"Sorry it took so long, I had to turn around and get a suture kit." Jonah takes over completely now, knowing just what to do. "You really should be in a hospital setting."

"I don't fucking pay you for me to be in a hospital setting." Nate says in pain.

Both Julia and I back away to give Jonah plenty of room to do what he needs to do.

"You really like to make every day an adventure, Mr. Hollan." Jonah opens up a black bag and I see a full bottle of Ativan. He opens the bottle and takes one of the small pills for Nate to put under his tongue.

I notice Julia staring at the black back and my eyes dart from Julia to the bag before taking her hand

"C'mon, lets give them privacy." I yank Julia out of the room and take her into the other room where everyone else is. There's a small smear of blood from her helping Nate and she hyper focuses on it.

She starts crying. Like really crying, while looking down at the blood on her hand, to the point she's starting to hyperventilate. I call her name over and over again until she snaps out of whatever trance she is in.

"Julia... C'mon...."

"What?" She snaps out of it and looks away from her hands, now hysterically crying and shaking. Trisha, Paul and myself are all surrounding her, wondering what the hell just happened.

"You're freaking us out a little..." Trisha gives Julia a funny look.

"You didn't hear us? Julia, what's going on?" I ask.

"This is happening while I'm awake now?"  She whispers to me wide eyed, still crying.

"C'mon, lets go wash your hands." I guide Julia into the guest bathroom and glance back at Paul and Trisha before closing the door.

"Babe, what's happening while you're awake?" I whisper and turn the faucet on. She stares at me like I have three heads for a minute. I take both her hands in mine and pump some hand soap into them, washing away the blood.

"I don't know. Never mind." 

"No, you promised you'd be open with me. What was going on in that head of yours? You completely zoned out and then started crying and looking at your hands." 

"It was like I was right there. With Danny. All the blood on his friend and his mom. It's happening when I'm awake now?? I can't escape it, James. This is awful! I'm getting worse by the day!" She cries out. "I don't know why this is happening."

"We need to tell Jonah. Maybe he can -"

"No! Don't you get it?? Jonah is on that psychiatrist's side. He thinks I'd benefit from going into one of those places. He's nice and all, but we CAN'T tell him." She pushes me away. "I'm serious, James. I need you to be on the same page as me."

"I am. Sweetie, you know I am. Maybe we can just ask him what the withdrawal symptoms are like for you. He was too concerned about Nate, and for good reason, and explained everything, but he really didn't explain much on what to expect for you. Maybe this is all part of it. I mean.. Julia, Trisha, and Paul both witnessed you zone out. The conversation is gonna come up." I plead.

"Fine. We'll just bring up what to look for with the withdrawal symptoms. But that's it. Ok? Promise me you won't say anything. I can't go to one of those places."

"Ok, I promise. I'll let you do the talking. But if I have a question, I'm gonna ask it."

"Good as new." Jonah announces, and both me and Julia share a look before leaving the bathroom.

"Is he ok??" We follow Jonah into the kitchen.

"Yep. He's sleeping. He has enough meds to knock him out for the rest of the morning. Sorry, Julia. None for you." Jonah starts.

"Maybe she should -" Trisha begins telling Jonah what just happens, but Julia rudely interrupts her and glares at her. She got the hint real fast.

"So, you fixed his stitches?" Julia blurts out, stopping her in her tracks.

"And gave him more Zofran. That will help with his nausea. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if he got sick from this being the first time he's eaten solids in a while or if this is the start of another phase of detox. The getting violently ill part. Which he can't afford to do, so I'm gonna have to keep him on the Zofran and back to liquids." Jonah sits down and grabs a bagel nonchalantly like it's all in a days work.

"You think the detox would do that? Make him sick like that? Should we be worried?" I pave the way on asking about the detox timeline.

"I'm more worried about his fever but gave him some pain reliever and his antibiotics. So long as he is keeping fluids down, I won't need to put the IV back in."

"Do you think her detox is gonna make her really sick like that again?" I sit down on the stool at the island.

"Well, you already had your time getting sick. But unsure. Everyone is different. Depends on how reliant you were on it to function normally." Jonah turns to look at Julia, but she looks away fast.

"You're already pretty shaky.." He continues observing her.

"That's for sure." Trisha says under her breath and starts unloading the dishwasher. Paul goes back to being Paul. Sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone.

"But we are tapering you down, hopefully today you can go longer without anything in your system. When the drug is taken away, the brain, nervous system, and organs go through a period of adjustment as they relearn how to function without Ativan. You could experience varying degrees of physical and psychological issues as part of the withdrawal process. The severity and duration will all depend on how much you used, how often, as well as your medical history and any presence of co-occurring mental health disorders."

"Like Bipolar..." She whispers, and Jonah looks at her with empathy and nods.

"Like Bipolar." He repeats in an equally quiet tone. "Did you eat? I have to log it in." Jonah changed the subject for me when he could tell her mind started racing.

"She started to, but then Nate -"

"I'm hungry now. I can eat now." Julia cuts me off and grabs another bagel since hers was left in the bedroom." You want me to drink one of those shakes too, right?"

"That would be ideal.."

"I can." She immediately walks to the fridge and grabs one. She sits right next to him as he fills out shit on his laptop, and she eats the entire bagel.

"Do you think I can take her out for a little while this afternoon?" I ask but get denied.

"Not yet. This will be her first full day trying to go without her IV. I need to monitor everything. Sorry, brother."

"I'm gonna go sit out on the balcony and get some air." Julia takes her Ensure shake, and I follow her out, sliding the door closed behind us.

The sun is out and hitting right where we are standing. She closes her eyes and tilts her head up to feel the warmth. I stand behind her and wrap my arms over her shoulders.

"Guess this is the closest thing to Griffith Park I'll get today." Julia says with her eyes still closed.

"It's perfect." I rest my chin on top of her head.

"How is it perfect?

"Cuz it's just you and me out here. No one else. Just us. That's all I wanted." I sway us back and forth..

"Look at this view. It must look incredible at night all lit up. Imagine if I had this view at my house?" I stare out into the distance. "Jesus, he has it made."

"No. I wouldn't want this view at your house. At all. I love your house. It's perfect for you. I wish I was there now instead of here." 

"Lies, Miss Moretti. You can't tell me you wouldn't want a place like this?" I look down at Julia.

"Me? No. It's perfect for Nate. Just like your house is perfect for you."

"I wish I was there at your house right now...curled up with you in your comfy living room or having coffee with you in that little sunroom off the kitchen with all the plants." 

"I can't wait till I get to take you back to my house." I kiss her cheek. "You and your red lace underwear. Or the flower ones. I like those too."

Julia laughs. "Oh, do you? So they made the list?"

"They made the list. But, I'm putting in my request now for the red underwear the first night I get to take you home." I whisper.

"And what will we do when you take me home? Play board games?" She teases, and I press against her body from behind. 

"Sure. Or... we can play ... other games. I'll do whatever you want." I smirk and kiss her ear.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm." I slide my hands off her hips and let them travel under her shirt to feel her bare skin.

"James..."

"Julia.."

"You know we're out in the open on someone's balcony."

"I do. And?" I lean in more, and my hands move up to her breasts. God. She's not wearing a bra. "No bra today?" I groan and whisper in her ear. "I could take you right here on this balcony in front of the whole city to see."

"I'm sure you could." She arches her back from my touch and turns around to look up at me. I kiss her lips, but the kiss doesn't last long.

The door slides open.

"Hate to break it up, but you need to start your new med, Julia. And I have to weigh you." Jonah announces.

"Weigh me??"

"Sorry. Yeah. I have to see how much you weigh for the dosing and document it. C'mon. Your first dose has to be taken in the morning."

 "Where's Trisha?"

"She left to go pick out some softer foods for Nate to try eventually. Applesauce and shit." Jonah says and grabs his laptop. "He must have a scale in ONE of these bathrooms." 

I sit on the couch with Paul while Jonah does his thing.

*****

I stay till about one forty-five visiting Julia before I have to go home and sleep. Nate is passed out in bed from the Ativan. Paul is being Paul, Jonah is being Jonah, and Trisha seemed antsy, so she heads to the gym downstairs.

I head home and see my sisters did a big food shopping for me. We all have keys to each other's houses. I lay down on the couch, wondering if I'm gonna get any sleep today. Lindsay has Maggie duty till I can figure my shit out.

Once again,  I'm unable to sleep and give up. I get ready for work and head back to Nate's to see Julia one more time before my shift. Paul lets me in, and I head to the bedroom. 

Once again. I should have fucking stayed home.

I stand in the doorway frozen while  Nate and Julia make out. Is this what happens the minute I'm gone??

"You seriously can't keep your hands off her can you, Nate?" I say softly but look at Julia. They both jump.

"I was restless so I came to check on you before my shift..." I say sadly to Julia but my eyes are like daggers looking at Nate.

"James wait..." Julia pushes herself off Hollan.

"No, he's right. This was all me, James." Nate mans up and admits.

"Save it, Nate." I mumble and walk out of the room.

"James...wait. Hey!" Julia rushes out of bed and  follows me. I ignore her and walk right through the main living area where Jonah and Paul sit and head to the elevator.

"JAMES!!"