I look away now embarrassed, and Nate laughs.

"You're creepy, you know that Banks?" Nate teases me, but I shake my head, and tears come rolling down my face. Shit. "Hey... hey, Trisha...cmere." He pats the free space on his bed, and I sit there. Nate sits up more and wraps his arm around my waist when I face him.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to be badass strong Trisha but yesterday was fucked up. All of yesterday was fucked up. It's all so overwhelming." I wipe my face and look at Nate.

"It was. I'm sorry. For everything. You shouldn't have to be the one to deal with any of this.  But look at me. I'm ok. And that shit with the media. That will all blow over eventually. Ok? You don't even have to answer your phone if you don't want. If Richard or Elliott need info they can come directly to me. I want Trisha my best right right now. Not Trisha that works for me. You are off duty for awhile ok, love?"

I nod, try to pull myself together and sit back in the chair next to Nate.  I'm not usually this emotional, but yesterday scared the fuck out of me and I feel so alone in this. The only person I have to talk to right now is James and I have a feeling he's gonna have his hands full with Julia.  It's usually Nate that I talk to. But it's Nate that I'm worried about and he doesn't want to hear it. He thinks he's fine. Those numbers I watch fluctuate...that's not fine. They aren't good at all. 

I watch Nate eat and then start to fall asleep. He looks exhausted. The nurses were probably in and out of his room all night long preventing him from getting into a deep sleep. That and his body is working overtime right now trying to heal that broken heart of his.  I watch him sleep and wonder how much of this is from genetics with his dad, the stress...... or if drinking played a part in it. 

I pick up my phone and start googling shit up. Probably not the best idea in the world. But Nate eats very healthy for the most part, works out all the time, so it has to be stress, genetics or his alcohol problem.

Whether Nate wants to admit it or not... He has an addiction to alcohol.  

I spend a half hour scaring the shit out of myself reading article after article online on the effects of alcoholism. It one hundred percent can mess with your heart. Nate didn't have a chance in hell with the stress he's under just being Nate Hollan, never mind his dad dying at such a young age from a heart attack.  

God, the drinking just guarantees him an early grave if he keeps this up.

*****

*James*

I start feeling restless. It's almost 1pm and Julia is still sleeping. Which is fine. She's probably exhausted, but I kinda wanted to spend time with her before I have to go to work and if she wants to go to the Hospital to see Nate, then I'm running out of time for her to see me. I hate that there's this unspoken competition between me and a guy in a hospital bed right now. I don't want it to be like this. I feel bad for Nate. I do. But I also feel like this is a losing battle for me now.

"Hey. Nate is texting me. He wants to know if Julia slept last night." Paul reads from his phone while I sit on the chair bouncing me knee and looking at the time frequently.

"Last night? Yeah, she said she slept fine." I give Paul a curious look and watch him respond to Nate. Next thing I know Paul's phone goes off.

"Nate. What's up?" He sits up in his chair and I do as well, wondering what the issue is. Paul looks at me and lifts his phone. "He wants to talk to you."

"Me?" I raise an eyebrow and get up to take Paul's phone.

"Yeah. How you feeling?" I ask.

"I need you to do me a favor, Gallo" Nate says on the other line.

"What's up?"

"Julia's still sleeping right?"  He asks and before get a chance to respond he continues. James, where's her overnight bag?"

"Why what's going on?" I'm starting to get uncomfortable with this conversation.

"You need to go through it and see if there's a prescription bottle of Ativan in there." I hear a monitor go off in the background while Nate talks.

"I'm not going through her stuff, Nate." I frown like the guy can even see me or something.

"You fucking love her, right? Just as much as I do. Go through her bag. Please. I need to know."

What the hell is going on? I quickly go up the stairs and see Julia's backpack. Shit. The guy wants me to go through her stuff?? This isn't right.  But I quietly unzip the bag and rummage through it. Wrapped up in her T-shirt is a pill bottle. I suddenly feel lightheaded when I read the description. 

She lied to me.

She told me she doesn't take this shit anymore. She fucking hid it. Purposely wrapped it up in her clothing. 

I feel like I'm gonna fucking puke holding on to this bottle of pills.

"Gallo...?"  I forget I'm on the phone with Nate for a second.

"Fuck."

"Just put it back how you found it and check on her. Text me back." 

I don't think I can handle this. The first thing I do is drop to my knees and take Julia's hand. I pray for her. I fucking pray so hard.  then I hold on to her wrist and feel her pulse. It's at a normal rate...not slow...not fast. Which is a good sign.

"May I help you?" Julia buries her head in the pillow feeling me hold on to her wrist.

"Just checking to make sure you still have a pulse." I laugh but it comes out fake and she can tell.

"Ha.Ha. Very funny. What time is it?"

"Around one. C'mon. You wanted to go visit Nate, right? Let's head out." I say dryly. I walk away and text Nate back on Paul's phone real quick while she gets herself ready.

[She's fine.   She just woke up. Should I be concerned about this?] I message back on Paul's phone.

[Yes]

It's the only response I get. I hand Paul is phone back and drag my hands down my face.  I walk to the kitchen and grab Julia a bottle of water in hopes she'll flush that shit out of her system.

"I'm ready when you guys are. Sorry I overslept." She walks down the stairs, and I say nothing, just hand her the water. "You good???"

"Yeah. You?" I can't seem to make eye contact. I can't fucking believe she lied to me.

"I'm fine." She heads towards the front door. Nate's driver has already pulled up in the dark tinted SUV and Paul waits patiently outside now.

"Do you want me to go with you or stay behind? I'll do whatever you need. Either way, you're stuck with Paul."

"No, you don't have to. I'll see you back at the hotel later."

I swallow hard and step in close. I look down at Julia and put my hand on her cheek.

 "You sure you're good?" I ask.

"As good as can be expected."

"Can we be out of 'friend mode' for two seconds?' My thumb rubs her cheek as I wait for her answer. She nods and focuses on my lips. Both my hands are on her face now and I lean in and kiss her.  We kiss until Julia  breaks away, knowing I never will. I hug her tight. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't. I'm fine. I'm doing whatever I can to not let the media shit get to me. I should go check on Nate though." She pulls away and pecks my cheek. "Friend Mode back on."

I nod and open the door for Julia. I watch Paul escort her in and they drive off. I stand there, in my doorway, wondering what the hell I'm gonna do now.

******

*Trisha*

Apparently, I nodded off myself while Nate slept because I woke up in the uncomfortable chair with my head resting on the wall next to me. Nate is showered and in the clothes I brought back for him. His green Nike-Tshirt and black shorts. He looks much more like himself now.

"Well look who's awake." He smirks. I stretch out my arms and yawn right as there's a knock on the door.

"Probably Paul and Julia." Nate says and I slowly get out of the chair to answer the door.

"You look like shit." I look Julia over when she comes in. She looks like she took too many sleeping pills or something.  She just responds by giving me a sarcastic look.

"Thanks?"  Julia switches places with me and I nod to Nate and leave. I lean on the door once it's shut and close my eyes for a second, forgetting Paul is sitting next to the door guarding it.

"How you holding up, Banks."

I look over and make eye contact with the bodyguard. I huff and take a deep breath.

"Everything about that girl screams stress." I admit, unsure if that was something I should have said out loud or kept to myself. But then Paul laughs a little and nods.

"You're not wrong there." He admits and goes back to reading his magazine.

*******