"Trish. I change my mind. I don't want you to do this."

"It will be fine. Having the session in Julia's hotel room is the perfect idea. Jeremy won't know where I live and Paul will be right out side the door. It's a public place. And you paid for the room for the entire year. Might as well get some use out of it."

I'm ready to put this asshole in his place.  I feel safe. Nate will be in the next room. Paul installed hidden cameras so they can watch me. Nothing can go wrong. And I have a plan. Nate might not like this plan but I think it will work. 

My only issue. I'm a shit liar, so when it comes to  talking ...I'm going to have to use my real experiences, which means, Nate is gonna find out about a whole lotta stuff he didn't know before.

I'm also gonna push the envelope. I don't want this ordeal to get drawn out for months before Jeremy feels comfortable enough to make a move. I'm going to be flirty and forward with him right away. He's already been a little handsy with me so I think this task will be fairly easy. Another thing that Nate might not like though.

Once I'm in the hotel room I sit on the couch.

"Can you hear me?" I ask Nate who is in the other room.

"Sure can."

Ok. these walls are pretty thin. Right as I think that, I hear the knock on the door. 

Here we go.

I open the door to see the tall kid look down at me.

"Hi Trisha." Jeremy waits to be invited in.

"Hey, c'mon in. Sorry about this. I'm having some construction done at my place for a while so I thought this would be a better idea. I really don't want to go to the Avalon. I hope you don't mind." I move out of the way to let him by.

"I don't mind at all. Though, I've gotta admit, I've never had a therapy session in a hotel room."

"It used to be Julia Moretti's and is paid for through the year so I figured why not get some use out of the room." I try to pretend I don't know her very well so use her last name.

"This was Julia's room while she was on America's Voice?"

"Sure was. Sit wherever." I say and Jeremy sits on the couch. I choose to sit right next to him.

"How is she? Julia?"

Yeah wouldn't you like to know...

"Julia Moretti? Fine, I guess? I'm not really close to her and don't see her often since everyone got discharged from the hospital. We've never really been close. I went to visit Nate, not so much Mrs. Moretti."

"Oh. I see. I didn't realize that." Jeremy sounds disappointed to not get any information on Julia.

"Yeah, Nate keeps me busy with his schedule. When I'm not in the office working I'm in the studio with him or at his interviews and promos."

"I understand. So what is on your mind. You can talk about anything you'd like. Everything is completely confidential just like if we were in my office. Nothing leaves this room." He starts the therapy session.

"So..." I pause "I originally was going to bring up a few things but lot has changed between then and now and those things seem pretty insignificant in comparison now."

"Ok. Go on.. What has changed?"

Here we go. I can almost hear Nate  now..about to freak out.

"I found out I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations. How do you and your significant other feel about this news?"

I lean forward and put my hands over my face. I pretend to cry but then think about this pregnancy and actually do begin to cry, for real.

Jeremy rubs my back just like I thought he would. Like I said. Handsy.

"This was not a planned thing."

He continues to rub my back and I lean into him a little, testing the waters to see how far I can swim. When I lean in to him, he wraps his arms around me and hugs me.

God, this is gonna be easier than I thought!

"I see. Well. You know you have options." He says and rests his chin on my head. Wow. He's a fucking douchebag. We're gonna get evidence real soon if he's already playing the game not even ten minutes into the first session. "Hey. It's ok. This is a safe space for you to cry."

Yeah. Ok. Safe space my ass. Is that what you told Julia when you fucking raped her, you asshole!

"Thanks. I just. I don't know. I feel all alone. My mom died from cancer and with my specific job and busy lifestyle, it's not like I have a core group of friends. We travel too much and the job is very demanding."  I lift my head and he tucks my hair behind my ears. He doesn't even know me and already doing this stuff. He must realize he is starting to take it too far when there's a moment of silence  and he then backs away. Is this his strategy?? Pretending like- oops...there's chemistry, I need to pretend to reel it in so she trusts me. Because that is exactly what this looks like. I can so see Julia falling for this tactic. She's a bit naïve and extremely sensitive. She thrives off physical contact.

"Plenty of people with high demand jobs also have families. The balance is a crucial part of making it work but it can be done... if that is what you decide to do."

"I don't know what I want to do."

"How about your significant other? Have you told that person yet?"

"He knows. But he's not my significant other."

"Gotcha. Well, if you're not together then the decision is yours to make. So what you should do tonight for homework is make list. Pro's and con's of having a child. And pro's and con's of being a mother. Once you have that list you will be better prepared to make a decision. So lets put that on the side burner until you have your list, ok? Don't make any decisions until you've written it out. Sound good?"

 "Yeah." I wipe my eyes and nod.

"You said you had some other things you wanted to talk about that now don't seem as important due to this recent news. Would you like to talk about any of those topics today?"

 "I have a few.. I don't even know where to start." I laugh a little.

"Ok. How about I help you out. The restraining order was sent to your ex. Correct? How are things going in that department? Still no contact?"

This is where things are gonna get real. REALLY real. Because the reality is, I need to know what he will tell me to do, as a therapist. Because I know I'm fucking up.

"He came by the other night." I blurt out and Jeremy raises his eyebrows.

"Did you call the police?"

"Actually, you know what. I don't think I can do this." I second guess myself for a moment, wishing I hadn't told Nate that part, knowing anything I tell Jeremy right now, Nate can hear.

"We don't have to talk about anything you are uncomfortable with. Though I do have to warn you. Parts of talk therapy will be uncomfortable. It's all part of the healing process. Trisha. Why didn't you call the cops?"

"Because I was about to let him in. I was about to hear him out and give him another chance." I say, being brutally honest. "I don't know what my issue is. I keep giving him more and more chances. We were engaged. We were supposed to get married."

Jeremy nods.

"Tell me more about your relationship with this man."

"There's two versions of Dave. There's Sober Dave and Drunk Dave." I explain.

"Ok. Tell me about Sober Dave first."

"I'm in love with Sober Dave. He reminds me of my best friend. Sober Dave is kind and generous and loving. He is sweet and would make an amazing husband and father."

"Now tell me about Drunk Dave."

******

*James*

"James, I don't have a great feeling about any of this." Julia begins to talk while feeding me lunch.

Casey comes in from walking Maggie and smiles at us. I like her. She's sweet and good to Maggie.

"How's everyone doing over here?" Casey asks while refilling Maggie's water for the thirsty dog.

"Do you think this whole Trisha/ Jeremy fake therapy session will work, Casey?"

"I really do. It's the only way to make sure this guy gets caught. What if you're not the first mentally ill patient he has raped? What if he has done this to other women, girls in the Avalon? People like him need to be put behind bars. Or rot in hell. It's sick."

"What if it backfires. What if because Trisha is now a patient he calls her crazy too and messes up both our lives?" Julia is preoccupied chatting and forgets to feed me. I still can't coordinate my hands to feed myself so I have to nudge her to remind her. "Sorry, sorry." She kisses my lips and smiles. She still kisses my lips even though we aren't together. She still loves me. I smirk at her and how she constantly slips up with me. "Again. Sorry." She shakes her head.

"Unless Trisha has been diagnosed with anything severe, she doesn't really have a background of having mental health illnesses. She's never been admitted for them or stayed in a facility. It would be very hard for him to mess with someone who is mentally stable. Though he may try. He is a VERY smart doctor." Casey comes over and pats  my shoulder.

"How we doing today, James?" She asks. "After you eat can we try a shower?" 

I nod, trying to forget what happened last night and how I needed to use the bathroom and couldn't get anyone to help me. As humiliating as it was, I had no choice but to piss myself. In the bed. And had to sleep in it until someone woke up to check on me. It was awful. It was embarrassing. I  never want to think about it again. Both Julia and Casey felt awful and cried. Tonight they have a plan to leave a few urinals on the table next to me so that doesn't happen again. This is what my life has come down to. 37 years old and sleeping in my own filth because I cant get myself up to use the bathroom on my own. Great.

"Again. I'm really sorry about last night James. I feel awful." Casey's eyes begin to water a little. She's sensitive like Julia and loves her patients. She truly does feel bad. I nod and pat her hand to let her know it's ok.

 "Usually I have Jonah help me with the shower but I really want him to sleep more. Julia, do you mind being with me? I can take care of everything but by law, it should be more than one person in the room when you're taking care of the opposite sex like that."

"Of course I don't mind. Whatever you need. So long as you don't mind, James."

I look at her like "Are you seriously asking me this" and smirk, gaining an eyeroll from Julia.

Once lunch is over, both girls change into t-shirts and shorts they don't care about, knowing they will get wet while in the shower with me. It's every man's dream. A guy with two beautiful women in the shower together. If only I wasn't a damn vegetable.  They help me get undressed and of course, I have a stiff one.

"I swear, there WILL be a day you see James WITHOUT a hard on." Julia shakes her head at me and Casey laughs but make's sure not to look down at my body. I look at her and laugh.

I laughed.

I can laugh.

"Was that him?" Casey's eyes widen.

"James! You just laughed! Did you hear it?! Oh my gosh! I heard your laugh!" Julia covers her mouth and like always, begins to cry. Then she throws her arms around me even though I'm completely naked with a hard on in the shower. Again. Every man's dream, right? "Did you hear yourself? You laughed!!" she slips up and kisses me on the lips again. 

"I'm so happy! I haven't heard him laugh in two months." Julia cries.

"Good job James. Now lets get you cleaned up, shall we?" Casey reels us in a little and I smile. she tries to see if I can wash myself but when she hands me the sponge my brain can't seem to tell my body what to do and I stare at it.  I try hard to get my hand to do what it needs to do to wash myself but it just doesn't work and is frustrating as hell.

"That's ok James. It will come back to you." Casey assures me but I'm starting to think I may be like this for the rest of my life.

*****

"Drunk Dave, go ahead."

I take a deep breath and describe Dave Brennan when he's drunk.

"Drunk Dave. He's awful. He's manipulative, condescending, one minute he's laughing in your face the next minute he's hitting you." I close my eyes, instantly regretting that sentence knowing Nate can hear us. But the truth is out now so I might as well be candid with the therapist.

"He abused you...."

"Not at first. It wasn't until his drinking became so out of hand no one could control him. He was good at hiding it in the beginning. And he did try to get help numerous times. But towards the end...Towards the end he was ... God I told him to stop. So many times."

"Stop what, Trisha?"  Jeremy takes my hand and holds it, catching me off guard for a second and reminding me what a sleezeball he is.

"He raped me." I choke out. Paul is the only one I've ever told. And I was very intoxicated while doing so. "on multiple occasions. He'd come home drunk and...there was just no easy way out of it. I ended up in the emergency room the last time it was so bad. I pretty much fled a week before our wedding. Moved out and moved in with my best friend for awhile."

Jeremy shakes his head sympathetically. 

"Trisha, why do you keep taking him back?"

"I don't know! I love him. Sober Dave. I can help him get back to that. But I can't handle Drunk Dave anymore. It's too much." I cry and Jeremy puts his hand on my thigh to console me. My stomach turns just thinking about what he did to Julia..

"God I never told anyone this! Well only one person when I was drunk but I don't drink anymore. Not one drop. Not even my best friend knows."

 Well.... he does now.

I lean over again to see if Jeremy will do anything else and he does. First he rubs my back and then he embraces me into a hug. I bury my head in his chest and he holds me. I can see how Julia fell for him.  A young attractive man listening to you cry and trying to help you. I get it. But for a doctor, this guy is so inappropriate.

"I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking mess." I say and Jeremy leans down close to my ear, sending chills down my spine, chills I wish I didn't feel because of his attractiveness.

"You're not a mess, Trisha. You've been through a great deal. It's ok to cry. You never have to apologize for that. I think we should set up some more sessions if that's ok with you. You have a lot going on and a lot to sift through before you can heal."

I nod and back away. We gaze at each other and I am suddenly off my game. He leans in slowly and puts his hand on my cheek and I don't back away like I probably should have. Instead, he kisses me, and I kiss him back.

Ok. There is something very wrong with me. Because my whole body is on fire. He's a damn good kisser and I feel it. Jeremy breaks our kiss and rests his forehead on mine.

"We can't Trisha."

"I know..."

But then we kiss again. Like really kiss and I regret ever giving him a chance in the first place because he is such a good kisser and is pulling me in a little.

"We really can't..." Jeremy says but kisses down my neck before finally backing away. Shit. I felt that. I try to snap myself out of it.

"I'm sorry. That was my fault. I'm such a mess."  I go back into character of needy Trisha and he buys it.

Jeremy stands up and nods. "You have my number. Why don't you call me and let me know when you'd like the schedule the next session ok? Till then, write out your pro's and con's list."

He's back to doctor mode now.

"Thank you, Doctor Donovan." 

"Please, First name basis. Call me Jeremy."

"Ok. Thank you Jeremy." I turn away and leave the room like planned. Paul is waiting for me outside the door. We quickly get down the four flights of stairs and don't stay anything until we are well on the road home.

"He's a disgusting pig." I blurt out while checking my make up in the mirror. "How was my acting skills, Paul. Be honest." I look over at my bodyguard who watched the whole scene play out on his phone just like Nate.

"Real good. A little hard to watch good." Paul grumbles without making eye contact. Did I go too far? I wonder what Nate thinks of my shenanigans. There was a moment where I lost myself there a little but I don't know if the guys even noticed that or not and I'm certainly not gonna rat myself out. I just wish that kid wasn't so good at what he does. He knows how to reel you in, that's for sure. Especially with the way he kisses. I need to be more careful next time. Stay in character better. 

Paul and I enter Nate's apartment while the physical therapist, Ryan, is finishing up James and Julia's session, so I head out to the balcony.

While waiting for Nate to come home I sit and let my mind wander. But it doesn't wander to Jeremy or what just happened. No. It wanders to the news that I'm pregnant. Nate and I haven't had a real discussion about this huge lifechanging thing yet and we need to.  I've already made an appointment with my doctor for the end of the week and will ask him if he wants to go. I hate to admit it, but I'm still in shock over this. I can't believe missing a few pills would mess up my cycle so much. I can't believe I'm pregnant. I wonder how I will be as a mother. Will Nate warm up to being a dad? Will he want to be with me now? Or does this mistake push him even further away. 

There's no easy way out of this one. 

I don't think I can go through with an abortion. God, could you imagine if the paparazzi ever found out about something like that? I'd be fucking stoned to death by all the loving Nate Hollan fans who want to carry his babies. Putting it up for adoption won't work. Both Nate and I are millionaires. This child would be well off financially being under our care. But will Nate want to settle down? Put his career on the backburner? No, I can't have him do that. He's just getting started! The new album just came out this year and new songs are being released and making number one on the billboards instantly.  They're in the process of planning a worldwide tour. This is what he loves to do. I can't hold him back. And I can't hold myself back. I love being employed by my best friend. Sure, he makes me want to pop Ativan every other day by the stressful lifestyle that I can barely manage, but I can handle Nate. Can I handle Nate and a mini version of Nate? Can I handle a baby at all?

I look over and see that Ryan has left and Nate is sitting next to Julia talking.  I rush in to figure out what we are to do next with this whole Donovan deal.

"Hey James. Time to take your vitals." Casey gets the hint from Nate that this conversation may stress poor James out too much. That's the last thing he needs.  But he isn't having it.

"You don't want to hear about this shit, James. It's just gonna stress you out." Julia kisses his cheek, but he gives her a mean look and shakes his head.

"Ok, ok... Fine. Stay. It's fine." She gives in and he lets out a slight sigh of relief.

I sit down next to Nate and notice Julia can't make eye contact with me yet. Last time we were in the same room together she bitch slapped me. 

"He's a pig. Clear and simple. A fucking handsy, horny pig." I open up the floor for discussion.

"So we noticed." Nate closes his eyes and pinches the tension at the bridge of his nose. "Trisha. Was that a real therapy session or were you making shit up? Because-"

I drop the act and feel my cheeks begin to redden.

"Everything I said was true. You know I'm no good at lying, Nate. I had to tell him real stuff or he'd catch on." I say softly. Julia looks up at me but quickly turns her eyes away again 

"I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me?" Nate looks at me with sympathy. Maybe this wasn't the right way to go about telling him, but it was this or never tell him.

"I just did. Listen. It's over. That was a while ago, ok?" I brush it off like it's nothing.

Nate bolts up and runs his hands through his hair.

"Trisha. You were going to let him in your house the other night! You didn't call the cops! Why even have a restraining order! Thank God, Paul was there. Imagine if he wasn't? How could you be so stupid?!"

I suddenly feel like a child being reprimanded and embarrassment sets in. It's like the damn dog knows or something because she stops playing with one of her chew toys and lays by my feet.

The room falls silent.

"Nate..." Julia tilts her head and look up at him in disapproval.

"Sorry. It's just...Jesus. these guys are dangerous. It's so frustrating to know they are both out there and both obsessed with you two." He reels himself in a little and sits back down.

"What happened with Jeremy."  Julia finally makes eye contact with me now.

"He's a flirt. He already kissed me. Practically made out on the couch. He knows what he's doing. He waits until you're vulnerable and then uses that time to make a move. First, he'll put a hand on your thigh..." I start and see Julia begin to blush, giving away that he has done this with her before.

"Then, he'll rub your back to try to console you..."

Yep... Julia swallows hard and tears build up in her eyes before she nods and looks away.

"He's very good at what he does. He makes it like it's your fault too. He'll kiss you and back away and say things like 'No, we can't." making it seem like it's you that started the flirting."

Julia begins to cry, and Nate leaves my side to go sit next to her.

"You ok?"

"I can't believe I didn't notice those things..." Julia looks down to notice James is holding both of her hands in his. He's always so sweet like that.

"Like I said. He's good at what he does. He's smooth. So, what's the plan now? Do we keep having sessions with him until he tries something more? It would still be my word against his if we are alone and I'm pretty sure hidden cameras are illegal. Especially in hotel rooms."

"I say, let's keep going. He'll build a relationship with you and maybe slip up." Paul chimes in.

"And if he doesn't? Then all this is for nothing. A complete waste of time." Julia mumbles.

"No, I'm still using him for therapy. I can handle him. He'll slip up. Trust me." I assure everyone in the room.

*****